Now, as you may (or may not) know, The Adventures of Snopps and Percy are, and always will be, restricted to the main quest. That's just how it's gonna be. But then, I got to thinking. I have some ideas for them in the expansions, why not write about that? So, I decided that, in addition to my main story, I will be writing a series of short stories detailing Snopps' and Percy's adventures in the expansions.

And so, for the first time ever: The Adventures of Snopps and Percy, Escape from Mother ship Zeta

Fallout 3 is owned by Bethesda.

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Snoppolopigus Foofypants 3rd walked over the harsh, unforgiving terrain of the wasteland, holding his Pipboy 3000A in front of him.

"And where are we going again?" asked Percival, a Ripper implanted with an A.I. that Snopps had taken from Moira, of Craterside Supply.

"For the last time, Percy, I'm investigating this strange signal that's been broadcasted throughout the wasteland!" What followed were several moments of silence as our two heroes listened to the ominous broadcast. "I can't make any of this out; it just sounds like gibberish to me."

""Hey, half the stuff you say sounds like gibberish to me, but I still manage to get the gist of what you say! Ahahahahaha!"

"Shut up or I'll beat you with a small child!"

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Several minutes later, the signal seemed to get louder. Snopps quickly climbed to the rim of a crater, and looked in on it.

"Look! It's some sort of alien hoop-a-joop!"

"An alien what?" asked Percy.

But Snopps was given no time to explain, as, suddenly, a bright blue beam erupted from the sky, sucking up both Snopps and Percy.

"Aw hell naw! They did not just abduct me!" said Snopps, talking through his nose.

"Uh-uh, girlfriend" replied Percy

"Oh, somebody's about to get their ass whooped!"

Rising higher into the sky, Snopps was drawn up into the huge, ominous-looking alien ship.

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Brief, disjointed images flashed in front of Snopps. He saw some strange, green aliens looking over him. Then, he saw the same group of aliens gathered around a sombrero. They appeared to be dancing to some Mariachi music. Snopps blacked out. Waking up briefly, he saw another group of aliens, this time wearing kilts. One of them was playing "Scotland the Brave" on a bagpipe. Before he could come up with a hilarious observation, he blacked out again.

Snopps opened his eyes. He saw a blurry image of some alien's looking at him. Suddenly, some sort of mechanical-arm-looking thing popped up. It came closer and closer, and Snopps blacked out for the final time.

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"Hey, wake up!" Snopps heard a voice.

"Shut up, Imma trying to get mah sleep on!" mumbled Snopps sleepily, punching the annoying voice.

"Hey, wake up jerkass!" yelled a familiar voice. Very familiar…

"Percy!?" asked Snopps, bolting awake.

"No, it's his brother, Jerry, I just happened to be on an alien sh-of course it's me! Are you trying to fill your daily quota of stupid questions, or somethin!?" yelled Percy.

Snopps took a moment to look around the room. He appeared to be in some sort of alien holding cell. Or, a closet. Snopps couldn't tell which, although the closet idea would explain why there were mops and cleaning supplies in the alien holding cell…

"What the hell did you hit me for?" demanded the voice from earlier.

"Cause, you were interrupting mah beauty sleep!" Snopps replied.

Snopps looked at his cell mate for the first time. She was an African-American woman, probably in her early 30s. Only about a 4 or 5. Snopps dismissed her as unimportant.

"Well, I guess you're my new cell mate." she said, "Huh, they must have really liked you, at least they let me keep my clothes."

Snoops looked down. He was dressed only in some boxers and a light undershirt.

"Yeah, they must have been performing some weird experiments on you! Of course, "experiments", may be too strong of a word, considering they spent most of their time trying to figure out why you don't have a brain like the rest of the humans. Hahahahahah!" said Percy, laughing.

"Wait, if they took all my stuff, then why didn't they take you, Percy?"

"Eh, the writer's lazy"

"Works for me. Now, to get out of this cell…" mused Snopps.

"If escaping is what you're after, then you were lucky to have me as a cell mate. I think I have a plan to escape." Said the girl that Snopps had never bothered to learn her name.

"Excuse me, but women aren't allowed to talk when I'm in the room, m'kay?" said Snopps. The woman merely rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Alright, let's see, let's see. Maybe if I-AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH" screamed Snopps after receiving a huge shock from the control panel he was messing with.

"Ok, ok, let's keep the ball rolling, maybe if I-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!" yelled Snopps again.

"Damn control panel! Ok, maybe if I try-AAAHHHHHHAAAAAAHHHHHHAAA!" hollered Snopps, falling to the ground.

"Fuck it, what's your idea?" asked Snopps, covered in ash, and with a small smoke cloud coming off him.

"Well, I was thinking-"

"Yeah, I'm bored already." Said Snopps, walking away, " Don't worry, I'll figure it out, after all, I am the LONE WANDERER!" the words "Lone Wanderer" were accompanied by a random choir. The woman looked around, more than a little spooked.

After several more attempts (and several more sever burns and shocks) Snopps gave up on it, and turned to his only resource left available.

"I never thought I would say this, but, I need your help."

"Look, I'll help you, but only because I need your help to get out of this cell" the woman answered.

"I don't care why you do it, just do it!" Snopps replied.

"Alright, the way I see it, they need us alive for…whatever the hell it is they plan on doing with us. So, if it looks like we're trying to kill each other, they'll have to step in, and stop it. You see what I'm saying?"

"Kill you. Got it."

"No! Pretend that you're going to kill me! You know, throw a few punches, snarl a few times, make it look like we're going to do each other in!"

"All right. It is totally not against my principles to hit a girl, so there shouldn't be a problem."

"Ummmm…yeah. Okay, make it look real!"

Snopps and his cell mate exchanged a flurry of blows. The fought and kicked, punched and blocked, bit and scratched, all faster than the eye could see. They went at super saiyan speeds, their blows causing the wind to whip all around them. There were loud booms as some of their punches broke the speed of sound. Suddenly, Snopps yelled as his hair turned gold, and grew really, really long.

"SUPER SAIYAN LEVEL THREE, MOTHA FUGGA!" he yelled, striking down the woman.

"What the hell!? Damn, I said pretend to kill each other!" she yelled.

"Sorry, guess I got a little carried away" apologized Snopps.

Suddenly, the door swooshed open, and two aliens entered, brandishing pathetic wacky sticks. One of the aliens hit Snopps with one, sending electricity through him. Okay, pathetic electric wacky sticks.

Snopps kicked one of the aliens in the nuts. It seemed to have no effect. He tried a second time. Still nothing.

"What the-are you wearing a cup?" asked Snopps before the alien zapped him, and he fell to the ground. The woman, after killing one of the aliens, rolled her eyes and finished off the second one.

"Good work, team!" yelled Snopps, jumping up.

"Ya mean, good work savin your ass…" grumbled the woman.

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Snopps, Percy, and their fellow abductee filed into the hallway.

"Well, let's take a look around, maybe the aliens left your gear somewhere nearby." Said the woman

"Listen, I don't know how they did it where you come from, but around here, everyone follows the Lone Wanderer." Said Snopps, the words Lone Wanderer once again accompanied by a random Choir.

"Yeah, we could do that, or…" said the woman, kicking Snopps in the happy sacks.

"Yeah," said Snopps, suddenly becoming a Soprano, "or we could follow you for a bit."

Our heroes took a quick look around, coming to a room filled with some sort of alien containers.

"Woah, what are those!? Some sort of alien nuke-a-ma-bob?" exclaimed Snopps in wonderment.

"They're…alien containers." Said the woman

"Containers of high-tech alien weaponry?" asked Snopps hopefully

"No…just…glorified boxes." She said, opening one up

"Right, I knew that." Said Snopps

"Hey, I think I found all your stuff." Said the woman, motioning towards one of the boxes

"Alright, here's the plan," said Snopps in his best authoritative voice, "we regroup with any other abductees, make our way to the bridge, and kill any alien sonuvabitch that tries to stop us! Now let's MOVE OUT!"

Snopps ran out the door, no one else making a move to follow him. Snopps walked back in, a sheepish grin on his face.

"I guess I should, uh, put my clothes back on first"

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There it is, chapter one! But first, a few explanations. My use of the overused and, (to some) offensive use of (slightly) sexist jokes is not meant to offend anyone. I've gotten in trouble with them in the past and, believe me, I've made sure to not use nearly as many. And the fact is that while Snopps is kind of sexist, he's also an idiot. So, he is easily overpowered by a strong female personality. So, he's kinda sexist, but kinda sucks at it. Trust me; he gets beat up by women…a lot. So again, no offense.

Hopefully, you liked the story so far; feel free to give me any feedback.