NOTE: Part One was written back in September 2002 as a one-off joke, partly as a typical adolescent-male fantasy, and partly as a parody of some other OMG! stories that I'd read, as well as a parody of OMG! itself. But I was encouraged to continue the story, and I got to part 22 before I had the problems with Fan Fiction dot Net early in 2005.

I was surprised and honored when I was asked to republish the story. I'm too old for a SI now, and so I renamed the male lead and turned him into a Gary Stu. And I've given up anime and got into Vocaloid, but I will try to finish the Peorth arc someday. I still have a half-completed draft of part 23 and an outline of 24 around here somewhere...

Rick Anthony returned to his residence hall room. He took off his coat, walked up to his desk, and stood over his portable CD player. He hummed to himself as he opened a small package. "New CD, new CD, I've got a new CD..."

He put the CD in the player, and held up the case in one hand. He held the fingers of his other hand over the "Play" button. "Hmm... let's try 'My Evil Twin'."

He pressed "Play." But, instead of music, he heard a "ftoomsh" sound. He scratched his head. "Huh. That's strange, even for a They Might Be Giants song. "

"Hey! Uh, excuse me?"

Rick turned around, and saw Mara standing behind him.

"AAUGH!" said Rick. He didn't know that she was a demon yet. But the simple shock of seeing a girl in his room was more than he could take. He fell back and sat heavily on his bed.

They stared at each other, for a moment that seem to last for hours.

Mara sighed. "The client usually says 'who are you' now."

Rick stammered. "Huh— who— uh— are— who are—"

Mara took her cue. She raised her arms theatrically. Bolts of lightning seemed to arc behind her. "I am the demon Mara! A sorceress with a first-class license with no restrictions!"

She pointed at Rick. Her finger nearly beeped his nose. "And I have come to grant you a wish!"

Rick gaped at her. "A demon!" he cried.

Mara sighed again. "Oh, relax, kid. I'm not a Judeo-Christian demon. See? No horns, no bat wings, no pointy tail. I'm more of a wacky trouble-maker than an actual demon, to be honest."

Rick continued to gape at her. "Yeah... but... I've never seen a girl with face tattoos and fangs before."

Mara eyed him. "Yeah, well, you're no Sean Connery, pal."

Rick hung his head and sighed.

Mara turned to his window. "And where are we, anyway? Central Illinois?" She made a face. "BORE-ing..."

She turned back to Rick. "So. Like I said. I'm here to grant your wish."

They stared at each other, for a moment that seem to last for hours.

Mara sighed yet again. "The client usually says 'why me' now."

Rick took his cue. "Why me?"

Mara assumed another dramatic pose. Cherry blossom petals seemed to float around her. "Because you have a good heart, and a deep sadness in your soul, and... yadda, yadda, yadda." She smirked.

"In other words?..." Rick said.

"Yup," Mara said. "You're a pathetic loser who couldn't get a date in a calendar factory."

Rick hung his head and sighed again.

"But," he suddenly said, "If I have a good heart— why are you granting me a wish? A demon's a demon, wacky trouble-maker or not..."

Mara smiled slyly. "You were on Belldandy's case schedule. But she was, uh, detained by another case. And Yggdrasil is under-staffed. So I, uh, 'borrowed' the Yggdrasil case list. Besides that, CDs are my specialty, and you practically live in the campus-town CD stores..."

"Why did you come from this CD?" Rick asked. "I thought demons hid their messages in Judas Priest albums, or something..."

Mara sighed. "Look, kid. You bought this CD. And I don't go around questioning your taste in music."

She turned to his wall, and looked over a shelf full of CDs. "Although that's obviously a subject wide open to ridicule."

Rick hung his head and sighed yet again. "I wish I could have been visited by an angel, or a goddess, or someone nice..."

Mara's face went white. "OH NO!" Obviously panicking, she shouted at the ceiling. "YOU KNOW HE DIDN'T MEAN THAT!"

Rick also looked up at the ceiling. "Who are you talking to?" he asked.

Mara screamed wordlessly as she was struck by heavenly lightning. She disappeared in a brilliant flash of warm golden light.

Rick gaped at the empty space where Mara had stood. Then he looked down at a scorched spot on the floor, and frowned. "Well, that's coming out of my security deposit...

"Oh well. I don't know what happened, but I hope she's alright." He stood, walked up to his CD player again, and held his fingers over the "Play" button.

"Hello? Um, excuse me?"

Rick turned away from the CD player again, to the dresser mirror by the door to his room.

Mara was leaning "through" the mirror. "May I come in?"

"AAUGH!" said Rick. He fell back onto his bed again. "Fer cryin' out loud! I only wanted to buy a new CD!"

Mara growled as she fully entered his room. "Yeah, and *I* only wanted to grant a wish. Just look at what you've done to me!"

Her dark cape, blouse and tight leggings had been replaced by ethereal blue and white robes, and her leather neck and wrist straps had turned into colorful bracelets and gold ornaments.

And her red demon marks had changed into blue goddess marks.

Mara turned, and looked at herself in the mirror from which she had just emerged. "Oh no. It's worse than I thought. I'm so sweet, it gives me a sugar rush, just looking at myself."

She fell back on Rick's bed, beside him, and held her face in her hands. "I'm gonna need years of therapy to deal with this..."

Rick looked at her with equal parts concern and confusion. "Uh, I'm sorry... but... what happened to you?"

Mara looked up at him. "Isn't it obvious? You wished that you had been visited by a nice angelic goddess instead of a demon." She gestured to herself. "Well, here I am. I'm a goddess now. All sweetness and light. I think I'm going to be sick..."

Rick was still confused. "You were... transformed? Why didn't they just send someone else, instead of transforming you?"

Mara rubbed her temples. "Yggdrasil is under-staffed, remember? And God has... a strange sense of humor. Didn't you know that? Honestly. Nothing ever makes any sense if you don't know that."

She stood again. "Anyway. I had to come back because I have to grant you a wish. Again."

Rick was even more confused. "Another wish? I didn't wish for more wishes. And I thought I wasn't allowed to do that."

Mara grinned. "I do have to congratulate you on that, kid. You found a loophole. No one's done that for years.

"When you transformed me, you wiped the slate clean. I don't exist as a demon anymore, and so the wish that I granted as a demon doesn't count, even though it's still in effect. And no one ever wished for this before. The lawyers are still trying to work out all the ramifications. But they decided that the best immediate course of action was to grant you another wish, and to get you back on the books as having been served."

Rick whistled. "Wow. I annoyed the lawyers? I guess something good came of this, after all."

He looked at Mara again. "But... I am sorry that you were transformed against your will. Is it permanent?"

"Yup," Mara said. "You can't even wish me back. You can't wish to undo your previous wish. And even if you could, I'd have to come back to you again, as a demon again, and grant you another wish. We'd be in danger of falling into an infinite loop. It gives me a headache, even thinking about it."

Then Mara smiled, almost sweetly. "But hey, don't sweat it, kid. This is hardly the strangest thing that has ever happened to me. I guess I can learn to live with it. And I guess this means I can go drinking with my old friend Urd again... If she ever stops laughing, when she sees this..."

"Well," Rick said, "for what it's worth, I think it's definitely an improvement. But I'm glad you were allowed to keep the fangs. They're cute."

Mara looked down, and blushed just a little. "Um... thanks."

She suddenly looked up at him. "Hey, you're not getting any 'ideas' about me, are you? I know lots of goddesses and demonesses who got turned into girlfriends. That's mostly why Yggdrasil is so under-staffed. Too many goddesses got stuck in 'girlfriend contracts'. I mean, it always works out. They always... fall in... love. But, still... girlfriend contracts are... kinda... creepy..."

"Don't worry," Rick said. I don't want to make things any worse for you than they are. I've already been a lot of, uh, trouble for you, right? I really am sorry about that.

"Anyway. I know you can't just wish for a perfect girlfriend, and fall in love, and live happily ever after. Real life isn't like that. It's not like a movie, or a TV show, or a comic...

"I wish it was, but—"

Too late, Rick clapped a hand to his mouth.

Mara hung her head and groaned. "Aw, man..."