Ron's ballad

1st year

A long time ago when I was barely eleven,

I sat on a train for my first year of seven

At Hogwarts school for wizards and witches,

Where I hoped I'd get mates and pull all the bitches.

I sat in a compartment on the train by myself,

My corned beef sandwiches on the overhead shelf-

I didn't wanna eat them, I hate that bloody stuff.

Instead I sat there and worried about Hufflepuff.

If I wasn't sorted into Gryffindor

I wouldn't be considered a Weasley no more.

As far as I knew my whole family had

Been in the same house. I drove myself mad

Thinking about what I was cursed to become.

I knew I wasn't Ravenclaw because I'm quite dumb

And to be honest I'd rather scrape off my skin

Than go anywhere near bloody Slytherin.

So that left me with the two other options

Or face the fact that I was doomed for adoption.

As I sat there in mid thought, my tummy rumbling,

The door bursted open and a boy came in, mumbling.

He was very skinny, looked a bit like a squatter,

Turned out he was only Harry bloody Potter!

I knew I was always destined for greatness…

Well, at least now I knew I wouldn't be mateless.

Then the compartment door slid wide open once more,

A girl marched in; I jumped in shock and loudly swore.

She glared at me, a dirty look on her face

As though I was bound to be a hopeless case.

I couldn't blame her, I was wearing hand me down clothes

And then she proceeded to tell me I had dirt on my nose.

I took an instant dislike to this maniac with bushy hair,

I could tell she was a know-it-all, what a nightmare.

When the train pulled in, I thought for a second,

I'd rather be in Hufflepuff than with her, I reckon.

We walked off the train where the weather was rotten,

My old corned beef sandwiches left on the rack, forgotten.

We all then clambered in some manky old boats.

I was bloody petrified, the lump in my throat

Became more prominent with every minute that passed.

To cut a long story short (Sorry I couldn't be arsed

To write out the whole journey, it wasn't that great)

We went into this hall, with tables laid with golden plates

And at the front was a stool, with some frayed dirty hat

That we had to try on. Oh God, Fred is a prat,

He told me that I had to wrestle a bloody troll.

Then McGonagall stood up and unrolled a scroll.

Hermione got sorted into Gryffindor and I groaned,

I would definitely rather that I was disowned

Than be in a house with a girl that smug.

Harry's name was called and put the hat on his mug.

He sat there still for what seemed like an hour.

The feeling in my stomach had turned somewhat sour,

What if Harry got sorted into Gryffindor too?

I mean for crying out loud, he defeated You-Know-Who!

Yup I was right, Gryffindor he was. And then I could hear

My perfect Prefect brother Percy giving him a cheer.

I didn't really listen to the others being sorted

But watched as the list became gradually shorted.

(Calm down, I know that word is not grammatically correct

But this was my ballad last time I checked!)

And then I heard my name being shouted

I was as nervous as someone about to be outed!

I sat on the stool, facing the whole bloody room,

My stomach dropped as though I'd fell off a broom.

"Another Weasley?" A voice whispered in my ear,

"I know what to do with you" I then heard it sneer.

"GRYFFINDOR" it yelled and I sighed with relief,

At least my family couldn't give me any grief.

I walked over to the Gryffindor table and sat next to Harry,

My back firmly to the girl I would eventually marry.