Mirror, Mirror on the Wall
A/n: This is a total random fic, please try not to take it seriously, and yes you should all fear for my sanity.
Pairing: Light/OC
Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Death Note, if I did, this would've happened in the manga/anime and Misa would be more useful.
Once upon a time, there was a stoic detective. His name was L, yes his name is an initial because he's coo' like that. Anyways, L was currently seated on his computer chair, and was spinning in circles at a dizzying speed. L's black hair whipped around, almost snapping the boy in the chair next to L in the face.
L threw up his hands, giggling as he brought them into his body, and spun even faster. The boy currently sitting next to L flipped his pretty hair imperiously and rolled his eyes. L could be such a child sometimes…
As L was about to scrunch up so he could go even faster, he found himself suddenly on the floor, staring wide-eyed at the meanie who pushed him out of his chair. L's lower lip trembled as he cried out, "Light-kun…you gave me a boo-boo." L held out his injured pinky finger, which got sprained as L fell.
Light rolled his eyes again and snapped, "Well, if you weren't making me so damn dizzy with all your infernal spinning, maybe that would've never happened!"
L clutched dramatically at his shirt (over the spot where his heart was) as he said melodramatically, "Oh Light-kun, I'm crushed! I think I might cry, unless you kiss my boo-boo."
WTF was stamped clearly across Light's face as he stomped away screaming, "Hell-fucking NO!"
L placed his injured pinky in his mouth, and pouted a bit as he began to think.
"Light-kun, what are your romantic preferences?" L asked; sitting in his trademark way, face mere inches from Light's.
Light blinked rapidly, and then grimaced as he pushed L away. L went rolling away in his chair, glaring spitefully at Light. "Don't give me that look Ryuuzaki! It's your fault for ignoring my personal bubble," Light snapped, folding his arms across his chest.
"Are you trying to avoid the question, Light-kun?" L asked quizzically. He unwrapped a cherry flavored lollipop, and proceeded to devour the poor little candy.
Light smirked, leaning on an elbow as he replied, "Why would you want to know Ryuuzaki? Is it because you're secretly gay for me?"
Never taking his eyes from his delicious treat, L immediately deadpanned, "Don't flatter yourself Light-kun."
The pretty little narcissus looked hurt for an instant, but covered it up by coughing a little, and smirking once again. "I have no romantic preferences Ryuuzaki. I'm asexual."
L looked up from his sweet endeavor and tilted his head in an adorable fashion as he replied, "Are you positive Light-kun?"
Light rolled his eyes dramatically and responded simply, "I'm HIV positive."
"Amane-san, have you and Light-kun ever indulged in sexual intercourse?"
Misa, who was previously sipping daintily on her tea, was now performing a fantastic spit-take, looking at L with apparent bewilderment. "Of course not Ryuuzaki, and why would I tell you if we did, pervert?"
L turned slowly to face Misa, munching avidly on a marshmallow. "I most certainly am not a pervert Amane-san."
Misa raised a quizzical eyebrow, and said, "Oh, no? Then why are you asking about my sex life, Ryuuzaki, hmmm? The only reason would be that you're a pervert!"
L just popped another marshmallow in his mouth, chewing slowly, savoring the sugary goodness on his tongue. "So Light-kun has never shown any sexual interest in you Amane-san?"
Misa shot up out of her chair, fist clenched dramatically, as she shouted, "No! But trust me, given the chance, I would jump his bones!! Oh, yes, and then Light-kun would be mine, all mine ehh-hee-hee-hee!"
As Misa ranted on and on about raping Light, L sighed and shuffled away. Obviously, Misa wasn't coming down from her rant of non-detailed rape anytime soon…
"Have you ever noticed Light-kun checking you out?" L stated, staring indifferently at Chadwick, his trusty rubber ducky. The yellow duck stared back at L a happy quacky smile plastered on his beak.
L smiled a bit, picking up Chadwick and cuddling him lovingly to his chest. "I thought not. You're too cute for Light-kun." L whispered lovingly to Chadwick. A little quack-squeeze was all L got in response as he luffled his only friend.
Now with Chadwick in tow, L made his way back down to the Task Force. As he shuffled down the hallway towards the elevator, he passed Light's room. A smirk playfully found its way onto L's lips as he crept slowly towards Light's closed door. Pressing an ear up to the cold wood, L motioned to Chadwick to be silent, and (moving his hand up and down) Chadwick nodded in response.
"Uh…oh yeah…uh."
L's eyes widened considerably as he turned to Chadwick, both minds seeming to wonder the same thing – was Light pleasuring himself?
L smirked as he was about to open the door (catching Light red-handed) when he heard Light moan out, "Oh, dear God, you are so fucking hot!! No one is hotter than you, you sexy beast!!"
The smirk on L's face deepened as he burst through Light's door, crying out, "Aha!"
What L saw shocked him so much, he dropped poor Chadwick, who bounced and squeaked a few feet away. Light's face was crashed passionately to a mirror, and he was runny his hands through his hair.
L shook his head, he should've known Light was in love with himself…
Light pulled away from the mirror, blushing furiously and glared at Chadwick, who had a look of horror plastered on his little beak.
Light stood over L's dead body, smirking evilly. He had to do it. L knew Light's deep-dark narcissistic fantasy. Light made his way from L's still form, and headed to his room. He locked the door and made straight for the mirror, smashing his lips against it, and told himself how beautiful he was.
L's ghost floated five feet away, holding a ghostly Chadwick to his chest.
"I'm sorry you had to witness that my dear friend," L murmured softly to his ducky. Chadwick just squeaked and hid deeper into L's chest. Chadwick was never quite the same again.
L then took Chadwick to the prom, and spent a wonderful afterlife spooking the shit out of Light.
A/n: Sorry for the crappy ending. I just ran out of ideas and yada yada yada. By the way, this fic is set very shortly after Light gets unchained from L, so if that didn't make sense, I'm sorry, but this fic really shouldn't make sense anyway. So yeah, I hope this made some people laugh and I hope Chadwick is accepted for the intelligent little ducky he is! Sayonara and good-bye, yo!!