Summary – How Sherlock could expect to rise from the dead after three years and not expect to acquire 'Jesus' as a nickname, Lestrade had no idea.
Disclaimer – Not my characters, or my show. Damn.
I hope no one feels offended, this is just light-hearted fun.
08th April
He is Risen Indeed... Halleluiah?
Let's hear the resurrection of Sherlock, according to Lestrade.
Well, Sherlock was back. That egotistical, infantile bastard faked his death for three years and then decided to come back on Easter Sunday like some sort of bad joke. Turns out no one knew that he was actually alive, I certainly didn't and neither did John (who knows about Mycroft Holmes, I certainly won't be asking him). Not sure I've got a right to feel betrayed though, not under the circumstances in which he 'died'. He died to save me, save us all. But back to that later.
If I'm angry though, however irrational and perhaps unreasonable it is, then I don't know how John is feeling. No one knows how their 'reunion' of sorts went. I know others try to pry, there are comments on John's blog asking "What happened?" and neither John nor Sherlock have replied. It is fitting, how no one knows – something private between the both of them (It's rather like, now I think about it, how the reunion between Jesus and Mary, his mother, is never documented). It is simply none of our business.
All I can tell you is the aftermath of his return, and there's not much to tell. Sherlock came in to Scotland Yard and there was the initial disbelief, with the doubting Sergeant Thomas pinching him to make sure he was real and there was real hurt and anger from several members of the Yard (among which I was included). Sherlock just rolled his eyes and insulted everyone, as per usual, and it was quite comforting in a weird way – like everything was back to normal. But he wasn't quite normal, I could tell. He had this look in his eyes and he kept looking round for John, surreptitiously I might add, but I didn't become a Detective Inspector for nothing. I would tell you everything that happened, but I have better things to do, like hunt criminals, and John is much better at this blogging business than I am. Ask him.
Anyway, after the initial shock the 'Jesus' references kept coming in. "And in the third year he rose again, in accordance with the scriptures of the John Watson blog!" was Sally's personal favourite while Anderson stuck to the unfortunate fact (for Sherlock anyway) that he came to the Yard wearing sandals. According to Anderson that immediately makes you like Jesus. Sometimes I think he is as clever as Sherlock makes him out to be.
John joined us Yarders for a pint down the local pub, and I honestly half-expected to start speaking in tongues, with all the weirdness that surrounded the situation. It was obvious John knew nothing about Sherlock being alive for three years, poor bloke. He's a good man, John Watson. Even joined in a few of the jokes, telling us how Sherlock had told him in his 'note' to spread the 'truth' about Sherlock to everyone he knew, and how his least favourite disciple, Mycroft, betrayed him to his enemy. Difference is that he probably won't hang himself though. He's way too pig-headed for that. Luckily I don't see him very often, I have quite a few choice words for him – unlikely he sold out his brother for 30 pieces of silver, the public school accent and general poshness about him makes it seem unlikely he would sell out his brother for money.
I can hear Donovan and Anderson making up a Sherlock version of a prayer. I'll type it down for evidence reasone and tell them off later.
The Freak, Who art in Baker Street
Sherlock Holmes be thy name
Thy criminals come, thy shooting is done
In London more than anywhere else
He'll give us today some prying deductions
Because he is a wanker too
And he'll tell us everything about us
And he'll find a dead body a temptation
Because he is so evil
For his is London, the Force and the Met
Forever and bloody ever
Our-Man
Sometimes they're as juvenile as each other. Sherlock and those two, I mean. I probably won't even bother telling them off. Much better things to do. Where was I anyway? *Scrolls up*, yeah, the pub night. I'm sure there are loads more Jesus references we came up with that night, but I can't remember them for the life of me. This hangover's a bitch and I drank way too much to remember all what happened last night. There was definitely something about Sherlock wearing a white sheet, and John denying he knew Sherlock three times to some reporter who was trying to ambush him outside his flat, hope he doesn't feel guilty about that, journalists are everyone's worst nightmare.
So anyway, all these reasons are why everyone now calls Sherlock 'Jesus'. I think it's just a cover-up for swearing in his presence to be honest. Don't think Sherlock really cares, he probably does see himself as a God – he certainly worships himself enough. And now I've joined the gospel writers (two of us now, the testimonies of John and Lestrade), and have absolutely nothing to write because I've got no cases. Blessed are the peacemakers? Not if Sherlock's in charge, he's going stir-crazy up in that flat (or so John tells me).
But at least now he's back he can do all the running about and solve all my crimes quicker. Amen to that!
Thank you for reading! I haven't written any fanfiction for a long time, but this came to me last night at work when I started comparing Sherlock and Jesus. I really hope I haven't offended anyone, Sherlock definitely ISN'T Jesus, but I thought it would be something that the juvenile Yarders would like to make fun of to get back at Sherlock. I don't really want to ask for reviews, but if you could leave a smiley or unhappy face I would be very grateful Not sure if I should keep this as a one-shot, or maybe do a sequel. I'm going to shut up now.