When he became Obi-Wan Kenobi's padawan, he secretly believed that his Master didn't have a heart. He was so cold, so detached about everything. It was like he didn't feel any emotions.
At Qui-Gon's funeral, Master Kenobi just sat there, staring unseeingly at the pyre. His face showed no emotion. It made him want to ask his Master if he had a heart, or if it was long dead.
People passed by and some stopped to ask his Master how he was doing, how he dealt with Qui-Gon's death.
"I'm fine. Thanks for asking." His mouth would then curved into a smile, though his eyes were as emotionless as ever.
Weeks passed and Anakin's opinion changed. Obi-Wan Kenobi did have a heart, though only occasionally.
When Anakin had a nightmare or just couldn't sleep, he would padded out of his room and went to his Master. He didn't have to knock. His Master knew. He would come out of his room and led him to the couch. He curled up there, listening to the sound of his Master brewing. It didn't take long before he come back, with a cup of tea in each hand.
"Thank you." He said as he accepted the offered cup. The hot liquid was tinged blue from Bantha milk. He took a sip. Its warmth seeped into his hands and body.
HIs Master just nodded in acknowledgement. But he stayed until Anakin fell asleep.
It could all be a dream, a manifestation of his own mind to fill the void in his heart. He thought when he lay in his own bed in the morning.
But it was not. Two tea-stained cups in the kitchen sink were the evidence that what happened at night was real. As was Obi-Wan's heart.
A day came, one he later knew as Qui-Gon's birthday. Obi-Wan seemed sad. Sadness didn't hung in the air around him. But it was an impression of his eyes, Anakin learned, that showed his true emotions. He didn't ask his Master what was wrong. If he did, he would be brushed aside with a smile that tugged Obi-Wan's face uncomfortably and sadder eyes.
He decided the man needed some time alone to deal with whatever it was. So Anakin told him he was staying at his friend's that night.
The Force nudged him. It whispered in his ears to go back to his shared quarter. He agreed with the Force, he was worried that his former thought of leaving his Master alone might not be a good idea after all. He snuck inside their quarter. Everything was dark, except for muted light from the crack of Obi-Wan's door.
The crack was small, but enough for him to see that his Master was grieving. His back was to the door. Anakin saw his shoulders shaking. He heard sobs wracking his body. He could imagined his face blotchy and filled with tears.
It was gut-wrenching to see the Knight so… emotional.His Master was strong. He was composed and unflappable even in worst kind of situations. It made Anakin longed to ease that pain from his Master. But the Force told him not was not the time to act, but to learn.
He slipped out, unnoticed by Obi-Wan, who was still lost in his own grief. Anakin vowed to himself he would fix this.
No one deserved to be alone with their own demons, his mother had taught him long ago. Especially his Master. He was a good man, a perfect Jedi. As aloof as he was, he was kind in his own way.
He learned that despite Obi-Wan Kenobi's emotionless heart, he cared more that anyone realised.
Anakin told Obi-Wan he would stay at his friend's, but he never said which one. So if he went to Bant's, he wasn't lying. He counted Bant as a friend of his anyway. He sent a silent apology to his friend he had asked to spend the night with, but he was sure his friend would understand.
Bant Eerin was one of Obi-Wan Kenobi's closest friend and she was more perceptive than most. He hoped the Mon Calamari would be able to help his Master.
He knocked and the door opened.
"Anakin! What are you doing here?"
He slipped into the room. It was not so different from his except for the humidifier in a corner.
"It's Obi-Wan. He is not fine, Bant." He sunk into the waterbed couch and told the Mon Calamari what had happened.
Bant's face was open and sympathetic. She looked as worried about her friend as he felt, judging from the frown on her face. "Qui-Gon's death hit him hard. He is not the same since then. I think he blames himself for his Master's death."
"But Obi-Wan didn't kill him. That red Sith, Maul did."
"Yes, he knows but he still blames himself. Guilt is complicated." Bant replied.
"Can you help him from that?"
She shook her head sadly.
"No one could do that except Obi-Wan himself. We can only support him along the way," Bant said. "I wish I could. It pains me to see him like this."
Anakin knew what she meant. Obi-Wan was too good at changing a subject. And one would only realised that after the conversation had ended.
It made most people think that Obi-Wan was fine. He smiled, he joked, he laughed, he acted as he normally did. Everyone thought he came to term with his Master's death. But the ones closest to him could see what the others could not. They could see torment hidden in those cerulean orbs.
Eyes were strange things. They said eyes were windows to the soul. It was true. They gave vision to their owner and they allowed his truest self to be seen by those who knew to look.
"You should get some sleep. It's getting late. We can talk more tomorrow if you want," Bant cut in, startling him out of his thought.
Anakin stretched out his sense like Bant told him to. He could feel his Master still awake unlike most sensible beings on Coruscant.This was time to act.
He went to his Master. When the older man started toward the kitchen to prepare tea, Anakin hugged him.
Obi-Wan flinched at the contact but didn't move away.
"Is everything alright, padawan?" His tone was gentle in a way it only could in the middle of the night.
"Stay with me," Anakin asked. He could feel indecision radiating off his Master.
"Please"
"Just for tonight," he conceded.
When Anakin slipped back to bed, Obi-Wan was with him.
He felt safe. He hoped his Master feel the same.