Priceless or The Way We'd Love To See Near Die

by Liana Sold Out

I sure know how to make a good impression, eh? For all of you who have thought about Near in slutty clothes. I know you have. Don't deny it.

Warnings: OOC, language, insinuation.. midnight crack!fiction-ness.. me disregarding the rules of grammar. XD

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Okay, so, it was midnight, and the following conversation ensued:
lianasoldout deviantART com/journal/20268168/

... and so came into being.. this.
-L(iana Sold Out)

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A notebook of death is nowhere near as badass as a gun. That's all there is to it.
Plus, it doesn't look as good in the front of my pants. Really, just imagine it.

"Is that a notebook in your pants, or are you.. wait.. what gender are you exactly?"

... No. Just no.
And then, me with a book down my pants and all, that little bitch Near walks in, and he just takes one look at me and giggles.

"I'm, like, surprised you can, like, fit a book in those pants? Then again, you like, don't have anything else in there, do ya?"

That's the height of offensive insults, right there.
And then he just stands there. As if he expects me to look at him. Him in his boots. And his skimpy shirt. And oh my fucking god, is that a navel piercing? Seriously, that outfit is at least twice as insulting as his insults. And people think me wearing leather pants is a way of soliciting for gay sex.

"Near, what the fuck do you want?"

On second thoughts, with me in tight leather and him in skimpy pink clothes, maybe I don't want to know what he wants.

"Please, come watch me cheerleading? I am, like, the captain of the team, aren't I?"

I fucking hate this guy. Or.. girl? I'm not sure any more.
Really, he's only left me with one choice. And that is, taking the notebook out of my pants and frisbee'ing it at him from across the room.
Luckily, he's too concerned with my crotch germs to pick up the Death Note and figure out what to do with it.

"Why are you even the captain? You suck, Near."

"You, like, wish that I sucked, Mello."

Oh dear God, no. Bad mental images, right there. I tell you, if anybody can explain to me the logic behind MelloxNear, I will pay them.
And he strutted out.

"I'm going to exact revenge on that whore."
"Mello, what can you do to that guy that he hasn't already done to himself? Really"
"Don't start that, Ryuk! I have an idea!"

... You should have seen Light's face when I told him later that day.

"Near's dead? He was killed in a fall? ... While.. cheerleading? Since.. since when does Near.. uh.. "
Priceless.