Sam's POV
I took a deep shuddering breath. The simple action caused a painful constriction to my chest. I close my eyes. Then open them again. I think back to the reasons to why I am here… Ah… him… I remember when we broke up just during senior year. We broke up because he just didn't want to be attached to somebody anymore… someone like me. We broke up. Years ago. And I'm still not over him. I was never… and I will never be over him.
I blinked a few times at the few memories. Every time I see his brilliant smile. His ecstatic eyes. His deep soothing voice. His soft, comforting touch. All of those. I miss all of those. They were so sweet and gentle. I guess I should be happy that those weren't wasted. Right now… he might be with some other girl. He might be doing the things he used to do when we were together.
The way he whispers my name on my ear… now it's hers. The way he caresses you gently as if you were pristine glass… it's hers. His gentle laugh, brilliant smile, soft, deep, understanding eyes, all of it… hers.
I would've cried at the thought. But I was already too weak. I could feel my end approaching.
Ever since he broke up with me… things have never been right.
My laugh lost its joy, my smile lost its reason, my words came out soft… I tried not to show it. I don't want anybody to see me so weak… so helpless… because that's how I felt. Without you there beside me it was like I was missing something important in my life that I need to function right.
Carly, of course, see right through my façade… Every time I smiled she would look at me sadly in the eyes, knowing that it's fake… every time I slept over at her house she was always there for me when I cried in my sleep… Everything grew black and white.
Right now all of those caught up with me. I don't know how much longer I have left to live. I'm pretty sure it's soon though. I could feel myself slowly giving up. Maybe I could just let go now… it was much too painful to resist. To keep myself in pain… for maybe… just maybe I could get my happy ending. That he would come in and rescue me from my current state. Then suddenly everything would be better in the world.
I sighed… again causing my chest to hurt. I tried to lift my hand but I was just too weak. No, sooner or later I need to go. I don't think I'm strong enough to hold on and fight back what I know is coming. Soon enough I could escape all of the pain of real life.
Escape it.
I closed my eyes and took a deep shuddering breath.
Escape it…
Freddie's Pov…
Should I come in? Should I leave? I looked through the glass hospital door of the ICU and see her lying there. Lying there so weak and helpless. I could see her looking sadly at nothing. I could see sadness that was lately etched on her face. I could see her struggle to just lift her hand… Struggle… and breaks me slowly to know that I caused this.
I thought leaving her was the best idea… I thought right then that I needed something more. I could remember the way her face fell when I broke up with her. I remember the broken look she had. I could remember seeing the tears that she tried very hard to contain.
I watched her as she gently closed her eyes. I couldn't make myself move. I didn't know where to go. Should I go in… or should I leave?
I always avoid meeting her after breaking up with her how many years ago. I knew it would make things so much harder for me to see her pained expression every time we see each other. I always wanted to comfort her… to make her smile again. But I just can't. I was a jerk and just turned away and walked out of her life.
I started to go to bars… parties… hooking up with random girls I didn't even know. All of those just to drown away the memory of her smile… her laugh… her eyes filled with so much life… all of those that everybody else missed, too.
I wouldn't go back. I never looked back at her. No matter how much I wanted to. I always thought to myself that I needed this freedom… after all of those times being locked up… locked up by my over protective mother… and then my bossy, aggressive girlfriend…ex…girlfriend.
I didn't want to go back. When I heard that she was in the hospital I just ignored the fact and partied harder. I keep avoiding my senses calling out to me that I should go back… I drowned down the voice telling me that I don't love what I'm doing right now. I drowned down the voice that I was losing the one thing that I really loved.
So what am I doing here? Standing. With only a wall of glass separating me and the one that I have loved… the one that I still loved… and the one that I broke.
I was doing a good job avoiding her. I always thought that it made it easier to get over her if I never thought of her again. I thought it would be easier if I just ignored her… forgotten about her. But then how come I'm still not over her? Maybe it's because even if she never crossed my mind… she was just there. Sitting idly. Waiting… waiting… and slowly withering away.
But how did I get here?
Ah… Carly…
I was just watching TV when suddenly somebody started ramming hard on my door.
I opened it annoyed… then I saw who it was. It was Carly… her face streaked with tears.
"Carly…" I was worried… I wondered why she was here at my apartment crying. Ever since I broke up with Sam and ignored her I ignored Carly too, since they came in a package deal. It has been years… since I really laid eyes on Carly. We barely talk. She was the one who told me that Sam was in the hospital in the first place… and now she's the one to tell me this.
"Why Freddie?!" She just screamed and started punching me with the tears falling down her face freely.
"Carly… Wha…" I grabbed her shoulders and she just went limp in my arms.
"It's Sam." At the sound of her name my hands weakened and Carly fell into the floor. Sam… "She's dying Freddie. I don't think she could hold on any longer."
"Why… why are you telling me this?" I stuttered.
"Freddie… She needs you Freddie. You should try standing in my place Freddie! Seeing your best friend slowly turn into an empty shell. Crying in the night, screaming your name. Seeing her at the hospital… all weak and broken… muttering your name. Try… imagining… that your best friend… wouldn't even be there to see your wedding. Won't even be there to be with you when you get your first child… won't even be there for the rest of your life. Try… Imagining that… Freddie…" She chocked… she sobbed… I tried so hard to comfort her.
But to my feeble attempt she just glared at me and stood up.
"Why are you even comforting me?! It's not me who needs you! It's not me who's been needing you for the last couple of years!! It's not me who is slowly being ripped to shreds until she no longer exists! It's not me who needs you to at least make an effort to put me back together again! It's Sam, Freddie!!! It's Sam!!!" She stood up firmly and slapped me across the face. Hard. "I don't think I even know you anymore." And with that she left.
One the door shut, everything she said came crashing down to me… finally sinking in… Sam… My Sam… Is… Dying…
I sobbed. I don't know how long I have been standing here in front of the glass… watching her… It could have been minutes… hours… days… weeks… years…
I slowly take a step forward. My legs feel so stiff from maintaining the position I've held for so long…
I took a deep breath and finally opened the door.
It was like walking into a dreaded dream. You could hear the monitor beeping in a steady beat. And as you walk closer you could hear her struggling breaths. You walk a little more closer and you could see her more clearly.
You could see that she was chalky and pallid, you could see that the life was slowly being drained from her, you could see that she was struggling… you could see that she was in pain.
"Fr... *gasp*…e…*gasp*…d…d…ie…" She gasped out and let out a small cry.
I could feel my heart breaking just watching her. I slowly reached out my hand and grabbed hers. Once I held on to it I could see her body relax. It must have been so long since anybody has visited her. I started to rub small circles at her hand and I could remember all the times that I used to this when I comforted her. Back when we were still together… back from when she was happy… glowing… and full of life.
"Sam…" I muttered. I could see her eyes slowly flutter and start to open.
Sam's POV
"Sam…" I heard his soft voice. At first I thought I was dreaming. But then I felt his soft hand on mine… rubbing small circles. I missed his touch so much. I tried to open my eyes and I was able to open it enough to be able to see him… standing beside me.... and tears starting to form in his eyes.
"D…d…on't…" I could barely speak. I struggled to tell him. I struggled to tell him not to cry. That there's nothing to be sad about… I tried to smile… but I can't… I try to raise my hand to place it comfortingly on his… but I can't.
"Sam… I…" The tears started to fall down his face.
Don't cry… please don't cry… I thought as I desperately try to say the words out loud… The effort was physically exhausting me.
Freddie bent down and placed his face right beside my ear. "I'm sorry, Sam. I so, so sorry."
I could feel his wet tears slide down my neck…
"I love you, Sam. I always have." He whispered before pulling away.
He loves me. He still loves me. I could feel a small smile appear on my face as I my eyes started to close.
I know my time has come to an end… Goodbye Freddie… I love you.
Freddie's POV
I watched her struggle. Struggle to speak… struggle to smile… struggle not to show me that she was in pain. I could feel my heart slowly ripping apart… one by one… And so I told her… I told her the truth that even I have been avoiding for the last years. 'I love you'.
And when I pulled back. I could see a small smile creep up her face. For a second I could see the old Sam in there. The happy, un-broken Sam. Then her eyes started to close softly and I knew what was coming…
I could feel my breath stop… Sam closed her eyes… and soon… the monitor stopped beeping…
I looked at her face. Her smile was still there. Physically she was still here…
But she's gone.
And I was too late. She won't be coming back.
She's gone…
Forever…
From the world…
From Carly…
From her family…
From me…
She's gone.