Chapter 1
I seemed harmless, just me and my brother derping around on the internet. Only about a week ago, I had gotten my brother into the fandom known as Homestuck. Currently we were just sifting through quizzes on what it would be like to be a part of the webcomic. God-tier, blood-color, quadrants even. It was going smoothly, and we even made 'trolltags' on a Pesterchum client I downloaded a while ago, and we were listening to parody videos on YouTube when the client dinged, notifying me someone was trying to chat with me. At first I thought it was another friend of mine, but instead it read:
- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling reapingSurprise [RS] -
"Why the heck is a canon roleplayer pestering me?" I muttered under my breath, before realizing it wasn't even my recently made account. It was my brothers.
CG: HEY FUCKASSES.
Doing pretty good at being in character so far… I thought, getting ready to reply myself. But my brother butted in before I could and responded in his own way.
RS: ►EllΦ jªckªss◄
I half-glared at my brother, but was quickly distracted by another ding from my computer.
CG: AT LEAST YOU HAVE THAT FUCKING PART DOWN.
That comment only served to confuse me. What part down? Before we could respond, though, the Karkat roleplayer continued on.
CG: NOW SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I GET DISTRACTED.
CG: THIS IS IMPORTANT FOR BOTH OF YOU TO SEE.
There were two more notifications after that, one a link they sent us, the second telling us the other person had logged off. "How did he know there were two of us?" I asked my brother.
"Lucky guess?" he offered.
"You think we should check this link out?"
He shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Might as well. We've got anti-virus crud, right?"
I nodded my head and clicked on the link, waiting for the webpage to load. It took longer than usual, which is slow on good days, but when it finally loaded I thought it must be some joke.
There, on our screen, was a bright green house-shaped logo. Underneath, block letters spelled out 'Sburb' and on the bottom a large 'Click to Download!' button flashed at us.
"Cliiick iiit," my brother muttered. "I'm curious."
"Are you sure? It might be some sort of virus or scam," I said, giving the webpage a hesitant glance.
Instead of replying, though, my brother just stole the mouse and clicked on the download button. I yelled at him, but the download had already started, and it finished quickly, already finished when he finally returned it. Once again, I got a notification, and it seemed to be the same person from before.
- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling typhloticChaneller [TC] -
I rolled my eyes but reluctantly responded, this time with my own account.
CG: HAVE YOU IDIOTS DOWNLOADED THE GAME YET?
CG: YOU BETTER HAVE, OR YOU'RE BIGGER FUCKING IDIOTS THAN I THOUGHT.
TC: So, you intentionally led us to a fake 'Sburb' download?
CG: WELL, IF YOU HUMANS WEREN'T SO FUCKING SUSPISCIOUS, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE ASKED THAT QUESTION. IT'S NOT FAKE, FUCKASS. ALL I NEED RIGHT NOW IS FOR YOU TO CONNECT TO MY SERVER, SO STOP FUCKING AROUND AND GET GOING.
TC: God, eye think you're a bit... Too in-character... Maybe you should step away from the computer for a bit, get a hold on reality.
CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND CONNECT TO THE SERVER.
- carcinoGenetecist [CG] gave up trolling typhloticChaneller [TC] -
This idiot seems to be doing a really good job at remaining in-character. Oh, well, guess I might as well play along, even if he probably wasn't aware of it. Then, a window popped up.
SBURB version 0.0.1
© SKAIANET SYSTEMS INCORPERATED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
SBURB client is running.
A SBURB host user is attempting to connect with you.
Client has established connection with host.
Press [ENTER] when ready.
"This is a pretty believable download," I said, half to myself and half to my brother.
"I wonder who the hell we connected to," he replied, seemingly oblivious to my comment.
I glanced at him for a moment before saying, "I guess we hit enter…"
When I hit the button, the strange circle pattern from the webcomic showed up on the screen and the green load bar appeared at the bottom. Once again the download was quick, only as long as the song that played in the background.
"Surprising how it can download with all the crud you have on this computer," my brother said as it finished.
When it was downloaded, the screen blacked out and the green logo spelling out 'SBURB' hovered on the screen. Then it flashed to normal and once again the 'Karkat' began talking to me.
- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling typhloticChaneller [TC] -
CG: FINALLY YOU MANAGED TO GET THE FUCKING PROGRAM ON.
TC: eye can see a download that can't possibly be legitamate, despite how canon it looks. It's pretty convincing, but eye highly doubt that you can interact with our environment.
CG: YOU DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE ME? GOD, YOU HUMANS ARE FUCKING STUPID. FINE, I'LL PROVE TO YOU THAT THIS ISN'T FAKE.
TC: As if...
Then, my brother and I heard noises from behind us. When we turned around, though, we suddenly realized this was no roleplayer we were talking to.
Hovering several feet off the ground, our entire pool table had been lifted.
Then, my brother typed a response before I could.
TC: ^(0_0)^ eye give up
CG: FINALLY. DAMN, YOU HUMANS SURE ARE FUCKING SLOW AT TIMES.
My brother managed to get in a 'FUC' before I shoved him away from the computer and began thinking of how to respond. But, before I could, Karkat logged off. I rolled my eyes at the pain he was quickly becoming as I watched the table be moved into the hallway and be replaced with a Cruxtruder. Then a bundle of strange cards was dropped on the ground next to us before our server moved on to place other items. I bent to grab them.
"Well, these are worthless. We don't have anything to use capthcalogue cards with."
"How did he get them to us in the first place?" I asked myself, pulling out the top-most card and handing the bundle to my brother. On the card it read 'MORGUE', and I added, "Though, now we do have something to use the cards with. It looks like the modus you made up… a bit ago…"
Things starting to click together in my head, I showed my brother the fetch modus for a moment before grabbing the pile of cards. I considered how to get the cards into the modus, and after a while of shenanigans too complicated to explain I managed to get the modus set up. My brother and Karkat had already done almost all we needed to do, except for create the item to get into the medium and prototyping. Our server yelled at me for a while about how stupid I was for taking so long to figure out a simple fetch modus, but I ignored him for the most part.
I glanced at the kernelsprite hovering behind my brother and asked, "What do you think we should prototype?"
"I'm guessing robo-raptor and -sapien are a bad idea?"
"Probably."
"How about this?" my brother offered, holding up a toy Rainbow Dash that I kept on the computer desk all the time.
"I… don't think so… I have a feeling it would be difficult to talk with, or at the very least try to fly away. So…"
"Birdy boy didn't fly away."
"Do you mean the Crowsprite or Davesprite?"
"Crowsprite," he replies, sounding annoyed.
"I know, but he didn't leave because he was a bird."
Before I could go on, though, my brother said, "I think we should hurry before Karkat yells at us again."
"I guess you're right…" I muttered. "So, what should we put in?"
From there, we spent about fifteen minutes before stumbling across a set of Skylander toys. Then we spent another fifteen minutes debating over which figurines to prototype. In the end, we tossed in Drobot and got a Drosprite, stopping Karkat's endless ranting for a short time as we finally got into the medium with time to spare.
Land of Perception and Flight
When I risked a look out the window, I nearly fell from the wave of dizziness that hit me. I stumbled back from the window and heard my brother call from another part of the house, "Welp, the eyeballs have left our sockets. It's time to give up."
"What are you talking about?" I called back, heading back towards the room with the computer.
"Well, Miss Costume, we have flying eyeballs above our house."
"What do you mean 'Miss Costume'?" I ask, stopping for a moment at the bottom of the stairs, still out of sight from my brother.
"You're the one with the weird… pointy-thingy going on with your head, and the weird eye-thing…"
"What are you talking about?" My brother was confusing me more and more, but when I rounded the corner it all clicked.
Standing by a window was not my brother. Yet at the same time it had to be. His skin had become an ashen gray color, and on his head was what looked like really long, bent candy corn.
"Look at your tummy and pat your head," was all he said before looking back out the window.
Deciding to oblige, I pulled up the hem of my shirt, which had changed from an old red T-shirt to a black one with a strange eyeball image on it. Instead of normal human skin color, though, it was gray just like my brother's. Then, when I reached up for my head, I winced slightly as I roughly brushed against the set of horns that were there now. I looked at my hands and saw sharp yellow nails instead of the ones I used to have, and it wasn't until I began running my thumb over my new set of teeth that I realized my brother had disappeared.
Drosprite was currently nowhere to be seen, and despite Karkat trying to contact us again I followed my brother to the kitchen, until I saw him just walking out, a pole with a kitchen knife attached to the end in his hand.
"What is that?" I asked, eyeing the makeshift weapon.
"It is a scythe," he replied curtly.
I just sighed and said, "If you say so."
Then I turned around and went to the computer again, finding instead of Karkat contacting us, a twinArmageddons was trying to talk to us.
- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling typhloticChaneller [TC] -
TA: hello
TA: eriidan told me about you two
TA: he 2aiid kk wanted hiim two talk to you but he wanted me two do iit iin2tead
As soon as I fully realized who was typing, my eyes widened in excitement. My favorite Homestuck character, chatting to me. But then my brother had to go ahead and interrupt it.
- reapingSurprise [RS] began trolling typhloticChaneller [TC] -
RS: ►MY SHYTHE HAS INTERNEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!◄
RS: ►INTERNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!◄
I gave a groan of exasperation, but decided to reply once just to humor him. Not to say I said much.
TC: Good for you, now shut up, Sollux is talking to me.
RS: ►INTERNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!◄
- reapingSurprise [RS] gave up trolling typhloticChaneller [TC] -
Then I returned to my conversation with Sollux. At first I couldn't think of what to say, so all I typed was an emoticon, like an idiot.
TC: o.o
TC: Hi, Sollux.
TA: ii would que2tiion how you know my name, but...
TA: ii've kiind of giiven up expectiing 2traiight an2wer2 with friend2 liike miine
TC: Hehe... Ya...
TA: 2eem2 liike your brother ha2 2tartiing ma22 alchemiiziing
TA: iid go make 2ure he doe2nt wa2te your grii2t
TC: Ok.
TC: Thanks, eye guess. Talk to you later, maybe?
TA: ii gue22, iif kk ha2 me talk two you for hiim agaiin
- twinArmageddons [TA] gave up trolling typhloticChaneller [TC] -
I didn't realize I had been holding my breath until I noticed the burning in my chest and took in a huge gulp of air. Then I realized my brother was bothering me again.
- reapingSurprise [RS] began trolling typhloticChaneller [TC] -
RS: ►I need ª fetcπ mΦdµs. I cªn't cªrry ªny Φf mªπ stµff :(◄
TC: ...
TC: eye can't read half of what you're saying...
TC: Oh, well.
RS: ►Fetcπ.◄
RS: ►MΦdµs.◄
RS: ►MΦrgµe.◄
TC: eye know you were talking about the modus.
TC: Sollux told me you were screwing with our stuff, so eye was just about to come into the room when you talked to me again.
RS: ►NΦt screwing ªrΦµnd◄
RS: ►wªit fΦr it◄
RS: ►I◄
RS: ►Wªs◄
RS: ►INVENTING◄
TC: *face palm*
TC: You're so stupid.
TC: Bye.
- typhloticChaneller [TC] gave up trolling reapingSurprise [RS] -
I was just about to get up from my chair when my brother began talking to me.
- reapingSurprise [RS] began trolling typhloticChaneller [TC] -
RS: ►Get yΦµr ªss µp πere ªnd Alcπemize yΦµr weªpΦn◄
TC: eye'm going to, but you keep interrupting me.
RS: ►MΦbile internet◄
- reapingSurprise [RS] gave up trolling typhloticChaneller [TC] -
TC: ...
TC: Idiot...
This time, I left the room as quick as possible, not wanting any more distractions from my brother. But, of course, just as I'm about to leave the room Karkat tries talking to me again.
"Oh my god, will I ever get to do anything!?" I half-growled, going back to the computer to tell Karkat to shut up for five minutes.