I DO NOT HAVE THE ATTENTION SPAN OF A PIECE OF TOAST

Disclaimer: I do not own fma or ed or roy. Sadly.

It had been going on for about twelve and a half minutes and Roy Mustang wasn't sure how much longer he could stand it, it being three in the morning on a Monday. And he hadn't exactly had much sleep the night before, or the night before that so –

"She said you had sex with her twice then dumped her." He really wasn't going to let this go.

"I was young...."

"What? Were there dinosaurs walking around or something?" Roy frowned, that wasn't fair.

"The point is that it doesn't –"

"And the red head said you didn't even finish with her."

"And to think that five months ago you were embarrassed beyond all hell at the idea of sex."

"Just sex with you bastard."

"Can I go to sleep yet? Hawkeye will –"

"And she's another one. You too were all lovey dovey and then two days after you slept with her – nothing. What's wrong with you?"

"Zzzzzz...."

"ROY!!!"

"Wh – what?!" Oh god, was he still going? "Why is this a big deal?"

"Because this proves my point! You've never had a relationship that's lasted longer than three days."

"That's not true...."

"Yes it is! I did my homework!"

"You have actual work to do – why don't you focus on –"

"Three days is your maximum." Oh f****ing hell....he just wanted to sleep.

"Well that's just not true."

"I checked. There was the guy with green hair, and the girl with the weird accent, the widower who cried all the time, the girl from jail, the guy who kept grabbing your butt until Hawkeye called security, -" he'd forgotten about that one....that had been some very creative explaining..... "- with the wedding planner, the girl who looked like a monkey, the crazy one who kept calling you Robert, the one with the kid, the -"

"Okay! That's it!!" Roy Mustang threw the covers off his naked body and sat up, the bed groaning lightly under him. Glaring at the blond teenager beside him he got out of bed and stood next to it, his hands on his hips; fully aware of how gay that was making him look and not caring in the slightest. "I am going to sleep on the couch, and you're wrong Full metal." He began to walk out of the room, trying not to stagger from tiredness, when Edward's flesh hand gripped him about the waist.

"Don't be an idiot, come back." Roy sighed deeply before he turned to face the young man, whose naked body was shining from the moonlight streaming through the large window.

"Why do you care how many people I've slept with, or how long those relationships have lasted Edward?" The boy shifted uncomfortably, looking away.

"I'm wondering when you'll get sick of me." He muttered, dropping Roy's hand and crossing his arms over his scared chest. Roy groaned – couldn't this have waited till the morning?!

"Ed," he said very slowly, bringing Ed's face up to look at him with one large hand, "I love you. And I have loved you for seven months and thirteen days. If I was ever going to get sick of you it would have been a long time ago when you seemed to feel it necessary to bang into my office everyday to yell at me and break my chairs."

"I still do that."

"Yes, but I'm more forgiving considering now you bang into my office to just bang me." Ed blushed, but he was trying not to smile.

"Do you remember last Tuesd –"

"No," Roy said, as firmly as he could, "I'm too tired to..." he broke off as he felt Edward begin to kiss his neck and run a finger down his chest, below his navel.

Hell, who needed to sleep anyway?