A/N: I know I said I'd do 'My Damned Town, My damned Rules' next, but this and 'Is It Black Or Is It Noir', wouldn't leave me alone. So you guys choose and I'll continue the most liked one. Don't worry I'm working on MDT,MDR, but I don't want to spoil it by rushing xx Alexis

The whole Cullen family are all off hunting tonight, Thank You, God, The Devil, or whoever else is helping me! Because, I need this breathing space, so desperately. Edward is smothering me and I just can't get totally free of him, even for a moment. I think, no I know he's been trying to recapture what we had before he left me last September, had, being the operative word! Only you can't rewind the clock and what's lost is lost forever.

You see for me since we got back from Volterra it's cloying, grating and now just downright plain irritating. It was subtle at first, him just trying to make me think about giving him another chance. A chance I didn't want to take and I told him so and everyone else, repeatedly. I had lost all respect for him in Volterra when Aro asked him if he would change me, and he said no. Fucking No! Spineless bastard.

I was shocked, strangely unsurprised, then angry and finally hatred seeped into my heart, through the cracks and tears he had put there. If it had been before they'd left me, I probably would have said nothing. But after seven months of being alone, I wasn't quite that easy to push aside. So in front of the three brothers, I berated him for being a gutless weakling. Funny? How he's oh so conveniently forgotten all that and is now trying to get me to be his girlfriend again.

He's never once said the word mate, just the constant I love you shit, that I no longer believe. But with every passing day, it has gotten steadily worse. I know this trip was so I could get a break, but Edward was so angry about being ordered to go. Even Carlisle couldn't let him stay his eyes were black with thirst and therefore dangerous to everyone, except me apparently. He only went in the end because Jasper physically made him leave.

I have been using meditation techniques lately to try to strengthen my resolve against him and it is slowly working, keeping me semi-sane anyway. I never wanted to believe that he was using glamour on me, but I'm not so sure. Luckily Charlie has laid down the law and Edward is not allowed in the house at all and my room seems to have had metal, alarmed storm shutters put over the windows very recently, Jake's idea or Jasper's maybe!

But of course, Edward sees me at school and acts like we're still together, why I don't understand. I don't even sit beside them anymore or talk to him but it doesn't deter him at all. He thought he was so clever changing all his classes to be exactly like mine when we returned. That happened for one whole day and then Charlie called at the school and had all mine changed so we have no classes together at all.

He warned the school if this changed in any way, he'd take it to a higher level. Jasper informed me that Carlisle told Edward no more interfering, it was now drawing unwanted attention. I pretended to be surprised when anyone mentioned it, I was ecstatic really, as it was my idea! Edward may be a vampire but he's not that intelligent I now see it's never crossed his mind that was my doing.

I actually wasn't aware just how much stupider he was going to be until he tried to make changes to plans I had with Charlie. He'd caught me in the corridor for once talking to Angela, so overheard me telling her that I was intending to go to the rez this evening. Of course, Edward thought I was going to see Jake and he told me Alice said it was cancelled and I didn't need to go anymore.

I thought she couldn't see the wolves so how could that be right. Just the way he sounded, it was wrong, off, you know? I knew in my bones he was telling me a massive lie and I phoned dad from the girl's toilet. With the water and the hand dryer running, and also the toilet flushing of course. The one place where Edward couldn't go thank goodness, for small respites.

Alarm bells started ringing for both my father and me; he knew all about controlling men in his line of work and was beyond livid. So unknown to Edward, Charlie approached Carlisle and told him if Edward tried that again he'd arrest him, for anything or maybe just nothing, if he got his drift! Dad was convinced the next step would be him beating me and told Carlisle that and that he was this close to involving the F.B.I.

Carlisle apparently freaked out when he returned home, it was the first time, Jasper said he'd seen him lose his temper and he threatened to send Edward to Denali. Saying he would tell the brothers he'd change me himself, while he was there. As if I'd let him, Carlisle is just Edward's puppet in all of this. I really see now that I'm not a person to them, just a misbehaving pet. That sobered Edward up for only about a couple of weeks,

Then he started again because I had said we were no longer an item and hadn't been for weeks to Angela. Telling her how glad I was, how I didn't even like him anymore. We were supposedly alone in her room at the time. I meant it this time, just like all the others times I'd said it. He became more obsessive after that, blatantly following me everywhere. My friends noticed and I told them he just couldn't take no for an answer and to ignore him.

The pack wanted me to move on to the reservation, but I refused, the idiot would start a war over this and Charlie still didn't know their secrets and I wanted to keep it that way. So here I stood looking at what used to be my room, but it was now an extension of Edwards! Gone are my books and music and in their place, his prescribed choices. My wardrobe was full of blue clothes obviously Alice's handiwork, every time I turned around he'd changed or moved or worse taken something of mine away. Sneaking in when dad and I are out, it is beyond creepy, he was now an official creepy assed stalker.

I have managed to retrieve all my books and personal stuff, as Edward put them in his car before disposing of them. Jasper and Emmett got them back and wrecked his car as a warning for him to back off and leave me alone. They are now safely stored in the attic, directly above my room so he wouldn't notice the scent next time he breaks in and I know he will. Charlie knows none of this or he would have arrested him on the spot. The only reason I can sleep at all is that Jasper and Jake patrol the perimeter all night to keep him out of the house.

It's not fair to them and Carlisle is so ineffectual he has no control over Edward anymore; he talks but does nothing to stop him. Charlie refused to let me go over to their house either and I'm glad, I don't know who to trust anymore! I don't know if Carlisle and Esme are turning a blind eye? Whether Emmett really even knows how bad he's become and Rose sure doesn't care, she's still a bitch to me at school.

The other day she was staring at me with a sneer on her face, trying and failing to intimidate me. I shouted across the cafeteria,

"What? If you don't like it, do something about your psychotic brother! You got your wish I don't want to be with him ever, in any way. He makes me feel physically sick just looking at him! Like you, he's ugly on the inside".

Harsh I know but I'm reaching the end of my tether. Now I know you're all thinking, what about Alice? My shield has been strengthened against her as well; it must be all the meditation. She mentioned it in front of me the other day at school, murmuring,

"I don't see you anymore Bella, you're gone now! It's all black and I'm glad, I can't mess with what I can't see!"

I didn't know what she meant but was happy she couldn't see me. Also, she's really distracted by something to do with Jasper and her. Funny thing is it was Jasper who gave me the idea and a book on meditation after we'd been home a few days! He doesn't seem affected by what's bothering Alice at all. But I did notice they don't sit together or interact at school now! She seems to be struggling to see him too I think, she's always frowning and staring at him nowadays.

I have plans to make and packing to do, while Edward is gone tonight. Charlie and I are going to Arizona to a motel near moms for the school break; well that's what everyone thinks. This way Edward won't be able to come, I hope so anyway. I'll have to ask Jasper and Jake to run interference. Once away from here, I was going into hiding and dad will carry on to Phoenix, to lay a false trail. But we haven't made any real major decisions yet.

Charlie has a friend who he'd gone to college with, I was to be going there to him and his wife in Washington, Vermont. Nobody knows about them as it had been so long ago and I didn't know them at all, but I was happy to go. The play on names was to stop anyone from realising what we were talking about because I knew he was listening in all the time now. I make Charlie write everything down and he thinks I am being paranoid, but he had no real idea about Edward.

I wouldn't be surprised if he has been sitting on top of the house most nights, listening to me sleep, well I hope I'm telling him how much I hate him and am afraid of him, how he disgusts me. It would serve him right, fucking Peeping Tom. Why won't he let this go? Doesn't he like to lose or something? It's not as if he was ever going to change me, so why does he still want me in his life?

I noticed the corner of a plastic CD cover sticking out from my backpack as it lay on the bed. What now, another boring classical piece to listen to. Strangely it had absolutely nothing written on it and Edward is nothing, if not anal about that kind of thing. So I slip it into my CD player and I'm surprised to hear a country song. I don't recognise the singer at all, but I laugh at the title, 'Blue Ain't Your Color'! It's, I find through a quick Google search, by Keith Urban, but that's not him singing on this CD.

The words, well some of them resonate with me. I sure hadn't had any fun or smiled much lately and Edward's is turning my sun and my heart ice cold! I wonder who left it? I play it on repeat until I've memorised the words. I love it and thank whoever gave it to me. It's funny but this simple CD has given me some hope, conviction and has calmed some of my fears. I will break away from Edward the control freak and also will just have to pray the Volturi tracker won't be able to find me either, at least for a little while.

Not that I don't want that anymore, I've never felt more sure of my place in life or is that death. Just not with him, I couldn't stand being trapped by him now. It would be a trap this I know with all my heart. I also know he'll want to get me alone the minute he returns, but Jake and Jasper are more than a match for him. I fear my dad might be right and he's a potential woman beater. He gets more and more angry with me every time we meet. I don't want to be his punch bag and or worse his porcelain doll. He wants to enslave me, to be his plaything until I die of old age and die a virgin at that.

So Charlie says I can't be left unattended with him anymore, which is crazy, I don't want him near me, but he won't go away. I only have two more weeks of this torture and that's why we're sort of going along with his behaviour, so Edward won't suspect anything. Charlie says that's the best way, to keep him in the dark. I just want to never see him again, well not human. If I was a vampire I'd tear him to shreds and make no mistake I'd burn the pieces too. I can't believe how stupid I was, how could I fall for that?

Alice is so wrapped up in her own world, but Jasper is nothing but kind and I know he's running interference at school too. He keeps Edward in a fog, one that Edward can't shake off, or get himself free of either. It would be funny if it wasn't so damn scary because Jasper doesn't even need to touch or use his vampire glamour on Edward! He is using his empathy and can do it from a distance.

He's the strongest member of that warped family and I don't understand why he's with them at all. He's constantly stopping me being bombarded by Edward and to an extent his family trying to take over or even ruin my life. I refuse to let Edward touch me now and the fool doesn't even see it, maybe he thinks I'm becoming insular and frigid like him. Why would anyone want an unresponsive puppet? It's weird and demeaning to me, but that's what Edward wants, like a trophy wife, it's beyond sick. But it sure makes it easy for him to avoid any sexual contact, not that I'm interested now.

I'm as uninterested as he always was. How I ever felt like anything for him is beyond me, did he dazzle me before they left and can't anymore? Can't he or the other Cullens see I don't want him or love him now; it's more like hate and disdain? My love died the moment he refused to change me or even lie to save my life in Italy. I would have died for him once upon a time but no more. So he's getting nothing from me, I'll kill myself first! No 'Fuck that for a laugh' I wouldn't hurt myself for him, hell I wouldn't spit on him if he was on fire!

That's the thought that keeps me going, he's not worth my time and energy! I sometimes wonder, has he done this before to other girls and do they, the Cullens know? As I get ready for bed that's when I see them, a pair of fluffy red socks also tucked down inside my backpack. I hug them to me like a lifeline, they are just socks, but to me, they're bright like the sun and hope and a vibrant splash in my blue sad life. I put them on and dance to that song one last time.

Who'd have guessed red socks could make me feel this good. I'm so wearing them tomorrow and I don't care if he sees them, I will do what I want. Charlie takes me in the cruiser and picks me up now. Edward still arrives every day and we ignore him as best as we can. It's such a small town everyone's talking about it. It's obvious he's stalking me as several of the parents have approached Charlie, saying he was hanging around outside their homes when I was there.

Charlie says to ignore him he's a narcissist and craves the attention. So far my friends have rallied around me and many are thanking their lucky stars he never showed interest in them. I'm wishing that too now, why me? Oh yeah, my blood and quiet mind, nothing more! I just pray he doesn't snap before I get away. Only two more weeks then freedom, I can't wait, it's sad that it's come to this but I have to get away from him,

Just as I'm dropping off I hear a scuffle outside, a growl, then a yelp! Then a deeper growl and a whimper as a limb is removed from a vampire. The yelp had to have been Jake. The whimper sounded like Edward, so the deep growl had to have been Jasper, thank god. He's been my saviour through this ordeal and I can't thank him enough.

"Is Jake alright, Jasper?" I ask, barely raising my voice, then I hear a small yipping sound, Jake of course, good he's okay.

"Thank you, Jasper; I don't know what I'd do without you!" I tell him sincerely from the core of my being and then I feel pleasure and gratitude wash over me.

I had a peaceful Edward free day following that disturbance last night. Jasper has hidden the arm he removed from Edward and even Carlisle and Esme's pleas will not make him give it back. He told them what happened and they suggested he stay out of our lover's tiff! That I'd take him back eventually and he shouldn't get between mates.

I was flabbergasted! What were they smoking in that house? So I phone Carlisle as soon as Jasper tells me this and say,

"I've reached the end of my rope now Carlisle! Rein that fucking asshole in or I will make a call to Italy! How about we let Aro decide what to do with Edward? Since he's drawing so much human attention to you all.

You seem unwilling to stop him and you know we are not mates, so don't give me that shit! Sort it or better yet move. In fact, I insist you do so, you have two days to get the fuck out of my town or I'll make the call!" then I hung up on him and Jasper just stared at me. I gave him a rueful smile,

"I don't include you in that. You, do know this don't you Jasper? I just hate him and them for allowing it to go on so long unchecked! I was going to run over the school break, but why should I go? He's in the wrong and I know they, the Volturi will probably come for me eventually if I stay. But I can't take anymore!" I said before breaking down in his arms and he just held me and whispered,

"Good for you darlin' and I love the red socks on you, by the way!"

That had the desired effect and started me laughing wholeheartedly for the first time in months. It was then I realised this was the closest I'd ever been to Jasper, he didn't feel as hard as Edward, or as cold and good lord he smelled divine. I started blushing and tried to pull away. He just squeezed me tighter and said,

"Thank you, that's the nicest reaction anyone's had to me in forever."

I smiled at that, knowing I could make him feel good about himself. It was lunchtime and we sat outside while he told me a few things. Alice, it turns out is a Volturi spy, she was sent to keep tabs on the Cullens, as well as their extended family and that was the reason we got away from Volterra before.

She was meant to spot potential talents in humans and make sure they got sent to Volterra to be turned. Her meeting Jasper had been a side experiment of hers and she thought he'd be protection from the Volturi for her. But he didn't want to be a fighter anymore and she couldn't change him or his future, no matter how hard she tried.

Alice had seen my talent in a vision and that's why they came to Forks and it all started to go wrong from there. She could see me yes, control me, no, just like Edward she failed, their glamour only worked if I was in constant proximity. She did see that Edward would be drawn to my blood, but not that he would resist. Wanting only to keep me like an unopened bottle of wine. Thus ruining it for them, her and the Volturi.

Nor did she see that Jasper and she would part in Forks either. They had not been an item for the last nearly forty years, she just kept up the pretence and he just went along with it for peace. They had never been married; she made that up too, why I'm unsure. Jasper had known something was wrong when Volterra happened and had used his empathy on her when we all got back and found out what was going on.

She had originally hoped Edward would bite me and I would have been sent to Italy, but he was such a drama queen and wanted me for my blood and quiet mind. He wanted to keep me almost like an experiment on himself, to prove how strong and special he was. At least in his own mind and Alice couldn't let on what her game was. Jasper had suggested the meditation because it worked for him against Alice and Edward years ago.

I told him what she'd said last week and he nodded, agreeing she had manipulated everyone and still couldn't get it to work out the way she wanted. He said even if they all go, he'd never go with them. Then he told me about his brother and sister, well by venom Peter and Charlotte. They sounded really nice and I would have liked to meet them but I doubt that would be possible now. I told him this and he beamed at me explaining the Cullens saw them as heathens, just above savages and they were nothing like that at all.

"Don't worry darlin' you get to meet them soon. I've asked them to come and help me out with this situation. They hate Eddie more than any other vampire and would gladly take him out for you!" he said and I felt sheer relief at the thought.

I'm going to hell for that sin I'm sure, but to be rid of Edward permanently would be worth selling my soul to the Devil. The rest of the day was quiet and very peaceful, a lovely change for me and everyone else in school. When Charlie arrived to pick me up he said that Carlisle had called him, to say that they were leaving, all of them. Edward needed medical help and they were going to Alaska for him to get treatment.

Hah! Well, my threat worked then and I knew Jasper was not going with them. I had two visitors that night, Emmett and Esme! He was so sad, upset and beyond sorry for not believing Jasper and just going along with Alice and Edwards lies. For not helping me more and for being a rubbish friend and brother, just plain damned sorry. But it was too little too late as far as I was concerned. I did suggest he take Rose and run as far as possible from them before the Cullens get them killed.

Esme was sorry too! Sorry, she'd ever come here to Forks! Sorry, they'd ever met me! Sorry, she allowed me to contaminate her family, god she was delusional. But she was glad about one thing. That the Volturi would come and kill me soon, she said it was what I deserved for breaking her sons heart. I laughed and said,

"Not possible Esme, he hasn't got one! It literally is a swinging brick in Edward's case!"

I thought she was going to strike me then, but Jasper appeared out of nowhere and dropped her to her knees, before making her leave. He should be sick of saving me by now, I have got to be a vampire's worst nightmare, Go me!

Jasper and the Pack were on high alert; they knew he wouldn't stay away for long. But with the other's gone they could claim ignorance unless Aro read them if Edward came back and killed me. Jasper needed the Cullens to be blind so he called Eleazar Denali and informed him Alice was his replacement for the Volturi and was spying for them, on both the Cullens and Denali's.

Eli was furious Jasper said and threw her out of his home, then phoned Marcus and asked him what was happening, why did Aro need to spy on them? It was news to him and Caius and they recalled her against Aro's wishes. Alice was terrified, she had nobody to protect her now and no place else to go. Carlisle was too much of a coward to allow her to stay in any of their homes. If the Volturi were after her she would have to leave.

They still couldn't accept she was a spy or would lie to them, bloody fools. She'd played both ends against the middle and lost. Aro was up in arms that his brothers gave me a stay of execution or transformation, as it would draw too much attention or should I say more attention to the situation if I disappeared now. That I had until I was twenty-one to do as I pleased. If I was still alive they would come for me and I could be turned or die!

Blue Ain't Your Color by Keith Urban