The Uchiha Of Honor
You Stole My Woman! Prepare To Die!
"They can't understand how I feel. I'm not like the others at Konoha. I am Sasuke Uchiha, the sole survivor of the Uchiha clan and an avenger. I care for no one, love no one, and follow no one. Hmm... Perfect! I should top it with something awesome before I start the story... Like hot fudge! No... I hate sweets. I know! I will topped it off with tomatoes! What? Still reading this? Go read the story for god's sake!"
XXX
It was a typical night for me in the middle of an unknown forest somewhere in the Village Hidden In The Mist. With it being Summer and all, the crickets were making their usual sounds, the frogs were croaking and chasing after the flies, and I was avoiding getting attacked by a mob of bounty hunters. I know what you're thinking, why would the great avenger care about what the animals and bugs are doing? Oh... You weren't wondering about that? I knew that... Anyway, back to reality. I was keeping my distance from the tough sounding men that wanted me for an award offered by Konoha.
Wanted: Sasuke Uchiha. Reason: He is an emo overpowered jerk who might crash my wedding! Reward: A year's supply of ramen. Believe it! Sasuke is to be returned to The Village Hidden In The Leaves unharmed to the Uzumaki residence to make sure he doesn't try to do anything fishy tonight. And Sasuke, if you are reading this, Ha! I won! I am marrying Sakura chan, not you! Oh, and Sakura chan says you are invited to our wedding... But if you come, I promise you die in a hole along with the other SASUSAKU fans. Love you! =^_^=
Apparently there's wanted posters of me everywhere. It would help if I my new eyes weren't healing and I could see what the reward was. It must be a lot of money. I am a cool rogue ninja after all.
"There he is!" One of bounty hunters cheered.
"Oops, I've forgotten about them." I sighed, jumping into a tree and disappearing into the night.
"Where did the Uchiha brat go?" They looked around.
One great thing about being a ninja is the fact you can jump from tree to tree and you never slip or fall!
"He's in the trees! Get him!"
Stepping onto another branch, I noticed something was wrong. Very wrong. What was this power I was sensing? I haven't felt anything like it since... It was from...
THUG!
LOG! "My face..." I whimpered, pulling it off of a tree. "I just hit my Uchiha face into a tree... Dammit! I hate logs!"
Collapsing onto the ground, I had a good feeling my enemies circled me.
"Are you sure this is Sasuke Uchiha? He's not what I pictured him to be..."
"Why? What's wrong with my face?" I sobbed. "If I lose that, I lose everything!"
The leader growled. "Your face is fine! Why are you acting so different?! You are suppose to be a fearsome rogue ninja! But..."
Watching me cry over my once flawless face, a sweat drop rolled down his head.
"This is just pitiful! What's happened to you?"
Without emotion, I got off of the ground. "You dare question my actions?"
Dark chakra swirled around me, scaring the men.
"I am Sasuke Uchiha, the sole survivor of the Uchiha clan and an avenger. I care for no one, love no one, and follow no one."
"This power!" They called out. "What is it?!"
Ring! Ring! Ring!
The chakra flow stopped suddenly. "Hold on guys, I need to take this." I flipped out my cellphone. "Hello? This is Uchiha Sasuke. Oh hey! Not much, just dealing with some losers."
"HEY!"
"Shh!" I hushed them up. "Huh? No... No... Yeah, I can hear you now. WHAT?!"
My super special awesome overpowered chakra came back. "Naruto is not! I will murder the little bastard!"
I chucked my phone across the forest. I was in no mood to continue talking to Obito.
"Hello?" Obito was still on the line.
"What's wrong?" The men that were out to kill me asked. How nice of them.
"My stupid ex BFF plans on marrying my childhood sweetheart!" I cried. "I can't let her marry that loser! He's a moron!"
"Apple doesn't fall far from the friend tree..."
"Keep out of this or else I will chidori all your asses!" I hissed. "I must go crash the wedding in Konoha before Sakura makes the biggest mistake in her life!"
Rushing in a direction, the men were hollering at me.
"Look, you can can try to kill me another day. But I need to stop them."
I pulled out what felt like the picture of Sakura she gave me back in the academy.
"I love her..." My blinded eyes glistened.
"Er boss, why is he looking at a ninja star?"
"Shh." The boss's eyes were welding up. "Yo Sasuke!"
I turned over to their direction.
"You have to go to her man." He sobbed. "Win back your girl!"
"Well, she's never been my girl..." I pointed out. "She cries a lot, screams 'Sasuke kun!' in every panel she's in, and she can't fight her own battles to save her life! And the last time I saw her, I tried to kill her. To top it off, she's really annoying!"
"..." I could sense their stares at me. "Why do you love her then?"
"When she isn't a crazy bitch ninety nine percent of the time," I smiled, "she is the most caring selfless person I have ever seen the other time. I love that one percent of her."
Several of the men were crying.
"And also if she screams 'Sasuke kun!' all the time, imagine what kind of energy she could have in bed. My goal of having nineteen children can only be accomplished by a woman who has a bunch of spark under the sheets. And I don't mean the chidori either." They couldn't see because of my bandages, but I winked at them. "And that woman is the one I plan on saving tonight!"
"Alright men! We have a different task tonight!" The leader shouted for all to hear. "We need to take this great blind man to Konoha to stop a wedding!"
"YEAH!"
"Thank you." I hugged a tall lanky thing that felt like a person. "You are a life saver."
"Er boss... He's hugging a tree now."
"Enough!" Something picked me up by the collar of my shirt. "Tonight, we will go down in history as the ones who stopped the worse pairing EVER in the history of Naruto!"
They all cheered.
"Let's go!" The leader tossed me over his shoulder and took me out of the forest with the rest of them.
"SASUKE?" Obito called out. "HELLO? ANYONE? … NARUSAKU FTW!"
XXX
"Sakura san, you look beautiful."
Looking at herself in her beautiful cherry blossom themed wedding dress in a long mirror, the pink haired kunoichi sighed.
"Something wrong Sakura san?"
"Am I doing the right thing Hinata?" She asked her friend. "Naruto is a great guy and all, but I still have feelings for Sasuke kun.
"Whore."
"Huh?" Sakura couldn't make out what she said.
"Uh..." Hinata fidgeted with her fingers. "I mean... NARUHINA FTW. No, that's not the right thing to say either. Sakura san, you must let your heart make the decision. Do you want to be with a sweet guy you don't deserve. Or do you want to be with the hottie of Konoha that's tried to kill you three times already?"
Sakura brought a closed fist to her heart. "I know what must be done."
"Great! I will go tell everyone the wedding is off!"
"Huh? No!" Sakura stopped her. "I am marrying Naruto!"
"Oh..." Hinata pouted.
"Naruto would never hurt me." Sakura studied herself in the mirror.
Out of a pocket of her dress, Sakura pulled out a picture Sasuke gave to her back at the academy. "Once upon a time, I thought Sasuke and I were soul mates. But I was wrong."
She tossed the picture onto a nearby table.
"He only cares for himself." Sakura spatted. "He never returned my feelings when we were team seven, he wanted me to join his new team because his four eyed whore with freaking hickeys all over her body became useless, and he's not even here to congratulate me to a happy life with Naruto. I am over Sasuke kun!"
"Huh? Oh sorry, I wasn't listening." Hinata smiled from her notebook. "I was too busy working on a NARUHINA lemon."
"Ugh." Sakura rested her head on the standing mirror. "Sasuke kun, why aren't you here? Do you hate so much that you won't even show up to my wedding?"
XXX
"Yeah! I'm going to marry Sakura chan!"
Getting pumped up, Naruto was in a room with all of his guy friends.
"Can't the wedding hurry up?" Shikamaru yawned. "I need to catch up on my Zs..."
"Hey! This is a once in a lifetime experience!" Naruto shouted. "I'm only have one shot at this!"
"One shot at what, marrying Sakura?"
"No." Naruto hissed at Kiba. "One shot at turning Sasuke normal!"
"..." His friends stared at him. "So you're using Sakura to get to Sasuke?"
"Of course! Bros before hoes!" Naruto laughed. "When Sasuke sees that Sakura and I are married, he will go into shock and go back to pre-shippuden self! Then we will be a team again!"
"Naruto, marriage isn't a joke." Shino jumped in. "It is a sacred vow between two lovers. If you don't love Sakura, you shouldn't marry her."
"Bah! What would you know Shino?" Naruto looked at himself in the mirror. "Once Sasuke isn't no longer Obito's goon, I will break things off with her and he can have her."
"And what makes you think you think Sasuke would want tampered property?" Kiba laughed.
"I was talking about Obito." Naruto rolled his eyes. "Dye her hair brown in the middle of the night and put some red Kiba markings on her cheeks and Ta Da! A Rin for the old guy!"
"Bastard!"
The group turned around to see a sexy Uchiha in an awesome tux. Yep, that's yours truly.
"Sasuke?! You're not suppose to be here yet!"
"I'm not going to let you use Sakura like that!" I pointed outward. "Prepare yourself Naruto!"
"He's pointing at a wall..." Shikamaru rolled his eyes.
"But I'm doing this all for you!" Naruto teared up. "We've missed you... I've missed you! I just want you to come back home!"
"We'll, here I am." I held out my arms. "And I'm crashing this bogus wedding. Sakura deserves a guy who treats her like a princess."
"Rock Lee?"
My eyebrow twitched. "Someone who is super hot and cool."
"Kakashi sensei?"
"Me you morons!" I puffed. "And I'm not leaving until she knows everything!"
"Ha! Good luck trying to convince her! I have spent seven months feeding her romantic BS. Girls like her eat up romance crap up like candy! She's under my spell! And what about you? You abandoned her and tried to kill her three times!"
"Only because she's super annoying fifty percent of the time and really pushy at another fifty percent of the time. But I am here because I don't want you ruining the one percent of her that I fell in love with!"
"Moron, that makes a hundred and one percent." Neji said. "Oh, I came back from the dead to come check out the wedding. Looks pretty decent. Could do better with some more candles."
**NEJI IS DEAD. SPOILER ALERT!** … Should had put that warning before Neji's sentence... Oops.
"Sasuke kun?"
Everyone noticed that Sakura was in the room.
"S-Sakura chan! What are you doing in here?!" Naruto covered his eyes. "You know it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride!"
"No kidding! The wedding is off, I heard everything!" Sakura tossed her ring at Naruto's face.
"Yay!" Hinata quietly cheered in the background. "NARUHINA FTW!"
"But Sa-ku-ra chan." Naruto picked up the ring. "I want us to be together again."
"What us? Me and you? Or you and Sasuke?"
Naruto bit his lip.
"Sasuke kun, you love me?" Sakura walked over to me.
"Of course I do. I've loved you the moment I first laid eyes on you." I caressed her face.
"Sasuke, that's Naruto you're feeling up." Sakura groaned.
"The fudge?!" I punched him in the face. "Freak."
"That hurt jerk!"
"Screw these bandages, I can't stand not seeing anymore!" I ripped them off my face.
"Sasuke kun, can you see?" They hovered all around me.
"All I see is a dead guy, a bug lover, a nutcase, and some tired loser." I walked over to Sakura. "I also see the woman I want to marry."
I went on one knee and ripped Naruto's engagement ring out of his hands. "Sakura Haruno, will you marry me?"
"Of course I will!" I picked her up and spun her around.
"Good, let's get out of this dump!" I picked her up bride style. "See you guys never!"
"Yeah!" Sakura laughed. "And if any of you try to come to the wedding, I'll kick you so hard in the crouch, you won't be able to reproduce!"
All the guys looked down at their jewels and gulped. Even I did. Hey! She's scary at times! And I'm also a guy... Duh.
"Screw the wedding," Sakura nuzzled at my neck, "let's just skip to the honeymoon!"
"Bye!" I ran off with Sakura in my arms.
"..." Naruto stared at Hinata.
She blushed.
"Wanna elope?"
"GOD YES!" She jumped into Naruto's arms.
"Looks like a happily ever after for everyone." Neji smiled.
"Besides for you." Shikamaru shrugged. "You're still dead."
He frowned. "I know."
XXX
"..."
In Jiraya's old house, Sakura and Naruto finished reading the strangest story they ever read.
"And I thought his other books were bad..." A sweat drop fell from Naruto's head. "I can't believe he wrote a story about us! And from the looks of it, he was smoking something weird!"
"..." Sakura stared at it. "Can we burn it?"
"Jiraya might be dead, but this can't go into pubic." Naruto nodded only to see that Sakura grabbed some scissors. "What are you doing?"
"Not all of the story is bad." She smiled, clipping out a small line from the story.
"Sasuke kun, you love me?" Sakura walked over to me.
"Of course I do. I've loved you the moment I first laid eyes on you." I caressed her face.
"Jiraya was a good sensei and all, but I never understood his books." Naruto sighed. "Ready to go burn the sad excuse for a fan fiction?
Sakura tucked the strip of paper into her pocket. "Yeah, I'm ready."
XXX
"..." Sasuke stared at Obito. "What the Hell did you read to me?"
"A copy of Jiraya's last one shot?" He chuckled.
"Give it." Sasuke held out his hand.
Frowning, Obito obeyed and gave the young Uchiha the book.
"Chidori!" He destroyed it in a blast of lighting from his other hand.
"But that could had been the only one in the world!" He sobbed. "It could had been worth a bunch!"
"It's nothing more than trash that shouldn't be seen." Several burnt pages survived the blow.
"That's the last time I ever read you anything." Obito got up and left the room. "See you tomorrow for our raid on Konoha."
Looking down at the remains of the book, Sasuke picked up a piece of the story that survived.
"Sasuke kun, you love me?" Sakura walked over to me.
"Of course I do. I've loved you the moment I first laid eyes on you." I caressed her face.
"If life was a novel..." Sasuke tucked the paper away into his pocket and climbed into bed. He had a busy day tomorrow.
XXX
Author's note: My first one shot! I came up with this story idea around midnight and finished it around one in the morning. *Eye and neck twitch* Leave a comment of what you think of it!
Neji: Hold on, your story makes no sense. How did Jiraya write a one shot if he died before me?
Silly Orihime: Um... Ninja magic?
Neji: That makes more sense than the Naruto manga currently... Oh well, back to my grave!