Food today is like staring right at a death trap. You don't even realize you're staring at the grim until he's cut you in half and your guts are marinating his robes like a lawn sprinkler.
It eats you slowly, or you eat it slowly, either way it'll end up killing you; you either end up choking to death or suffer a heart attack or clot.
"Just get it already, Jesus you're such a pansy ass about these little things."
I don't have the means to respond or the will to since we're in public, I'm too busy gluing my eyes to the long rows of death traps I haven't eaten in years. Bob would have gotten it... Bob loved these things, he ate them all the time and no one gave him any grief about it either...
Maybe that was cause Bob was dying back then anyway...
"Come on, you're starting to draw a crowd."
I wonder if Bob was real, I mean I know he was real, but... was he? The egg head beside me that's been following me for months isn't real, but Bob had to have been...
If I keep doing this psycho-analyzing thing I'm going to start talking to him again in public.
I've grabbed two, one for me and one for him... or Bob. It'll be nice to go visit the garden and see the marker, the cops just kind of let the house rot in further after removing all the explosive juice, and no one besides stragglers really visited it anymore anyway.
I pay, get around the strange look the cashier gives me and start walking.
"You gonna eat that? M'starved." I hand it over, it probably drops to the ground, or I'm actually eating it now, no clue. I hear the wrapper crinkle and then that nagging sound of chewing. Marla would have a fit if she knew I still could see him.
But we don't talk in public, I've thought about it loads of times sure, but he knows if he tries anything with me again I'm done, and so is he. He's crazy, I'm crazy, he keeps me company when Marla won't.
The weirdest part is when I need 'alone time' and he wants to be in the room. He wants to see how far I'll actually go before I tell him to get out, actually having to talk to him.
Ignoring him doesn't work, if I ignore him, he hits me. Not serious hitting like before, just shoulder punches and pushes into walls. Either that or he gets in my face so I can't have that alone time.
Not unless I want to end up staring down his nose and touching places that would make a nun cry.
I didn't stop smoking and could use a cigarette, which surprised me. After the big gaping hole in my face most people thought I would have stopped, but I didn't. Marla was alright with it after it healed, but with the wound still fresh she pretended to quit.
I know she hadn't though, she still smelled like cigarette all the time... she still called me Tyler every now and then too. He found it amusing, she didn't.
Did I ever tell her my real name?
"Nah, she's always calling you something different."
"Stay out of my head, you know that pisses me off." and he just chuckles, leaning over to brush a finger over my scar as we walk... I walk.
"Better out than in." he reminds me and I roll my eyes, turning a corner with a light cough as I get an itch in my throat... probably from smoking.
"What are we doing today?" he asks, patting my cheek as I brush him off and keep walking. "I'm thinking Television and wanking. We could go rent a porno, it's been a while since we've done that." the street's empty, even if it wasn't he'd still talk.
"Could call Marla over," I counter, and he gets a bitter scowl. Marla pisses him off by now, he enjoyed sex with her but other than that he now wants nothing to do with her. It makes it awkward and it's one thing I can do to make him leave.
"I was thinking more along the lines of quality time, just me and you man, Ozzie and Harriet." I roll my eyes, I never should have told him that little tid bit of information.
"I'm tired." he stops, I continue walking.
"How can you be tired! It's only six! Come on man, let's just go have some fun? What do you say? Please?" Tyler never said that, he must be getting a hard on for movement again.
"I said I'm tired," I walk up the steps, pushing passed the police tape, "maybe later. I still need to eat." he smiles as I look back, he's hurrying to catch up, to keep me from losing my will to keep us both alive he doesn't do the disappear reappear thing anymore.
"We making soap while you cook?" he asks, and I just shrug, holding out my bag and dropping it to the magazine mountain. I've become the shut in.
"You can make soap, I'm going to cook." I don't know how that works though, I stopped trying to figure it out and just went along with it. Tyler still made soap, still brought random people over but the most I ever caught them doing was making soap as well.
His space monkey's seemed to know when I didn't answer to Tyler, you didn't mess with me. I wonder if he ever explained it to them. I bet he tells them I'm just a voice in his head.
"I do not!"
"Shut up." I'm grabbing pots, looking through to what food we have that is still edible. Someone bought beer... probably Angel face. I don't know how he can still be near me and still be called Angel face... did I ever learn his name?
"Yea, you did."
Right, I don't remember it though. His face got fixed at one point, I think he saved up enough money and got it fixed because it was getting harder to breath, at least he didn't snore anymore. Tyler liked him, he liked Tyler, a lot more than I wanted him to.
To piss me off and counter the Marla thing, Tyler slept with Angel face. I would watch him come in and they would kiss, then I would go to bed and wake up with the little blond peach boy wrapped up around my side. Tyler across the room in his robe, chuckling and enjoying his post sex cigarette.
Angel face had to have known. He never randomly kissed me like Marla used to when she didn't know, but he would randomly kiss Tyler. Or, me watching Tyler... so I guess he did just randomly kiss me, but he knew when it was me and not Tyler me... most of the time at least.
Marla didn't like him, he didn't like Marla. They would often wake up in separate rooms, head down to the kitchen to find me or Tyler and start shouting. How THAT worked confused me even more.
But I didn't care, Marla didn't come over very often, Angel Face lived here because Tyler said he could. Marla was my girlfriend, Angel face was Tyler's favorite fuck. He once asked me if it was ok, the way things were.
I remember laughing and giving him half of my cheese sandwich... or was that Tyler?
"That was me." Oh right, that was him.
"Speaking of Angel face." the blond slipped up the stairs and into the room with a sleepy yawn, wrapping himself around Tyler with a tired hum. "Hey honey. Not sleep to well?" it was one of those weird times when we were in two separate places but the same person again.
But I could still smell the food I was cooking.
"Spring in the mattress ripped through finally, I really should get a new one..." but he won't, he normally just sleeps in Tyler's room anyway. The smacking of lips and a slight groan of need gets drowned out as I strain the noodles I'm making. I could deal with cold tomato paste.
"When I'm done with this, you wanna head upstairs?" the can opener in my hand is rusted, that's probably not good for the food.
"Always." I open it up anyway, dumping the red sauce over my warm noodles, they probably aren't even fully cooked yet. I yank open a drawer, all the utensils are gone.
"Where's the god damn fork?" I bark, pulling open another drawer. There is a brief and hesitant kiss on my neck, then the item is placed in my hands, shaking fingers as I look over to Angel face, he was next to me the entire time, Tyler is back to making soap.
"Sorry, I was washing them." I throw on a pretend smile, waiting for him to flip back to Tyler's side of the room. "You want a beer?" I nod, rubbing my temples a little as he heads over and reaches in, bent over and leaning awkwardly.
He must be sore.
"He better be." Tyler mutters, an almost evil chuckle as Angel face hands me the beer and drapes himself over me. I could push him away, tell him Tyler is making soap... but I don't. He's warm, so I leave him there, an arm around his hip as I eat one handed on a plate that could be cleaner.
"You're too skinny." it was my only comment, and with that I reached into my pocket and handed him the Twinkie I'd bought earlier. He laughs, that witty happiness only he gets to have and peels it open.
"You eat half." he holds it out with his fingers and suddenly Tyler is leaning over, but not because he's across the room, and sucked the pinched piece between his fingers away. Sponge cake pops into my mouth and I realize these aren't as good as I remembered.
It couldn't be Angel face's hands that ruin the taste, they were always clean, I think that's why Tyler liked him so much. He was always clean and cleaning.
His hair is shaggy by now, he hasn't cut it in a while and stopped spiking it except for rare occasions. Now I really am tired, but I force down the rest of my food and dump the plate into the sink.
"Come on." I head up the stairs and he follows, a few quick steps later and we've both flopped down onto the bed in Tyler's room, him snuggled up to me for a brief minute. Tyler is there though, he's snuggling Tyler not me.
Now I'm in the chair, watching them both talk, kiss, talk again. When Tyler reaches for his belt I stand, heading to my room so I can sleep and he can have his fun. Kindness, funny how I taught him that.
I let him fuck Angel face in peace, he lets me sleep with Marla in peace. Normally when Marla is around he goes away, and normally when he wants to spend time with Angel face I go into the other room.
I don't know how it works, but I know it does, and it's ok. I should probably have gotten help the moment he came back, turning the corner on a street with that same smirk he always wore.
But I didn't.
I probably won't either. He keeps me from being lonely, I keep us alive, I think it's a fair deal.