So. Here's another birthday present. This one is for Wall With A Fez. And because I forgot when her birthday was and didn't have any ideas for it- it's very much too late. Anyhow, here it finally is. Sorry again but a big, and very late. HAPPY BIRTHDAY! To Wall With a Fez.

Just pointing out that I'm getting used to a new keyboard. So if I write things wrong and put the wrong letters in, I am very sorry but it can unfortunately not be helped. So can you just be alright with it? Great!

So, without any further ado.

As I walked to another day at the university my feet seemed heavy and my eyes were dry. I had done so much crying today- and yet it was barely even forenoon yet. And it wouldn't surprise me if there was more to come!

I looked back and down the street. Behind the closest row of houses I could barely catch a glimpse of my house. Certainly not alike any other in its green painting. Chosen by the most important person in my life. But still only one of four people of the house- the only person except for myself who knew.

I had decided since before that today would be the day I told her. Mum and dad were away for work and sure PoPo wouldn't react too strongly on my birthday. Not that she would though- of course she wouldn't.

"Don't worry May-Li." I could still hear my grandmother's voice in my head. "I know a pastor, a very nice one. We will ask him to come and pray for this. We will make you normal. We will make you good."

"I don't need- nor do I want prayers PoPo." I had told her without hesitation. "This is who I am. Being bi is only a part of it and it's what I want to be. And the only reason you were the first one I told was that I thought that you'd accept it. I love you PoPo. And I know that you love me- and I am still the exact same person that I was before, and that I've always been."

"Are you going to… to marry a woman? Have a family with a woman?"

"I don't know." My voice had broken but I had tried my best to still keep it steady. "If I find a woman I like and that I want to marry and have a family with then yes. If I find a man like that then no." PoPo's eyes went even darker than what they used to be and had been a minute ago. "And honestly, I don't really care. I just want to be happy. But you are the most important person in my whole life. I don't think I can be happy without you. But still, I am always going to be me. And so much of who I am is because of you… But if you can't accept that I am still my own person then…." I took a deep breath and gathered all of my courage to finish. "…Then that is your choice. I'm not gonna change."

Without another word PoPo had stood up from her chair, and walked past me. She had passed me quite a few times that morning, like you would when you live with someone. But she didn't talk to me, barely even looked at me. And when she did, it was cold, and couldn't have been further away from the warm and loving PoPo that had been there for all my life.

"I'll give you the hours of the school day to think." When I had been ready to leave PoPo had been standing by the door. "And if you choose wrong among your options. You will still come here every day after school and for every morning. But for me- you will be invisible." With that she had walked away while I stood in the hallway with a pressure over my chest and thoughts spinning in my head.

I sighed- I rarely walked the longer way to school. But needing time on my own to think I'd done it. And barely had I stepped outside the door until the tears were spurting from my eyes. How could it have gone so wrong?

Before I now walked up the stone stairs to the school building I had decided what I wanted. And trying to seem more self-conscious than I actually felt. I decided not to keep anything secret anymore. That it was their problem if they chose not to accept it, that I wasn't going to change myself and didn't need those who obviously did not need me. But still, everything I felt coming closer and closer to the point I would have to tell again, was my heart pounding in my chest. So hard I could feel it in my ears and for a few seconds I just wasn't to turn around and run.

Run until all of this was gone. Run so fast I would run from my feelings- run from everything that had made me what I was today.

"Hey May." My thoughts were interrupted when my boyfriend Michael came running up to me as soon as I came indoors. "Happy bir…" He stopped himself, he must have seen my tear stained and swollen cheeks and the tears that were still burning in my eyes. "What's wrong honey?" I decided not to hesitate- just come straight out would hurt the least…

"Michael I need to tell you something." I took a deep breath. "I told my PoPo earlier today and realized that I don't want to keep secret who I am to people I love any longer… And… What I am is… I'm bi- bisexual." Michael raised an eyebrow, but for several seconds the hallway seemed empty and silent despite all the people walking by.

"You- you mean…" Michael's voice had gone dark. "…You're gay?"

"No…" I could feel my voice trembling. "I mean… I like… can like… like-like… both boys and girls." Michael's expression changed- and it went dark and angry. "But I like you… like I said… both boys… and girls." I tried to take a step closer to me when he spat me in the face. "Yuk! What was that for."

"You disgust me!"

I had never heard Michael's voice like that. It seemed not only dark and angry, but it gave shine that he had chosen what to him must have seemed as the right words. They threw me off for a second, until I stuttered the first thing that came to mind.

"B-b-but Michael. You don't get it…"

"Get what?" His blue eyes seemed ice cold looking into my brown. "You freaking…" He didn't get to finish the sentence. He looked up when the door to the school opened and nodded at his friends that had just come in. "Don't you dare ever talk to me again. We're done."

Tears rose in my eyes as I looked after him and his friends. And then looked at the spot where Michael had disappeared around the corner. I must have been waiting for him to return and come and tell me he had been wrong and still loved me. I must have been waiting for it all to be over.

But it wasn't. And as the seconds ticked by I let two new, large tears roll down my cheeks and drip down on my birthday shirt from two years ago when dad wanted to make a joke. And I was so far gone into my own thoughts, that when the English teacher Miss Christina walked up, I didn't notice it until she touched my shoulder. Not that she noticed I had been far away though, she just started talking.

"There's a new girl arriving in just a second. She doesn't know anyone and haven't been to this school before. The football field she knows where it is since she lives just around the corner from it. So she'll be coming there. But we need someone to kind of be her buddy. Show her around and that kind of stuff. We thought that job might suit you." Miss Christina stopped talking and I forced the lump in my throat down and tried to keep my voice steady wanting to reply. But didn't get the time to. "Great! She'll be by the football field in about twenty minutes. So you just head down there and wait on the bleacher. I'm sure you'll do fine."

I sighed, but didn't want to protest so I turned around, forced the last tears away and went outside to the bleachers by the football field. The September sun was shining, stronger than what it had all summer. But it didn't make me any happier and I just slumped down to sit on one of the hard, wooden benches and picked up a ball that laid close by.

I threw the ball a bit back and forth in my hands, but didn't stand up from that bench. Actually, I stopped throwing it, put it down on the bench next to me. And then laid down against the hard wood looking straight up into the blue skies. Sighing, I closed my eyes for a second. And when I opened them again there was a person standing there. I hadn't been ready for it so I flinched and shot up into sitting position- but didn't get much further than that.

The girl was dark- skinned, was smiling slightly and wore a cargo green shoulder strap bag by one side. But right as I looked up at her none of this mattered. All I saw was that pair of brown eyes looking straight into mine, and felt how it made my heart beat like crazy, I did get butterflies in my stomach and when I opened my mouth to say something it felt dry. While it took several seconds for me to find any of the right words.

"Hi, my name's May-Li." I couldn't help but to give a nervous and kind of shaky smile- not that I knew why though. And when the woman didn't answer I continued, God knows why. "May-Li Wang. I know what you think. Do all Asians have names that end with 'Ang'? Well, I don't know about all of them but obviously I do. I'm born and raised around here though. I haven't seen you around…" Something clenched in my chest when I noticed how much I was babbling. I must be scaring this girl away before I had even gotten to know her. "Sorry…" I blushed. "What did you say your name was?" The girl smiled and chuckled shortly and I felt myself blush again.

"It's fine." She told me with a smile that made me feel weak in the knees. "I'm Alice." She smiled a bit again. "Alice Kay. And how imaginative. They let the Asian girl lead the black one to show antiracism or whatever they want to do with it." She sounded almost angry but was still smirking. "And we just moved here- from London."

"London? Cool? I've never been to London, have you?" Realizing what I had just asked after it made me blush again, and I silent while she laughed and mumbled something I barely knew. "Obviously! I'm sorry."

"It's alright." Alice smiled again. "So… they told me you'd show me around and tell me about this place… Maybe you could start with telling me about you?! May I sit?" I lifted the football into my lap and she sat down next to me. And when her hand touched my arm in a move to get the bag off it felt as if lightning bolts of electricity went quickly around in my body, stopping in my heart to make it beat even harder.

"About me? Ehrm… I-I like football!"

Alice looked down on my shirt and smiled. Until then I had forgotten I was wearing a silly green T shirt with footballs on it and the words 'Birthday football girl'

"So is today your birthday?"

"Yes."

"Happy birthday… Well you can't have a card… But you can have a hug. You really look like you need one. And I like hugs. You can join my uncle in a group… I mean club of people that has had hugs from me as presents. People tell me I'm too fast forward. But you really do look like you need a hug and hugs make good birthday presents don't they?"

"They do." I couldn't help but laugh but still had to fight some tears away. A couple of ones still coming from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks where I angrily wiped them away. "Sorry. Just had a terrible morning. And yes… you could be right." I stood up and so did she before we awkwardly tried hugging a few times, but ended up with nothing but awkward chuckling when we couldn't get it right until finally she took me in her arms before I had as much as lifted mine.

I was very well aware of that who I was hugging tightly was a person I hadn't even known for five minutes. That this should be very awkward. Even when what had just happened while we were introducing ourselves to each other was more awkward than I had ever experienced this should be worse! But it wasn't.

But how would I ever be able to explain to a person- even myself. That it was because of the person standing close that it wasn't. That all the awkwardness just seemed to run off in the same moment as we touched. How was I supposed to let anyone know- let alone myself that it was because of the person holding me tight that my heart was beating so hard it would almost hop right out of my chest.

How was I supposed to explain- even to myself that I had never felt like this before. Or that it was because of her- or even that the chance was tiny she'd feel the same looking at me.

But how was I supposed to realize- that it felt like everything that had been to lead up to this moment- it must have been because of this. For this feeling to rise and this day to come. For everything to have ended like this.

For it must have been because of her!

So. I guess that's it. I hope you liked it.

Random fact

Actually. Just earlier this week it was a friend of mine's birthday. And I wished him happy birthday and then said 'you can't have a card but you can have a hug.' And while we hugged told him 'you can join my uncle in a group that has had hugs from me as gifts'… What? I happen to think hugs make very good presents! They're for free and takes a lot more of heart than some words and a picture on a piece of paper. Oh well, at least he smiled!