I'd Lie

It's almost time. Today is a Tuesday and Ayase-san's class ends at four thirty. And given that boss Kanou is busy with paper works that's been piling up, he'll surely send me to the university to pick up Ayase-san. And whenever I think about having another time alone with Ayase-san, I can't help the smile that makes its way to my lips. And I hope my brother does not think it's weird. Or creepy.

I look at the wall clock. Four twenty-five. Hmm, it usually takes five to ten minutes to drive from the company to the university. Does shachou intend to make Ayase-san wait? Or does he forget that it is a Tuesday and Ayase-san's out is four-thirty? Should I remind him?

"Kuba, you seem rather excited to pick up Ayase, does that mean you are ready to throw away your sorry life?"

Yeah, that would surely be boss's remarks. So, I'd rather wait here and pretend to analyze last week's report before I hand it to boss. Hmm, let me see, last week -

"Kuba."

When I look up from the paper, boss is already standing in front of me. Does this mean he will be the one to pick up Ayase-san? I ponder this for a moment. No, boss never left the company without his suit, since he's only wearing his long sleeves; it means he's only here to send me to the university.

"Yes, boss." The boss only stares at me and as soon as I realize my mistake, I stand up immediately.

"Tell Ayase I can't make it this afternoon to pick him up. So you go and do it for me."

This is bad. I can sense the boss is not in a good mood.

"Yes, boss." I get the car keys in the drawer and my jacket suit. When I am ready to leave, the boss gets my attention when he purposely clears his throat loud enough to be heard by me and my brother.

"Thirty minutes, Kuba. I'm giving you thirty minutes to pick up Ayase. If you're late by a minute, you will regret it. I adjusted the time so you will have a time to make it here to the company even if you take another route if you meet with any accident in the street. That would be as easy as cake to you since you used to play with cops in the streets before, right?"

I stare at the boss with cold sweat beading on my forehead. This is really the worse part when the boss asks you to do something that includes being alone with Ayase-san. He's overprotective of what's his. No, scratch that, he is possessive. And he makes sure that all his employees understand that.

"Yes, boss." And even though I loathe it so much to bow down to someone, I do it with my pride under my feet to keep my life... and continue seeing my beloved. But of course, if I intend to live longer, I have to lie that I have feelings for the boss' lover.

Boss Kanou stares at me again. His eyes boring into mine as if looking for something hidden because they say you can see through everything when looking to someone's eyes. But I know how to hide my secrets even if they dig it through my eyes.

When I think the boss is satisfied he finally lets me go with a small nod.

I calmly leave the office, but as soon as I shut the door, I make my steps faster. If there is a CCTV, I'd walk normally so as not to rouse suspicion should the boss decide to check the footage. When I finally reach the elevator, I refrain myself from pressing the button to the basement repeatedly as I am aware of the camera inside the car. Well, the car won't go to the basement faster even if I do, anyways.

As soon as the car reaches the basement, I run to where the black Mercedes Benz was parked and enter it. The corner of my mouth rises to a smile as I thought again of Ayase-san and I have to sigh silently to calm myself. And then I drive out of the basement.

I am glad that the heaven is on my side today. There is no traffic or any street accidents. Thus, it only takes me six minutes to be at the university entrance.

And here it is again, the scene where everyone that sees this car will gawk as if the car has never been in this university before. Can't they just get used to it? Their gathering to see a clearer view of the car makes it harder for me to spot Ayase-san who is small and shy to pass through this crowd.

I get out of the car to see if Ayase-san has gotten out of the university's gate but is just stuck with this number of people. I hear the crowd on my left praise the appearance of the car; the shinyness, the coolness, the amusingness and all those positive remarks. And since I consider myself as the owner of the Mercedes, I am like a proud boyfriend.

And then the crowd on my right (mostly women) actually had this "Kyaaa!" sound. The comments they say seem to be thrown at me. I can hear someone say "The driver is as cool as the car! Kyaaa!" and "OH EM! He's so handsome!" and "He is as cool and as handsome as the other driver! Kyaaa!"

The other driver. Is he talking about the boss? Mt brother is out of the question since he has not yet ordered to pick up Ayase-san. And besides, we have the same face so it should not be 'the other driver.'

I hear my phone beeped. It was Ayase-san, texting me that he can't pass through the sea of people.

I scan behind the crowd and there is the blond angel with his friends. I take a deep sigh to catch my breath when my heart suddenly skips a beat. Shit, my knees feel like they turned into jelly. I can't walk to Ayase-san when I feel like I'll stumble any moment now.

No.

I have to go get Ayase-san. Or else I won't be able to have a solo time with him.

Solo time, huh.

I walk to where Ayase-san is, passing through the crowd. I thank his friends before we leave and get back to the car (the crowd dramatically give us way). I tell Ayase-san that the boss is busy with loads of work as he was clearly about to ask about the boss.

"Geez, I should really ask Kanou-san not to pick me up with his flashy cars. I'm starting to get unwanted attentions at the university." I hear Ayase-san sigh and all I can do is smile at him since I don't want to agree as I am aware of the bug in the car.

Another reason why I only smiled to his complaints was because if I agreed, I may lose my precious time alone with him.

"Are you ready, Ayase-san?" I ask after I did my seat belt.

"You bet." The blonde angel smiles after he snapped his seat belt in place.

And our journey together begins. Ayase-san reaches to turn the radio on and a rock music plays. We both smile to each other as we sing and head bang together.

I don't know when I started liking cars. I just realize that I do when I realize I started memorizing its parts when I was fifteen years old. Back then I was really itching to drive a real car and apply what I learned from watching other drivers in the bus that my brother and I took.

My brother is not really a fan of cars but for him to stick with me as I decided to ride buses just so I could observe how the drivers drive is a sign that he supported my impossible hobby. Impossible since at that time, big part of our money from working part time goes to the rent. And there's still food, electricity and water bills. So we get to ride a bus once a week.

And then that day came. When Misao and I were sitting on the park bench one evening when our shift ended, we happen to hear some thugs talking about stealing cars. They discussed their plans and to our surprise, both of us were also discussing (in a hush) how those thugs' plan has a lot of holes. And they could end up getting busted.

Misao and I agreed to help the thugs and so we approach them. That incident resulted in us getting recruited. And aside from getting lots of money, both of us got free lessons in driving. The thugs even let me drive the cars before selling them to the clients. I learned the different techniques in driving and parking.

But something is missing. I just can't place it.

A few weeks, the thugs sold a car to a client that turned out to be a police in disguise. It appears that the police have set their eyes to the group days after we joined. Good thing the raid happened when Misao got a sudden fever that kept us in our apartment. And good thing the group did not rat us out. Well, that was an agreement in the first day Misao and I joined their group. "That's what I call luck," I remembered we both say in unison when we learned what happen to the thugs in the television.

"Yeaah!" I snap out from daydreaming as I heard Ayase-san singing the last part of the song in his loudest voice.

We both look at each other and started laughing. His voice is really not for rock songs.

And this is the reason why I like cars even more. At first I cannot believe that passenger seat could be this beautiful until he is seated there. And I know now, he was the missing piece.

"Kuba-san, let's stop at that ice cream shop for a bit." And he is all but smiles, clearly thinking of the treat that he is about to receive. I look at my watch, five minutes has passed. This is a normal drive so I still have another five minutes.

"Alright, let me buy you the ice cream and stay here inside, Ayase-san."

I go to the store and purhase Ayase-san's favorite flavor. Vanilla. I pick a dark chocolate bar for myself since I know Ayase-san would insist I take a bite on his ice cream. If possible, I don't want to refuse him. But biting to Ayase-san's ice cream would mean facing the boss' wrath.

When I finish buying, I return immediately to the car and hand Ayase-san's sweet to him and I continue to drive after I opened my own treat.

Another song was playing in the radio, this time a mellow. I look at Ayase-san in the corner of my eyes and regret it the moment I saw his tongue dart out of his small mouth. I can feel my face heating up and I resume looking at the road. Taking a note in my head not to look at Ayase-san again when he's eating ice cream.

He was just too cute. Everything in him is cute.

I stop when the light turn red and I thank God for it. My time with Ayase-san got a little bit longer.

"Oh, I remember! Our project in Earth Science exhibit got the best remark from the judges!" Ayase-san suddenly begins and it almost gets me cough up my dark chocolate. Good thing I recover fast.

"Good job, Ayase-san." I smile at him partly from the job he's done at the university but mostly from the sparkles in his eyes as he talks about his day. My other reason for liking cars even more is that I get to talk to Ayase-san closely without the boss getting suspicious.

Ayase-san continues talking and I resume looking at his beautiful face, not anymore bothered at how he licks his ice cream. All I can think of is how perfect this situation is. Everything is wonderful around us but nothing can beat Ayase-san's unique beauty. It feels like everything is in slow motion as I watch his cute lips move. His face is so bright like the light as he tells about something funny while doing the project with his group mates. His occasional smiles make me smile too.

I lost track of his story moments ago but when he laughs, I make sure I also laugh like I was really into his story. His laughter is the most wonderful music I have ever heard. And the way he would giggle when he realizes his laughing way too much. I even comment on his story sometimes. But really, all I can think of is to still the time so I can continue admiring him this close.

I suddenly hear a horn from the car behind us and I realize the light has gone green. And for a moment, I think it would be nice to have a slight accident in the street so I can take a different route.

The moment I realize what I just thought, I mentally punch myself. How could I! I was so desperate that I think of having accidents in the street as "nice?" Dammit!

"Is something wrong, Kuba-san?" I hear Ayase-san ask.

"Huh?" I look at him and followed where his eyes are looking. On the steering wheel. I realize I'm gripping the poor wheel that my knuckles had gone white. I relax myself through inhale-exhale exercise. Then I loosen my grip and forced a smile at Ayase-san, "No, I'm perfectly fine, Ayase-san."

Ayase-san is hesitant for a moment before smiling back at me.

I turn to a corner and we can now see the company. We both finish the remains of our treats and the wrappers are thrown in the small trash can.

When I park the car, I snatch a glance at Ayase-san and saw that a little vanilla was left on the corner of his mouth. I did not speak a word about it and waited until we were walking to the elevators.

I'm aware that there are CCTV's in the basement but I'm also aware of their blind spots. When I'm sure we are at the camera's blind spot, I call Ayase-san's attention. I smile at him before I fish out my white handkerchief from my pocket. "There's, um, cream left." I say and wipe it off.

To my surprise, Ayase-san chuckled and got something in his pocket. It's a blue hanky. "You have some chocolate left in your face as well, Kuba-san." My heart skips a beat or two as he pulled me down closer to his face with his small hand to wipe off the chocolate.

We look at each other and laugh at our own stupidity. He laughs some more but all I can think is to fuel his courage and have guts to hug Ayase-san then and there. But I'm afraid of the consequences that might happen after. Everything would surely turn awkward between us.

We ascend the building by the elevator. Once we reach the top, I let Ayase-san out first. Then we are back to normal, where he would walk ahead of me and I would be watching his back as he enters the boss' office.

It's quite frustrating. Just a while ago Ayase-san was mine alone. And now that Ayase-san is inside the boss' office, there's no telling what my boss is doing to my precious person. The boss could be "inspecting" him now as he continuously accuses my angel of cheating on him. And I'm sure Ayase-san will be crying.

And that's what I won't do to Ayase-san if he'd become mine. And I will always make sure to treat him the way how he's supposed to be treated. Like a queen or more, if possible. And I will be his servant forever.

That's how much I love him.

I want to tell Ayase-san. I want to tell my brother. I want to tell Boss Kanou. I want to tell the whole world. That I love Ayase-san. I love him so much it hurts to keep it locked in my heart. But what do I do? If I confess, and the boss knows, he'll kill me for sure. It's not that I'm afraid of the boss. I'm afraid that he'd kill me... then I wouldn't get a chance to have a joy ride with Ayase-san again.

So I'd rather shut my mouth up. Work harder to shoulder Ayase-san's debt and free him from the boss. Then when that happens... I'd work myself slowly into Ayase-san's heart.

For now, if someone were to ask me if I love Ayase-san, I would lie. I definitely would lie.