Tales of The Tea Shop
The Avatar's First Date
"I used to cut my brother's hair and he never complained." Katara had Karo on a chair and with a scissors in one hand and an assortment of combs in the other. Katara had set the task of making up Karo's hair so he would look like a true Fire Nation noble when Aang arrived. Karo had a mop of hair and it had never quite looked neat or combed in spite of the fact Karo had a wide assortment of combs. Karo lost his unkempt mop of hair as Katara's skills finally tamed it. Lady Zhao puttered around the house making small talk with Katara and Karo.
"She's going to give you a mullet." Azula had an assortment of Fire Gummies in shades from deep red to darkest black and she had toothpicks. She had her appointment with Katara the hairdresser but Katara had elected to reduce the entropy in Karo's hair first as Karo had a rather unruly head of hair.
"I will give you a nice pony tail – a Wolf's Warrior tail like my brother wears." Katara laughed as she tamed his hair with the comb. "It may help you find a perky warrior. Don't forget Azula's next."
"Next for what?" Azula braced herself against the back of her chair and glowered at Katara. Azula had the jar of Fire Gummies on the table and with a package of toothpicks had set out to build a geodesic sphere – or a soccer ball shaped thing. She had it about half complete and Katara noticed the task had Azula's full attention.
"We need to fix that uni-brow." Katara held out a comb as she held Karo's thick and hard to manage hair.
The phone rang. With only the very richest people able to own phones this meant most calls carried some importance. Azula briefly broke from her Gummie-dome and answered the phone. Katara began to eat the gummies that Azula had placed in order from red to black on the table. Fire Gummies tasted like bland cinnamon and gelatin and while Lady Zhao kept them in the house not very many actually got eaten. Azula made bridges and geometric models out of them and had once tried to span the vast chasm between the kitchen counters with a toothpick and Fire Gummie bridge. It actually held up a brick but Momo ate the Fire Gummies and the monstrosity suffered a catastrophic structural failure.
"Hello?" Azula calmly intoned.
"Can you tell me the reviews for the play 'Ol' Yeller'? The voice on the other end asked politely. "Is it fit for children?"
"You think this is 'Show Phone'?" Azula rustled around for the newspaper entertainment section and read the review. She shaved a lie and resumed. "Children will find the ending of the play uplifting. Do you want the show times?"
"Yes please." The caller waited as Azula read off the list of theaters and play times from the newspaper then hung up the phone.
"Did you know that Ol' Yeller ends with Ol' Yeller having to be shot because he had rabies? Those kids will expect a happy ending to the play and the dog will die." Karo felt Katara tugging on his hair as she straightened it out and pulled it into a pony tail that resembled the one Sokka wore.
"A happy ending if you hate dogs. They will have to learn about the harsh nature of life at some time." Azula sat at a dining room chair and watched Katara gently place a Fire Nation hair ornament in his hair. She felt her eyebrows and could feel the stubble that made them grow together in a single line. She resumed her soccer ball project with the toothpicks and Fire Gummies.
"Okay Karo." Katara pushed him softly on the back and he got out of the chair. "Have a look in the mirror in the bathroom and tell me what you think."
"You look very nice Karo." Lady Zhao kissed him on the forehead as he walked through the kitchen.
"I hope you haven't started working on another bridge." Lady Zhao looked to Azula. Lady Zhao knew Azula had quite the intellect but the bridge across the kitchen did make the kitchen useless for two weeks unless you wanted to hold up a brick.
"Time to pluck your eyebrows." Katara motioned Azula to sit in the seat. Azula took a seat but she moved her construction materials over as Katara impatiently clicked the tweezers.
"Ow!" Azula sat down in the chair in front of Katara and resumed her work with the Fire Gummies.
"I didn't do anything." Katara had her arms down by her side and protested loudly.
"Just practicing." Azula pointed at Katara and the tweezers. "What if you need eyebrow hair to sustain life?"
"This feels off." Karo returned and felt the pony tail in his hair. "I mean it looks attractive but does it really say 'me'?"
"You look handsome." Katara smiled. "Very much the Fire Nation gentleman."
"I'll take your word for it." Karo kept feeling his hair.
Ow.....I think you just pulled a piece of my frontal lobe out with that one." Azula hissed at Katara.
"It can't be that bad for a warrior. You must have trained many hours to steel yourself for pain." Katara had begun to work on Azula's delicate eyebrow hair. Azula squirmed like a child receiving a root canal while Katara envied Azula's hair which even in eyebrow form had a certain subtle softness.
"Warriors that don't feel pain don't live long" Azula had begun on a preamble to the 'forced to fight and not very good at it speech' as Katara plucked more eyebrow hair. "If you wish to succeed in battle find yourself a fool for he will do anything you tell him and has no fear of death."
"Ah well - this will end soon enough." Katara yanked another hair.
"Why do you need to pluck my eyebrows?" Azula worked on her 'dome' as more Fire Gummies and toothpicks became a soccer ball. Katara had noticed Azula making this but decided that after the long and boring 'how Calculus really works' lecture to let this pass without comment.
"You want to look decent for the Avatar." Katara yanked and Azula squirmed.
The process of plucking Azula's eyebrows soon began to take on a strange kind of rhythm with Azula complaining about the pain and Katara trying to make her realize such rituals constituted a test of character.
"Ow.....are you plucking out dandelions? Should I have had a local anesthetic first?" Azula gripped the chair.
"I have to do this from time to time." Katara remained calm. "You didn't hear Karo complain – did you?"
"He wouldn't complain if you threw lamp oil on him and lit him on fire. He's polite and nice – he'd apologize for the smoke." Azula answered back.
"Why do you two get along as friends?" Katara yanked another hair.
"Ow....most guys find me intimidating and don't talk to me. He came up to me and challenged me to Pai Sho at the tea shop. Karo gets along with everyone." Azula ran her finger along the bridge of her nose.
"Except geese...I hate geese." Karo said quietly. "When we first moved here my mom took me to a petting zoo with these big white geese. No one told me geese hunted humans but one chased me for ten minutes until my mom chased it off."
* * *
"Did that actually make an improvement?" Azula lay on Karo's bed relaxing and keeping out of the cold. She had completed the soccer ball and placed it on the window ledge as if to invite passers by to ask 'what the hell is that'? "Did I need all that plucking and pulling to look good for the Avatar? He tried to propose to me – I don't want to encourage that. Perhaps excess body hair has advantages."
"We are nerds." Karo lay on his rug trying to make up his mind what book to read – his room had a very elaborate red rug with golden dragons woven into it. "People have to care about how we look because we don't."
"You look cute with your hair in that pony tail." Azula snickered. "Despite the fact he's an idiot – Ty Lee thought Sokka was a very cute looking guy."
"And yet the Avatar shaves his head." Karo settled down to reading a novel about a submarine called the Nautilus. He had the odd sensation of a new hairdo and kept playing with it. It reminded him of the strange sensation he had when the dentist removed his wisdom teeth and it was all the self control he could muster to not stick his tongue in the large holes left behind. Azula had a puzzle book and Katara found both of them ignoring each other and locked in their own world when she broke the bad news.
"I came back from the tea shop and Uncle Iroh wanted to know if he could put up Aang in the guest cottage. He has put up Ty Lee in the the second story guest bedroom." Katara stood at the door when Azula gave her a look of annoyance and frustration. "Before you burn my hair loopies off Lady Zhao said you could use the couch or set up a sleeping bag up here."
"Why can't..." Azula pondered the consequences of having Aang and Ty Lee share the cottage and realized that Uncle Iroh had made a wise decision to keep them apart.
"He has already told Aang." Katara added.
"My Uncle is such a generous and caring fellow." Azula sounded annoyed. "Aang won't make a mess will he?"
"Your cottage?" Karo sneered. "The metric system has no unit of messiness large enough to describe the mess in that place. Does it even have a floor and can you remember what color the floor was?"
"I keep telling you." Azula tossed a toothpick at Karo. "I want to accumulate enough mess in one place to make a small black hole."
"She spends most of her time here anyway." Karo sensed his family and Katara filled a need deeply held by Azula for a normal family. Lady Zhao treated her with respect and Karo acted like a caring brother. Katara and Azula used to have mean spirited arguments but the Water Tribe insults from Azula had lost much of their teeth and Katara had quit trying to make Azula think like a 'real' girl. Katara had concluded that Azula had a hard childhood that had repressed her 'inner nerd' and dulled her determined curiosity.
"Do you mind - Azula?" Lady Zhao asked from behind Katara.
"Do you mind - Karo?" Azula deflected the question.
"Who gets my bed? Who gets the rug?" Karo and Azula embarked on a game of rock, paper scissors and Karo with the slower reflexes and less intuitive sense of psychology lost. Katara watched with amusement knowing Karo had no chance of winning the match. Azula considered calculus simple math – Katara could get to the point where Azula used the word 'derivative' and described it as 'easy' then she began to speak of functions. Katara ended up with a headache and a distinct feeling that she had understood nothing.
Everyone stopped when a loud thump from Karo's window reverberated through the house. Katara had left Momo on her bed and he had formed a little cocoon against the cold by wrapping the blue covers of her bed around himself. Azula thought it might have come from a wet snowball made out of the recent snows by a malcontent but she looked out and saw nothing She felt secure enough to undo the latch and swing the window open. She saw the streetlight shining on the figure of Aang as he brushed off his clothes.
Appa had landed in the street pushing up a cloud of snow. Azula emerged out of the door and crossed her arms and shivered in the cold.
"Welcome to Ba Sing Se." Karo announced as Aang approached the house. He had placed Appa neatly down in the center of the street and the force of his landing had pushed up the loose snow. Neighbors peeked out to witness the Avatar and his sky bison.
"May I prepare the Avatar some tea?" Lady Zhao asked politely from the door of the house with a degree of deference reserved for the most honored guests. She motioned him into the house.
Azula walked around Appa who now blocked mail carriages from passing and wondered if the city would ticket him. Appa growled in greeting and seemed content enough to wait for Aang. Azula climbed up into the saddle and decided to do some important snooping. Appa did not mind at all and Azula made some important mental notes in case she decided on further study of the species.
Azula and Aang made the shortest unscheduled flight of any non military object when they traveled over to the tea shop so Azula could pack some of her things for the stay at the Zhao's. She did not make the short flight easy on Aang since she insisted on a 'flight checklist' with all sorts of military terms she had learned from her days sailing on airships. Aang had to listen to a countdown and 'main engine start' as Appa lifted off and hopped over to the garden behind Iroh's tea shop.
"What do you mean 'in the event of a water landing'?" Aang landed softly in the garden of the tea shop. "The Avatar can be used as a floatation device?"
"You can float – yes?" Azula jumped of the saddle to land at her front door.
"As an air bender I can." Aang had not come to fully understand what Katara meant bu 'Azula's randomness'.
"Now I will explain some of the rules." Azula opened the door of the cottage and lit a lantern. "Do not clean anything."
"Where would I begin?" Aang spoke with no small measure of astonishment. Azula did not know neat, had always had servants in her childhood picking up after her and and the cottage reflected this heritage. She had no spare space on her desk and had shelves filled with books in no order. The floor had paper bags and clothes that Azula carefully stepped over. The bed had letters and pieces of paper as well as books. Azula went to the closet and began to fill her knapsack with the clothes she thought she would need.
"It looks like a mess but in reality this room is a finely balanced ecosystem." Azula hastily picked up her not so delicate loose fitting red boxers and stuffed them in the closet.
"Spider!" Aang jumped in surprise and spilled a book off the desk.
"Yeah. Quite a few – a herd or a pack or whatever you call a large number of spiders. Wait till you see the roaches in here." Azula held her hands about a foot apart. "Give them a few more years and some dedicated training and they will deveop language skills."
Azula picked up a sleeping bag and a few changes of clothes as well as her medications. Azula passed T plus 1 minute seven seconds when Aang landed Appa in front of Karo's house and Azula climbed down with her gear.
* * *
Thud!
A melodious thud akin to the sound of a well tuned kettle drum. At first Karo thought someone in his neighborhood had taken up some kind of drumming but the noise came only once. Katara knocked on the door and Karo delicately stood up and cracked his back. The floor had not made for the best night rest and Azula had the bed. The noise had not roused her but Karo knew she had her bum ear facing up.
"Ty Lee just arrived." Katara had already helped Lady Zhao clean up the kitchen and prepare tea. "She banged on my window when she discovered she could not unlock it."
Ty Lee rushed in the room with all her speed and stealth.
"Ahh!!" Azula turned as Ty Lee hugged her. Azula yelped as if she had found herself attacked by some kind of blood sucking leech the size of a man – she had odd dreams. "Leech! Get it off me!"
"Hi Azula!" Ty Lee cooed in her always sweet voice. She had arrived dressed as a Kyoshi Warrior and Azula had not yet had a clear enough state of consciousness to make sense of anything beyond light, dark and tea.
"What time does the clock say?" Azula hugged Ty Lee back and cringed at the face paint.
"Half past eight." Katara answered and if cued by an invisible stagehand the clock in the main room downstairs struck the half hour.
"I badly need tea." Azula grabbed her head with one hand and then made her way toward the bedroom door. She yawned and looked back to see her friends trailing her. "Why did you show up as a Kyoshi Warrior and not in some of the trend setting outfits of the Earth Kingdom?"
"The uniform keeps me warm." Ty Lee chuckled. "I plan to wear something nice when I meet Aang."
"The Air Nomads typically have their women suitors stand as they sit in chestnut trees and sing pornographic love ballads." Azula felt Katara slap her in the back of the head but she judged it worth while.
Azula yawned loudly and they arrived in the kitchen and Lady Zhao stood ready with a pot of tea.
"Pleased to meet you Warrior Ty Lee." She bowed. "How did you get in the house?"
"I climbed over the roof and down the wall but the window was locked so I had to knock and summon Katara." Ty Lee returned the bow.
"An unconventional way to enter the house I will admit." Lady Zhao smiled and motioned for them to sit at the dark red cherry dining room table. "I plan to have the house wired for electricity in the next few months so we can have a door bell."
"Oh yeah....they will come down our street sometime this spring." Karo knew of the plans for electrification of Ba Sing Se. This meant little to Karo who knew the telegraph and telephone worked with small amounts of electrical power and found the current conveniences perfectly adequate. Lady Zhao wanted a door bell and many of the new shiny appliances on offer for sale.
"Let us go through the preparations." Katara sat at the table and began to make plans.
"Avatar Aang I wait longingly for your lovely kiss....." Azula began. The second line never arrived because Lady Zhao glared and Katara kicked Azula.
"What do you plan to wear?" May we see the outfit?" Katara asked politely.
"I have a nice Earth Kingdom dress – a gift from Suki who bought it from a fancy boutique in Omashu." Ty Lee kept looking at Azula who in her eyes had changed in a fundamental way. Azula had intense deep amber eyes and she dressed and appeared much as she had when Ty Lee had served with her. Ty Lee could see the genius behind those eyes but Ty Lee used the unscientific analysis of auras and could tell some measure of kindness had begun to creep into her soul. Ty Lee could not really express it in any other way but to think of it as a change of policy. The same beautiful amber eyed princess had no regrets but now proved unwilling as a matter of principle to interfere with the lives of other living things if they didn't mean her harm.
"That sounds beautiful. I think Aang will like that." Katara patted Ty Lee's shoulder.
Azula sipped her tea and wondered what chain of events she had set into motion by bringing Avatar Aang and Ty Lee together. Azula played the 'what if they mated game' and imagined a litter of ten children all of whom could only move clockwise. Then she imagined insane air benders who liked to see storm surges in action and teamed up to beat up on the tropics. She knew Ty Lee had a kind soul and while a bit of an airhead this did not come from a lack of intelligence or common sense but from her childhood. She needed affirmation – she dined on it – and she communicated by human contact. Azula knew Aang acted like any young man his age – she had seen flirting at University and she had seen cards dripping with the kind of sugary sentiment that required insulin to control the diabetes they induced. She thought the Avatar had defeated her father in an unforeseen manner – he had promise.
"So?" Azula asked cautiously. "Can we see your dress?"
"I brought one for Katara too." Ty Lee said coyly. "Maybe you, Karo and Katara could join us for dinner."
"Bring a dress for Karo?" Azula asked quietly.
"Hehe....he is just so cute as he is...love the pony tail." Ty Lee kissed Karo's cheek.
"So want to model our dresses for the guys?" Ty Lee put her arm around Katara and they walked upstairs.
"Us guys?" Karo asked Azula quietly as Ty Lee and Katara ran up the stairs of the house.
"Well." Azula said quietly. "Ty Lee knows I like the female form.....I think she wants my opinion."
"Oh.....and me?" Karo sounded wistful.
"Impeccable fashion sense?" Azula patted Karo's shoulder.
"I will shut up now." Karo felt Azula massage his shoulder.
"You two have a nice friendship." Lady Zhao sat at the table but felt she had to add her opinion.
"Oh dear....Lord." Azula and Karo said in unison.
"What do you think?" Ty Lee wore an emerald green silk dress that had a nice collar and as far as Azula could tell rendered every curve perfectly. Katara wore a teal colored dress which sent Azula into heaven with the way it fit her curves.
"Holy.....heck." Azula stared. She stood up and put her arm around Katara. "You know I have almost everything you need in a guy and none of the risks."
"I take it Aang will enjoy?" Karo asked with some naughtiness in his voice.
"You miss out on some nice things." Azula felt Ty Lee put her arm around her waist. "Can you both hold me up – I may not be able to walk for a while."
* * *
"I still don't know what to say to Aang." Ty Lee sat on the edge of the bed in more plain Earth Kingdom clothing. She had wanted to make sure her emerald colored dress fit and she did enjoy making Azula happy. "He's the Avatar."
"You asking me? You do know I know nothing about guys." Azula lay on the bed and read the newspaper by the light of the cold afternoon sun. "Ask Karo."
"I would ask 'where do you want to eat?'" Karo sat at his desk working on a thorny homework problem. "He should take you to a really classy place not one of those places that serves you food in a paper box."
"My mom took me to a really nice place called the Sun Gardens to celebrate the end of the War." Karo added helpfully. "Great food, wonderful staff – too bad I got raving food poisoning."
"Aang just arrived!" Lady Zhao announced and Karo wondered why she wanted a doorbell for the house when she had a voice that could reach every part of the house.
"What do I do?" Ty Lee grabbed Azula by her collar.
"Yelp!" Azula felt Ty Lee yank her out the door. Karo followed Azula and Ty Lee.
"Hello." Aang spoke quietly and handed Ty Lee a dozen roses. Azula stifled a sneeze while Karo bowed as he walked down the stairs.
"You have become a very handsome man." Ty Lee blushed while Azula looked on.
"I had to have my eyebrows plucked in anticipation of your visit." Azula stated plainly.
"Thank you for the roses." Ty Lee hugged Aang tightly and Aang enjoyed her gentle scent of jasmine.
"Did you bring the flute with you?" Azula had her arms crossed and tapped her fingers. She sensed some chemistry between Aang and Ty Lee as Ty Lee patted his head and traced the outline of the arrow tattoos on his head.
"Welcome to Ba Sing Se!" Katara stomped down the stairs and moved the awestruck Karo to one side. Aang produced a small wooden flute and began playing to serenade the household with a traditional Air Nomad folk song about butterflies.
"Why would the Air Nomads write a lame song about butterflies?" Azula pondered where she could insert the flute but realized the surgeon probably could remove it from Aang's various body cavities and Ty Lee had the look of someone who found Aang charming and the song amused her.
"It tells us about the beauty of nature." Ty Lee held her hands together.
"Beauty as in the way a boa constrictor can swallow a saber tooth moose lion cub whole?" Azula muttered but only Karo heard her.
"I came to ask you all to join me and Ty Lee at the finest eating establishment in Ba Sing Se." Aang announced in a manner that showed his voice had changed.
"Milliways? The Restaurant at the End of the Universe?" Azula took a stab in the dark. "We haven't done six impossible things this morning."
"The Turtle Duck Den." Aang tried to figure out what Azula meant and gave up and grinned as he announced the restaurant. "Five Star Fire Nation Cuisine."
* * *
It was a commonly held misconception around Ba Sing Se that restaurant reviews in newspapers reflected the best kind of journalism – honest and full of integrity. In reality what really distinguished a five star and three star restaurant amounted to a bribe. On the Eastern side of Ba Sing Se between an upholstery shop and a cheap hotel frequented by hookers one found the Turtle Duck Den – Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation Cuisine. It had a small storefront in a battered looking brick building. Azula could see a sign in the window of a Bodega across the street named the 'Wong Wei Mart' that read 'Open 24 Hours A Day' and a front window plastered with all kinds of stickers for the kind of cheap food that probably caused diabetes. Azula looked around as they entered the restaurant as if anticipating a mugging. If Ba Sing Se had a heart; Azula wondered if this part constituted the upper part of the bowels where the intestinal parasites hung out.
The early sunset of the Ba Sing Se winter hid the worst visual offenses of the Turtle Duck Den. The restaurant had switched to electricity and the incandescent light gave the restaurant a pale yellow glow. Aang brushed past a fake paper Ash Banana plant while Katara and Ty Lee stared at the aquarium full of small tropical fish. One red and white one had recently met its maker and floated on the top of the tank but none of the scarce staff had removed him. A thick coat of dark but not quite red paint with the molding in a not quite gold color formed the walls while a metal drop down ceiling painted black with Fire Nation dragons covered the ceiling and ate most of the dim light. The tables had a bright red stain and shone brightly under coats of varnish – Karo wondered if that meant craftsmanship or decadence.
"We could pick up junk food at the bodega across the street." Azula suggested as she tapped the glass of the aquarium as if a loud tapping could bring life to the dead. "That fish is dead."
"We have reservations." Aang chirped. Aang had his 'civilian' clothes on as Karo called them. The Avatar did not need a Warriors Wolf's Tail or plucked eyebrows, silk dresses or all the extras concluded Karo. He wondered to himself if Aang really understood the degree to which people put themselves out for him but knew Azula would tell him in time. Azula and Karo had their Fire Nation uniforms on which did not put them out of pocket compared to expensive form fitting silk. Katara and Ty Lee wore what Azula took as expensive dresses Aang described as gorgeous and she merely called 'hot'.
"Followed by a visit from Uncle Sam and Auntie Ella?" Azula tapped the fish tank as she tried to herd the surviving fish into a small group in the center of the tank.
Karo noticed that the bar that formed the left side of the establishment had much in common with Fire Nation mail boxes and public monuments – it looked heavy, ugly, dark and Karo assumed like the mail boxes in the Fire Nation bolts the size of his arm held it in place. A bartender dispensed Fire Nation beer to patrons from behind the monument but seemed otherwise apathetic.
"This place comes highly recommended by your Uncle for the quality of the tea." Aang tapped his glider patiently on the floor. "He says they serve the best noodle soups this side of the wrong side of the tracks."
"Uncle Iroh has some very odd opinions." Azula had noticed Karo looking for a waiter or waitress.
"I apologize for the delay but we have recently experienced much increased demand for our services." An elderly man in elaborate Fire Nation robes greeted the group and bowed politely. He at least two meters tall, thin and had a sharp facial profile and a delicately set pony tail done up with a delicate gold hairpiece. He had the sort of face that struck Karo as perfectly suited for an executioner – light simply could not fill in all his features and this man gave Karo the willies. Azula suspected he had once done important things with his life in the service of the Fire Nation and had now embarked on spending the remainder of his years fleeing the authorities searching out war criminals. "Of course we have reserved a table for the Avatar and his friends."
"Thank you." Aang bowed in his sweet and charming way but he noticed the waiter staring at Azula.
"Follow me." The man seemed to have a regal bearing which made Azula wonder if he had learned it or had come from a long line of Fire Nation nobility. He delivered his next line with a hint of menace or a remote threat of poisoning their food. "The Avatar, The Princess of the Fire Nation and the exiled son of Admiral Zhao. My little establishment will have some extraordinary visitors tonight."
"You know a good deal about your patrons." Azula said with a degree of disdain for the man that invited bad service or being thrown out.
"I am from the Fire Nation." The man spoke enigmatically and held out the chair for the Avatar. "I will return with tea."
"I wonder what you Fire Nation denizens would recommend." Aang looked at Karo and Ty Lee with an eager look in his eyes.
"Ash banana pie for desert and the Komodo Chicken with rice?" Karo suggested. "Actually I think I will have the baked cutlet of giant pentapus."
"I have your tea." The waiter said politely as he held out a red tea pot and poured a cup for each of the Avatar's friends. He had an attitude of servitude and stuck up snobbery that prohibited pandering. "I will return in a few minutes to take your order."
"What does pentapus taste like?" Katara loved seafood but had never considered pentapus worth eating. The Fire Nation harvested the giant pentapus and served them up with batter and a spicy sauce made of pentapus ink – of course this required the dead animal to 'ripen' for a fortnight and then boil for half a day.
"Like a pencil eraser with fishy flavoring." Karo answered. "The sauce will stain your teeth dark blue."
"Any not rubbery fish dishes?" Katara shrugged.
"Battered and dressed shark's steak?" Karo suggested. "You can seek revenge on all those surfers who get eaten by sharks by eating part of one."
The waiter returned and they ordered their dishes in turn. Azula knew the Avatar would pick up the tab but she ordered a non fish dish to prevent a rash that could kill. They had a generally good time discussing thing of no importance while Ty Lee and Aang talked among themselves. Katara ventured the pentapus and as someone who had eaten seal jerky the rubbery texture did not cause her problems. The waiter perplexed everyone for he had great deference and provided good service but each time he spoke it sounded as if what he actually meant to say was 'sod off and die'.
* * *
Azula snored and snorted. Karo slept on the floor and during the night he went to the bathroom and heard the kind of roar a Saturn V rocket would send out as it hurled astronauts to the moon. Azula snored episodically – in loud crescendos and the odd pause where she wheezed. Karo didn't need lights since he could home in on his room from Azula's snoring. He climbed in his sleeping bag and returned to sleep. He had a long day but the Turtle Duck Den provided a good meal, Ty Lee and Aang seemed to hit it off and he soon fell asleep in spite of a noise from Azula that loosened the bricks on the front of the house.
Katara woke up to use the washroom about a half hour later and she wondered how a slender girl like Azula could have such devastating lung capacity. She could hear Karo mumbling something about wheat in his sleep. She had much to think about – Ty Lee and Aang seemed to click – and Katara had some important snooping to do. She didn't know Ty Lee very well and still cared for Aang and did not want to see him hurt. Azula considered Ty Lee beautiful but a bit of an air head. Suki considered her a good friend and loyal warrior and everyone who knew her looked upon her kindly but did not put themselves on the short list waiting for her treatise of Supply Side Economics.
Katara could not return to sleep. Azula's snoring didn't keep her up despite the fact sleeping on a runway taxiway would prove only slightly more noisy. She wanted to check on Aang and Ty Lee and her nosy nature got the better of her. She washed up and dressed in fresh clothes.
She tiptoed over to Karo's room.
"The wheat, the wheat, the hideous wheat." Karo sat up out of his sleeping bag and screamed then fell back asleep muttering something about how the 'Earth Kingdom Wheat Pool would one day rule the world'.
"Azula?" Katara waited for a lull in the snoring then gently shook her.
"Katara?" Azula leaned over and whispered. Momo had fallen asleep next to her and hit the ground with a squishy thump when Azula moved. "If you woke me up to tell me something less important than 'the Mothership' has landed or the Sun imploded I will cause you great pain."
"I want to go over to the tea shop and check on Aang." Katara sat on the edge of the bed.
"Wheat the hideous wheat!" Karo turned over in his sleeping bag. Momo crawled onto his head and promptly fell asleep.
"Wake Karo up." Azula grabbed the covers. "He keeps having that dream about becoming a slave to a rich farmer and having to pick wheat by hand. He knows they use a combine but something still rattles around in his subconscious. He could handle seeing Aang nude with less psychological damage than I could."
"I need your skills." Katara insisted. "Karo can fire bend but he hardly has skills in stealth does he?"
"Oh crap. I suppose killing you would cause legal issues for me." Azula pulled the covers off. She sat on the edge of the bed and wiped her eyes. "Give me a few minutes to get myself together."
"You took the better part of an hour!" Katara whispered as Azula finally came down the stairs.
"I want to look good for my mugshot." Azula grumbled. "What do you expect to see when you snoop on Aang?"
"I don't think I will see anything but I need to check on Aang." Katara opened the door. Azula followed her out on the street.
"In the midst of a stupid action – saying 'don't do anything stupid' does no good." Azula followed Katara. The dark cold morning actually struck Katara as oddly beautiful – a clear dark sky with no clouds. A faint aurora danced over the city with a faint shimmering the girls could only just make out through the glare of the streetlamps.
"He will never know." Katara whispered.
"Water Tribe stealth techniques? I have heard you come down the stairs. A stampede of saber tooth moose lions causes less noise." Azula tramped through the snow. "Does Aang sleep in the nude?"
"No." Katara sounded a little irritated which pleased Azula.
"If I see Avatar butt I will have to gouge out my brain." Azula felt Katara grab her shoulder. They had arrived at the tea shop.
Azula and Katara crossed the street and approached the tea shop like Russian spies attempting to break into a NATO military base. They approached slowly and crouched low to keep out of view. They worked their way to the back of the cottage and Katara motioned for Azula to make a small light with her fire bending. Katara held onto the trellis now covered with dead tomato plants and saw Aang sleeping quietly in his yellow boxers with his glider propped up against the dresser. Azula did her best to avoid having to look.
"Katara?" Azula tugged on her blue jacket.
"What?" Katara asked plainly.
"A rat crawled up my pant leg." Azula had a trembling voice.
"Keep calm and don't scream." Katara stepped back from the window and held onto Azula.
"He has crawled past my knee....I may have to scream." Azula stopped breathing.
"Keep calm and fire bend it off." Katara slowly pulled Azula by the hand away from Aang's window to avoid making noise since all pretense of stealth no longer existed.
"I would give myself a sex change or worse." Azula stammered and tried to imagine how to explain that kind of an accident to the emergency room doctors. "I..I..I can feel it above my knee sniffing my black vest."
"Can you hold still!" Katara used a stage whisper as she knelt down. And lifted up the middle part of Azula's outer vest like she had to take care lest the rat blow up. "I see nothing."
"I can feel it on the back oh – (something unprintable) of my vest by my belt." Azula began to panic.
"Quit squirming – please." Katara knelt down and calmly felt around and found a big black haired rat. She gently lifted it and it squeaked. Azula breathed out while Katara tossed it out into the street. Katara held Azula's mouth and ran with her out to do what Azula as a Princess had a natural inclination to do when she saw a rat crawl up her leg – scream and vomit. Katara ran halfway back to the Zhao's and finally let go of Azula's mouth.
"Ahhhh!" Azula jumped up and down with her breath making thick clouds in the early morning cold. Katara put her arms around the somewhat green and fragile looking princess and walked her home. They revised their plans and instead ducked into a pub to calm Azula's nerves.
* * *
"Good Morning!" Lady Zhao sounded cheerful. Azula noticed the day had dawned cold and sunny with an electric blue sky that had not a single cloud. Karo sat at the table reading the newspaper and catching up on the details of the day.
"Don't go outside." Karo cautioned. "It has gotten seriously cold outside. I had to run down to the tea shop with an invitation for Ty Lee and Aang to come over for dinner. I nearly froze my good and plenty off."
"I have invited the Avatar and his girlfriend over for supper." Lady Zhao set the tea pot on the table.
"I can fit into the hamper can't I?" Azula stretched and yawned.
"You will have to evict Momo." Katara came down the stairs.
"I noticed you left last night." Karo spoke from behind the newspaper. "I woke up to use the washroom because I have a some obscure urinary tract weirdness that compels me to take a whiz at three in the morning. When you sleep you snore and yet when I got up to take a whiz I didn't hear you snoring. I saw you had left and I didn't hear you in the house."
"I don't snore." Azula reminded Karo. "Strange...I took you as a four thirty five in the morning whizzer."
"No you don't snore." Karo put the paper down. "You roar. Where did you and Katara get off to?"
"We did some girl things." Katara interrupted.
"Yes we went out to do girly things." Azula tried to sell the lie. "We went to.....do what women do."
I will never find out will I?" Karo decided to give up ever finding out what took place. At least he had a few hours of peace and quiet where he didn't feel like he set up his sleeping bag in a Russian rocket engine bell.
Aang had decided that he couldn't sleep in Azula's room and decided to ask Lady Zhao for an important favor – the use of the couch. He had become used to living in rather impoverished conditions but not ones in which the cockroaches migrated as nomadic tribes across the floor. He had no hatred of cockroaches but he could swear that he had seen them making an attempt to spell out 'Hello World' with their bodies. He shivered in the cold and breathed in, grasped his glider tightly and then grabbed the polished brass door knocker and banged twice.
"Hello Aang!" Karo smiled brightly and bowed. "Please come out of the cold and have some tea with us."
"I have decided to let Azula have her cottage back." Aang spoke as Karo closed the door. "May I ask your mother to put me up somewhere while I visit Ty Lee?"
"What's wrong with the cottage?" Azula sat down calmly on the couch. "You get used to the roaches and I spent my time domesticating the spiders."
"I saw them this morning and I could swear they spelled out 'Hello World!' with their bodies." Aang bowed as Lady Zhao entered the room.
"Step on the smartest ones or the dumbest ones depending on your tastes." Azula glanced at Karo. "I have noticed that they live in two tribes and the tribe that lives near the bathroom has greater intelligence."
"Lady Zhao may I please stay here during my visit in Ba Sing Se?" Aang held onto his glider and bowed with great deference.
"You may have Karo's room." Lady Zhao put her arm around her son's shoulder. "He doesn't mind."
"Uhhh.....yeah well." Karo stammered.
"So my roaches can spell out 'Hello World'?" Azula lifted up her foot and showed the sole of her boot then stamped it brusquely down. "Once I get back to my cottage it will be time for some more natural selection – let us see if they can invent the printing press in two weeks.."
"Thank you for your kindness Lady Zhao." Aang nodded. "Ty Lee extends her thanks for your kind dinner invitation as well."