Title: To the Past, Present, and Future…
Summary: Danny/Lindsay – They're finally where they're supposed to be so that damned roller coaster can come to a stop now, right?
Disclaimer: CSI: NY is not mine yada yada [insert witty, cool, sarcastic, brash, funny... imaganitive disclaimer here] Oh, and the nickname M&M belongs to Laurzz. Thanks so much!!
BTW: Any mistakes are mine. No beta and my BFFs aren't the best proofreaders.
Spoilers: The entirity of Season 5, but if you don't have any idea what I'm talking about in this fic... what the hell's wrong with you? Get your little butt over to YouTube or the CBS homepage!
I'm gonna be here for you from now on
This you know somehow
You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now
And I'm gonna make you a promise
If there's life after this
I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm, wet kiss
And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us
-Keith Urban, 'Making Memories of Us'
~*~*~
Lindsay Messer never thought she would ever see this day. In actuality, it is doubtful anyone ever thought they would see the day that Danny Messer – Mr. Self-Proclaimed bachelor, the one who would shy away from commitment, voice loudly that he would never, ever be domesticated – was carefully holding his baby girl in his arms with a big smile on his face, completely oblivious that someone was watching him. Lindsay guessed she should be the only one to not be surprised, but truthfully, the minute she discovered she was pregnant, she thought Danny would bail; even after he assured her – countless times – that he was not going anywhere, it was still hard to imagine Danny and a little baby. Or when he and she got to walk down that aisle, Lindsay still thought she would not see the day. Now, she had her evidence, just not a camera. Of all the things that Danny was, putting 'Daddy' on that list did not seem to be in the near future and yet, there he was cradling their couple-hours old daughter in his arms like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Lindsay smiled softly as she feigned sleep in order to hear what Danny was telling little Alexia Cara Messer. He had carefully perched the stuffed animal of a tiger that Don Flack had gotten as a joke for the newest addition to the family on her tiny body as he mumbled words to her. Lindsay noticed that she was caught in the middle of a story that Danny was relaying to Alexia and laughed softly when she caught the gist of the story.
"So, mommy decided to surprise both me and uncle Mac by whipping out this Swiss Army knife and cut out the handprint from the cow's body. I had a few quips for her but y'know, I was already in trouble for the whole Mac deal," Danny laughed softly. While Lindsay let the memories wash over her. The very first case she had ever worked for the New York Police Department and she had made a fool of herself in the first five minutes, mostly due to Danny's practical jokes. She waited for Danny to continue the story, but instead she found him skipping a good few months into the future.
"You should know, she had me interested from the start," whispered Danny. "Probably when she showed up at that crime scene in that dress those years ago." Danny grinned widely while Lindsay could feel her cheeks burning as she let her eyes flutter close. "'Course there was that other time when she decided to one-up me with uncle Mac's secret talent. Y'know M&M, maybe when you're older you can ask him to teach you how to play the bass, I'm sure you'd have a lotta fun."
M&M, Lindsay felt her heart flutter at Danny's next 'original' nickname. Even though she had the feeling their daughter would grow up thinking her name was M&M and not Alexia, Lindsay could not help but want to try out the endearing nickname herself or at least hear it in Danny's Staten Island drawl again. It was so perfect, she thought as her mind flew back to when Stella Bonasera and Flack had jokingly called Danny and her that after a night at Sullivan's. Stella had found a packet of unopened M&M candies in her purse and had teasingly told Lindsay and Danny that those were their candies because the M&M stood for Messer and Montana. Both of them had scoffed at the acronym, but it had stuck until Danny had pushed everyone away last year. Lindsay felt a sigh escape her lips. A little over a year ago, Danny had also stopped calling her Montana. The nickname he had given her the moment she had shown up in New York City, ready to work and he had discovered where she hailed from. It was nickname that she had despised at first, but then come to expect, come to need, and finally come to crave. To her it seemed wrong when Danny called her 'Lindsay' and for him it seemed second nature. Lindsay, at that time, had a pretty good feeling her name in his phonebook was 'Montana' and that Lindsay Monroe was pretty much erased from his vocabulary instead being replaced with Montana. Then Ruben died, Danny shied away and things were rocky. No more mid-shift meet ups, no more late-night 'sleepovers', no more little gifts 'just because', no more Thursday-night movies… no more Danny Messer. The man who was walking around was just a shell of his former self and it pained Lindsay to watch him struggle every day with the pain.
Lindsay inwardly sighed as the memories danced across her mind mixing with Danny's one-sided conversation of recollections and promises.
~*~*~
"You could probably learn a lot from your mom," remarked Danny quietly. "Linds'll teach you a bunch of stuff, 'cause she's gonna be such a great mom – even if she's freaking out right now. I'm scared too, but don't tell Mommy – or Uncle Flack for that matter, he'd be laughing his ass off… Don't tell mommy that I said a bad word either," Danny warned his daughter. Alexia's response was to look up curiously at him, her eyes sparkling as she made a grab for the tiger.
"You like this thing don'tcha?" Alexia just cocked her head slightly and Danny grinned. "You're gonna be trouble when you get older, 'specially if you're like Lindsay. You promise you won't get ticked off at me every time I do somethin' wrong? I'm still learnin' M&M so's your mom, but she's better off than me. Oh, and no dating ever. Period. You got that? You're not allowed to ever have a boyfriend. I'm sure Mommy'll back me up on that point," Danny said confidently as he glanced back at Lindsay's 'sleeping' figure and frowned slightly. "A'right, so maybe she won't, but Uncle Flack will." Alexia just gripped the edge of the blanket she was wrapped in with one tiny hand before yawning slightly. "You're gonna be the death of me, y'know that right? Hear me out though M&M, cause when you're older and not in the mood to listen to your old man, I want you to know that I love you very much and I'm gonna do all that I can to protect you. Can you promise me all that M&M?" Danny glanced down at his daughter and shook his head.
"At least assure me that you'll never play pool or get anywhere near a pool table," Danny said exasperatedly. Alexia just gurgled, but Danny swore he heard a giggle coming from Lindsay, yet when he turned around she was still fast asleep. Danny smiled slightly before turning his gaze back on his daughter.
"You wanna know a secret M&M?" whispered Danny. "You're not the only one who's got a nickname. I gave Mommy one the moment she started working in New York. It was just to rile her up, nothin' serious," Danny laughed at that point. "I shoulda known the moment I gave her 'Montana' I was in for an adventure." Alexia gurgled at Danny as she opened her eyes slightly to reveal bright baby blues; she dropped the tiger that Danny had placed in her hands and instead made a for her father's dog tags. "I don't call her that anymore y'know. I dunno why I stopped…" Danny trailed off for a moment, lost in his own thoughts. "I don't tell anyone, but sometimes I'll call her Montana at night, when she's havin' trouble sleepin' 'cause of old nightmares. It always seemed to do the trick before, so I just continue doin' it. I know she misses it though, I gotta admit that Lindsay doesn't sound as good as Montana does to me. Eh, what do I know? I stopped callin' her that 'cause I screwed up and pushed her away." He stopped for a moment, remembering where he and Lindsay were in their relationship just a year ago. Danny wondered what would have happened if she had not taken him up on his offer to talk after that cheerleader-revenge case. He knew the what-ifs, though, and he had a feeling he would be miserable and so would Lindsay.
"Y'know, you make a better shrink than anyone I've ever been forced to talk to M&M," he finally remarked to his daughter. Danny watched as Alexia smiled widely, oblivious to everything but the little bundle of joy in his arms until her became conscious of muffled giggles coming from Lindsay's direction. "You find somethin' funny Linds?" asked Danny teasingly as he glanced up at a well-rested Lindsay Messer.
"Mhm," she nodded sleepily as she slowly sat up in the uncomfortable hospital bed.
Danny felt the corners of his mouth quirk into a smile. "Have a good nap?"
"Yeah," said Lindsay as she raked her left hand through her tousled hair. Danny's small smile growing larger as the setting sun hit Lindsay's wedding band, making it glitter. "You actually able to pry her out of Stell's hands?"
"Nah, she, Hawkes, and Flack got called out, the rest just kinda followed after," relayed Danny as moved the chair closer to Lindsay's so-called bed. "M&M's been listening to me rant about useless shit."
Lindsay snorted, "I think you and I need to revisit the idea of a swear jar, cowboy."
Danny grinned, "I still don't get the function of this stupid jar."
"Me neither," shrugged Lindsay half-heartedly. "My mom made me put a five in her's just 'cause I said 'hell' and then proceeded to tell me that I should set one up at home."
"What'd you tell her?"
"That it would be bursting with cash and serve no purpose 'cause we're cops – swearing is second nature."
"So M&M'll be slightly corrupted," Danny said nonchalantly as he glanced down at Alexia, who was dozing off. "My ma and pop were always cursin' each other out and Louie and I didn't turn out that bad."
"Keep tellin' yourself that Messer," Lindsay playfully scoffed before the pair lapsed into silence again. Both were caught up in the past, relishing the present, and dreaming about the future. The time could have elapsed from five seconds to five minutes and neither would have noticed.
"M&M," mumbled Lindsay so quietly that Danny almost missed it.
"Hm?" asked Danny, taking one of Lindsay's hands into his own before rubbing the pad of his thumb along the back of her hand.
"You gave her a nickname," Lindsay whispered half-sadly half-lovingly.
"Well yeah," said Danny softly. "She deserves one don'tcha think?" Danny gazed at Lindsay as she shyly nodded before biting her bottom lip – something she did unconsciously before speaking whatever was on her mind. "Think I should just call her Lexie or somthin'?"
"N-no, of course not," Lindsay said, her voice wavering only slightly. "I think it's an adorable nickname."
"Then what's the problem?" asked Danny gently in an attempt to prize information from her. He watched as Lindsay internally debated whether or not to tell him. He had to admit it was cute the way her nose scrunched up and she bit her lip before expelling a breath.
"You're right," Lindsay finally confessed. Danny raised an eyebrow in confusion and Lindsay took a deep breath before continuing. "What you said earlier, I miss you calling me Montana." Recollection dawned on Danny's face as he regarded the suddenly shy Lindsay. Her chocolate brown eyes turned innocent as she directed a question at him. "Why'd you stop?"
"You were awake earlier when I was spewing a bunch of random crap to our daughter?" Danny asked back.
Lindsay rolled her eyes, "Yes I was, so don't try and cut your daughter off from having a social life in the future, so how 'bout you answer my question."
"You hated it when I called you that," Danny said, but even to his own ears he knew it was a lame excuse. She hated it at first when his only attempt was to make her pissed at him.
"That's a lie, Messer," whined Lindsay. "I want an actual reason."
"You wanna know the truth?" asked Danny softly.
Lindsay nodded shyly as Danny brought up his free hand up to Lindsay's cheek. "I screwed up," he said simply. Lindsay made a move to open her mouth, but Danny silenced her by placing a chaste kiss on her lips. Lindsay frowned slightly, but stayed quiet. "I wasn't the guy who gave you the nickname in the first place, so why should the guy I was have the honor of callin' you somethin' so personal like Montana? You walked Linds. I didn't do much to save anythin' so I thought if you were gonna walk, I might as well follow your lead."
Lindsay nodded slowly, soaking in the information Danny had just revealed, before she turned her questioning gaze on him again. "Why don't you call me Montana now?" she asked. Lindsay knew she sounded like an annoying yet curious five year-old, but she did not care; she wanted answers.
"Habit," shrugged Danny as he leaned back into the chair, acutely aware that Alexia was nestled in his arms. "Don't mean that I accidentally started with Montana before switchin' to Lindsay, but c'mon you have to admit we haven't been on solid ground for almost a year."
Lindsay nodded again, "But we're on solid ground now…"
Danny laughed at Lindsay's tentativeness. "Yeah, uh, I consider being married and having a kid pretty solid ground Linds," agreed Danny."'Member, I ain't goin' anywhere."
"I know," whispered Lindsay. "Think that damned roller coaster'll come to a stop now?"
Danny grimaced, "I doubt it."
"Damn," mumbled Lindsay as the two lapsed into another bout of silence.
Abstract ideas, voices from friends of the past, old 'dreams' that seemed out of reach just a few years ago were now coming true with a quick flick of the proverbial wand. The small hospital room was quiet, the clock on the wall tick-tocked away the big and little hands announcing the time as 9:32 pm. Within the hospital, nurses and doctors checked on patients and consulted clipboards. Every so often, there were the muted voices of other new parents. Outside, the city lived on, the bright orange of the May sun fading away, giving into the darkness of night. Every now and then, another part of New York lit up. Big skyscrapers' office lights flickered to life. Street lamps and car headlights switched on. Somewhere below, the noise of a NYPD squad car whirred, its white and red lights painting the grimy streets red.
People died, babies were born. That was the first lesson learned in life after ABC's and 123's. It was the straight truth, especially for individuals like Danny and Lindsay who had witnessed far too much and yet tonight was about a baby being born, instead of the former. As New York gave way to another day, Danny carefully placed Alexia back into the hospital's crib before returning to his spot next to Lindsay. He placed a chaste kiss on her lips again, before whispering, "I love you, Montana," in her ear.
~*~*~
I always wondered why Danny stopped calling her Montana... so tada this was created by mixing me being sick with 5x23 promo pics and D/L videos. Anyways, please review!