WEIRD WISH SERIES
Title: Wish 1
Author: Feygan
Fandom: Buffy/Superman
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Superman.
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"I wish I was Superman."
"Wish granted," an awful voice grated in reply to the boy's wistfully worded request.
There was a bright flash of light, and where the twelve year old boy had once stood, there was a dark-haired man in a blue bodysuit and a red cape.
He looked around in some confusion for a moment, not seeming to know where he was. Then, with a shrug, he rose into the air, off in search of Metropolis and Lois Lane, not to mention some evil to fight.
And so, with a shrug reminiscent of Atlas, the entire balance of the world was shifted.
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==THE END==
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The laughably self-proclaimed "Superman" that kept appearing to foil bank robberies and rescue people from natural disasters was in some ways the savior the world was looking for.
When he first appeared in the news, he was hailed a superpowered madman and mocked by nearly everyone. But as time progressed and the number of people he saved grew, so did his reputation and the gratitude of the world.
And no one ever found young Alexander "Xander" Harris who disappeared two days after his twelfth birthday. It was believed that he had run away after being bullied by a classmate named Larry Bagby.
Xander's best-friends Willow Rosenberg and Jesse Newton continued to grieve for the loss of their friend long after his disappearance and never quite got over their loss. Both died when they were fifteen years old, though there would later be various sightings of them around town, which was ridiculous since their bodies were interred at Sunnydale Memorial Cemetery.
The body of Buffy Summers, a new transfer student to Sunnydale High, was found floating face down in a pool of water in a cavern beneath the city. Investigators concluded that it was a case of accidental drowning most likely due to youthful hijinks as Ms. Summers had a reputation as a dangerous juvenile delinquent.
Cordelia Chase, an incredibly popular member of Sunnydale High's teenaged society, was discovered murdered and mutilated in the school gymnasium. Her face and body were so disfigured that a DNA analysis was required to positively identify her.
By 1999, the town of Sunnydale, California was a wasteland and the desolation had spread across the nearby countryside and made its way to L.A.
When Superman was finally called in to handle the situation, it was already too late. The body count had already reached the millions and those that had survived the "disaster" to move to other towns only continued to seed the violence and death. And though Superman could in someways be considered a demigod, he was only one being and could only do so much.
He could only watch in horror as violence and murder encompassed America and spread to inflame the rest of the world. The name of "The Master" was on everyone's lips, though he was never able to find the man himself or his favored lieutenants, Jesse and the woman known only as "Red Death."
Superman, the world's greatest hero, with all his strength and power, was not enough to save the world. And though he tried his hardest to make things right, he could only watch and weep as everything burned around him. He was helpless in the face of such horror and he couldn't understand where everything had gone so wrong.
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And somewhere, a wish demon laughed and bathed in the praise of D'Hoffryn.
Title: Wish 4
Author: Feygan
Fandom: Buffy/Powerpuff Girls
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or The Powerpuff Girls
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Yet another beautiful day in Sunnydale. And where were the local heroes? Firmly ensconced at Buffy Summer's house, watching cartoons and eating Cocoa Puffs.
"You know what, I'm exhausted," Buffy said, flopping backward on the couch.
Xander shoveled another mouthful of chocolately good cereal in his mouth, his eyes flicking from the TV to his girls and back. "Fighting evil is hard," he said.
"Yuck, Xander, don't talk with your mouth full," Buffy said, wrinkling her nose.
"Are you kids okay in here?" Joyce asked, poking her head into the room.
"We're good, Mom, we're good. We're just going to veg out here for awhile, then maybe go to the Bronze later." Buffy tried out the innocent eyes. "There will be no trouble-having, I promise."
Joyce snorted a little, but nodded. "All right, dear. I have to go in to the gallery for a little while. There's some kind of problem with the new shipment."
"Okay. See you later."
"Bye Mrs. Summers!"
"Bye kids."
As soon as the door clicked behind her, Buffy let out a sigh of relief. "Whew, the parental unit has left the building." She sat up straight. "So what do you guys want to do now?"
"We're watching cartoons, Buffy," Willow said.
"For reals?" Buffy looked at her two friends, then rolled her eyes and settled back down. "I thought we were waiting for my mom to leave before we went out and had an... an exciting adventure. Youthful hijinks, people, youthful hijinks."
"I don't think so, Buffy," Xander said, trying to sound like Al from Home Improvement. "Today is a day of rest. Six days of creating madness and mayhem, one day of laying around and watching TV. Totally of the good."
"Besides," Willow said, "this show is so cute. Look at them in their little outfits. Fighting crime and saving the day. They're adorable."
"What's this show called again?" Buffy asked. "I am so not up on my kiddy cartoon nameage anymore. And I really wonder why..."
"This is the Powerpuff Girls," Xander said, gesturing with his spoon. "Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup. They're little girls with superpowers and they fight the bad guys. Kind of like the Charlie's Angels of the diaper-set."
"Great." Buffy leaned out of the way of any possible milk drips from his spoon. "And why are we watching this?"
"Because the remote control disappeared somewhere and we couldn't find it and we're too lazy to get up and change the channel?" Xander said.
"I like this show," Willow said. "It makes me think of us."
"Huh?" Xander turned his head to look at her.
"We're so like the Powerpuff Girls."
"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.
Willow grinned. "Think about it: You're blond like Bubbles, I'm redheaded like Blossom, and Xander... well, he's dark haired like Buttercup."
"I also happen to have a manly physique and the matching parts, Will," Xander said. "Don't you go comparing me to a little girl, 'cause that's the wrongest kind of wrong."
"Still, I wish we were like the Powerpuff Girls. Then we could all be strong like Buffy."
None of them heard a strange voice intone, "Wish granted."
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They were hanging out in the library Monday afternoon, each silently wondering why they suddenly had the feeling that everything had changed in some way.
The door opened and Giles came in. "Ah, Buffy, there you are. I need you and Xander to go out and pick up some supplies for me. Here's the list."
"Sure thing, Professor," Buffy chirped, then frowned. "Wait a minute. Something's definitely not right here."
"Yeah, he may look all smart and tweedy and everything, but Giles isn't a professor," Xander said.
"Well, actually..." Giles shook his head. "But you didn't know that and I have to wonder why you called me that."
Buffy shrugged. "Whatever. It was just a momentary thing. You know, a thing."
"Yeah, G-Man, a thing." Xander stood up. "Come on, Buff, let's get this done early so we can go out tonight. I feel like dancing with my girls. Bronze tonight?"
"Oh yeah, we are so Bronzing it." Buffy snatched the paper from Giles' hand. "Be back soon."
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Half an hour later the two were back. Buffy had a mildly shell-shocked look on her face and Xander was panting for breath.
"Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit..."
"Xander!" Willow snapped. "Don't make me wash your mouth out with soap."
Xander rushed over to her where she was fiddling with her computer and wrapped his arms tight around her. "Oh God, Wills, oh geez, it was... Oh God."
"What... what happened?" Giles asked, looking hard at his Slayer and trying not to let the worry show too much.
"We... we were coming back and this demon... he just came out of nowhere and Buffy was all going to fight him and there was... blood everywhere. Just green blood and guts and the smell, oh geez, that burning smell and..."
"Whoa, now," Oz said, holding up a hand. "What happened to you guys?"
"I only hit him once, Giles, only once," Buffy said, her voice shaking. "I wasn't even using my full strength and..."
"He just exploded! Her fist went POW! and it was like he got turned inside out or something. Just WHAM and blood and guts and everything that's on the inside was on the outside and..." Xander stumbled over to the library table and fell into a chair. "It was horrible."
"I don't know what happened," Buffy said, sudden tears shining in her eyes. "I didn't mean for that to happen."
"And then I looked at him and..." Xander rubbed his face hard with his hand. "It felt like something was pushing its way out of my eyes then there were these red beams and... he was vaporized." He looked at Giles. "What's happened to us, Giles? What's wrong with us?"
Giles looked at them concernedly. "I don't know."
"GILES!"
They all turned to see Willow rising up out of her chair without her feet touching the floor. There was a panicked look on her face and her hands were scrambling around, trying to grab the edge of the desk to hold her down. "Help!"
Buffy leaped across the room to grab her and push her back down in the chair. The Slayer looked at her Watcher. "Giles?"
He could only look at the three teenagers and shrug. He didn't know what was going on or what he could do about it.
The library doors opened and Cordelia strolled in. "What's wrong with you people, you look like someone just died or something."
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They were heading back to Buffy's house, still none the wiser for what had happened, when they were attacked.
The vampire roared and charged at them.
Without thinking about it, Xander fried it with his laser vision. "Whoa. Now that's kind of cool."
"And wrong. Very much of the wrong," Cordelia said. "Why do you have zappy eyes?"
"Because I'm special?" Xander said.
"We already knew that. But being able to get in to the Special Olympics on a technicality does not make you able to immolate things with your eyeballs."
"Immolate?" Giles said.
"Yeah, you know, to kill or destroy by fire. Duh."
Giles took off his glasses and massaged that pinched space at the bridge of his nose. "Ah... well, disregarding the fact that Cordelia seems to have expanded her vocabulary in strange and wonderful ways, we're not talking about her sudden superpowers, but your own. So where have they come from?"
Willow rubbed her chin. "Maybe we came into contact with radioactive material without knowing it."
"Maybe we were all bitten by radioactive spiders," Xander said.
"Ew, and no. 'Cause none of us are crawling on the walls and I don't suddenly feel the need to shoot webbing out my butt," Buffy said.
"The webbing doesn't come out his butt, Buffy," Xander said. He tapped his wrist and gave her a pointed look. "He has webshooters that he straps to his wrists. And I bet Willow is smart enough to come up with some kind of web like substance and we could be swinging around town saving people from like fires and stuff."
"Disregarding the fact that the buildings in Sunnydale are not tall enough for you to swing anywhere," Giles said, "you wouldn't need to 'swing around' anyway because you seem to be able to defy the laws of gravity at will."
"Huh?"
"We can fly, Xander," Willow said, rising a few feet off the ground before lowering herself down again. "We're like Superman or something. Supermen. Superwomen... Superpeople, yeah. Plus, Spider-Man didn't have the ability to shoot laser beams out of his eyes. And I really don't think we were all bitten by radioactive bugs."
"Plus, you'd all totally have cancer," Cordelia said. "And Xander, no matter what, I would never have a bald boyfriend."
"Guess you're not going to be marrying for money, then," Buffy sniped.
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Please. I'm Cordelia Chase. I can marry for pretty and still have money enough to buy anything I want."
"Yes, your daddy is very rich," Xander said, "but let's get back on track here. We still have to figure out what's going on with us."
"Ooh, I know, I know!" Willow suddenly squealed.
"Huh?" Buffy asked.
Willow hopped a little in place, clapping her hands happily. "I get it, finally. We're like the Powerpuff Girls."
"I say again, 'Huh?'" Buffy shook her head.
"Think about it. Flying, superstrength, laser beams out of our eyes, X-Ray vision... We're like the Powerpuff Girls."
"X-Ray vision?" Xander said. "You have X-Ray vision? And how did you find out you have X-Ray vision?"
"Er..." Willow looked at the ground. "It was only for a moment and I really didn't see very much but..."
"Powerpuff Girls?" Giles said, rubbing his glasses some more. "It looks like we need to do some research."
"Yeah, 'cause my being a Powerpuff is so wrong," Xander said. "Because I am still with the manly parts and the manliness and the whole manly thing."
"Yeah, the manly thing," Cordelia said, rolling her eyes. "Whatever."
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==THE END==
Title: Wish 3
Author: Feygan
Fandom: Buffy
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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After a day of being teased by Cordelia and her Cordettes, fourteen year old Willow Rosenberg was relieved to be safe alone in her own room.
She knew her clothes weren't the most fashionable and the way she wore her hair wasn't the coolest, but she didn't know any other way to be. And with her parents not letting her wear makeup, it wasn't like she could ever "vamp it up" as Cordelia had told her to in that scathing tone of hers.
Standing in front of the mirror, Willow suddenly hated what she saw. Those little girl clothes and hair. That plain Jane face. She looked like a baby, or the mouse Harmony had called her.
She didn't know how Cordelia and her friends did it, but with only a few words they could make her feel completely worthless inside. It was like they had some kind of magic power. The power to completely destroy her self-confidence.
They could even make her feel bad for being smart.
Staring into her own eyes, she said, "I wish I was dead."
"Wish granted."
==THE END==
Title: Wish 2
Author: Feygan
Fandom: Buffy
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
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Parent-teacher night had been a disaster of epic proportions.
Cleaning up the mess the raging vampires had made, Buffy was not a happy Buffy. She was, in fact, an extremely irate Buffy.
If stupid Spike and his lame ass minions hadn't broken in the night before, she would be off the hook today. She could be washing her hair or sharpening her stake or begging her mother for shopping money. But instead she was here, at school on a Saturday morning, cleaning up vampire mess.
"Ouch!" She looked at her hand and cursed. She had broken a nail.
"Dammit, I wish Spike was never born."
"Wish granted."
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For a time the nightlife of Sunnydale was peaceful. Drusilla was killed in Prague, and so never made her way to Sunnydale. There was no rising of the Judge. And while Angel did become Angelus and was sent to Hell, he did return again a few months later.
Life for the Slayer and her friends went on as usual, with Big Bads and Little Bads to fight and face and a world to keep turning.
Then, five years after Buffy made her wish, the First used her minions to open the Hellmouth and all the demons of hell rose and the world was bathed in fire. And those that tried to stop the coming, the old Slayers and the new Slayers and the companions that dared to fight evil with them, they all died trying to stem the tide in a battle that could not be won.
The Hellmouth was a gaping maw and the rushing coming of demons and devils and all things evil could not be stopped by so few.
Demons ruled the world and the human race was nothing more than food for the Beast.
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==THE END==
Title: Wish 5
Author: Feygan
Fandom: Buffy/Blues Clues
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Blues Clues
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Hanging out with Blue, Joe sighed heavily.
"Ruff, ruff, ruff?" Blue asked.
Joe shrugged. "I don't know what's wrong with me today, Blue. I don't want to dance and sing and I certainly don't want to look for any clues."
"Whoof?" Blue raised a doggy eyebrow, her tail drooping just a little as she wondered what was wrong with her friend.
"I just wish sometimes that my life was completely different."
There was a whisper somewhere of "Wish granted" followed by malevolent laughter.
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Josephine Bluegill opened her eyes, ready for another day of slaying the big evil.
She stood in front of her mirror and brushed out her long dark hair before pulling it up in a ponytail.
"Go out and save the world, kid," she told her reflection. There was no smile on her face, no joy in her eyes.
Sometimes she had the feeling that this wasn't her life, that everything was supposed to be different. Sometimes, even her own body felt alien and strange, as though she was not the girl she saw in the mirror at all, but someone different and happier.
But she had a destiny to fulfill, evil to vanquish and a world to save. Her life was all about duty and the mission.
She was the Slayer.
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==THE END==
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A/N: I know this one's extra senseless, but think about it. What's the complete opposite of Joe and the Blue's Clues world? Yep, the Buffyverse. Man to woman. Trip happy acidesque life to demon fighting. Singing and dancing to a life of knowing that all that matters is duty and the mission and having to face violence every night until you finally die.
Title: Wish 6
Author: Feygan
Fandom: Buffy/Winnie the Pooh
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Winnie the Pooh. God save us all...
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"How are we going to fix this?" Dawn asked, tears shining in her eyes. "You know, without telling Buffy?"
"Well, now you know why everyone's always telling you that wishes are bad," Anya said in her best voice of wisdom voice.
Dawn rolled her eyes. "Yeah, like I really wished for this to happen. What are you, crazy? Who in their right mind would ever wish for this?"
"She's right, Ahn," Xander said. "I really doubt the teenaged girl would waste a powerful wish on something like this. Now what are we going to do to get rid of them before they get vamped or something and ruin my childhood completely?"
"They can't really be turned into vampires, can they?" Dawn asked in a small voice. "I mean, even with the talking and everything, they are basically stuffed animals, right?"
Anya sighed. "What exactly did you wish for?"
"I told you!" Dawn's voice approached the high-pitched register that only dogs and annoyed people could hear. "I didn't wish for this at all. I just had a weird dream, that's all. It was all those KFC biscuits slathered with honey and the..."
"Well, there you go," Anya said.
"Go where?" Xander asked.
"She said she had a dream. That's when she made her wish."
"She made a wish in her dream and it came true?" Xander's eyes were wide.
"Oh please, haven't you ever heard that song?" Anya began to sing in a slightly off-key voice, "A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep..."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you mean we're not even allowed to dream anymore?" Xander demanded.
Anya shrugged. "I never went in for dream wishing because that always seemed so cheap, but some of the other demons out there... well, they're gonna take their wishes where they can get them, that's all I'm saying. And ever since Disney came up with that song... well, it was like a verbal agreement by everyone that watched the movie that dreaming and wishing are the same thing."
"Great, so I have one wet dream about me and some buxom young movie star and bam... I could be having parts disappeared off by a vengeance demon because the girl could appear and make you all jealous. Awesome."
Anya looked at her boyfriend with his best sarcastic face on and rolled her eyes. "That's why I give you so many orgasms before we go to sleep. If I satisfy you enough, you won't even be able to get up the energy to wish for someone else to have orgasms with."
Xander sighed heavily and rubbed his face. "Whatever. Now how do we get rid of Winnie the Pooh and the Hundred Acre Woods gang?"
"Easy," Anya said. "We find a couple of shotguns and..."
"We are not killing Pooh Bear!" Dawn screamed.
"How about Rabbit at least?"
"No!"
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==THE END==
Title: Wish 7
Author: Feygan
Fandom: Buffy/Hamburger Helper
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or anything Hamburger Helper.
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Yet another abstract kind of day. Sitting in his drawer staring up at the blank emptiness wondering if this was all there was.
Sometimes he spent his time grumbling about the competition, but the truth was, the Arby's Oven Mitt was actually a pretty nice guy, and no matter how much he wanted to hold a grudge, there wasn't much of anything to hold it against. So he was forced into the restless art of peace and trying to find some kind of inner tranquility. Dammit.
It had been awhile since his last commercial, since the last time he was released from his prison and paraded before the world like some kind of cheap whore. And it was sad that he actually waited for those moments with bated breath, that he wanted to be looked at and seen as something more than just an object.
An anthromorphological representation of a pasta based food was not the greatest thing to be, but what else did he have?
Sometimes he thought about what it would be like to be human, to be able to walk around in the light of day and not have everyone stare at him like a freak. He thought about what it would be like to be a human man and to find a lover--female, male, whatever--and to actually be able to feel the brush of flesh against flesh and know that he was more than the moment, more than the flash and glitter on the screen.
Mostly though, he thought about what it would be like to be able to leave his drawer behind forever and somehow be important in the world.
I wish I was a being of great power, he thought.
"Wish granted," the fingerless bicycle glove from next to him intoned.
What...
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He could feel energy thrumming throughout his whole being. He somehow knew that he had the power to change the face of the world completely. He was awesome and magnificent and...
He was trapped. That was what he was. He was trapped, just like before, just like always.
Different packaging with a different name, but he was still himself. Still waiting for the moment and the chance when all his potential could be unleashed and the world would look at him once again.
I am the Glove of Mynhegon, he thought, trying on his new name. And sure, it sounded great and all, much better than Hamburger Helper Glove, but still...
He was still just a glove. Still something that someone else was going to wear, to use. All the power he could feel flowing through him was beyond his reach because he was made to be wielded by other masters.
He may have left his drawer behind, but he was still imprisoned by the fact that he was nothing more than an object. He had dreamed of being a man, but that was as far beyond his reach as the moon and the stars.
Lying in the darkness, staring up at the solid black, he could only dream of the day someone would find him. The day when he would finally see the light and he would have his moments before the camera of the world. And he would be great then, yes he would. Awesome and powerful and sparkling like diamonds, the most beautiful whore in existence.
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==THE END==
Title: Wish 8
Author: Feygan
Fandom: Buffy/Back to the Future
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Back to the Future
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Sitting on a bench in the prison break yard, Faith forced herself to think and reflect on the crimes she had committed. It was like her own personal time out, sitting when she could be doing, thinking when she could be drowning herself in the physicality of flesh.
She watched the women pumping iron and wandering around in their packs like hunting dogs. Part of her wanted to join one of the groups, to be part of something larger than herself again, but she didn't.
She had been gifted by the gods with great power, and she had totally let it corrupt her.
"There goes my Spider-Man badge," she said to herself, and totally ignored the strange looks she got by a woman passing by. No one was going to mess with her even if they thought she was crazy, probably especially if they thought she was crazy. She had a reputation for sudden violence, and though she hadn't killed anybody since she'd been put in the slammer, that didn't stop her from putting the hurt on a few of the tougher bitches.
"I wish I had some chocolate," she said, then laughed a little. "While I'm wishing for impossible things, I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from being such an idiot."
"Wish granted."
"Huh?" she looked around, but it didn't look like anyone was there.
Suddenly there was a loud crack, a rushing of wind, and a car suddenly appeared in the break yard, a trail of smoke and flame wavering behind it.
The door actually lifted open like one of those toy cars she had seen boys play with when she was a kid. An older man--like Giles old--climbed out, his white hair standing up all around his head.
"Who the hell are you?" she demanded, not really all that surprised to find herself on her feet and in a ready to fight stance.
"I'm Dr. Emmett Brown," he said, focusing his attention on her for the first time. "Do you happen to know where I am?"
"The Los Angeles Women's Correctional Facility," she said. "Minimum security ward," which she had only gotten into because she had turned herself in and been so totally cool during her stay. "And what's with your freak car?"
"Freak car?" he raised an eyebrow. "This, my dear, is a TIME MACHINE!" He raised one finger in the air dramatically.
"Yeah, okay. Do you think I could go in a ride in it?" she asked.
He just looked at her.
==THE END==
Title: Wish 9
Author: Feygan
Fandom: Buffy/Harry Potter
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Harry Potter
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He had never much liked reading, but Dawn had gotten him the books and she had saved his life and all so...
He had been surprised by how much he had enjoyed the series. They really sucked him in and he found himself wondering what it would be like if he was a wizard.
"I wish I was in the Harry Potter world," he said.
"Wish granted," a weird voice seemed to vibrate around him. Then everything went dark.
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He didn't know how long he was trapped in the darkness before the lid to his prison was lifted off. But even then he still couldn't see very good, just shadows of shapes moving around him.
"And what do we have here?" a cold sounding voice asked.
"I bought it from a merchant. It's supposed to be a magic hat," a deep voice said.
"It looks incredibly dull," a woman said.
He felt himself being lifted from his prison, the air moving all around him, then he was settled on a hard surface.
"If it's supposed to be magic, then what does it do?" the cold voice asked.
"I do not know. I will have to run tests on it," the deep voice said.
"Please! Help me!" he cried. "My name is Carlos and I don't know where I am!"
"A hat that talks and thinks its name is Carlos," the female voice said, then laughed, a tinkling sound that seemed to drive straight down into a person's soul. "Now that is a funny trick."
"No, my name really is Carlos," he said. "I'm sixteen years old and I'm from Sunnydale, California. I don't know what happened to me. Where am I?"
"Sunnydale of California?" the deep voice said. "What strange names. I am sorry, dear hat, but I have never heard of such a place. You are in our castle now, what is soon to be a school."
"Hat? I'm not a hat," Carlos cried. "I'm a boy."
"A hat that thinks its a boy and has a name, truly amusing," the cold voice said. "Come Godric, leave the curiosity for later. We have much planning to do if we are to open the school on time."
"Wait! Call... call Dawn's sister Buffy, she knows about this kind of stuff. She can help me. Please!" But he knew it was already too late. In his muffled state he could vaguely hear the sounds of footsteps moving off and there were no more shadowy shapes moving around him. He was alone.
Slumped on a chair in what was to be the Great Hall, the hat that thought it was a boy began to weep.
==THE END==