So here is the long awaited one shot for momo and sarahfeaks comp XD
hasn't been beta-read yet but hopefully it will be by the end of the comp
DISCLAIMER: i dont own dgm
+--El Mundo en Pantallas de Gris --+
I never thought of would get sick of this place. The black order, my home. But now as I sit by the window in the library I long to leave the grey walls behind, to see the world for all its beauty, to feel the sun's rays against my Pale skin. To feel the calming breeze run its soft fingers against my skin. As I look out the window I remember…
"Hey Moyashi, have you ever wondered what it would be like if we weren't exorcists?"
Allen looked out across the field of lush green grass. He tossed his head back carelessly as the refreshing breeze blew gently past them. By now he had gotten used to Lavi calling him Moyashi; he just ignored it half the time.
"I try to avoid thinking of that side of things. I have this feeling that if I was not to be an exorcist I would not be alive now. After… After…" He lowered his head unable to continue. Tears glided gently down his soft cheek. Lavi looked at his white haired friend a few metres away from. He smiled in understanding. Mana had always been a touchy subject for Allen. Allen placed his hands in his pockets and looked up in to the clear sky, tears still running slowly down his cheeks. It was times like this he wished Lavi wasn't a bookman.
It was that day that things had started to change. Lavi and I had been friends from the day we met. Sure it started off on rocky footing but what friendship doesn't. As we worked as a team our friendship grew stronger. And to show all this he kept the Ace of Spades from my card deck after he thought Tyki had murdered me. He kept it a secret from bookman because he knew that he would disapprove and want him to get rid of it. In the time I spent in China trying to reawaken my innocence I realised how much Lavi really meant to me. He was more than just my friend. At first I denied it, put it down to everything I had been through. But the more I thought about it the more I would realise that it wasn't fake. With everyday that passed I missed him more.
Sighing I pushing myself out of the chair and made my way over to the shelves at the back of the library. As I ran my fingers over the dusty tomes I realised that it was here that it all started. After returning through the Ark, Lavi found me here, wondering aimlessly through the vast isles of the Library's back bookshelves.
"Oi, Moyashi what are you doing here all by your lonesome?"
Allen jumped in surprise. Not expecting anyone to be here he wheeled around to be faced with a shining green eye and a caring smile.
"L…Lavi" Allen stuttered. Recovering from the initial surprise he smiled at the unruly red head that stood only a few metres away from him. The usually overly happy almost uncontrollable Bookman's Apprentice stood calmly in front of Allen, arms folded casually over his chest.
"What's the matter Allen?" Lavi looked at his friend, deep concern reflected on his face. Allen may look happy when he was around people but Lavi knew you didn't need to be a genius to figure out that something was bothering the usually cheery boy. Allen shook his head and lowered his gaze from Lavi, not wanting to reveal anything about the score and its origins. After a few minutes of silence Lavi spoke again.
"I missed you Allen"
Allen raised his head slowly to look at Lavi; a small smile crept on to his face. Sadness still visible despite the smile.
Lavi continued, he chose his words carefully, not wanting to say the wrong thing.
"When I thought that damned Noah Tyki had killed you it hurt me more than it should have. You should know that this has to mean something. Bookmen aren't meant to feel, especially not that way"
Allen's expression didn't change, however his eyes widened in shock. Lavi, the usually bouncy teen was being uncharacteristically emotional.
Looking back up at the dusty tomes I continued down the isle. There was a hidden meaning behind what Lavi had told me that day. I knew instantly what he meant, but instead of leaping in to his arms and confessing all I just looked at him and smiled, not bringing him closer but not pushing him away either. Before he left he told me I could tell him anything no matter what it was. After that day it was a few more days before I saw Lavi again. With a small smile I made my way back to the couches that were placed at the back of the library. Laying down I closed my eyes, hoping that sleep will lay my mind to rest for a while.
Days would pass were I would just wonder the halls of the Order aimlessly. No matter what direction I walked in or how long I walked for I would always find myself back at the Library, wandering the isles of books with out any destination in mind. It must be all the memories of this room that I wanted to cling to, after all memories were all I had left now. A few days after Lavi told me how he felt I saw him again. I was sitting exactly where I am now, on one of the couches that had been placed at the back of the library for comfort.
"Can't Sleep?"
The soft voice came from in front of Allen, who stared blankly in to nothing, lost in his own mind. Allen's grey eyes returned to focus as he looked at Lavi. Smiling he shook his head, answering Lavi's question with out a word. Lavi smiled at the younger before he handed him a cup of hot cocoa. Allen accepted the Cup with a smile, mentally noting how good Lavi looked when he wasn't wearing his headband to hold his hair up.
"How did you know I was in here?" Allen asked, taking a sip of his cocoa.
"I saw you come down here and it looked like you needed some company so I ran down the cafeteria to grab us some cocoa before I am came here" Lavi replied, taking a seat next to Allen and taking a sip from his own cup of Cocoa. Allen looked at Lavi and smiled.
"Thanks Lavi"
"No sweat Moyashi" Lavi replied in his usual cheery manner.
The two sat in silence for what felt like a long while before anything was said again
"Allen..." Lavi's voice was a soft and caring but yet serious tone.
"Hmmm..." Allen replied taking another sip of his cocoa.
"I meant everything that I said the other day" Lavi's voice was soft. He looked down at his mug not wanting to see Allen's reaction.
Allen didn't look at Lavi after he spoke. A smile appeared on his lips as he stared in to the dancing flames of the fire that he faced.
"I know Lavi" He still didn't look at Lavi while he spoke. He continued to stare in to the flames of the fire, it took a lot of will to stop himself from confessing the way he felt to Lavi, even though he know the red head returned the feelings. The two returned to silence once again, neither knowing what to say.
Lavi finished his cup of cocoa and with a sigh he pushed himself out of his seat. "Allen, when ever you feel like opening up you know where to find me" He cast Allen a weak smile as he walked past. Before Lavi got out of arms reach Allen grabbed hold of his wrist.
"Please don't go Lavi"
The red head looked back at the younger. He could see confusion, pain, loneliness, affection and uncertainty; he could see that what ever it was that was bothering Allen it was slowly eating him away. With all thoughts if leaving abandoned he sat back down next to Allen.
"What ever it is that is bothering you, you can tell me. I swear on my innocence that I will not tell a single soul. Not even Panda-Jijii"
It was that night that I told Lavi about Mana, the Ark, the score, its origins and the way I felt about him. At first I was reluctant because he is bookman's successor and bookmen are meant to record. But after he reassured me that it would stay between us I began to open up. And when I looked at him I knew he understood what I was going through. It was then that our newfound relationship began. I fell asleep in Lavi's arms that night; we were both lucky that Bookman didn't have anything to do early in the library the next morning.
We kept our relationship a secret, not wanting to shake the agreement the Order had with the Vatican. As much as he and I longed to make our relationship open we both knew that we couldn't. Whenever we could we would spend time together, doing the things that couples do. Lavi would often sneak in to my room at night when Bookman was busy doing his work and wouldn't notice that his successor was missing. It was then everything started to look up. It was then that I thought that nothing could go wrong. How Wrong I was…
I stood up from the couch I was sitting on in the library and moved over to the darkest corner of the library. After Levellier came and accused me of heresy and put me under constant surveillance I would often try and get away from everything. If I wasn't hiding in the Ark, I was hiding in the darkest corner of the library amongst piles of books that sat forgotten on the floor. Only once did Lavi find me when I was hiding in the library. For a long time he sat there with me holding me close without saying a word, unsure of how to comfort me.
A few days later Lulubell invaded the headquarters. I felt hopeless as I watched members of the science department falling to there demise and became Skulls, tools to be manipulated by the Earl.
Shortly after we all recovered from Lulubell's sudden assault of the headquarters, Komui's experimental Virus was released turning most of us in to zombies until Bak arrived with the Anti-virus. But that was nothing compared to what happened next.
Sighing I walked back to the middle of the library and sat down at the desks, resting my head in my arms with a weak smile. I hadn't been off constant surveillance for long before I was called to a meeting. I arrived at a heavily guarded room, two of them being Lavi and Bookman. I looked in to Lavi's only visible eye and I could see that what ever this meeting was for, it wasn't going to be good. But nothing could have prepared me for what I was told.
It was then that I was the told that I harboured the memories of the 14th and would eventually become the 14th. As Lavi left the room he threw me a sympathetic look and I felt my heart break. I thought that Lavi, the one I love, was going to turn his back on me and allow me to become something that I didn't want to be.
The next morning I found myself drawn to the library again. Wondering aimlessly down the Isles trying to forget everything that was happening to me. I soon found myself unable to continue as tears finally escaped from my closed eyes. My knee's buckled as warm arms wrapped themselves around my trembling body.
Lavi cradled Allen in his arms as he cried. He stroked his hair gentle while rocking him backwards and forwards in a comforting manner. Eventually the cries subsided leaving a still highly distressed Allen in his arms. Slowly Allen looked up at Lavi, despite all the sadness Lavi could see the affection that young boy had for him.
Allen averted his gaze from Lavi, not quite understanding why he did. The two sat in silence for a while before either of them said anything.
"I can't do this Lavi… I don't think that can manage going on while everything I have been working for is a lie" Allen looked up at Lavi again. "I just can't do it" Allen bit his lip to fight back the wave of tears that were threatening to fall again. He looked down at Allen, a frown on his face. He couldn't smile at a time like this, not when Allen, the boy he loved, was in such a bad way.
"You don't have to do this alone Allen. I will be there with you every step of the way. No matter what. I wont let the boy I love slip away so easily"
A small smile appeared on Allen's face as Lavi spoke.
"Lavi… when I turn in to the 14th… I want you to kill me"
At first Lavi refused to agree with what I asked of him. And he would not sway no matter how many times I asked him after that. But after I explained that I would rather die than be on the side of the Earl he agreed reluctantly. For the rest of that day we sat in the library, not much was said but that didn't matter. I was with Lavi and that made everything ok.
The following day it was announced to the rest of the Order that I as to eventually become to 14th and like I had done to Lavi the day before I asked them all that when I turn I want them to kill me. None of them argued but I could see that most couldn't bring themselves to do it.
I was surprised when Komui approached me say that I had a Solo mission and that I must leave as soon as possible.
And now as I sit in the Library I remember the pain that wracked my body as I lay in the cold mud alone. Unable to move, with only enough energy to take my last breath as the darkness claimed me.
As tears run down my cheeks I look up at Lavi who sat across from me, sadness was the only expression bookman's successor wore. I long to feel is soft skin against mine, to see his fiery red hair, to see him smile. Now was I walk the orders halls alone I only see the world in shades of grey.
My only regret… Not telling him goodbye…
All in all it fades away, all in all it fades to grey
Word count without author's notes: 2540
btw the title means: "the world in shades of grey"
i must thank DGM-yoai-lover for her help when i need it. THX HARMS
Read and Review? please?