"Ain't That A Kick In The Head?"
Rated T
Disclaimer: I do not own anything associated with WWE or Total Drama. World Wrestling Entertainment and its wrestlers are owned by the McMahon Family (mostly Vince McMahon) and Total Drama and its characters are owned by FreshTV, Jennifer Pertsch and Tom McGillis. However, since I was caught in a huge writers block, I decided to think of this little one-shot between one of my favorite wrestlers and a not so favorite character from Total Drama Pahkitew Island. I'm certain you all know who it is. Enjoy!
Sheamus was sitting on his hotel room that his company paid for on his year-long tour with the WWE. It was only six years since he'd been traveling with them ever since his WWE debut. The hotel Sheamus was staying at was a extravagant Embassy Suites hotel, which had an awesome indoor pool, just in case if the Celtic Warrior wanted to hit the hot tub later. But he decided to relax first, just to make things well-rested at his hotel room.
Sitting beside Sheamus was a plate of battered sausage with chips, a piece of cottage pie and a pint of Guinness, just because he felt like home.
"Okay, I wonder what's on the tube today?" Sheamus said as he started flipping channels with the remote.
Suddenly, he started flipping them one at a time with nothing interesting coming on his mind. All of it was either a dumb cooking show, a retarded reality show, and a lame sitcom about nothing personal going on in their lives. Sheamus was now bored to the bone.
"Hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it more, hate it often..." Sheamus said between channel.
As he pressed the button one more time, he came across a show where it involves teens being strapped inside an island. And it was all hosted by a sick deranged host with a five o'clock shadow. This host was more sick, twisted and psycho as Mankind, Bray Wyatt and AJ Lee all combined. And he wasn't even that scary to begin with.
The host was Chris McLean, and the show was called Total Drama: Pahkitew Island. Seeing the title come across the screen, Sheamus felt excited. For some reasons why, it was his favorite show.
"All right, Total Drama Pahkitew Island!" Sheamus gleefully exclaimed, "I love this show! I bet that princess is gonna be with the big-headed weirdo. I can't wait to see this happen!"
That princess that Sheamus was referring to was Ella, who was your usual singing princess parody. She approached Dave (which was the germaphobe of the show), who was relaxing on a tree stump, waiting for his crush Sky to get here for a picnic. As he was resting, Dave heard footsteps. Hearing this, Dave opened up his eyes, only to see Ella on her knees before him.
"Ella?" Dave replied.
"Yes, Prince David?" Ella spoke in a sweet voice.
Dave on the other hand, felt nervous.
"D-Dave is fine," He stuttered. "I kinda set off this romantic picnic, cause-uh..."
"I'm listening..." Ella said, blushing like a light. She looked pretty and innocent that way.
"It's for someone very special." Dave smiled nervously.
Hearing this, Ella's heart warmed in total affection.
"Oh, David," Ella squealed nicely. "I'm so-"
"And she's gonna be here any minute," Dave said, cutting her off. "So would you mind going away? Like, before Sky shows up?"
And then, Ella gasped in shock. She didn't know what she heard coming from Dave's lips. Just like that, her blush went away.
"This is... for Sky?" Ella shrugged.
Trying not to be heartbroken, Ella managed to keep her smile. Unfortunately, it wouldn't be for long.
"Of course it is!" She exclaimed, "I'll just... go..."
And just like that, Ella cried her heart out and ran away, leaving Dave alone to smell his flower without a care in the world.
Watching this horrible tragedy, Sheamus was shocked to the core. Apparently, his prediction about Ella being with Dave was nothing but dust in the wind now (yes, it's a Kansas reference).
"How...?" Sheamus muttered, "How dare that little shit! How dare he break Ella's little heart like this? This isn't right!"
Fueling his anger and hatred, Sheamus stood up out of his bed and cracked his knuckles tight.
"I can't believe he would go to new lows like this!" Sheamus exclaimed. "Something's gotta be done. Someone's gotta kick him a new one! And I know the only way to get to that little fart!"
Before he could leave his hotel room however, The Celtic Warrior forgot something he needed to do.
"Right after my pint of Guinness." Sheamus chuckled nervously.
A few months ago...
Dave was at his house, sitting and crying like a little bitch like always. except that he now had a bald head, due to the events surrounding the Pahkitew Island finale. After all of his hard work, he still didn't get Sky all to himself. Which was enough karma for him to handle.
"I was so close to winning her heart!" Dave exclaimed to himself, "So close and yet so far away. maybe I should lock myself in my room until I croak myself to death, or until I blow up in some nuclear holocaust..."
Responding with a stressful sigh, a doorbell rang from his house.
"I better go see who that is." Dave muttered grimly, "If I'm lucky, I hope it's a bullet waiting to take me out of this world..."
Depressed, Dave managed to get the door anyway.
But when he opened the door, he heard a loud battlecry shriek upon his ears.
"FELLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Someone went.
When Dave looked up...
...
...
...he was hit by a boot coming at him at 250 mph!
The impact forced Dave to fly through his living room and hit a glass mirror standing beside him, therefore knocking the germaphobe down on the floor. The glass mirror broke too, but luckily, the back of Dave's head wasnt bleeding on impact.
Trying to regain consciousness, Dave opened his eyes, only to see Sheamus standing before him!
"Owwwww," Dave replied. "What was that for?"
"THAT'S FOR BREAKING ELLA'S HEART IN PAHKITEW ISLAND, YA RETARDED POOPHOLE!" Sheamus shouted at Dave's face before walking away from him.
As soon as the Celtic Warrior walked away from Dave, the germaphobed teenager slowly leaned his head up in pain. From there, Dave shouted out something he didn't know what he did in the past:
"Wha-WHAT THE HELL DID I EVEN DO?!"
From there, Dave regained unconsciousness and slumped back in the floor. To top it off all of the karma Dave had, the way he was Brogue Kicked by a huge Irishman had to be the worst. And in every which way, he totally got what was coming to him.
Ain't that a kick in the head?
I admit that after watching that episode on TDPI, I lost all respect for Dave. For that, he should go into my hate list, which involves Staci, Sugar, Amy, Courtney and Alejandro. Deep down.
Anyway, what did the rest of you fellas think of this. Don't be afraid to send in feedback! Until then, this pint's on me!