Remember that boy in school who always gave relationship advice to the girls he liked that were taken? Every time he solves an issue; he succeeds but not with the girl. That boy is me. I am always in the friendzone. The nice guy... I hope you enjoy my story, my fellow memers...

Chapter 1

I walked in through the doors of my new school. It was a giant looking piece of shit, complete with the prison feeling you got when the doors closed behind you. I knew I hated it already, too much fucking plaid. My councillor said this was the right thing to do. No,wait, that's a lie, all that bastard ever says is "why" the the thickest fucking bullshit Indian accent I've ever heard. For somebody who's on multiple anti-depressants, and pills for anxiety, this was literally the worst fucking option to help me out. It was my mom who sent me here, told me it would help me. I call bullshit. This is the same woman who dressed my best friend up as a mermaid. His name is Benny, and he's a faggot. Pug piece of shit.

My Wal-Mart converse tapped on the floor as I walked down the hall. I don't think anybody could notice how much of a faggot I am if the bags under my eyes (which could very well belong to a 100 year old Asian man) didn't catch them off guard. I looked up the stairs, and that's when I saw it.

'Fuck' I said to myself 'Looks like the fucking furries made it to this sack of shit too.' A girl with a crusty fox tail hanging from her pants, and just as crusty fox ears climbed the stairs in front of me.

'Damn dude, looks like Weebola is more infectious than I thought' I decided to stay clear of that wreck in knee-highs and turned around. That's when I bumped into him. The dude of my dreams. He was the most emo looking piece of shit I've ever seen. Now, I'm not a raging homosexual or anything, but I would 10/10 tie this dude to my bed and butt fuck him until he died from internal bleeding.

"sorry" he muttered in this weak bitch-ass piece of shit voice.

"damn dude. Your bags are almost darker than mine" I pointed out, bluntly, because I'm a piece of shit and I don't have a filter. He tugged at the skin under his eye momentarily before putting his hand down.

"I'm Corbin, but you can call me Presley"

"I'm not calling you Presley, you cunt. My name's Ryan" I tipped my fedora at him. The bell's obnoxiously loud monotone blurb came over the speakers.

"I'll catch you later then , dude" Corbin said as he walked away.

A decent day. Apart from the bullshit lectures the teachers gave about 'Getting no-where without math' and, 'Fuck your dreams, you're going to be an accountant.' Turns out Corbin was in most of my classes. He's the most depressed emo piece of shit I've ever met. But there's something about the way my pre-pubescent chin hairs stand on edge when he recoils from everything I say that makes me feel alive. He's so innocent, and I can't wait to shatter him. He invited me for a band practice with his friend 'Smackie' or some bullshit like that. I play the guitar, Corbin plays bass, it's like it was meant to be. So I'm going to this band practice. Apparently there will be pizza, I'd eat it but I don't want to look fat in front of Corbin. And I especially don't want to have pizza breath when I smash my mouth against his as he submits to me. Fuck. I can't wait to dominate him. Now I have a new goal: fuck the brains out of my piece of shit emo friend.

"Damn dude" Corbin said "You look really deep in thought" he looked at me with his head slightly turned upward. Which, by the way, made zero fucking sense because I am shorter than him by all the feet.

"Nah man, I'm just thinking of all the bitches I'm going to impress and then fuck later with the fact that I got a new gun, yo" Corbins face recoiled into a state of such disgust, you could have almost felt bad for him. Too bad I don't give shit.