Author's note: Ello ello! I'm sorta back! Back with a fic I've been wanting to do for awhile now :) This is a fic centered around the Alpha Wolf Owen, who died after helping Denise escape the walkers. Expect in this fic it will be based if he had survived! Durr.
Warnings: The usual things you'd expect with the Walking Dead. BUT a warning there will be slash in the future. So if that isn't your cup of tea, there's the warning. I doubt I'll make it super heavy or anything though. Also considering I'm going to just put the other person in the character list it shouldn't be too hard to figure out who Owen will end up with xD
Disclaimer: I don't own Walking Dead obviously.
"No matter how far you've gone wrong, you can always turn around."
O
What changed? What exactly swayed me? What brought me here to this moment right now? A lot of whats and what ifs circled in my mind, though I suppose I already knew the answer to a degree.
The doctor, Denise-it had been her that swayed me and brought about this strange turn of events. No, it's the why that's eluding me. Why did I act the way I did around her? Why did I have this momentary change of heart? Why, why, why?
Ugh, it was hurting my head thinking about it but it wouldn't leave my thoughts. Normally I wouldn't care about such things but in this case it just wouldn't leave me alone. It nagged and persisted to be answered.
I couldn't help but think, 'Good luck with that.'
The answer was lost on me. I both dreaded and wanted to find it though, because it stunned me so much. Dread and such want had become a foreign concept to me these days.
"Hey!"
Her voice brought me back to the present. Right, I had been bitten. Being in such a daze I hadn't noticed she had taken my belt, tightening it around my bicep. It was then I remembered. "The ladder was clear..." I found myself muttering, a bit baffled by my own actions. "...I could've made it."
Her response was instant. "You came back for me. Maybe it was because you needed a doctor...or maybe you changed." A small smile threatened to break free on her face despite the circumstances. If things hadn't been so dire I might have smiled back. She entertained me.
Ignoring the muddle my mind was in I had also wanted to say that yes, I needed a doctor but I couldn't, because I knew that wasn't the reason I went back for her and in turn got bitten. So why?
And there was the headache again. Was it because of these confusing thoughts or the bite? How long would it be till I turned? There were just too many questions and absolutely no time to answer them-no, there was the pressing matter of my likely fatal wound and the dozens and dozens of walkers roaming outside. I wasn't necessarily afraid to die, but I definitely didn't feel the same level of confidence and cockiness I usually did. There were no quips to be made in this situation. When I had revealed the infected cut to Morgan and Denise I had been so nonchalant because I accepted it. If that's how I went that was how I went. It wasn't unfair or unjust. If I died from the wound it would be because it was how I was meant to go, however silly it was. We were all going to die after all, somehow, some way. But this though...it was different, because the circumstances of how I was injured were far more different than they had ever been. And that's where I was stuck.
So when she asked if I was ready I barely nodded in affirmation before we were out the door and back into the herd of restless and hungry walkers. A wave of cool air had hit me in the face when I opened it. It felt really nice on my hot skin as I was sweltering at this point. The fever that the IV had helped chase away was now back due to a completely different wound. Ha, wasn't that funny?
Oh right, no time for laughs.
I instantly had to push two of the dead away that were right near the door. Outside was just as chaotic as it had been a few minutes ago. The dead had flooded the once peaceful streets of Alexandria and were showing no signs of dissipating anytime soon. Not that it was to be expected. They had finally found a fresh source of flesh to feast upon after who knew how long and it was absolute carnage. The constantly starving walkers ravaged through Denise's community, taking all they could take-person after person, life after life.
Much like I had earlier.
The wolf me hadn't cared, not at first and I couldn't say with certainty that I did now, not fully. One person however had swayed me enough to make me break free of my killer persona for just a moment, just long enough to save her life, Denise's life. I hadn't lied when I told her that she is what I like about people. She is. And yes, believe it or not the killer wolf didn't hate people per say, they just didn't fit in the world anymore. It wasn't theirs to live in.
"HEY! COME ON!"
Her shout right in my ear startled me back to the undesirable present once more. I could hear the growls and snarls of the undead trailing behind us. We had to getting moving.
Another couple of walkers were shoved aside and I strode forward with her trailing behind me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her shove a bigger one away on her own and I felt a tinge of pride. She wasn't freezing as much anymore. Denise was set on surviving-that or getting to the infirmary so that I could survive. The last one was of course foolish in my opinion even if it was what I needed.
'She should let me die. Morgan should have killed me.' And those weren't bitter thoughts, merely facts. It definitely could be said had I been killed this would have never happened, well at least some of it. So it only made sense.
With a grunt I pushed another aside and turned with my arm held out for her. "Come on!"
And then it came.
BANG! BANG!
Shots rang out in the air and I felt the piercing feeling in my chest and shoulder that knocked me back a bit. Briefly my eyes went down in shock at the holes that were now in my torso, as if it hadn't really happened and I'd imagined the noise and pain. Of course it wasn't so. Already the blood was seeping through my dirt-ridden shirt at an alarming rate.
I'd been shot.
"GO!" I heard the shout of someone. It was that woman who first tried to kill me, Carol if I recalled correctly. She was up on a balcony and yelling for Denise to make a run for it.
Denise. Without me right there she was vulnerable once more. So with what little adrenaline that my body mustered I threw myself at the nearest one, wrapping my arms around its waist to drag it away from her. "GO!"
I could barely see her gaping at me from behind the snarling body I held onto. My heart was racing a mile a minute in what I was shocked to admit to myself was fear, but not for me-for her. She had to go!
But then I heard it-the faint, 'No.' she whispered. I would've thought I was hearing things had she not began frantically shaking her head. What was she doing?!
"NO!" she shouted and with strength that had me gawking she shoved aside two walkers, one right after the other, to get to me.
The blonde-haired woman grabbed onto my arm and with all her strength and a mighty grunt pulled me away from the walker I had grappled onto. She added a kick to trip him up for good measure before tugging at me once more. "Come on!"
What?
With the pain becoming more obvious I didn't fight much as she pulled me away. Not that I would have anyway. I was in complete awe at her sudden show of bravery and strength. My body practically collided into hers.
She was saving me. They had her surrounded...and she was still focused on saving me.
Why? Why Denise?
"I can't carry you on my own! I need your help! You've got to move!"
Her voice rang through my head and I absentmindedly nodded once more. It was getting hard though. My body was aching all over and my vision was beginning to waver. Why? Oh right. Now I'd been both bitten and shot. How was I not dead already?
I would have snorted had we not been in such a dire situation.
"G-Guess I can't...complain about the cut anymore." was the first thing I responded with. Well, more like groaned. Even so it got the desired effect when I heard her snort in amusement. A frown remained on her face however as she began to navigate us through the minefield of walkers. Her grip tightened on my arm that was around her shoulders. Wait, when did that happen?
I really was out of it.
"You should...should have l-left me." I breathed out as she guided me down the street and across lawns toward what I assume was the infirmary. Another hungry one tried to grab for us but she dodged. It snarled angrily and turned to grab again but bumped into some of its equally starved brethren, knocking them down which would hopefully buy time.
"I could say the same to-AH!" She started before shrieking as another walker lunged at us. I threw myself away from her to push it aside but tumbled down in the process. She was right by me to help me back up. The fact it was such a strain to stand didn't bode well for me. God I was getting tired.
"Y-You.." This was getting hard. "-You still can Denise."
"No way! I told you I'd save your life." the woman panted out. But as the seconds passed I knew my weight was becoming more of a strain on her while my strength weakened. I could barely get anything out without a slur or groan.
When was the last time I felt this bad?
"Don't give up on me." She in turn groaned, but it was likely from my weight and not an injury. Hopefully. "We're almost there."
And it was true. We were on the lawn of the infirmary and just needed to get up the steps which seemed completely daunting to me in this situation.
"Come on." came the faint murmur. Whether she was prompting me or herself I wasn't really sure. I wasn't sure of anything at the moment. The snarls got louder and louder as the dead were catching up.
"OPEN UP!" Denise desperately shouted in the hopes that someone, anyone, was waiting inside for her or any other survivors.
It seemed her pleas were heard. The door opened and the light seemed to be the brightest thing I'd ever seen-enough to pierce the dark veil that had shrouded my vision. A moment later it was blocked by the silhouettes of a few men.
"Denise!" one of them called.
"Get in!" another cried.
The men rushed down and helped her and I get up the stairs and into the house. "Come in, come in!"
As we got in and the door slammed shut I let my body drop to the floor, leaning heavily against wall. At this point I couldn't do anything but pant and cough. Tasting the metallic taste in my mouth told me my wounds were getting worse. Damn.
"I'm fine! How are my patients?"
Who was that? Denise. It was Denise. But she sounded so far away. I weakly looked up, feeling the blood drip down my chin.
"They're doing well. We moved them upstairs just in case." An unfamiliar voice answered her.
"Okay." I heard her breath a sigh of relief. Despite my wavering vision I could see her outline turning around to address me. "But I need-oh shit!"
There she was-next to me yet again. I still didn't understand it. Her hand went to my shoulder. "I'm gonna need you guys to help me. I need hot water, towels, lots of towels, and sheets-"
"Wait what the hell is he doing here?!" an outraged voice asked.
"Is that…?"
"It's one...wolves...what...?"
God, my head was spinning now. I could barely understand anything that was being said, but I did recognize the anger in shock in their voices. I'd heard enough of it to last a lifetime.
Oh yes, why was the big bad wolf still alive and here in their house?
It didn't matter at this point. Whether it was the infection or the bullet wounds I was confident now it was over for me. If anything I lasted a day or two more than I thought I would. I'm sure Morgan would be pleased on how I got to this point, considering I acquired my injuries from saving someone instead of killing them. I wonder where he was now. Hiding out? Still unconscious? Dead?
"He...help...!"
Help? Who needed help? And who was that yelling? They sounded familiar.
"...don't care...need...arm!"
At this point my consciousness was barely hanging by a thread and the utter chaos surrounding me wasn't helping nor was the blood loss. Dammit I really was losing blood. A lot of blood. I felt so drained.
"If...don't...I'll do...!"
God I was tired. When had I last been this tired? Not in a long time really. I'd always been on the move and alert-like an Energizer bunny ever since the apocalypse happened and more so since I became a wolf-couldn't let anything or anyone get the drop on me.
"It...te...he..."
...
Eventually no words were recognizable. It was nothing but darkness and an echoing burble. The world felt like it was spinning faster and faster beneath me and I found I didn't mind that my senses were leaving me.
While I could handle pain most of the time, I was ready to kiss this agony and life goodbye. I appreciated Denise for wanting to try and save my life, but it was better this way. Saving her or not, that didn't mean that right as I was able I wouldn't take a knife to her friend's neck or a bullet into one or all of their skulls.
The rules, my rules, they were seared into my brain. They became my code for this horrifying world and of my wolves that I had taken under my wing. It was my shield. It was my salivation.
She'd be disappointed though huh? Morgan too. I could easily see after he told me of Eastman-an admirable story I guess- that he held such hope that it would change me-that if it could happen to him it could happen to me. He didn't get it though. Sure, he had skeletons in his closet, I could tell. Me? I had an entire warehouse full of them. And while he looked at his in sorrow and regret I looked at mine with a barely concealed smirk of satisfaction.
...
...
...
"Come on!"
Shouts. I could hear them, but I couldn't respond. I was dead.
"Come on, stay with me!"
No, not dead, but I was close to it. I could feel it. My grasp on life was so faint, so weak that I knew it was hanging by a thread. I was hanging on by a thread.
"I'll kick your ass if you die. I swear!"
If I could laugh then I would have. Kick the ass of a dead man? The ones who owned the right to that ass-kicking were the walkers themselves and I wasn't one, yet. Even in this phantom state I did remember I had been bitten. Was that what was taking me? Hm, that sucked. Becoming a walker wasn't the way I wanted to go, not that I had a particular preference. It could easily be guessed that was the wish of everyone in this day and age.
It wasn't long though before I succumbed to the darkness.
oOo
It felt like I was in sort of limbo or a fog. At first I had wondered if I was dead and if so was this what hell was like-drifting in an endless abyss where you were left with nothing but your own thoughts? I wasn't sure how I felt about that. My thoughts thus far had been about nothing but survival-kill this, scavenge for that, attack that, raid here, and so on.
When was the last time had been truly left with my own thoughts that didn't pertain to such? To survival?
Instantly my thoughts went to Morgan. I hadn't lied to him then. It had been so long since I had a normal conversation with a stranger let alone anyone. It was nice, and actually made me reminisce of old times before the apocalypse. I missed them admittedly, but then again who didn't? Of course there were some I could have done without, but would I be the person I am today without them? Then again that was a bit of a double-edged sword.
Then there was Denise. Ah yes, the reason I was here, wherever here was. The conversations I had with her were interesting and a bit heartfelt, as heartfelt as I could be anymore. It seemed a lot was changing because of her and quite fast too. Was it good? I don't know. My thoughts on that were split and I was brought back to my earlier question: What was it about her that swayed me? It couldn't hurt to think of it now considering I had all the time in the world. I think-still wasn't quite sure if I was dead or not. Probably was. It'd be no less what I deserved so I wasn't going to cry about it.
So think I did.
What did she do or say exactly that made me change my mind? Morgan, he did the same as she did-trying to talk me down from my sadistic killer ways, believing that despite my many sins that my life was worth something and that all lives were. It was an admirable way of thinking, however naive and perhaps foolish. Yes, in this day and age with how the world was that way of thinking was foolish. And I liked Morgan, don't get me wrong. I'm sure had the world not gone to hell we would have been friends, seen a movie or two together. But it had, and so we met as enemies. Granted that was on me but it had to be that way.
Either way his way of thinking was a different kind of dangerous. You can spew that heartfelt stuff all you want but in the end it'll only get you killed. It made you weak. The weak were so easily taken advantage of, so easily snuffed out before all this. Now? It was doubly so. No, a HUNDRED times more so. It was absolute. The weak were either killed or eaten. Or worse. The weak were preyed upon. And I would know, as I had been on both ends- the preyed upon and the one who preyed on them.
I am not weak. No, I made sure of that. Once upon a time the big bad wolf had been a little lamb who was weak and taken advantage of, but no more. I swore I would never be weak again ever. So I did the preying upon. In my mind it was the only for sure way to guarantee that I wouldn't ever become the prey. It put me above them. Not morally of course, no. Even in my deranged state I knew that my moral compass was broken to shit. If anything it only pointed straight down south toward hell, but I was beyond caring. In fact I can't recall the last time I really cared about anything-I mean, other than the basics of surviving, food, water, and taking a piss- but yeah. I didn't care.
My body had been covered in grime and dirt after weeks of not bothering to bathe. My clothes were in a similar state and torn to shit. My hair was greasy and scraggly, my teeth stained near yellow, dirt gathered under my long-uncut finger nails. I could go on. I looked like a damn hobo I'll admit, but I'll be damned if you try to mess with me. Then again, with my lack of a moral code I'd mess with you first regardless if you ever tried to mess with me or not.
I was the wolf-all of my pack were wolves. Everyone else was sheep-lambs-weak-prey. That's how it was and that's how it always had been...till now.
Because you cared.
Where was I?
Oh right, the doctor, no, Denise. See? I called her by her name so easily, which was yet again something else I can't recall doing in a long time, learning names. Even all my wolves weren't called by names anymore. What is wrong with me? Well, other than the obvious stuff.
I mean I did say she was what I liked about people and I meant that. She reminded me of before this-before the apocalypse. You would think I'd be reminded of such when I came here, seeing all the lovely houses and lawns with people strolling about seeming to have not a care in the world but no. All I had seen was the next place to wipe off the face of the earth-more people to wipe off the face of the earth. I hadn't cared. Now? Now that was a question that was more difficult to answer.
So why did I change my mind? You could guess many things, such as she saved my life, but when it comes down to it I guess because she was the first one that looked at me that way in a long time. There was a familiarity for me in that gaze and those kind words-it was something I had pushed to the very back recesses of my mind. However feeling it again brought a strange kind of elation that I couldn't help but grasp onto. Was that why?
Seems even with all this time I couldn't find a definite answer and I wasn't sure I ever would. In this limbo though, my thoughts would be all I had. How long before I become truly insane?
"You're gonna make it."
That had me perking up and looking around for the source of those words, but I saw nothing-no one. It was just the swirling fog that mingled with the abyss that reminded me a bit of the Further from the movie Insidious. I liked that movie, a horror movie, my favorite genre of them all. Getting scares had thrilled me when I was younger and a good thing too, it had prepped me for this world...among other things.
I wonder if I had watched my entire life like a movie how it'd make me feel at this point. Hm, it was an interesting thought. Safe to say my life could be categorized under horror and drama. What happened, happened though and there was no changing it. Just like with my death I spared no tears over it.
"I can tell you're stubborn. That's a quality you need to grasp right now."
There it was again, a voice. With what they were saying, was I not dead?
How did I feel about that?
I don't know. Death was something I accepted long ago as a possibility. It was something I was accepting now as well, since I had thought I was dead, but perhaps not.
"How are you supposed to change if you're dead?"
A light went on in my head when I realized I recognized that voice. The current object of my thoughts: Denise.
She was talking to me through the haze and I found that hearing her voice brought a comfort I hadn't felt in a long time. Comfort wasn't something I needed or sought in this world, but here it was now on perhaps my final moments. Or not.
My own words came back-the ones I had told her as we waited for an opening in the herd-when I told her she'd been given and gift and one day she'd see it, or maybe she wouldn't.
She thought maybe I was changing and maybe I was. Perhaps I'd see that one day or perhaps maybe I wouldn't. Though I recalled I had been both bitten and shot so my hopes weren't too high. I could only hope Denise's weren't either but by the sound of her voice and constant assurances they were. She didn't want me to let go and I wasn't going to, not willingly anyway. If it happened, it happened. The fact that I cared about her feelings was a tell tale sign for sure and again I wasn't sure how to feel about it.
"Things will be better now Owen, I know they will."
Huh? My name? She said my name? I thought I felt someone touch my hand too but when I looked down I saw nothing. Hm.
It was a second later that the fog swirled around me and I was swept into complete oblivion.
oOo
When I came to it was to extreme exhaustion. It was as if some unseen force had a hold of my body and was slowly trying to drag me down. The sunlight, however piercing, took its time dissipating the darkness that swarmed my vision like a heavy fog. My eyes so wished to droop back closed and welcome the sleepy abyss once more. I can't recall the last time I ever found sleep so tempting, usually being able to throw that need aside in favor of staying awake and surviving another day. Now however the drowsiness was so overwhelming it made me want to plunge back into the void of oblivion. I welcomed it.
God, I was tired. Not only that but my entire body felt more sore like it never had in a long, long time. Even breathing took a bit more effort and left me wincing. Shit. It really was bad wasn't it?
With a barely audible groan my eyes closed again.
"Hey."
It was a testament to how lethargic and worn I felt when it took me a whole ten seconds to open my eyes. Even then I barely kept them open a sliver. The light brought another tired groan from my dry lips and I was forced to shut them again.
"Oh sorry!"
I heard some shuffling before the light dimmed considerably. They must have pulled the curtains shut or something. I was thankful for that. It made the burning behind my lids lessen ever so slightly. Normally I had a high tolerance for pain but this was something else entirely. You couple that with the sheer drowsiness that weighed me down and it made for a crappy awakening-though I'd a feeling I wouldn't be awake for long.
So tired.
"I know you must feel like shit now." Denise. It was her. Of course it was her. She seemed determined not to give up on me. However I couldn't even muster up the energy to respond to her. So I merely let out a soft sigh. "Sorry. I can set up one more IV for the pain but after that well, we're running low."
I got it. I understood. Hell, the fact that I was able to receive any now amazed me even in my sleepy state.
Still...
"Denise."
Was that my voice? When was the last time I sounded so weak? So frail? I sure as hell wasn't used to it and if I had more sense then I'd have frowned in annoyance at myself.
"Don't talk now. You really need rest. It'll be a long road to recovery for you."
I doubted it would get to that point. If I was still there, in Alexandria, well...my time would come to end soon, be it the wounds taking me or the citizens enacting justice upon the wretched wolf that I was. Either way, death was the only thing I could see happening to me. Escape was no longer an option, not in my poor condition.
Perhaps they'd just shoot me in my sleep? Who knew?
Again my feelings at the prospect were rather nonchalant-well, except for one thought. I felt shame at the fact I was just too tired to utter another word, because I had something to say.
"Morgan will be over soon as he can. He offered to transfuse some blood." The unspoken words of, "Because no one else wanted to" were easily heard by me. And I doubted Denise could. She was likely swamped with many other injured people.
'Yet she still made time for you.'
I wanted to say thank you, but with how things were who knew if I'd get to tell her.
All I knew was that the tiredness was winning and I could no longer ignore sleep's call. I fell into the sweet abyss once more, not knowing whether I'd wake again.
Low and behold...I did.
...
After that it was the same thing over and over. I'd slowly crawl from the darkness to consciousness, only able to open my eyes for a few seconds and sometimes not at all. The pain was still there but lessened, which told me Denise had made good on her word and gotten me that IV. The soreness and pressure that had been on my chest reduced each time I came back. That was a good sign I guess-meant I was healing.
Hey, even though I was particularly indifferent to death didn't mean I couldn't be a little grateful it decided to pass me by for the time being.
It wasn't until I "woke up" for the fifth or sixth time that I realized I had woken up- as in I had woken up aware and living and not with an urge to kill and eat flesh-not as a walker. That meant I hadn't turned and that the infection had been prevented, which in turn meant...right.
Trying to clench my left hand I found myself unable to do so. With a soft groan my eyes opened and I looked down to confirm what I had already known. The hand and the arm it was attached to was gone from the elbow down. In its place was a stump covered in slightly pink bandages. So she really had done it, not that I blamed her of course. It had to be done. In fact despite my drowsiness I was quite impressed she did it. With all the chaos that had been going on before I first fell unconscious I thought the community's time may well be over. Then again with how they survived the attack by my wolves and I, I guess it wasn't too far fetched that they could survive the herd as well. I'd just have to see when-if-I got out. It really was a matter of being able to move and this point and I knew for sure I couldn't even muster sitting up now. I was still so tired.
But hey, at least I was alive...for now.
...
...
The next couple of times-hours or days, I wasn't too sure-involved visits from Denise that often involved one-sided conversations as I was too wrecked to even form a moan of discomfort let alone a full sentence. The tiredness was in almost total control and I only spent five minutes at the max awake each time. Every time she'd speak words of comfort to me, comfort I knew I didn't deserve. "You'll be okay." "You're healing well." "You're going to make it."
Having spent so much time in this drained state her words, while still untrue to me, were appreciated. Ha, I appreciated her. Didn't expect to hear that from a wolf did you? Hell, I hardly expected to think it but there it was. Whatever tiny crack of humanity I had left-and I really thought I hadn't anymore before her-she was worming her way in. Oh Denise. With her kind words and saving my life I wouldn't kill her. No, I'd leave her alone. However my code, my rules, were still infused with my very being and I couldn't say that if I were to stand again that everyone else would be spared.
I couldn't abandon my ways because of all this, could I?
These thoughts were giving me a headache which I really didn't need right now. I finally groaned.
"Go to sleep." was all I heard before I felt something wet and cool being placed on my burning forehead. It felt nice. I gave into dormancy once more.
...
...
More words broke the barrier of unconsciousness that surrounded me once more. Only this time they were from someone else, but someone still familiar.
"I heard what you did."
Morgan. Of course it was him. A visit from him should have been expected. I was his new little project after all. Oh how Denise wanted to save this wolf, Morgan wanted to redeem him.
"She said you weren't always like this. Remember, everything gets a return."
A snort came out of me. It was the first strong sound I had made since being injured. My eyes opened and, while it took some time to adjust to what light broke through into the room, I was able to keep them open this time. I was in a rather plain room, not that it mattered. My eyes darted to and fro till they settled on Morgan who sat next to my cot. Hey, they let me have a cot. How nice.
"You still have some healing to do-a lot really. Needed to get at least another bag in you."
I was confused at first, but once his words registered with me I then noticed the line that went from his arm, to a vial or something of what had to be blood, and to another line which was inserted into my right arm. Seeing this, I chuckled and looked away. "My hero."
Morgan snorted in return. "Hardly. That title belongs to Denise." I blinked at that and looked back at him in silent inquiry which prompted him to add, "She's with other patients right now. A lot of people got hurt because of that herd." And you.
He didn't need to say it because I knew he was thinking it. The man was just too kind to add it.
"How many killed?" My voice was stronger, but still hoarse and I couldn't help the cough that escaped followed by several more. My chest ached every time it heaved. Before I knew it there was a glass of water in my face and my head was being held up gently. With my thirst so strong I accepted his aid, downing half the glass before he pulled it away with a 'not so fast'. "So?"
He sighed and set the glass down on a small metal table next to the cot. "We don't know yet. Haven't finished counting."
I hummed in response. "Yet here I am."
"Here you are." He spoke.
The familiar cocky smirk found its way on my face. "And how angry are you? How angry is everyone?"
His response wasn't totally shocking. I learned from the get go that Morgan wasn't one to respond to jabs like this. He garnered my respect for that, I'll admit.
No, he merely raised his eyebrows and sat back into his chair-one of those rickety metal ones they'd use in school assemblies and such. "I'm not angry. Not at all. I'm actually very grateful. What with all that happened you being alive still is a miracle."
Hm. Miracles. Not sure I believed those-fate perhaps, but not miracles-add to the fact he was using it to describe me I found it terribly ironic and it nearly brought a laugh out of me. But I was more curious about other things.
"Surely there must be some resentment?" I couldn't help but ask with my usual soft yet wicked smile, my eyes searching his. I found none though, just calm.
"Not from me." He met my gaze head on but I didn't back away, just raised a brow in return. "I can't say the same for everyone else."
Of course he couldn't. I'd have been shocked if they didn't resent or hate me. Now that would be a miracle.
"My wolves are probably dead too huh?" I mean I knew some of them were from what Denise had said. And I had spotted some of the bodies, their foreheads marked with our signature 'W'. But I hadn't seen my second-in-command, Arnold. Not that I called him by that. I only knew his name because he was with me way back when so to speak. But he was like me, pretty good at what he did so I believed he'd escaped or something. I didn't really expect him to come back for me. If there was anything left of our group he'd likely take over. He could do it.
A big sigh brought me back from my thoughts and I looked at him. He looked uncomfortable as he leaned forward and said, "Rick...he took care of the rest. They attacked him outside the safe zone." Ah, that explains it. Oh Morgan, ever so pained at the thought of taking lives and any life taken. I nearly smiled.
There wasn't any sadness with that revelation from me-not sure if he expected any. The wolves and I had a code we stuck to like glue and banded together to achieve it no matter what but even so, we weren't close. They weren't friends, just my pack, my army. There weren't such things as friends anymore or at least we couldn't afford such.
Morgan and Denise would disagree I'm sure.
So I shrugged. "Ah well. Was bound to happen I guess."
His look of discontentment was somewhat pleasing to me. "Does it not bother you?"
At this I sent him yet another smirk. "We're all going to die eventually Morgan. I've been prepared for it for a long time and so were they. As long as we did our damnedest to get the mission done beforehand it was alright." I stifled the need to cough again and rubbed at my aching chest. Ah, the bullet wounds were bandaged up. I'm surprised I didn't notice sooner.
He seemed very putout by my answer and sat back with a sigh. Mentally I shrugged. It wasn't my problem. As long as he stuck to his principles he'd always be left disappointed.
"Your philosophy, it's nice and all-good for the heart and soul." He glanced up at my words, suddenly looking alarmed as I sat up with a crinkling of the pillow and sheets. I ignored the pain and his attempted assistance in favor of leaning closer to him, my eyes staring right into his own as our faces were merely inches apart. There was apprehension and worry in them. The apprehension I was used to, the worry, I was not. Even so I continued, "But can you say to me that it has never directly or indirectly caused bad to happen? Or caused someone to die?"
I felt such gratification at his silence, because I already knew the answer to that. My being alive while others in his community were not was the very proof of it. It nearly brought a smirk to my face but I resisted, keeping it blank instead. Just went to show that despite my actions last night I was still a wolf-a wolf among scared and scattered sheep.
However I waited for his answer. I wanted to hear it.
He got the same pained look on his face that he had when he realized his story about Eastman hadn't fazed me. Though deep down he had to know some of this was his fault to some degree, just indirectly.
Just as he went to say something the door opened and a man I didn't recognize poked his head in. His dread-locked hair slapped against his face as he leaned in."It empty yet?"
Both mine and Morgan's gazes went to the jar between us to realize it was nearly done. "Just about." He answered.
The man nodded, the light from the windows reflecting off his glasses. "Okay. Once it is Carol will help you escort him to the cell."
Morgan was quick to protest, "I can do it mysel-"
"She said doesn't trust you to do it alone." While his tone was even Owen could see the condescending look in his eyes. Morgan sank in his seat at that, not even bothering to defend himself.
Smart woman that Carol.
"Besides," he continued, sparing me a quick glance like I was just a nuisance to deal with. It made me smirk which in turn made him scowl. Getting under people's skin was a delight all its own. "There has to be someone present to guard Denise when she checks him over."
"Can't she just check him here?"
"Boss's orders man. I'm just the messenger."
My eyes darted down to the gun on his side. Yeah, messenger. I wondered how much he was itching to use that on me?
The man next to me sighed wearily. "Alright."
"She'll be up in five."
"Thanks Heath."
Ah Heath, that was his name-not that it really mattered to me. He was just a random guy that I didn't get to kill. This house was full of them I'm sure.
With a slight nod Heath closed the door and we were left in silence. I could hear Morgan shifting a bit, likely feeling uncomfortable. You would think he had been the one shot instead of me considering I was keeping my cool. Granted my chest hurt something fierce and my arm still felt...odd, but I was normally good at keeping my composure when it came to pain-to anything really.
"Sooo..." I decided to break the silence. "Back to the old cell huh?"
"I'm afraid so." was his answer.
After another moment of silence I shrugged. There was a slight tinge this time but nothing more. "That's fine I guess. It was rather cozy." Based on his look he didn't appreciate my jesting tone. Not everyone's a comedian. "I honestly didn't expect to wake up without getting a bullet in my head."
"Believe me they want to." He said, leaning forward. "Do you realize how serious this situation is?"
"Maybe, maybe not. Enlighten me."
"They all want you dead!" he shouted at me, finally having enough of my nonchalant attitude. "Don't you get that?! Yet here you are acting like all you found out was they put too much mustard on your sandwich."
"Now now Morgan, that's a very serious issue." I chided. Too much of it ruined any sandwich.
"They want to kill you!" His voice came in a near hiss. "The only thing that's standing between you and execution is Denise and I. That's it."
That surprised me yet it didn't. Morgan had seemed to make it his personal mission to rehabilitate me. I wondered if it was his genuine wish to do so or maybe it made him feel better about his own past sins. He'd told me after all what he had done. It wasn't much different than I. So his wish for me to live wasn't a shock.
Denise though? That was a no and yes. No, because she had told me several times during our short time together that I could change and she'd save my life, yada yada. Yes, because it didn't make sense to want to "cure" someone like me. I felt there was a line, several in fact, that I had crossed long ago. And I didn't just cross them, I took a leisurely stroll over them with a smirk on my face and a bloody knife in my hand. So emotions were definitely mixed there, but I didn't let that show on my face. While being a smartass was a part of my personality it could also be considered a defense mechanism and I used it well.
"Still ever the savior Morgan." I tilted my head, feeling my wavy locks falling against my cheek. "Not everyone can be saved. Not everyone should be saved."
"I don't believe that."
"I gathered." He wasn't getting off that easy. No way. "But what about my earlier question? You didn't get to answer but I really want to hear what you have to say."
"But can you say to me that it has never directly or indirectly caused bad to happen? Or caused someone to die?"
His mouth stayed shut like it was glued. He didn't want to answer. Interesting.
So with another shrug and seemingly putout sigh I looked away toward the window. It was morning it appeared. Had it been days? Weeks? I still hadn't gotten an exact estimate on how much time had passed since that night.
"Whatever you believe doesn't matter." I finally told him. His gaze burned into my side once more. "I'll be taken care of one way or the other, and eventually, so will you all."
My eyes met his one more time with a shit-eating grin plastered on my face. "Freeing one person at a time."
The chair screeched loudly against the ground as he stood with anger in his gaze. His chest heaved up and down, like he was trying to hold it in. I noted he had picked up his stick and wondered if he was going to do the deed himself. Had I finally pushed him enough? If that was the case I felt I should get a reward for it. It was like a little achievement all its own. So my malicious smile remained.
Though once more (and with some disappointment quite honestly for me) the door creaked up and the familiar older lady, Carol, stepped in. Her gun was holstered but her hand was over it, ready to pull it at a moment's notice. I could also see a rather sizable knife strapped to her leg. Packing were we?
"It's time." She said. Her voice was cold and no nonsense and straight to the point. Hm, perhaps she would have made a good wolf?
Morgan let out yet another sigh and walked up to the bed, looking me in the eye. "Let me help you up."
"Aw, too kind." My "smartassery" would likely get me killed if my previous actions hadn't. Not a bad way to go.
"Wait!"
I blinked and turned to the voice that had called out as another person entered the room and my eyebrows rose.
"Denise."
Annnnnd there it is! It'll be fun working with this character definitely but at the same time a challenge. I know someone like him just doesn't change over night and his sadistic tendencies will definitely still appear. I'd like to think I did decently though and molding his character logically over time is a challenge I'm willing to take on.
Also! I was reading a forum months ago on a random site about this character and the wolves to see people's opinions on whether they believe he changed or would have. It was 50/50 really. I saw this one post from someone that I thought was a good take so here it is:
"I don't think he changed either. Rather I saw a scared dude that...honestly, seemed lost even in his own philosophy. Then, all of a sudden, there was a person that wasn't judging him. Who was actually making an effort to have faith in him. Sometimes that's all a broken soul needs as an excuse to do something one wouldn't consider ordinarily. And, villainous as the Wolf might have been, he and his group were all very broken in mind and body."
Interesting take to me. Anyways thank you so much for reading! Please follow, fav, and most importantly review! I'm looking forward to working on this story more. Also I hope I got all the typos. Sorry if I didn't!