Cody looked down at the fear in the eyes of the man pinned beneath him. It was a look damned few would ever see from that man. It was the exact look Cody had been hoping for. Now that he had it, though, he didn't know what to do with it and he wasn't so sure he really wanted it.

Cody'd been hurt, wounded deeply and he just wanted to show Jimmy what he'd done to him. He thought he knew what he would do when he snuck into Jimmy's room but everything he had thought of doing would hurt his lover and he now found he could not actually cause the man pain.

"Will?" Jimmy dared whisper. He'd been asleep. It might not have been a sound sleep but it was as sound as he ever got. That was until the sound of the door creaking and then closing softly brought him from the state that passed for sleep. He wasn't able to form a thought to defend himself before he felt the weight of a body atop him, pinning him down hard. He had felt as well as heard the fabric tearing from his body and now found himself in a vulnerable position. At first, he thought someone was maybe breaking into his hotel room to rob him but then he looked up into the possessed, glacial eyes of the only one he'd truly loved, one William F. Cody. He wasn't sure what was to come next but the way Will's body was coiled and the danger he saw in his icy blue eyes, Jimmy was certain he was in for pain. He hoped he could reach the man beyond the wildness in those eyes. "Will, what's the matter, darlin'? What's going on?"

Cody looked once again at the fear in Jimmy's eyes and rolled from atop him.

"Nothing, baby…go back to sleep."

Jimmy sat up against the headboard of the bed.

"Will, we known each other a lot of years," he began as he reached and turned up the lamp with trembling hands. "And we been in love most, if not all, of that time. I know when you ain't being straight with me. You came in here…and you…well, I don't think I want to say out loud what it looked like you was about to do. You never tried to hurt me before…"

"I wouldn't've hurt you, baby," Cody replied, feeling more than a twinge of guilt at the lie he was telling. "Just go back to sleep."

Jimmy watched Will stand and walk over to where he had abandoned his outer layers of clothing. He couldn't help but see the conspicuous tent in Will's long johns.

"You don't have to go. Looks like you got yourself an uncomfortable problem. I bet I could kiss it and make it better."

"Not a good idea."

"Will…talk to me."

"Talk? From what I hear outta this room, talking ain't what you like to do in here!" Cody finally snapped.

"Will? I don't understand…"

"I saw you bring that trick rider Dolly Cavanaugh in here last night and I heard the two of you for about an hour after that. In case you forgot, I'm right next door, Jimmy."

"Will, you can't honestly believe that I never took a woman to my bed…you can't think that…You're married for Christ sake! You've got children. You think I don't know where you've been with her? You think I don't hear the stories about you and the girls from the show here?"

"That's different," Cody growled. "I got to keep up appearances."

"And I don't?" Jimmy shot back. "Wild Bill Hickok...you think I ain't still stuck living up to that?"

"I don't rub your nose in it!"

"Like hell you don't!" Jimmy bellowed. "You can complain about Lulu all you want but I know…I know it ain't all bad with her and I know you ain't always in separate rooms. I know she gets to comfort you times when I can't. And I know you're quite the tomcat around here when the show's touring. Stories I've heard make what happened in here with Dolly look like an afternoon tea in Emma's parlor!"

"That's all they are too, just stories."

"They ain't just stories," Jimmy asserted. "Dolly had some interesting ideas and said she learned 'em from you. Maybe that's really what this is about. You don't want to share her. Creative and limber as she is, can't say as I blame you. We had one hell of a good time!"

The words had barely left his lips when he felt the impact of a fist connecting with his chin. Jimmy was so surprised by the uppercut that his mouth hadn't even closed. Cody's fist closed it for him causing Jimmy's teeth to come together hard on his tongue, the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth.

"I don't give a shit about Dolly," Cody raged. "We all share Dolly…she'll spread 'em for anything in pants. She just likes having something nice and hard between her legs…or anywhere else it'll fit. Do whatever you want with her! Just not in the next room…not when you could have me…not when my bed was cold for want of you."

"Do you know what folks'd say if I refused her?" Jimmy demanded rubbing his jaw and resisting the urge the spit out blood.

"Ain't saying ya had to refuse her exactly. It ain't like she's particular. Against the wall in an alley…in a linen closet. Hell, I bent her over a pool table one night. Just…just…"

Cody lowered his eyes a moment and when he returned them to Jimmy's, the anger was gone. All that remained was a desperate, heartbreaking plea.

"Just...just don't make me listen while you..." Will paused, it was almost too much, he locked eyes on Jimmy, " I can't take it...you...you, you moaning in pleasure, her crying out your name...I just can't take it...don't you see...you're supposed to be mine. I should be the one to..."

"Will…I am yours," Jimmy said, his voice softening as he reached a hand toward his love. "I'm yours as much as I'm allowed to be."

Jimmy's hand balled into a fist.

"In here…inside here, Will, I'm no one else's," he pounded lightly on his chest. "No one else even sees that, let alone gets to touch it. Just you. How many times do I have to tell you I love you? How many before you believe it?"

"I do know it," Cody answered not daring to meet Jimmy's warm golden eyes. "I just…I don't like sharing. I know you don't either."

"Well, that's not all true," Jimmy smiled. "Some things I like to share. For instance, I think I'd like to share this bed as long as it's with you. But you're right. There's some things I hate sharing. You for one...I hate sharing you! I hate thinking of you in anyone else's arms. I hate thinking of your mouth on anyone else's lips or body. I hate thinking that anyone else gets to touch you, gets to make you moan...gets to feel you move in them. I hate it!"

Cody raised his eyes, startled at the ferocity of Jimmy's tone and locked onto Jimmy's golden orbs, which softened as he spoke again.

"Billy...my sweet Billy...you don't know how often I've wished we'd've taken a different road..."

Jimmy's voice trailed off and Cody smiled reassuringly at his lover.

"Well, you got me most of the way to naked," Jimmy pointed out, his voice soft and rumbling. "Care to finish the job?"

"Baby…I don't…do you even understand why I came in here?"

"I think I got a pretty good idea," Jimmy said trying to hide the hint of a shudder that passed through him. "But you didn't do what you was planning."

"But I wanted to. Even if it was just for a moment. I wanted to turn what we have, what we do...something that's always been tender...I wanted to turn that to punishment, to power over you. I can't even explain why I wanted to. I was so hurt…I think I wanted…I should go."

"Is that what you want? To leave?" Jimmy asked seriously.

"It doesn't matter…"

"Ever think of what I want? Maybe that after waking me up like you did and scaring the shit out of me…maybe you owe me what I want."

Cody considered Jimmy's words a moment and decided that Jimmy was right.

"Alright then," Cody said after a few moments of silence. "What is it you want?"

"Lots of things," Jimmy replied easily as he settled back onto his elbows with a hungry smile. "First is for you to get rid of them long johns."

Cody blushed and moved his hands hesitantly toward the buttons of the union suit.

"You getting shy all of a sudden?"

"It's been a while since you watched me like that."

"Far too long," Jimmy agreed. "If it helps, I'll go first."

There wasn't much left of the union suit he'd gone to bed in. Cody had torn it nearly off of him in his efforts to…well, thinking on that wouldn't help anything, Jimmy decided as he slipped out of the garment.

Cody smiled lightly. He didn't deserve for Jimmy to try to make him feel better but then their relationship had never been about what they felt they deserved. He slowly removed his union suit, taking his time for Jimmy's benefit. Undressing was once as big a part of their pleasure as anything else. Maybe it was time to recapture a little of that.

Once he was shed of his clothes, Cody looked up and was taken aback by the expression on Jimmy's face. It was a look of awe. That was a look Cody hadn't seen in years, not like this. Truth be told, when he got looks like that, he'd taken them for granted.

"That's better," Jimmy whispered. "Much better. Now come here so I can touch you."

Cody opened his mouth to protest but Jimmy just held out his arms. There would be no argument. He crossed the room and sat gingerly down on the mattress next to Jimmy.

"Baby, I'm sorry I got so…I shouldn't've lost control like that."

"You didn't lose control though," Jimmy said wrapping him in his strong arms. "Your eyes were near crazed but I could see you fighting with yourself. You couldn't really hurt me."

"I just punched you," Cody pointed out.

"Ain't the first time I been punched and I kind of deserved that one," Jimmy said with a smile. "Come on now and get comfortable."

Jimmy got Will settled better onto the bed and then curled next to him resting his head on Will's chest.

"I'm sorry too, Will," he said at last as he twirled his fingers into Will's long blond hair. "I didn't even think."

"I shouldn't let it get to me," Cody replied. "I know I shouldn't. I know it don't mean nothing. It just...well, it just hurt, baby."

Jimmy propped himself up and pressed a tender kiss to his lover's lips. As he thought to pull back and break the kiss, he felt hands holding him tighter as Will's mouth opened to him. Jimmy took full advantage and deepened the kiss.

"How did I ever think there was anything wrong with kissing you?" Jimmy asked when the kiss ended.

"Good old Clara didn't know what a good turn she was doing us, did she?"

Jimmy shook his head and then settled it on the pillow close to Will's ear.

"Whatever you heard, darlin'," Jimmy began in a soft whisper. "I was thinking of you the whole time. I always do. I think of how you touch me, how you look, how you smell and taste. Don't matter what she does or don't do...only thing that works for me...is you."

Jimmy trailed his calloused fingers lightly up and down Will's body, barely grazing his skin. He smiled at the reactions he caused with such simple contact. Jimmy's heart swelled, along with something else, as he saw the flush rise to his lover's face, the way the gooseflesh appeared on his body, how he could see Will's pulse quicken in his neck. Will was beautiful. Jimmy would never tire of being the one desired by such beauty.

"I don't deserve you, baby," Will whispered.

"I never did deserve you," Jimmy said simply. "I guess maybe now we're even. So how about you just relax and I show you what I was thinking about while Dolly was putting another notch in whatever it is a woman like her puts a notch in."

"How about we don't talk about her anymore?" Cody suggested.

"Sounds like a plan," Jimmy agreed with a sly smile as he rolled half onto Will, his fingers tracing randomly over the other man's hip bone and down his thigh. "In fact, I don't think we need to talk at all."

Yeah...Bills. I love my Bills...they are tender and honest if they aren't always perfect. I feel so bad for the extra stresses that are on them that aren't on other couples.

As I so often do, I have to thank my lovely Beulah for her help with this. I was lost and floundering and she picked me up and sorted me out. Thanks doll, you are the best! I honestly dread to think what anything I write would look like without you! You keep me honest and you keep me on task.

So, this begs the question...how many more Bills stories are there? I'm not sure. At least two in this vein. At least. But then there is one I am toying with where they choose a much different path...one that would change the course of many historical events. And then there is one that needs writing that will start in the 1970's...I have the vision for that but I think right now it would get confused with my 1960's story...So give me some time before you go looking for that one. All I know is that I love these two. I love who they are together and I love what they are to each other. I adore the honesty and purity of their love. History frustrates and saddens me sometimes but these two...they are just darling to me. - J