Anyone who's ever dealt with drugs before would understand where i'm coming from.
I used it to escape, get the fuck away from reality - so to speak. Mainly because of what he did. That fucking bastard.
I still couldn't even speak his name, how pathetic. But anyways, back to the drugs. I never thought me Bella Swan, the good girl with straight A's would ever
get mixed up with that shit. But i did. And i fucking loved it..at the time.

I became a home wrecking slut, for a fix. I would give a blow job for a dub and some fries.
Charlie kicked me out when he caught me shooting up and I down right refused to see a "therapist"

I lived on the streets moving from friend to friend. Shit, i was so desperate i even lived with Mike Newton for a few months
But i wouldn't fuck him even if i was popping some pills. - so he kicked me out.

Hell, in these pass five years i even got married. To a man twice as old as me, his name was Daniel he was 48 and a doctor
I loved him because he bought me pretty things.

But then he told me he was gay and made me sign a divorce paper. So i sold all his shit and got myself a nice apartment where
i would smoke, snort, and vibe.

So here i was know twenty three years old. Jobless, broke, and emptied out of drugs.

"You still no pay rent" The old Chinese man yelled, waving an angry finger at me.

"Chill out grandpa, im tryin' okay?"

"No! I'm not yo grandpa! No try! No try hard enough! You find somewhere to stay! No here!"

he jabbed a wrinkly finger to the door, and tapped on a piece of paper with red writing.

"You're evicting me?!" I said in disbelief.

"Ya! Now you get your shit and joo leave, Understand? You leave!" he walked away mumbling to himself.

"Son of a fucking bitch" I groaned as i opened my front door and slammed it shut.

I grabbed my medium sized duffel bag and began throwing all my important shit into it.

Pipe, bong, underwear, shirts, pants, shampoo, Dutch masters, my last bottle of Vodka. Which i would need tonight.

I pulled out a cigarette and took in a deep puff, well wasn't my life just shit?

I jumped when a hand banged loudly on my door three times "hurry and get your American ass out of my hotel!"

I wasn't at the least racist but i was really begging to despise China men.

"Kay" I screamed and bashed open the door, i threw my bag over my shoulder and smiled sweetly at him.

"Thanks for the free stay"

As i started walking the streets, a horrible feeling erupted into my chest. I was alone.
And i couldn't handle being alone anymore. the fact of this grew on me faster than it had been growing in the past few years.

Abruptly an glint of hope sparked through me, and i whistled down a cab.

"How ya doin' little lady?" The man had a thick Jamacian accent.

"Great man, just fucking splendid. Uhm i need you to take me to 117 northwest Klorkial street, please. As fast as you can"

"Alright no problem man, we'll be there in a jiffy"

I stared out the window, remembering how everything use to be. I had changed to much these past years- and not for the better.
Finally i was hoping i could push myself to get back on track. I wonder what he would think if he knew all the shit i've done. If he knew i wasn't a virgin anymore
If he knew i had sex for drugs, if he knew all the crazy, awful things i did.

He would surely be disgusted. Why did i even care? All his love was a lie anyways.
This was my life now. - there was no use in dreaming of what could have been. That i could have stayed with Edward * wince* and i could have become
a vampire and stayed by his side forever. I never would have disappointed my parent, i would have never had to see the face of pure sorrow on my father's
face when he figured out all the horrible things i did behind his back. never have to hear Renee say those painful words that i remembered by heart.

"You are not Bella...This is not you. You're not my daughter. You have become a monster"

My heart couldn't let me feel pain at her words when they were said, that was the beauty of heroin, coke, meth. Whatever it was you were on
That pain did not exist - but when it wore off. I cried 50,000 tears and more over that sentence.

"--LADY! WHERE HERE!" I loud roar, broke me out of my revere.

"Sor-Sorry" I jumped out, and thrusted the twenty bucks into his hands.

"Yea, yea. Good day lady"

He drove off, and i turned to face an all too familiar house.

I sighed, and walked up the steps, slightly remembering walking up these same ones as a child.
The days I had all my shit together, the blissful years when everything was just so...simple

I raised my hand to knock on the door, but then bit my lip.
He would turn me away, - he would yell at me and tell me how terrible I was and slam the door in my face.

Suddenly the door burst open, and a bald, sick, frail looking man stood there leaning on the door frame.

"Daddy?"

this story just got stuck in my head & i just had to write it.

tell me if you like it - sorry if it sucks