And it all started with a scene everyone had seen at least a thousand times by then. It involved, mainly a pissed Megatron and his unconvincingly repentant second-in-command. The first was about to blow a fuse and the second- him, literally- was kneeling before him in a fruitless attempt to ease his superior's anger.
"Starscream, raaahhhh!" Megatron bellowed. "You have failed me yet again!"
"How could I?" Starscream pleaded. "The battle hasn't ended yet!"
And, actually, they were doing their usual high-command business right in the middle of the battlefield. The battle didn't stop around them; Decepticons and Autobots alike had, for a long time already, gotten used to the sorry display of incompetence that was their leaders (and, no, the statement didn't concern only Starscream. )
So they fought on, just as Megatron and his gunmode-wielder argued on.
And then, suddenly, the sun appeared in the previously gray sky, it tore the clouds away until all that remained was a clear, marvelous, blue sky. Nyan cat went by, farted rainbows and a blinding light made the whole of the battlefield shiny and sparkly.
The battle went on unperturbed.
"Oh no!" A shrill voice abruptly protested. "This isn't how it should be!"
Only then did the soldiers from both factions stopped to fight to see what was causing the ruckus.
The source of all the light came, aside from the Nyan cat, from a figure that stood proudly on the other side of the field. They all gasped when they realized it was a very beautiful female robot, with long golden hair-like springs that cascaded from her pink helmet, down to the small of her back. She had slanted, most pretty red optics and a smile to die for. She also had a gorgeous pair of round breast-plates and her armor was the colors of the rainbow itself.
And she was at least eight months preggy.
"Hello!" She said, winked at everyone. " My name is Angel-Irina-Delight-Shadow and I came to re-join Megatron's army!"
"Wait..." Starscream said. "Where do you come from exactly?"
Megatron punched him aside and called him a fool. "who the hell cares where she's coming from, as long as she is pretty and know how to wield a gun!"
Happy to demonstrate, Angel-Irina-Delight-Shadow ( who, from now on, we'll call A.I.D.S for short) showed off her weaponry. She had two fusion-canons, one on each of her delicate arm, and they were at least twice as big as Megatron's. She had five null-rays, three plasma guns, an enormous bow with plenty fire-arrows to go by and cluster bombs in her boobs.
"Wow!" Megatron said in awe, drool pouring down the corners of his mouth. " Starscream, you are on my replacement list, she's everything I always wanted!"
"Replace me, never!" Starscream punched him.
"TRAITOR!" Megatron roared. " YOU ARE SO GOING TO DIE!"
He pointed his big fusion canon at the seeker, but Angel-Irina-Delight-Shadow threw herself in front of him with wide open arms. " Please Megatron" She begged. " Don't kill Starscream! I love him and I am pregnant with his babies!"
Megatron considered her for a moment, but didn't find anything illogical in her claim and decided to trust her. He lowered his weapon.
"Very well, I'll spare him this once"
"But...Megatron..." Starscream started. "how can she be in love with me? I just met her! And I certainly am not responsible for the parasites she carries!"
"She said it was so, therefore, it is so!" Megatron stated, the he turned toward the femme. "you may go in peace now, A.I.D.S, my beloved daughter- fancy I recognize you only now. I give you my assent on your bonding with my second-in-command"
"But...I..." Starscream attempted to protest, but Megatron raised his gun again.
"If you refuse to marry my daughter and take your responsibilities as a father, I'll kill you!"
Starscream gulped but said nothing more.
LATER
( hurrrr, I didn't write the bonding scene becauz its boring. Have their uncensored wedding night smut instead, HELLZ YEAH)
"Ooh Starscream, I love you so much!" A.I.D.S said as she kissed him forcefully again.
Mortified, the seeker let her have his way with him.
"Listen, Angel Irina Delight Shadow, I really don't like you...And the insane amount of lubricant the strange orifice between your thighs pours down disgust me to no end."
"It's my valve, stupid! Now fuck me!"
Starscream sighed and used the nuzzle of his null-ray to do so.
...Then shot her.
But she didn't die because her spark was immortal like his, so she stayed and Starscream had to bear with her.
When her sparklings came out, he realized that they were all Optimus Prime's kids.
The end
That's awful right? Even worse than the first one I wrote!
All your stupid mary-sues inspired that shit!