Present:
Of all the times for Toru to hurt himself practicing too hard, it had to be when I'd set up this game he'd been wanting. It was his idea to play against Karasuno, just so that he could beat some first year he'd known in middle school. I didn't understand it, but he'd asked me so desperately, and those puppy dog eyes… How could I say no to that? Sighing from the side of the court, I checked my phone for messages from Toru. He was supposed to be meeting the sports doctor to see if he could be cleared, and I had planned on meeting him.
"Kuri, Karasuno has just arrived," Sadayuki said, entering the gymnasium. He'd been coaching Aoba Johsai since my first year, and though he was still young himself, he had a hard time dealing with actual teenagers. He'd already begun to yell at the boys for mistakes they were making.
Iwa stopped me at the door. "Do you want me to come with you?"
I laughed softly and waved my manager's book around in reply. "No, I'm fine. I can greet the incoming team myself, and maybe on my way back, I'll find our lovable setter in perfect condition to play." Iwa cared for Toru, whether he'd admit it or not, even though he felt the tension between Toru and me.
That got him off my case, though. "Just shove him in a trash can where he belongs and come back to us without him." He smiled at his own joke and then went back to practice.
The two of them had been friends and teammates for longer than I'd known them. They balanced each other out, more like Iwa handled Toru's fits and outbursts, but the two of them were good for each other.
Walking out of the main doors, it was easy to spot the newcomers. Their manager, Kyoko, and I had gone to the same junior high. She looked just the same, but somehow, even prettier than before. A smile grew on my face and I waved to her. "Kyoko!" The whole team of boys turned to stare. "Welcome to Aoba Johsai. We're very glad you could come." Get the pleasantries out of the way.
Their captain bowed politely. "Thank you for having us."
"Kuri? I almost didn't recognize you," Kyoko replied, her voice quiet as always.
I motioned for them to follow me. "A lot has happened over these last few years. To be honest, I never wanted to manage this club, but someone forced me into it and over time, this club became my family." Off topic! I cleared my throat. "Um, anyways, this is the gym we'll be using." I led them into the large gymnasium.
"Whoa! It's huge!" The short, orange haired boy said out loud.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. Finally, I'd gotten a response. "You'll be starting on the left side of the court. Excuse me." Trying not to run out of the gym, I headed for the infirmary. Sliding the door to the room open, I bowed slightly. "I apologize for being late."
"Ku-ri!" Toru sang, engulfing me in a tight hug. "I have been cleared to play! See? You were worked up over nothing." He has no regrets for his actions. After almost three years, I guess I shouldn't have expected anything else.
Sighing, I turned to the doctor. "I just need a release from for the records."
The doctor rubbed the back of his neck. "That would require an actual examination."
I narrowed my eyes at Toru and pointed to the bed. "Sit." The nerve of this boy! Texting me to say he'd been cleared and he hasn't even been checked out.
Toru laughed and saluted. "Yes, ma'am. If you insist."
The doctor left us, saying that he needed to retrieve the x-ray machine. The room fell oddly quiet. Uncomfortably silent. Brushing my hair out of my face, I straightened my dress. It had become a tradition for me to wear a white or blue dress to the games, with tennis shoes for safety. Pulling out a card with my number on it, I glared at Toru. "Stay put until the doctor calls me."
"You're going back already?" His words sent a chill through me, sounding like a wounded animal.
My gaze turned to the floor. A tug at my heart caused me to pause. How can he have this effect on me at times like this? "The practice match is going to start soon. I have responsibilities, to the others." At one point, part of me had wanted to quit when things were not good between me and Toru, but the rest of team shouldn't suffer because of us. My legs didn't move, against what my mind wanted.
Toru remained quiet for a moment, moving from the infirmary bed to me. "You're upset, I know. You have to let me explain."
My head snapped up. "Let you explain? There isn't anything to explain. I was there, Toru! There isn't anything else you can say," I said, only half meaning the words. My heart wanted the explanation, to find a reason to forgive him and move on. But, if I give in now, nothing will ever change. The dark feelings crept up inside me, conflicting with my resolve to keep him at a distance. I'm all alone again.
"How are you feeling?" Those words I'd heard over and over, different tones and worry behind them. Tender words that showed that he did care for me.
I held back the tears. "You don't get to ask me that, not when you're the cause." My voice caught in my throat, threatening to give out altogether.
Toru sighed. "I said I was sorry." He paused and then said, "Kuri, you haven't been yourself lately. I'm not the only one who's noticed. If you won't talk to me about, then tell Iwa, please," Toru started to reach out to pet my head but thought better of it and dropped his hand. The clicking of the clock across the room grew louder with each moment. "I love you, Kuri."
No.
No, he doesn't get to do this to me every time I try to be strong in front of him. Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I set the card on the desk. "When the doctor calls, I'll come retrieve the release form." Those were the only words that came out. Turning on my heel, I jerked the door open, unable to get out of the room fast enough.
Rounding the corner to an empty hallway, I covered my face with the manger's book, tears spilling over and rolling down my cheeks. Dammit! Damn him! "Why did you have to say that?" I whispered. He's only ever told me he loves me a handful of times in that sweet, meaningful tone. Genuinely meaning his words as if I'm the only girl he would ever love. How can I not forgive him after that? Toru… Choking on my words, I barely got it out. "I…love you, too."
After a trip to the bathroom to blot the redness from my eyes with a wet towel, I returned to the court. The match hadn't begun, but the warm up was over and the teams were huddled around their coaches. Standing between Matsukawa and Head Coach Irihata. He spoke about the lineup, and gave a few remarks about playing smart, even without Oikawa. "Any news?" He turned to me unexpectedly, causing all eyes to turn.
Although Toru had a tendency to be on the eccentric side, his teammates respected him because of his knowledge and leadership. Stepping into his shoes right now as a temporary leader intimidated me. A soft smile grew on my face as I thought about what Toru might say in this moment. Would he be encouraging, or would he joke around? "Toru is being checked out one last time by the doctor and should be back soon. That said, this team has never been all about him, although he loves for the crowd to think so." That made all the boys laugh and nod in agreement. "We haven't played Karasuno before in a practice match," When I'd said that, a small dose of worry bubbled up inside. If Toru were here, then everything would be fine, but…
"Treat it like any other match, right?" Iwa chimed in, sensing my moment of panic.
I nodded my head, thankful for his encouragement. "Yes. There's no reason to panic about the unknown." I should take that advice myself. Kindaichi had his eyes on the Karasuno boys, clearly unhappy with someone over there. "Forget about any preconceived notions about this team, rumors are only that."
Kindaichi's attention snapped back to me, and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Right, sorry."
The whistle blew to signal the beginning of the game. Taking my seat on the bench, the practice match began. Karasuno didn't have a bad team, but as the set continued on, it seemed that they had a first-year that had stage fright. He continually ran into other players, and even knocked over the referee's stand. He had bright orange hair, and though his stature should solidify him as the libero, for some reason, he was put in the middle blocker position. At set point, this nervous boy served the ball right into the back of his own teammate's head.
Handing my book to Sadayuki halfway through the second set, I stood from the bench. "The doctor has the release form for me to get."
Outside the loud gym, all the boys inside were communicating loudly to each other, but the one voice I could pick out among the bunch obviously wasn't there. We hadn't always been like this, fighting so often. Toru didn't meet me until we both came to Aoba Johsai. Yet, he saved me, and I'll always be grateful to him, but I can't go on letting him carelessly flirt with other girls when he says that he loves me. In the beginning, things for me were rough, and Toru had been the only one to truly care for me.