Author's Note: I know this is a weird coupling, but I hope you give it a chance, and read it anyway! : )
I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS.
Music Credit: "She's My Kind of Rain" – Tim McGraw, "I Kissed a Girl" – Katy Perry, "On the Way Down" – Ryan Cabrera
Caroline's POV
My Mom is working again. Sometimes I think she works just to avoid dealing with me. I'm always alone. Ever since my 'Father' left us for his whore of a secretary, she hasn't been the same. She should have left him long before he left us. She deserves better than he ever gave her. So did I. I'm not sure that he was ever happy here.
My friends know that he left, but none of them know what it's like to be alone. Elena lost her parents. But she has Jeremy, Jenna, Bonnie, Matt, and Stefan. Bonnie lost her mom, and her dad is always away on work. But, she has her Grams, and Elena. I have them, but they don't know what it's like. How could they? I never tell them. Who wants to be friends with girl who has no one? I try not to care, it never sticks. They don't think that anything is wrong.
I can talk to Bonnie, she understands some. If would just talk to her, I'm sure that I would have her. She picks up on a lot, even though I never say anything. Elena doesn't care as much. We're friends, but not close. The guys that I see are never interested. All they want is an easy girl who will show them a good time. But Damon, he was the worst. For awhile, I couldn't remember what he did to me.
But, when he called to me, to let him out of that room, I remembered everything. I can't believe I let him do those things. At least he pretended, for some of the time, that he cared. Other times, he was so cold. I was just glad to have the attention. He made me feel wanted, for awhile. I should've seen it coming. The truth is - I did. I saw some of it. I knew that he didn't really care about me. I figured that maybe, if I tried hard enough, he would. It was pointless, I was diluting myself.
I glanced at my clock on my bedside table. It's 4:57. I might as well get up. I didn't her Mom come home last night. I don't think that she did. I pushed the covers off of my legs, and scooted over to the edge of my bed. I put my feet on the floor. I got up, and walked to my bathroom. I turned on the bathroom light, and winced at the intensity of the lights. I walked over to the shower, and flipped on the hot water, and switched the shower on. I went back to my room, and went to my closet. What costume should I put on today?
Everything is a costume. It's something to hide behind. I can put on something "cute" and turn on my smile. I need to be shallow; no one will look twice if they think I'm as deep as a kiddy pool. Sometimes, even I start to believe it. For awhile, nothing else matters. If they can't see me, I can't see myself. I'm invisible, and for awhile I don't feel broken anymore. I flipped my closet light on. What to wear?
I guess this will work. I pulled out a sundress. It isn't supposed to be cold today, a bit windy at best. It's a white sundress, with dark pink (nearly red) flowers on the very bottom. It has a deep v-neck, but not so deep that you see everything. It's cut so you can't see any cleavage. The chest of the dress overlaps, and is separated from the rest of the dress by a thin black lace ribbon. There are also some flowers toward the bottom of the chest area.
I got it when I was shopping with my mother. We made a day of it; she'll never know how much it meant to me. She even took the day off from work. It was months ago, almost a year. I've only worn it a few times. I need something to go over it. I grabbed a black lace shrug to put over the dress. Black like my mood and it matches. It's short sleeves, I can put it on if any teachers give me grief about my dress. Shoes. I crouched down, and peered at my shoes. There! I grabbed a pair of red flats. They have a buckle across the toe.
I took them back to the bathroom, and set them on them on the counter. I went over to my dresser, and took out a set of matching panties and a push-up bra. They are red lace with some white threading splashed throughout. I set them on top of my clothes and felt the water. It's hot. I tugged off my nightgown, and tossed it in my hamper. I slid off my panties, and dropped them in. I stepped into the shower. Ah, it's scorching.
I can feel it burning my skin, the way I like it. Sometimes I like feeling the pain. It reminds me that I can feel something, and that I am in control of something in my screwed up life. I stood there, letting the water wash over me, hoping that somehow I would disappear, at least for a little while.
I turned off my curling iron. I just finished my hair, now my makeup. I put my makeup on in a daze. I always wear it. It helps. No matter what I do, I always feel ugly. I packed my makeup away, back into my makeup bag. I walked back into my room, and spritzed on some body spray. I grabbed my purse and my school bag, and headed downstairs. Is Mom singing? I didn't hear her come home.
'She's my kind of rain...
Like love in a drunken sky…'
Yep, Mom is definitely singing. She's got to have her country. At least she's consistent.
"Hi honey," Mom said brightly.
"Hey, I thought you were at work, I didn't hear you come home." I answered. She smiled, but sighed.
"Why, were you hoping to see someone else this morning?" She accused.
"What? No. Why would you think that?" I asked.
"Well, honey. I don't think that it's unrealistic. Considering what your track record is." She replied. I can't believe her. It's the first thing in the morning. And this is what she has to say to me.
"You're right Mom. What am I thinking?" I answered. I grabbed my keys from the counter, and headed to the front door.
"Caroline! I didn't mean it like that…" Mom called after me. I don't know why I bother. I try so hard to get her to notice me. She doesn't even care. I unlocked my car. It's a red convertible mini cooper, with two white racing stripes on top. I threw my stuff in the back seat, and I drove to school.
I found a parking spot, and turned off my car. I grabbed my stuff and headed into the building. Where's my phone? Did I remember to grab it? Please let it be in purse! Please let it be in my purse! I stopped in front of the main entrance to the school, on the grass. I opened my purse and started digging. I can't find it! Oh God.
'It felt so wrong.
It felt so right.
Don't mean I'm in love tonight...
I kissed a girl and I liked it.'
I can hear it ringing. There it is, thank God. I put my purse back on my shoulder and started walking the main entrance. Ah. I collided with someone. I felt myself falling, but someone's arms reached out to grab me. Who?... I looked up. Stefan? He is nothing like his brother.
"I-I am so sorry." I stammered.
"It was my fault I wasn't paying attention." He apologized. I shook my head.
"Neither was I," I admitted. He smiled. His teeth are so white. The only thing he has in common with his brother. They are both gorgeous. Only, with Stefan, there is something about him. He's just… good. I looked into his eyes. They are a warm green, with a dark amber ring around his pupil that bleeds into the green. He had little flecks of brown. I could get lost in his eyes.
"You are here early." He commented. His voice brought me back to reality. I smiled.
"I needed to get out of the house." I replied.
"Oh?" He said as his eyebrows rose. I nodded. He is still holding me, it's nice. I like the feel of his arms around me. He did go out with Elena; they were an item for awhile. But, they broke it off. I don't think she could handle that he was a vampire. I looked down at his arms. "Oh, sorry." He apologized. He stood me up, so he was no longer holding me at an angle.
"S'okay." I assured. He smiled, still holding me. I'm liking this.
"What happened?" He asked.
"My Mom, she just… You know typical accusing crap, first thing in the morning." I answered. He frowned.
"I'm sorry." He apologized.
"It's not your fault. It's not a big deal." I shrugged it off.
"Want some company?" He asked.
"That would be nice." I responded. He smiled. He let me go. He walked ahead of me, and opened the door for me.
"Thanks." I said. He nodded. "Where to?" He asked.
"Um, we can sit in the at one of the tables." I answered.
"Sounds good." He replied. We headed to the middle of the school, and headed outside to sit at one of the lunch tables.
Thank God French is over. "Caroline!" I heard someone yell. Who is calling my name? I turned around, it's Stefan. This is the third time that he's surprised me today. Elena barely spoke to me today. She saw us talking today, and has been giving me the silent treatment ever since.
"Hey," I said, as I turned around.
"Going home?" He asked. I nodded. "Can I get a ride?" He asked.
"You don't have a car?" I asked. He shook his head. Oh. I guess vampires don't need cars with super speed, do they? I guess they don't. "Sure come on." I agreed. He smiled. Why is he being so nice to me? I know that he got his brother to leave me alone awhile back, but… Normally, he doesn't really talk to me. Why is he showing interest now?
"Caroline!" I heard Bonnie yell. I turned to see her running towards me.
"Hey," I said brightly.
"Hey Caroline, Stefan." She replied.
"What's up?" I asked.
"I'm sorry about Elena. She'll lighten up… eventually." She apologized. I nodded.
"Thanks, but you don't have to apologize." I said.
"What?" Stefan asked.
"Don't worry about it." I said, and Bonnie nodded in agreement. I nodded slowly.
"Are you coming to the party tonight?" Bonnie asked. Oh, that's right. I completely forgot.
"I forgot about it, until just now." I confessed. She smiled.
"You can't just leave me hanging." She whined. I nodded.
"Alright, I'll come." I agreed. Her smile brightened.
"The bonfire?" Stefan asked. We nodded.
"You should come too, Stefan." Bonnie said. Something in her eyes started shining. She just thought of something, I know that look. She's scheming. Uh oh. "You guys should go, together." She added. I just gaped at her. Stefan cleared his throat. I looked over at him.
"I think it's a good idea." Stefan announced.
"What?" I asked.
"I think it's a good idea." He repeated. I shook my head.
"No, I heard you. I just… didn't believe it." I clarified. He chuckled.
"You guys would look so cute together." Bonnie said. I glared at her.
"Not helping," I growled through a whisper.
"I'll meet you guys there." She announced, and walked away.
"My car's this way." I announced to break the silence. I lead the way. I unlocked the car, and put my things in the backseat. Stefan followed suit. He walked over to my side of the car, too fast for any human, and opened my door.
"After you." He said.
"Thanks." I mumbled. This isn't awkward at all. Nope, not awkward. He got in his door, and fastened his seat-belt. I put mine on, and I started driving. "So, am I dropping you off at your house?" I asked.
"Uh, no, actually, I hoping that I could come to yours." He answered. Oh.
"Oh, okay," I started. "That's fine." I added. He nodded.
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.
"'Bout what?" I asked.
"About what Bonnie said? Unless something else is bothering you." He answered. I sighed. "Or we can talk at your house, so you don't get annoyed and crash the car." He said seriously. I looked over at him and glared.
"I will not crash the car. But, it might be a better idea to wait until we get to my house to talk." I told him.
I drove the rest of the way in silence. I pulled into my driveway, and parked. I got out before Stefan could open my door for me. I grabbed my stuff from the backseat, and started walking to the front door. Stefan caught up with me, and waited for me to unlock the door. I fished my keys out of my purse, and unlocked the door. I opened the door, and left it open for Stefan. I kept walking when he called out my name.
"Caroline!" He yelled.
"What?" I asked turning around.
"I can't come in, unless you invite me." He answered.
"Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot. Please come in, Stefan." I asked.
"Thanks." He said, flashing me a quick smile. I nodded. I headed upstairs to my room; I can hear Stefan behind me. It's a good thing I made my bed this morning. I put my stuff down on my window seat, and sat down next to it. Stefan dropped his bag next to the door, and pulled the chair from my desk over to where I was sitting. "So, tell me what's on your mind Caroline." He said. Okay, he's asking for it.
"Why did you tell Bonnie that you wanted to go to the bonfire with me tonight?" I asked. He looked slightly taken aback.
"Because I want to go with you. Is that so hard to imagine?" He asked.
"Kind of, yes." I answered, nodding.
"Oh… kay." He answered.
"Why do you want to go with me? I mean, you almost never speak to me, and today you are all: buddy buddy." I explained.
"I wanted to make sure that you were okay. Yesterday you looked like something was bothering you. You get that look sometimes. And you look happy most of the times, but that look in your eyes never seems to leave." He explained. I nodded slowly. "I like talking with you. I don't know why I haven't before. Something about you intrigues me." He finished.
"You do know why Stefan." I disagreed. He raised his eyebrows.
"Why?" He asked.
"Elena." I answered. He smiled.
"That's part of it, I suppose. She is kind of, consuming." He answered. I furrowed my eyebrows.
"Too much information." I told him. He looked confused for a moment, and then he caught on.
"Caroline! I didn't mean it like that." He scolded. I laughed. And boys think that they are the more perverted species. As if.
"I know, but you walked right into it." I said apologetically. He nodded as he rolled his eyes. I chuckled.
"I guess, this sounds kind of bad, but, people tend to forget about you. Don't they? He asked.
"Yeah." I answered.
"I'm sorry." He said.
"Stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault!" I growled.
"I'm sorr…" He started, but I cut him off with a glare. He smiled. I stopped glaring at him.
"What about Elena?" I asked.
"What about her?" He answered my question with one of his own.
"Don't play dumb. I'm better at it that you are." I answered.
"You aren't dumb Caroline." He said. I rolled my eyes.
"Thanks, but you're avoiding my question." I pointed out. He nodded.
"We aren't together, she knows that. She wanted to stop seeing each other, because she wanted to be with someone less complicated." He explained. I nodded. "That's not everything, though. Is it?" I asked.
"No. When she wanted to get back together, I told her that I thought that it was a better idea if didn't." He answered.
"Oh." I said.
"When we broke up, I don't know. It made things clearer. We don't work together. There is a reason that there was always something in the way." He confessed. I nodded.
"Why are you telling me all of this? I know that I asked, but…" I asked.
"Because, I can talk to you. And you listen." He answered.
"It's that simple." I told him.
"I know. It's nice." He said. He cares enough to tell me the truth. No games. I looked at him.
"You said I intrigued you." I said. He nodded. "Why?" I asked.
"You are always around. People see you, but they don't see you. You are always smiling, but you are suffering inside. I don't understand why. You never talk about your problems, at least not your real ones. Everything is small talk, or something relatively unimportant. And when you are surrounded by your 'friends' you always look alone. That look in your eyes, the one that never leaves you. You look lost, and alone." He explained. Whoa. I opened my mouth, but couldn't bring myself to say anything. Why does he notice me? No one else does. "And, because, you're beautiful." He finished. I looked at him.
"I'm confused." I admitted. He gave a small chuckle.
"You're allowed to be confused." He said. I nodded. "Talk to me." He said.
"I don't understand how you saw all of that. No one does. My Mom doesn't, but she would have to care to notice. And, my Dad he hasn't been around in years. He was too busy fucking his secretary. And, my friends only want me around when it's convenient for them. I'm supposed to listen to their problems, help them with their problems, and they ignore mine. So, I don't show anyone. If they don't think anything is wrong, it hurts less when they don't care." I told him.
"Caroline…" He started. I cut him off.
"Don't Stefan. Please," I pleaded. He looked hurt. He asked, I told him, end of story. Now he is going to leave like everyone else. I'm going to be alone again. Only this time, it will hurt more, because I showed him my pain, and he walked away anyways. Just like everyone else.
"You aren't alone. You have me… and Bonnie." He said. I looked at him.
"Really?" I asked.
"Of course. If you would just talk to Bonnie, I'm sure you would find out that she is there for you too." He added.
"I'm not sure. She's the only friend that I have who actually seems to give somewhat of a shit about me." I told him truthfully.
"Then what's the problem?" He asked.
"I didn't want her to leave me, too." I confessed.
"She wouldn't." He disagreed.
"You can't know that." I argued.
"I do." He insisted. "This is why you feel this way. You don't think you're good enough for anyone, or anything." He said. It wasn't a question.
"Yes." I whispered.
"You stupid girl," he teased. I looked at him in shock. He touched my face, and cupped my cheek. He cradled my face with both hands, and he kissed me. I pulled away in surprise.
"Wh-What are you doing?" I stammered. He smiled.
"Kissing you." He answered. "We are so much alike in so many ways Caroline. But, we are also different." He said. He's right. He's got the brooding thing down pat, and the suffering. I've never seen him open up to anyone, except when he was just talking with me. He probably talked to Elena, but she pushed him away. I looked into his eyes. "Don't fight this." He whispered.
I didn't answer him. I covered his lips with mine. This is nice. The kiss slowly grew more urgent, passionate. I slipped my tongue in his mouth. He welcomed it with his. Our tongues were dancing in our mouths, we were on fire. I felt electric sparks starting at my lips and shooting down my spine. I shivered, and he held me closer. He was leaning against me, and I was leaning farther, and farther back.
He broke away, and moved out of his seat. He picked up my stuff, and set it on the floor. He turned me, and gently laid me down on the window seat. He settled himself on top of me, but held his weight off with his arms. He brought his face to mine, and we resumed kissing. My hands found their way into the back of his shirt. I could feel his muscles flex in his back. He pulled my shrug off, and put an arm under my waist, bringing me closer to him.
I clutched his back. He moved his lips from mine, and nibbled my ear. I moaned. We should stop. This is going to become too much, too fast. I don't want to ruin this. If we have sex, I can't take it back. I want this time to be different. It is different, with him.
"Stefan." I gasped. "We should stop." I finished, barely able to choke the words out. He lifted his face to look at me. He nodded.
"We don't have to rush into anything." He promised. I nodded. "So are you ready to party?" He asked.
We took my car, since Stefan doesn't have one. He walked up to the party, holding hands. I'm not sure if this is going to go over well, or not. Elena is going to flip. But, I can't bring myself to care. I don't feel numb and broken anymore. I let Stefan see me, and he didn't leave, or walk away. He stayed and got closer. He's right about Bonnie. She came over while I was getting ready. I talked to her. We both cried. She said that she never knew. How could she? I underestimated her. I knew that she was a good person, but she is much more than I ever expected. I don't deserve a friend like her.
Stefan squeezed my hand. He walked up the bonfire. Bonnie waved at us. I waved back. She came over with drinks. I took one, and Stefan took the other. I know that it isn't really his poison, but I know that he can drink it. I took a sip.
"I'm glad you came." Bonnie announced.
"Me too," I agreed. Stefan smiled. Matt nodded to us. I smiled back. He walked over.
"Hey," He greeted us.
"Hey," we responded in unison.
"So… are you two…" He started, motioning toward me and Stefan with his hands.
"Together?" He finished. "Yes," Stefan answered smiling.
"Good for you. You guys fit." He agreed. I smiled. Oh crap. Elena is walking over, and saying that she looks pissed is an understatement. She is glaring.
"Hey," she responded brightly. She pasted a fake smile on her face as she reached us.
"Hey," I replied, weakly. Bonnie was glaring at Elena. Matt just looked at Elena. They had tried going out, after she and Stefan split, but it didn't work. Elena was interested in Matt, but Matt could tell that she wasn't over Stefan, and wasn't looking to change that. She just wanted someone to pass the time. He didn't want to be her toy. I didn't blame him.
"So, Caroline," she started.
"Yes Elena?" I answered.
"Do you like using my leftovers?" She hissed through her teeth. "
In Stefan's case, yes. I do, very much so." I replied. She glared.
"What's the matter Elena?" Stefan asked.
"You know what, Stefan." She replied. He shook his head.
"No, I don't. You broke up with me, remember? I've moved on, why can't you?" He asked. She stood there fuming.
"Come on, let's go dance." Matt suggested.
Matt grabbed Bonnie's hand and they started dancing. We tossed our drinks, and we joined them. They look happy. Maybe there is something that she isn't telling me. She and Matt should try dating… I glanced over at Elena. She's standing there sulking. Tyler went over to her, and asked her to dance. She smiled. Maybe she'll get over Stefan sooner than she thinks.
The song ended, and started playing one slower. Stefan pulled me closer.
"This is nice." Stefan whispered in my ear. I smiled in his shoulder.
"I don't want this night to end." I whispered back.
"When tonight is over, I'll still be here for you. I'm not going anywhere." Stefan promised. I smiled.
"Thank you." I whispered.
"For what?" He asked.
"You found me." I replied. He held me, and we danced.
'And on the way down I saw you and you saved me from myself...
And I won't forget the way you loved me...
On the way down, I almost fell right through, but I held on to you.'
Author's Note: I hope you liked it! BUT if not, I suppose I can't please everyone! LOL : )
-Anneryn