Found
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Rating: T
World: AU after the Gaara and Lee vs. Kimimaro fight
For Sunny
Which is stronger: fear or love?
7
She would never forget that day, the day he found her.
It started with an apple someone had already taken a bite out of. The white meat was browning from overexposure to the air, and it only got worse as she ran. Her bare feet clapped against the cobblestone pavement as she raced through the streets of the Hidden Sound Village, heedless of the people she passed. But the suspense was too much. Usually, people shouted, screamed at her, flung filthy insults at an even filthier girl. There was none of that now. She looked over her shoulder, and she saw why.
Someone was chasing her.
Fear gnawed at her calloused heels, trying to trip her up, but Tayuya kept running. She knew these streets, had grown up in them. There was no way they would betray her. They were all she had, all seven years of her life.
She ducked into a back alley, jumped over a coiled, rusty pile of barbed wire someone had thrown out, and grabbed the corner up ahead to channel her momentum into a left turn.
He followed.
Something pinged off the brick alley walls near her head, and Tayuya ducked on instinct. Shaking her pursuer would not be so easy if he was intent on hurting her. It was just an apple! Grimacing, she hopped atop a dumpster and reached for a fire escape ladder. She wasn't tall enough.
"Hey!" a voice called.
Tayuya ignored him. Holding the apple between her teeth, she jumped up with all her might and caught the end of the ladder just as the person chasing her began to climb onto the dumpster, too. She scrambled up and up, as fast as she could go, but he followed. The roof was a welcome sight, wide and spacious. If she could just jump to the next rooftop, she could lose him in another of the back alleys. They were like a maze to anyone who didn't know them as well as she did.
She ran, chewing on a bite of the apple as she went, and prepared to launch herself over the chasm between buildings. Something caught her ankle just as she prepared to take off, however, and she face-planted on the cement. Crying out, Tayuya struggled to her hands and knees. Something warm traveled down her forehead, and when she touched two fingers to it, she saw red. Tears stung her eyes as she flipped around to face her captor. But the sight of what had caught her made her freeze.
Those fangs of fear that chewed at her fleeing feet had caught up to her, eviscerating her like an animal for slaughter. She felt like an animal the way he had her chained up. Bones, a lash of bones still bloody, like they'd only recently been removed from a living body, wrapped around her ankle, digging into the skin. They snaked away from her until she saw the hand that held them. A small hand, like hers, but the boy's eyes were not like hers at all. Where she was shaking, working on instinct, he was calm and calculating. She could see it in the way he watched her, assessed her injuries, the snarl on her lips. He knew what she was, and she didn't have a clue about him.
"All that effort for a half-eaten apple," he said, curious, though it wasn't a question.
Tayuya wiped the blood from her forehead, though it didn't do much good with her head cut open. "Same to you."
He approached, and Tayuya tensed. She scrambled back on her hands, but the bone whip held her in place. Frantic for a way out, she looked around for something to fight back with, anything. A rusty metal bar, bent in places, rested against the edge of the roof in a pile of other junk. She grabbed it and brandished it at her attacker.
"Stay back!" she warned.
The boy paused and eyed the crude weapon. Slowly, and without a word, he lifted his hand, palm flat. Tayuya began to shake as she prepared for an attack, but it never came. The sound of bone crunching, flesh ripping, stunned her stupid. His hand opened up and out came the jagged length of a bone, sharpened at the end. Blood leaked from small crevices and imperfections along its length, as well as from the gaping wound in his hand. Tayuya could not even manage a scream.
"I don't want to fight you," he said. "But you took that from Orochimaru-sama."
It took Tayuya a moment to realize he was talking about the apple, and she threw it at him, eager to part with it if it would mean her life. "Take it! You can have it!"
He didn't even blink as the browned fruit knocked him in the hip and rolled to the side. Pale, green eyes continued to watch her, to weigh her down, searching for something.
"What's your name?"
"I'm not saying."
"Where's your family?"
"None of your business!"
"An orphan, then. Like me."
Tayuya bit back a nasty retort at the admission. He said it so easily, like he was talking about someone else. He didn't cry, didn't even crumble. He was strong, and Tayuya felt a stab of jealousy at the revelation, along with something else. Something she wouldn't understand until she was older and could see the difference.
"Tayuya," she said at last, watching him carefully. "Are you gonna kill me?"
"Not if you come with me."
"Where?" She wasn't sure she liked the sound of that.
"To Orochimaru-sama's place. He'll know what to do with you."
Orochimaru, she knew, was the leader of Sound, a powerful ninja both feared and respected. He kept to himself mostly, and as long as the people served him when he required their services, he left them alone. But Tayuya had heard the whispers that he was evil, a monster that had invaded this land and murdered the daimyo before wresting power for himself. She could not fight off this boy, and he would take her to Orochimaru whether she liked it or not. Only survival mattered now that he'd found her.
"I'll come if you let me go."
He hesitated a moment, but complied. The bone lash freed her ankle, bruised and bleeding, but she watched him instead as he reached behind his head and the lash disappeared with a sickening sucking sound. Tayuya swallowed the urge to vomit. She'd seen worse living on the streets.
He offered her a hand up, the same one he'd used to show her his gruesome technique. The palm was a little bloody, but she figured complaining would do her no favors. She accepted his hand and he hauled her up with ease, strong for a boy his size.
"This way."
He turned, expecting her to follow, but she tugged his hand back. "Wait, what's your name?"
He didn't break away from her grasp, sticky with his blood and hers, as he spared her a glance over his shoulder.
"I'm Kimimaro."
He led her by the hand back to the heart of Sound, to a place she didn't know and knew instinctively to fear, but if she had to be afraid, at least she didn't have to be alone.
He stayed with her every step of the way.
17
In all honesty, Kimimaro had not thought he would live this long.
It was easy to ignore the sickness as a child. The symptoms were nugatory for years, but as he progressed into his teenage years it became more of a hindrance. He spent three years hiding it from Orochimaru and Kabuto, afraid of what might happen should it be discovered.
It turned out his instincts were right.
Orochimaru caught Kimimaro washing blood down his sink. His hand smeared the mirror trying to get the splatter off, to leave no trace. It had been a coincidence that Orochimaru happened to walk by Kimimaro's room at that precise moment. At least, this was what Kimimaro rationalized to himself. But Orochimaru was possessed of a kind of clairvoyance no mortal man should possess.
Though, Orochimaru was not mortal.
Kabuto ran test after test, but the more intrigued he became with Kimimaro's exotic illness, the more obvious it became that this was a science project, not a medical intervention. Kimimaro did not fear death. He had dealt so much of it that it was only fair that it caught up to him in the end. But he did fear something.
"Kabuto tells me your illness is terminal," Orochimaru said as he dined on a lavish dinner. "That's very unfortunate."
Kimimaro stood near the entrance of the small dining room. Orochimaru almost always ate alone, and it was only during meal times that he called upon his underlings for the direst news. Kimimaro could smell the roasted fish from across the room, mouthwatering. Decadent. So out of place.
"Illness will not stop me from carrying out your will, Orochimaru-sama," Kimimaro said.
Orochimaru took a sip of his red wine, reptilian eyes lingering on Kimimaro's frame, tall and proud, but hiding something insidious underneath. They both knew what this meant. But so long as he didn't say it, didn't make it a reality, Kimimaro could continue to have hope.
"You know, Kimimaro, I trust you with my life, just as you trusted me with yours when I found you all those years ago. I only want what's best for you. You're like a son to me."
Kimimaro remained stolid and still, the years of training unbreakable even now. He knew these things, but to hear them aloud was the greatest joy he could imagine. His hopes reaffirmed, his position in his master's eyes assured. There was no greater happiness.
"But if it turns out that Kabuto cannot reverse the effects of your disease, then I will have to find a more suitable vessel. I'm sure you understand."
Crushed.
When glass breaks, it does one of two things: it either crumbles to useless dust, or it shatters into jagged edges, weapons that cut and draw blood. Either way, it breaks. And even if one managed to put the pieces back together, they would never look the way they once did.
Kimimaro bowed low. "I understand. I'm sorry, Master."
He moved to excuse himself, no longer wanting to burden his master with his presence, but Orochimaru's voice followed him out.
"I'm sorry, too."
Kimimaro was no fool. He knew what was said behind closed doors, in darkness, under the false pretense of privacy. He knew that Orochimaru's followers stayed out of fear, for themselves, for their loved ones, for the sake of fear itself. But they didn't know Orochimaru like he did. They didn't know what Orochimaru had done for him, what he was capable of doing. And for that, Kimimaro vowed to remain Orochimaru's loyal soldier to his dying breath. It was a pittance compared to the second chance Orochimaru had given him after a lifetime of death and destruction. Kimimaro had a purpose, meaning, and he would die to protect it.
But even his iron resolve faltered with time, as the days passed and Kabuto grew less and less confident about finding any possible remedy to curb Kimimaro's illness. The pain was becoming a near constant, and at night breathing felt like drowning. Kimimaro stopped training to conserve his energy in case Orochimaru needed him for a mission.
One of the hardest things was relinquishing control of the Sound Five. They were under Kimimaro's direct command, and to give up that position was no clearer sign of weakness. Rumors spread about his condition, but aside from Kimimaro, only Kabuto and Orochimaru knew the truth. No one substantiated the whispers floating around, and Kimimaro ignored them to the best of his ability.
She, however, was impossible to ignore.
Tayuya cornered him in his room, the one place he'd told her more than once was his and his alone, and she was not welcome there. It was the one place he could let go of the act, rest, think on his short life and all he'd done for Orochimaru (never enough). Suffer in solitude.
"Listen, Kimimaro, are you gonna tell me what the fuck is up with you or do I have to beat it out of you?"
Loud, uncouth, unannounced. Tayuya was a hurricane living in a woman's body. Even her color scheme was a natural disaster waiting to happen, like some kind of exotic animal that tempted touch but would deliver only agony in return.
"Why do you let her talk to you like that? I'da smacked her good a long time ago," Kidomaru had told him several years ago when he was recruited for the Sound Five project.
"If you smack her, it will be the last thing you ever do," Kimimaro had said.
Not as a threat, or even as a show of bravado. And not because Kimimaro would have intervened on Tayuya's behalf; she could handle herself. It was the truth, and he could not afford to lose a promising recruit to Tayuya's temper. He'd named her acting leader in his place for a reason.
"I told you my room is off limits," Kimimaro said, blinking the memory away.
He sat on his bed, straight-backed, as he attempted to regulate his breathing. Today was one of his better days; he'd only lost control in a coughing fit once early in the morning. Tayuya wore her usual Sound uniform minus the restrictive rope belt, but instead of her trademark beanie, her wild, magenta hair hung loose down her back, damp from a recent shower.
"Yeah, whatever."
She plopped down on his bed and stretched out. Her wet hair dripped onto his pillow, and he followed the water droplets with his eyes. While he didn't want to fight her, he didn't want her sticking around to witness his illness cripple him.
"Tayuya," he said, the warning in his tone clear.
She averted her gaze and swallowed. Even at her most relaxed, she was terrified of him. Most were. Fear had kept her alive this long, and she held onto it like a lifeline. It was hers and only hers. Sitting up, her long hair fell over her shoulder. She was close enough to smell the blood on his breath.
"I'm not doing it. I'm not leading the Sound Five. Not until you tell me why."
He was fast losing his patience with her, as usual. "It's not your place to question my orders. Don't make me repeat myself."
He rose, but she pulled him back down. "Fuck that. This isn't like you. What the hell's going on—"
Faster than she could blink, Kimimaro pinned her to the wall behind his bed. His knee dug painfully into the swell of her thigh, and he had her in a choke hold. Wide, brown eyes held his gaze, and he could just imagine her thoughts. Keep calm, don't provoke him, breathe. As if this tactic had ever saved her before. As if she could fool either of them into thinking he didn't scare her to death.
"Why haven't I killed you yet?" he asked. Inches apart, he could feel her shallow breathing against his lips.
"Because you can't."
Kimimaro ran his fingers through her damp hair, soft for the life they lived. "You know I can. So why haven't I?"
Tayuya shuddered, but whether out of sheer terror or something else was anyone's guess. Kimimaro preferred not to dwell on it.
"Because you don't want to."
The grip he had on her throat tightened and her eyes watered. Still, she held his gaze. Tayuya was afraid of him, she always had been, but she was no coward. Maybe that was why.
"Sometimes I do," he said.
Her hands gripped the sheets, white-knuckled, but when she moved them to trace his body, over lean muscle and the curse they had both survived, they were confident and firm. She gripped the edges of his collar.
"Then do it."
She had started as another recruit, an eager one at first, gifted in an art Kimimaro had never understood and never tired of watching. He moved faster than the eye could see to cut down his enemies. She barely moved at all. He drew blood. She drew souls. She was his underling, his subordinate, until one day she was more than that.
She failed a solo mission, the first and last one she would ever receive. The target escaped, along with the information she was tasked with bringing back. Orochimaru never raised his hand against anyone, barely moved, like her. But Kabuto did. And when Orochimaru ordered Kabuto to break Tayuya's fingers so she could not play her flute, so she could remember what it was like to be a useless piece of meat, Kimimaro intervened.
It's not a smart move, she's only as useful as her abilities, she's the best genjutsu user I've ever seen. Excuses.
"I need her on the team."
Kabuto laughed in Kimimaro's face, but Orochimaru was not in a joking mood.
"After all this time together, this is the one thing you ask of me? Well, I suppose we all want new toys now and then."
He spared her the torture, having lost interest, but Kimimaro understood the implications of this favor well enough. She was his responsibility now; her failures would become his failures. And just like that, Tayuya became Kimimaro's right hand. He created the Sound Five to spare her the agony of Orochimaru's punishment.
He didn't trust her. He didn't even much like her. She was crass, rough, had a problem with authority. Possibly the worst choice for a fledgling team effort. But she could do what he could not, and that was reason enough not to throw her away. To keep her close. Something changed in her that day, the day he'd saved her from the one person he loved more than anything. He thought little of it, but she thought the world of it. Maybe that was why.
Now, with her life in his hands once again, he found himself falling back on those same, hollow excuses. Why, why, why. Why do you care? Why do I? But she didn't need to know why, and neither did he. It had come to them long ago, maybe that first day when they'd met and he'd chosen to take her with him instead of rip her apart. Recognizing in her the same scars he'd borne all his life. On his worst days, he wondered if he'd helped her at all.
"No," he said.
He barely got the word out when she grabbed his collar and closed the distance between them with a kiss that would bruise. A new pain to distract him from the one he harbored deep inside, the one that was killing him. He drew her in and shoved her down onto the bed. Her damp hair splayed over his pillow, slipped through his fingers like water. For a woman as sharp at the edges as Tayuya, there was nothing sharp about her like this.
They tore at each other until there was nothing between them. The ever-present ache that killed a little more of him everyday was not welcome here. She hurt more than it ever could, drowned it out. Like this, bared to the world, Kimimaro almost didn't believe she was the same person, the hardened warrior who hit first and asked questions later. Like this, she was just that girl he'd found by accident, the one who'd survived him and this place, the one who would outlive him long after.
"Kimimaro," she said against his ear, desperate, the part of her she hid away under layers of broken glass.
Just before she raked her nails across his back and drew blood. He gripped her hip hard enough to hurt and bit down on her shoulder. It didn't stop her, and his bloodline limit healed all traces of her. In a moment of insanity born of ecstasy, he wished it would leave her there and instead take the demon buried too deep for her to reach. A selfish wish, and one he would never let himself have. Not that he had any say in the matter anymore.
The sheets smelled like her even though she'd only been here for a short while, keeping her. Her hair was dry and warm against his bare shoulder. The ache was coming back, and soon he would start to drown as night set in, but for now he lay there counting her breaths, so easy and unhindered.
It was times like these that Kimimaro could almost believe she loved him more than she feared him.
There were no windows in the subterranean Sound base. No way to tell the time except for the small digital clock blinking red on the dresser on the other side of the room. She didn't move even when he ran his fingers through her hair.
"Tayuya, I'm dying."
"We're all fucking dying. Don't be so morbid."
Her breathing remained even and slow, the perfect illusion of sleep even as she began to trace the lines of his curse mark with a finger. He closed his eyes, concentrating on her fingers in an attempt to blot out the rumbling in his lungs.
"I'm sick. There's no cure. I won't last long."
She pulled away and sat up, not caring that she was uncovered. Tayuya was all talk, and while she had perfected the illusion of fury, few things really set her off. The stillness that crept up on her like a ghost, the troubled look in her eyes that made them look darker, and the way she whispered told him everything he needed to know.
"What the hell are you talking about?" she demanded.
"That's why you'll be leading the Sound Five. Or, Sound Four."
She searched him for cracks, anything to burrow into and break apart, but she found nothing. "You're serious."
"Yes." His own voice sounded foreign to his ears, too soft.
Her gaze became faraway as she processed the reality. Anger beat out everything, sadness, regret, sympathy, even her faithful fear of him. Without a word, she rose from the bed and dressed. Kimimaro sat up and the sheets pooled in his lap. He made no move to join her.
"There's no reason for you to be angry," he said. "Cut it out."
She bit back a bitter laugh. "You know what? Fuck you."
Fully dressed and sporting a messy head of tangles, she kept her eyes averted and headed for the door.
"Tayuya," Kimimaro said.
"No, I fucking hate you!"
She made the mistake of facing him just before slamming the door, and he saw himself in her eyes, too bright with unshed tears. Just as the door closed behind her, he let go of the floodgates and doubled over coughing. Dark red muck fell from his mouth, thick with tissue and poison. It splattered on the floor, sprayed onto the sheets that smelled like her. But all he could taste was the blood, bitter on his tongue.
Tayuya ran down the hall as fast as she could, thinking if she moved fast enough she might not hear him or the demon that lingered in her absence. His coughing followed her, echoed along behind her, but no one saw her flight. The only sign that she'd been there at all was the tears she left behind.
She never thought she would live this long.
It was longer than sixty-three percent of shinobi, if she wanted to equate her life to a statistic. Then again, sixty-three percent of shinobi didn't have the good (or bad) fortune of knowing Uchiha Sasuke.
Kimimaro's replacement as Orochimaru's vessel was mixed news for Tayuya. Pissed that the Sound Four had to be the ones to bring him in, things only got worse when one of his allies, a fucking kid, nearly got her killed. It was a slap in the face, and not because she'd lost, but because this was less about obeying Orochimaru and more about betraying Kimimaro. Not that he would ever see it that way, but she never said he was very smart. Or self-centered. She had to be selfish enough for the both of them.
She'd had a moment of weakness fighting Nara Shikamaru. She let it go to her head, and she paid the price. And worse, Kimimaro had to save her again.
"I haven't killed you yet," he'd warned her, "because you still have a mission to accomplish for Orochimaru-sama."
For the first time in all the years she'd known him, Tayuya knew this time he really wanted to follow through. But it was just her luck, loving a man who loved someone else more. It occurred to her that she wouldn't love him if he were any other way. It had also occurred to her that she didn't care what he thought. Selfish, remember?
And so she made a choice to betray his wishes, everything he held dear.
The girl who arrived to help Shikamaru was no pushover. Tayuya changed her tactics from offensive to defensive, all the while concocting an elaborate genjutsu to leave behind for them to find. Her shadow beasts kept her opponents busy, but barely. Temari was tearing them apart fast, and Tayuya was out of time. She had to take a hit to make it look convincing, to get to Temari to back off. Illusions were all about sleight of hand, smoke and mirrors. She showed them a vision of her mutilated corpse disappearing underneath a tree Temari felled with her razor wind, while Tayuya disappeared into the shadows.
It was easy to die. People saw what they wanted to see, and Temari and Shikamaru wanted nothing more than to see Tayuya dead. As long as she gave them an inch, they would run the rest of the mile without her. It was even easier to kill another person, someone who was already dead on his feet.
Orochimaru had called her a siren once, when he heard her play. A sweet, elegiac melody that lulled the mind and soothed the heart, slowing it down and down until there was no coming back. She hadn't had the energy or the desire to deal with Sabaku no Gaara and Rock Lee, her only concern being Kimimaro. There was no need to engage enemies that would outclass her after the beating she'd taken at their allies' hands; it was only a matter of lying in wait for the opportune moment to initiate a genjutsu they would never see coming.
The notes reached their ears on the wind, slowing their movements, sapping their vitality. Sound-based genjutsu were the most potent type of illusion, effective even out of sight. There was no need to make eye contact or blow her cover. Combined with the element of surprise, knocking out three powerful shinobi in one fell swoop was a cakewalk.
With Gaara, Lee, and Kimimaro under her illusory spell, Tayuya abandoned her hiding place and hoisted Kimimaro over her shoulder to begin what would turn out to be a grueling trek across an entire country. She'd caught him before he could enter his cursed seal mode, thanking her excellent sense of timing. Whatever was killing him probably wouldn't mesh well with Orochimaru's chakra.
He was dying. He shouldn't have even been walking, much less fighting. She dragged his weight for a day and a night, leaving Uchiha Sasuke behind to find his own path. After all, she and Kimimaro had been so much younger than him and they'd made it this far, still going, barely alive but who was counting? She didn't think about it as she carried him, determined finally to help him somehow. Return the favor.
Because on her worst days, she knew she would be more than dead if it weren't for him.
Sometimes she would dream about that longest day of her life, those twenty-four hours when she didn't know if she could help, if she'd ever been able to help. If he could wake up from her spell, he probably wouldn't want her help, anyway, not for the price she was willing to pay by severing all ties to Sound and Orochimaru. But if there were even a shred of hope, something to indicate that she could do something, then she would do it for him and fuck everyone else, even if he decided he hated her for trying when he woke up.
When. Hah.
Tayuya was no healer. She was useless at fixing things, and she had no desire to change that. But she was good at weaving magic, trickery, lulling even the smartest minds into a false sense of security. The genjutsu she cast on him when they had the cover of night was a slow dirge, languorous. Each note of her flute sent him deeper into a death-like sleep. Not just his mind, but his heart, his lungs, and the demon that haunted him. She couldn't fix him, but she could buy herself some time to find someone who could. He would waste away, hibernating in a liminal state between life and death, but he would not die. Not yet.
There were plenty of charlatan medics throughout the continent willing to help for a price, and willing to forget what they saw for a higher price. It was like going back in time, living day to day, never knowing if this meal would be her last. A life on the run, but it was still a life, and that was more than she and Kimimaro had had in their final days in Sound. Tayuya was a survivor, always had been, and so was Kimimaro despite his doomsday attitude. Anyway, he didn't have a say in the matter. Not that he could have; he was comatose.
For two and a half years.
It got to the point that Tayuya would just talk at him, and his steady breathing was comfort enough that she wasn't going crazy, wasn't living a lie.
But if she had to live a lie, she would do it for him and no one else.
She had seen every medic worth his salt, even civilian doctors. She'd busted her ass on freelance shinobi work, mostly theft and reconnaissance given her specific talents, even the occasional delivery of you-don't-want-to-know. All while keeping her head down. The medics curbed Kimimaro's symptoms so they would not denigrate his system any further. Drugs kept him alive, if shitting his bed and eating through a feeding tube was considered living. But Tayuya learned, with some help from the medics she paid, and it got easier. She'd found a place in the badlands of Lightning Country, far from civilization but not too far to make supply runs. It was remote and far from large concentrations of shinobi. No one would have ever thought to look for them there. No one would have expected them even to be alive anymore.
Until one day, enough was enough. She kept tabs on Sound out of fear and paranoia that Orochimaru would discover her treachery and hunt her down like an animal. The day never came, but something else did. Word of a girl Orochimaru had recruited just after Sasuke. A girl who could heal any injury. Information was tough to come by when Tayuya wasn't willing to risk a trip to her old home even for Kimimaro's sake, and time passed. Years. Orochimaru's warranty on his latest vessel was nearly up, and Tayuya found opportunity knocking, now or never. Leaving Kimimaro in the small mountain cabin, Tayuya made her homecoming trip back to Sound with one target in mind: Uchiha Sasuke.
"I want to make you a deal," she said.
Getting him alone was harder than she'd imagined it would be. He was always with Orochimaru, and when he wasn't he stayed deep inside the Sound base. He never ventured into town on a whim, not like Kimimaro would sometimes do just to breathe. But after paying off some street kids to track Sasuke's movements for about a week while she hid out on the outskirts of the village, the window of opportunity opened. It was dark, and he was older. Different. So was she. The only thing she recalled about him from that time was the look in his eyes, the same as Kimimaro's.
Dead.
"I know you," he said. "...Tayuya. You died."
"So did you," she said, holding his gaze.
"You have five seconds."
"You want to find Itachi, right?" It was no secret that Sasuke wanted his brother dead, and Tayuya doubted he could do it possessed by Orochimaru. "Orochimaru's not gonna let you go. You'll have to kill the bastard or die yourself. Trust me, I've been there."
Sasuke said nothing, but the look in his eyes told her she'd hit the nail on the head.
"I can help you. My genjutsu's the best you'll ever find and you know it. I can take care of Kabuto and the rest of the jackasses in the base for a limited amount of time while you deal with Orochimaru."
"What makes you think I need your help?"
"The fact that you haven't already left, dumbass."
Like Kimimaro, Sasuke understood only one language, and she only had one chance to get it through his thick skull. It didn't matter if he was stronger, if she was afraid. She was not a coward.
"I assume you want something in return."
Gotcha.
Tayuya smirked. "I want your girl. Karin."
Sharingan eyes bore into Tayuya with an intensity that had not been there before. "What for?"
"Because she might be able to heal Kimimaro."
"Kimimaro," Sasuke repeated, visibly stunned. "He's alive?"
"I wouldn't call it that, but he's not beyond saving yet. So, we got a deal, Uchiha?"
He paused, looking her over for a bit. "It's not my decision to make. But I'll ask her."
Tayuya growled. "Listen, you little shit stain. I need a guarantee or you're not getting any goddamned help."
Her anger did not faze Sasuke. "If I ask her to do this for me, she'll do it. Now back off."
"She better. I'm not in the habit of trusting Sound lackeys. Never have been."
"We have that in common."
Looking back on it, Tayuya wasn't as excited about the prospect of Orochimaru's death as she should have been. It would devastate Kimimaro. Even after everything he'd been through, even after Orochimaru had cast him off in favor of a younger, healthier vessel, even despite the fact that becoming Orochimaru's vessel at all would mean a fate worse than death, Kimimaro was loyal until the end. He would not have gone with her willingly, and she knew it. Orochimaru had always come first, and she knew that when she'd made the decision to put Kimimaro first. He might even hate her for the rest of his life. But at least he would have a life. It was good enough for now.
So when the time finally came for Tayuya to uphold her end of the bargain, she made sure to deliver her best performance. Kabuto was adept at genjutsu and he knew hers well, but she had the element of surprise on her side. The chakra output to maintain such a vast illusion was staggering, and she knew she'd be a sitting duck by the end of it if Sasuke didn't follow through.
The halls of Sound brought back only bitter memories as she walked them, playing her song and spreading her siren's spell. Kimimaro's room was down the hall to the right, but Tayuya avoided it. It wasn't his anymore. This was not home anymore. Sound nin in their rooms dropped like flies when they heard her song, and when she passed by the medical wing, she couldn't help picking up the pace. Encountering Kabuto was the last thing she wanted to do. There was no resistance, no fight. So long as she stayed away from Orochimaru's private wing, she would be fine. He was Sasuke's problem now, not hers.
"You have three minutes," she told Sasuke as she finished her tune and focused her chakra to maintain the illusion back outside. "So don't dick around."
He didn't.
The Sound base was quiet as its inhabitants dreamed in a stupor. All but one, and he was dead in exactly two minutes and fifty-one seconds. As soon as Tayuya felt Orochimaru's energy disappear, she released the genjutsu and got the hell out of there, booking it for the Southern Hideout where she was supposed to rendezvous with Sasuke. She was more than a little surprised to find him honoring their deal when he showed up with one of Orochimaru's former experiments, Hozuki Suigetsu, who delighted in explaining to Tayuya how they were going on an adventure to collect Mist's seven legendary swords. And maybe kill Itachi along the way if they had time.
Tayuya didn't care to listen much, more concerned with Karin and how soon she might be able to take a look at Kimimaro. It turned out she was less than thrilled about the idea of healing someone who was not Sasuke.
"Tayuya helped me escape Sound. Orochimaru's dead because it," Sasuke explained. "It's a small price to pay."
"Well, I'm so glad you feel comfortable making decisions for me," Karin snapped. "Arrogant piece of shit."
If Kimimaro's life was not hanging in the balance, Tayuya thought she might have wanted to get to know Karin a little better. She bit back a smirk.
"Karin, please," Sasuke said. "I need you to do this."
Karin adjusted her glasses and muttered curses under breath. She turned lurid eyes on Tayuya. "Fine, I'll do it. But I can't promise anything."
"That's all I'm asking," Tayuya said. "I'll take you to him."
Kimimaro was just as she'd left him, if not a little paler. Having been away for a couple days, the sight of him now, etiolated and atrophied, made her furious. He was not meant to exist like this, so frail. This was not the man she'd grown to love enough to brave her fears. If he hated her, she would welcome it. Anything to hear it from his lips, healthy and full of life.
"Shit man, he looks like he died ten years ago," Suigetsu said.
"How long has he been like this?" Sasuke asked.
"Since the day we came to retrieve you. He was running on fucking fumes fighting for Orochimaru, even after the bastard threw him away like Kimimaro hadn't spent his whole fucking life serving him. Bet he'd of done the same to you."
"I don't doubt it," Sasuke said softly.
"Okay, I'm going to try one session now and see how he responds. After that, I'll have a better idea of how to proceed. That's the best I can do right now," Karin said after she had a chance to examine Kimimaro.
The process was gruesome, even for someone like Tayuya who'd seen some shit in her life. Karin's blood dribbled down Kimimaro's chin as she forced him to bite her arm. When he began to convulse, Tayuya went into kill mode, thinking Karin might be trying to kill him instead of heal him, but then Kimimaro opened his eyes. Eyes she hadn't seen in so, so long. He took in the energy Karin offered, even lifting his hand to steady her arm. Tayuya could have cried.
It was over in a matter of minutes, and Karin slumped. As if on cue, Sasuke lent Karin his arm to stand as she stumbled, exhausted. Kimimaro fell back asleep, like it had never happened.
"Three sessions," Karin said as she fought to regulate her breathing. "I think that's what it'll take. He reacted well."
Tayuya held her breath. "You mean..."
"I can cure him."
And she did.
It took two weeks, and Sasuke had not been happy about the delay. But he stayed true to his word and let Karin finish without raising a word of complaint, though it was all over his face. He'd waited long enough for his revenge. By the end of the third heal bite session, the color had returned to Kimimaro's face and the low hum in his lungs, like he was in a constant state of drowning, disappeared.
"He'll sleep for awhile. I don't know how long. But he's no longer ill. He just has to recover naturally now," Karin said.
Tayuya barely heard her. She smoothed Kimimaro's damp bangs from his forehead. His fever was gone, and his breathing had never sounded stronger. When the image of him blurred in her vision, she rubbed her eyes with her sleeve, unwilling to show weakness in front of her temporary houseguests.
"Karin," she said. "Thank you."
Tayuya had never thanked anyone for anything before, not even Kimimaro. He didn't do for her what he did out of the kindness of his heart. But Karin had been under no obligation other than Sasuke's request, a request she did not have to honor.
Karin was taken aback by the heartfelt gratitude, and perhaps sensing that this wasn't Tayuya's usual behavior, she managed a small smile. "You're welcome."
Red eyes lingered on Kimimaro and Tayuya, softening. Karin exchanged a look with Sasuke, but he said nothing.
It really was a shame they were leaving. She would have liked to spend more time with Karin. "Listen, if you ever need anything..."
"We know where to find you," Sasuke said.
"Take care of him," Karin said after a moment's hesitation.
Tayuya nodded. Suigetsu grinned and saluted her, and the three of them took off to begin their quest. The cabin felt empty without them there, but Tayuya had never been much of a people person. She returned to Kimimaro's bedside. Still breathing, he appeared merely to be sleeping, like he could wake up at any minute.
"Even if you hate me," she said, "I won't regret this. You can't make me."
27
Kimimaro bent over backward and twisted. He kicked out with his legs and connected, hard. Sasuke grunted and stumbled, but his reflexes were top notch. Using his free hand like a springboard, he righted himself and lunged, Kusanagi searching for an entry point. Kimimaro caught the edge of the blade with a bone he produced from his shoulder. Even the legendary sword could not crack it. Over the years, Kimimaro's bones became harder, denser. Stronger.
"Give up," Sasuke said through gritted teeth.
"You first," Kimimaro said.
Sasuke bared his teeth in a smirk that reminded Kimimaro of the young boy who'd chosen to save the world instead of destroy it. Instead of responding, he pushed back and forced Kimimaro to break away. Kusanagi sparkled to life and Sasuke prepared to lunge once more. He was serious.
Kimimaro reached behind him and pulled out his entire spinal cord. The sound of it smacking against the grass was music to his ears. Fighting was a dance, and Sasuke was almost a better partner than Rock Lee had been. He still had a lot to learn in regards to taijutsu, having to work at it instead of relying on a natural affinity like Kimimaro could. But Sasuke could do what Kimimaro could not. It made him a threat.
It made him a leader.
In perhaps the oddest twist of fate that could have befallen Kimimaro, he'd found himself following the very person who had destroyed the man he'd followed before. And he was not alone.
Learning to rely on others was still a fairly new concept for Kimimaro, even years later. When he woke up, he thought it had all been a dream. He was waiting for Kabuto to show up with new tests to run, new incarnations of pain (there were always new ways to hurt under Kabuto's watchful eye). But Kabuto never came. There was only her.
"Tayuya."
His first word of his new life.
He would have said more, but the sight of her tears rendered him speechless. They fell, hot upon his cheeks and lips, tasted like salt and sorrow and her. He drank them up like an elixir, with no choice and no way to fight it. For the second time in his life, Kimimaro was born anew.
They said little to each other at first, and she didn't offer. But it didn't take him long to start asking once he was well enough to string together full sentences. She told him everything, blank-faced, toneless. She told him about the fight against Gaara and Lee, how she'd gotten him out, the years that followed in which she'd supported him with body and soul. He took it in one word at a time, calm, even when she mentioned that Orochimaru had abandoned him.
Even when she told him Orochimaru was dead. By Sasuke's hand. Though he hadn't succeeded without her help.
She told him everything.
Tayuya didn't know what was worse: the thought of Kimimaro reacting violently, or the reality of him not reacting at all. There was nothing more abjectly horrific than Kimimaro's silence.
After that day, she helped him recover. Days turned to weeks, and eventually he was well enough to walk, then run, and then begin training. He was emaciated after nearly three years comatose, barely able to draw out a rib with which to fight. They said little to each other, but as time passed and he saw how much she did, for herself, for them, he began to watch her. She was good with her hands, always had been, long, nimble fingers, but for the first time he saw her using them for something other than luring enemies to their deaths. She cooked, cleaned, patrolled the area around their cabin in the middle of nowhere, ran to the nearest village for supplies, and took missions for pay. She did everything.
He was only breathing because of her.
And he hated her for it.
There came a day, a day like any other several months after his reawakening. She was cleaning her flute, a smooth, bone rod he'd made for her on her sixteenth birthday, while he exercised in the cleared space in front of their small cabin. His muscle mass was almost completely restored, and he was closer to healthy than he'd ever been in his life. It was then that he jumped her, pinned her to the ground with no warning, and channeled chakra to his free palm to summon a razor-sharp bone, which he pressed against the pale flesh of her neck.
"How could you," he hissed, seeing red. "You should have let me die!"
Tayuya held his gaze, steady, but her ragged breathing betrayed her fear. It was almost sweet in how nostalgic it was. How he'd missed her fear.
"Never," she said. "Not for Orochimaru. Not on your fucking life."
There was something different about her, something harder, less forgiving. The fear he remembered was there, but it was different. Less obvious. She didn't fear for herself around him as much.
Why?
"You've taken everything from me. I wasn't supposed to live!"
She reached up a hand and wrapped it around Kimimaro's throat. She had never threatened him like that before, and it caught him off-guard. "No, Orochimaru took everything from you. You don't live to be his goddamned plaything, Kimimaro!"
"How dare you. You don't know anything!"
"I know that place was killing you! Not your disease!"
Kimimaro shook with rage. Bones burst through the skin of his back all along his spine. The cursed seal undulated with energy, Orochimaru's energy. It flamed across his bare chest, and Tayuya slid her hand over its center.
"Don't let that son of a bitch control you anymore. You're better than that!"
"Fuck you," he spat. "You know nothing. He was my life, my entire world. He saved me! How could you take that from me? It's all I had left."
Tears stung Kimimaro's eyes and fell onto Tayuya's forehead, wetting her hair. She had never seen him cry before, even thought him incapable. But he was human, that much she had seen with her own eyes year after year. He could die, and he could live. She was not about to let him throw that away again.
"He only wanted to use you. Wake the fuck up! As soon as he figured out you were sick, he passed you over for Sasuke. If he really loved you, you think he would've done that? If he loved you, do you think he would've even wanted to steal your body? That's beyond fucked up, and you know it! Orochimaru didn't love you!"
A scream died in Kimimaro's throat as he wrestled for control. "What the fuck do you know about love!"
"I know that I love you, you stupid shithead!" she shot back.
Kimimaro squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to hear that. There was only one person who had ever loved him, and that person was gone. There was nothing left for him. Kimimaro had been ready to die.
"Why haven't I killed you yet?"
"I love you, and I couldn't let you throw your life away for that ugly bastard. He wasn't fucking worth it! I don't care if you hate me, go ahead. At least you'll be alive to do it."
"Because you don't want to."
This was a moment of decision, a zero hour that would pass him by as soon as it had come, and he had a choice to make. The demon eating away at him was gone, dead, and Kimimaro had only himself to blame now.
"Then do it."
He could do it. Easily. He was almost back to full capacity, better than he'd ever been. She had gotten stronger, too, but she wasn't like him. She wasn't born to kill. But she was ready to die. He could see it in her eyes, so tired and stubborn and never leaving his. Just like the day he'd met her all those years ago. Ready to die because she knew she was vulnerable, but unwilling to go down without a fight. Tayuya was no coward.
The curse receded and fell cold as Kimimaro made his choice.
"No," he said finally, releasing her.
He pulled himself up and off of her without another word, and went back to beating the life out of a tall tree stump. Tayuya lay there for a moment, stunned and a little surprised she was still breathing. Her neck would bruise. Pushing up on her elbows, she watching him hack at the tree trunk with a bone blade, cutting deep and working up a healthy sweat. It hid the tear tracks on his cheeks.
Even when night fell, he was still at it. She'd showered and left him food if he ever came back inside, then settled in for the night on the cot in the living room. Kimimaro occupied the one bedroom with the double bed, where he'd recovered. Tayuya didn't mind, and she was so used to the arrangement that she hardly thought about it anymore. Just as she was dozing off, she heard him come inside and head for the bathroom, where he ran the shower.
Part of her expected him to approach her now, while she was vulnerable. Her heart leaped into her throat when he came out of the bathroom. But he never approached. He didn't even say anything, not then and not for the next month. They lived under the same roof, but they lived separate lives. He would go out during the day without a word, sometimes until nightfall, rarely until the following morning. Sometimes he brought back a dead deer or rabbit. Most of the time he was empty-handed. Tayuya was used to silence, having taken care of him over the years.
Until one day, he spoke.
"I know he was using me."
Tayuya stilled as she washed the dishes from dinner, but she recovered quickly and continued to scrub. Kimimaro stood some ways behind her in the living room.
"But you're wrong. He did love me."
She placed the last clean dish in the drainer and dried her hands. Slowly, she turned to face him.
"Am I?"
"Yes," Kimimaro said, stepping closer.
He had that look in his eyes that said she'd failed him. Every instinct in her body told her to stand up to him, to defend herself, but she remained still. Whatever he wanted to say to her, it had taken a month to get to this point. She'd be damned if she interrupted him now.
"He gave my life meaning. Purpose. That's more precious than I can say."
Tayuya remained silent, and he stepped closer. A chill crept up her spine, the one that foreshadowed severe bodily harm. Still, she did not move.
"And when my purpose ran out, I was obsolete. A burden." He paused, his eyes faraway, and she realized this took unimaginable effort for him to put into words. "I wanted to repay him for the kindness he'd shown me. For saving my life."
It occurred to Tayuya that it was possible Orochimaru had a heart, that he was human, too. If he ever had been, at the very least, perhaps he'd let Kimimaro see that side of him. But it wasn't enough for her.
"He threw you away," she said, barely above a whisper. "You can't ignore that."
"I'm not ignoring it. Understand," he trailed off, searching for the right words. "Understand what you're asking me to do. To throw him away, like he threw me away."
Tayuya gritted her teeth. It was easy for her to put it all behind her; she'd never cared a lick for anyone in Sound other than Kimimaro, and that was pushing it. But for him, it was different. She didn't understand, but she could see that it was important to him. That he was trying.
"I can't condone what you and Uchiha Sasuke did to him. I never will." He was barely a foot away. "But I forgive you."
"I'm not sorry."
Kimimaro closed his eyes a moment and took a calming breath. "I know you're not. I accept that."
When he said nothing further, Tayuya decided to end the conversation before he changed his mind. This was stellar progress in just one night, and she didn't want to push her luck.
"Fine. I'm tired, so I'm going to bed."
She moved past him, but his grip on her arm stopped her. A twinge of the old fear he was so good at drawing out of her made her stomach tumble, like free falling.
"Kimimaro," she warned.
"You saved me."
Tayuya froze. His voice cracked, and she wouldn't have detected it if he hadn't been so close. She dared not move.
"I don't hate you, Tayuya."
He tugged on her arm and forced her to face him. Those pale, green eyes she was secretly jealous of because she'd thought them so pretty when they were kids. The strong curve of his jaw, his warm breath on her skin close enough to make her shiver. So many years, and yet it was no time at all.
"Thank you."
It was so soft she thought she'd imagined it. It was more of a feeling than a confession. It was in his fingers running through her hair, the warmth he emitted where their bodies touched. The taste of him.
He carried her to the bedroom while she ripped away his clothes and hers. She thought she'd forgotten how to do this, but it came back. Fast. He threw her down and she pulled him down with her. He wasn't ever going to write her epic poetry or get down on one knee or even thank her for anything ever again, but he didn't have to. He was alive and he was here. Holding her, pushing her down and memorizing every part of her.
It would take time, many sleepless nights, and long lapses of complete silence in which he retreated to the darkness of his memories, mourning, hating, warring with himself and the demons that had abandoned him. On those occasions Tayuya would let him be, but she would never let him stray too far. She would never throw him away.
And he would always come back to her.
Sasuke powered up a massive Chidori that engulfed his entire body. His left arm crackled with sentient electricity that took the shape of a bird of prey, its wings spread wide and ready to fry anything they touched. He ran at Kimimaro, who jumped to meet him with a bone shield that engulfed the entirety of his left arm.
The ensuing explosion on impact changed the terrain. The earth crumbled beneath them and the air popped and sparked. Kimimaro shielded his eyes to the blinding light and pushed with all his might, past Sasuke's impenetrable lightning. All in under a half second, and they broke apart again, each repelled by the other's attack.
Kimimaro's calcified arm was scorched black in places and smoking. He regulated his chakra to shed the material, panting. Across the way, Sasuke held his Chidori arm close at hand as the sparks died down. Kimimaro couldn't tell for sure from this distance, but something looked broken.
"Best two out of three?" Sasuke called out.
"How about after dinner," Karin said as she walked toward the two men.
Her long, red hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she kneeled down next to Sasuke. Her hands glowed green with medical chakra as she assessed the damage Kimimaro had done.
"You broke it in the same place, Kimimaro," she called out. "What did I tell you? He's not going to have any bones left if you keep this shit up."
Kimimaro's arm was back to normal and stinging. He wiped the sweat from his brow. "Bones heal."
"Easy for you to say." Tayuya offered him a hand up and smirked. "Nice form for an old man, by the way."
Kimimaro let her pull him up, and he absentmindedly ran his good hand through her waist-long magenta hair. "We're the same age, old woman."
"You keep that up and you're sleeping on the fucking couch, asshole." She kissed him lightly on the cheek as she said it and gestured for him to follow her back inside.
"You two would have killed each other years ago if Tayuya and I weren't here," Karin said to Sasuke as they followed Kimimaro and Tayuya back inside.
"Good thing they're stuck with us," Tayuya said, grinning over her shoulder at her friend.
"Whatever," Sasuke said.
"Wow, that was fucking insightful, Lord Otokage," Tayuya said. "Better write that one down."
Kimimaro smirked but said nothing. They were having dinner together at Sasuke and Karin's home. It had taken a few years and a lot of sweat, but after the disaster of the Fourth Shinobi World War, Sasuke and his team returned to a ruined Sound Village and began the arduous task of rebuilding. When Tayuya and Kimimaro heard about the effort, they debated going home. Was it even home anymore?
"No, but maybe one day it will be," Tayuya had said.
Kimimaro did not like the idea of being anywhere near Uchiha Sasuke after what he'd done to Orochimaru, but if he could forgive Tayuya, he could forgive Sasuke. When they showed up at Taka's doorstep amidst the construction, Karin was the first to welcome them and comment on how pleased she was to see Kimimaro back to normal. It was rocky, and Suigetsu and Juugo had had to pull Sasuke and Kimimaro apart before any arguments could escalate for about the first four months. But as it is wont to do, time healed the old wounds and gave everyone something to look forward to: a new place to start over.
Kimimaro got to know the only friend he'd ever had. Juugo cried when he learned that Kimimaro was alive and well, and even Suigetsu had no energy to taunt his teammate for the extremely emotional reunion. Karin and Tayuya became fast friends, a new concept for them both but one they were happy to figure out as they went. Tayuya got along better with Suigetsu than Sasuke, identifying a kindred spirit in the former. But all of Taka was happy to have her and Kimimaro back. It was an experience Tayuya would never have imagined in her wildest dreams.
With the inter-village alliance and Treaty for Universal Peace in place, it was easy to find the time to relax a little. Sasuke committed himself fully to rejuvenating all of Rice Country after the horror Orochimaru and Kabuto had wrought upon it and its people. After a year of leadership, both at home and abroad liaising with the other Kage, it was only natural to make it official. Sasuke became the shinobi leader of the new Sound Village, and its people were happy to have him. Even Kimimaro.
Their life was quiet for the most part. Kimimaro and Tayuya stayed together, rarely spending more than a day or two apart for missions when they popped up. They simply were better together in everything they did. And when Sasuke offered Kimimaro the chance to train up a Genin team, he surprised even himself by accepting. Children, wide-eyed and innocent, looked up to and trusted him with their lives and more.
"I want to be there for them," Kimimaro confided to Tayuya late one night only a week in to his new duties. "I don't want to let them down."
"You won't."
He said nothing of her faith, but the shake in his hands gave him away. Tayuya took his face in her hands and stared him right in the eye.
"Listen, idiot. You're not like that. You're good, and you give a shit. Why the hell else do you think I'm still wasting my time with you?"
"Tayuya..."
"Shut up and kiss me before those damn kids start hogging all your time."
Neither Kimimaro nor Tayuya thought they would live this long. They should not have. Only the strong or the lucky survived long enough to stop growing, to fall in love, maybe try having a family. But only the strong and the lucky had the luxury of slowing down and letting time run with them to places they could never have dreamed of.
When glass breaks, it either crumbles into useless dust, or it shatters into thick slabs, blades that draw screams and blood. But it is still broken, no matter what shape it takes, and it will never look like it did before. Orochimaru had had no use for broken things, but not everything that is broken needs fixing.
Kimimaro did shut up and kiss Tayuya, in darkness, under soft sheets and a hint of candlelight, drowning in that loud hair that was a wild as she was. Two broken souls, chewed up and spit out, stepped on, thrown out. He'd found her once, long ago, and when he was ready to surrender, to break one final time, she'd found him, too.
Some broken pieces fit better together than they ever did apart.