A/N: Hi. :) This is my very first Kuroshitsuji fic. I'd started writing it around the time the anime ended, but stopped shortly after having started and simply forgot about it...until I saw that -insert profanity here- musical and got addicted to it and to the series once again. orz

It covers the very last part of the very last episode of the (first season of the) anime. I remember starting this because the episode broke my heart and I couldn't take it out of my mind. :'( So yeah, spoilers-alert in case you haven't watched the series until the end yet. Also, the pace of this story is rather slow on purpose. Just thought I'd say. :)

And I suppose there's no need for the infamous disclamers and stuff, so my rambling shall stop here.
I'm not really confident about it, but I sure hope you find this read somewhat enjoyable!

PS: Ciel's, uh, "condition" was not quite clear to me during this part of the episode, so I ended up coming up with a few theories about it. This story plays with one of them. I hope it's not that confusing...(it makes sense in my head! xD)

I wake up to a gentle voice calling me.

"Young Master. Are you awake?"

Slowly, I sit up on the boat I am currently in and look around. I see nothing. Nothing but water, deep and white mist, and you.

I ask about our whereabouts. You, in return, ask me if I would like to know. Should that not be obvious? I voice my opinion about your question, but then I pause.

"No. I have the feeling it's alright for me not to know."

I suppose deep inside I know where I am. This place looks foreign but somewhat familiar at the same time. It is a strange feeling. Perhaps I have already been here in my dreams. Perhaps all this is a dream as well. Yes, that would explain why I feel so relaxed, so calm. It feels as though I have just awoken from a very deep, long sleep. Yes, this might as well be a dream. A simple, quiet dream.

I glance at the water and something catches my attention.

"They are Young Master's Cinematic Record. It seems to have flowed to here."

Oh.

"I see. This is my life up until now."

I am…already dead.

"Not yet. I shall offer you death soon, Young Master."

You shall offer me death? You mean my soul, do you not, Sebastian? I do not feel anything beating inside me anymore. My 'body' should be already dead, or on the brink of death, at the very least. Otherwise, I would not be able to see my life's recordings, is that not so?

You add a few more words to your statement, and I snort. Does any of that even matter right now? I am dead, Sebastian. The dead do not need butlers, let alone demon ones.

Yes. I am already dead. My mind seems intent on reminding me of that fact. I, the Earl of Phantomhive, am no more.

I wonder about Elizabeth. I wonder about my servants. Are they still alive? Would they— will they cry for me? Will they miss me?

Have I ever done anything to be missed?

Little soft sparks of light catch my attention. Like fireflies, they dance in the air, passing me by as our paths collide.

"They are the feelings of the people who have been by your side, Young Master. These are their feelings for you."

Feelings for me…? But they are all so pretty, so…beautiful.

"Beautiful?"

"Yes. I can't say I find the parting of our ways lonely or sad. It's just…beautiful."

You give me a book of sorts, saying it is a diary that Tanaka had been writing all this time. In it, there is the truth. The truth that was kept from me until now – my father knew about the Queen's intentions, that the Phantomhive family was to be destroyed. From the very start, he knew. Was my suffering, my humiliation also part of Her Majesty's plans, I wonder? Does it mean everything I did was for nothing, after all? Was it meaningless, vain?

I see a small flower in the water, its blue petals sparkling ever so slightly. I pick it up…and I blink.

It is a ring.

"A blue ring, is it? Please, allow me."

You take the flower ring from my hand and try to place it in my left thumb, where the blue diamond has once been. As expected, you seem to struggle a little with the only arm you have left, and I sigh inwardly. You apologize for being unable to complete the task, your voice quiet, almost a whisper. I simply shrug; this is nothing. Nothing to apologize for at all.

"It suits you greatly, Young Master."

Your voice sounds softer than usual. It drips with sweetness as it echoes through the silence. Why is it, Sebastian? Do you wish my last memories of you to be those of a gentle, sweet butler? Is that why you are being so painfully kind right now?

I wish you would call my name, at least once. I cannot help but imagine how it would sound in that voice of yours. Will you not call my name? Not "My Lord", not "Young Master". I am neither of them anymore, Sebastian. I have left any status I might have once had in the world of the living. There is no use for anything as superficial as that once one dies. Right now, I am Ciel Phantomhive.

"Yes. I am but Ciel Phantomhive."

But you will still not call me by that name, will you?

We arrive at some place, the fog partially gone. I can see a forest and what looks like ruins as you pick me up and hold me close. You carry me through a path into the forest and, soon, I can see more ruins. There is a bench of sorts there, in the very centre of the ruined building.

You put me down on the bench, carefully, gently.

"So this is the final place?"

"Yes."

I look around, spotting a bird – a crow, maybe? -, and notice the way it looks at us, at me, as if waiting for the meal it knows will come soon. I ask you to give whatever remains of me once my soul is gone to it. You simply compliment me, saying that I am kind. But what is the use of saying that? Does it even matter at all?

"Will it hurt?"

You smile, and your smile looks almost apologetic to me. I wonder for a moment if it is only my impression. You say it should hurt a little, but that you will be gentle.

I do not want you to be.

"Make it as painful as you can."

I want to feel that I was alive. I want my soul to know the pain of having lived. I want the pain of living to be deeply engraved into it.

You get onto your knees in reverence, just as you have been doing for the past three years.

"Yes, My Lord."

This is the very last time I shall ever be able to hear those words from you. I wonder if I ought to thank you for the time you have spent serving me, tending to my every need. You have worked hard, even for a demon, Sebastian. You were loyal to me and diligently served me, a weak human child, until now. For three years, you have belonged to me. At the same time, my soul has been yours. It is now time to completely fulfill my part of the contract, and I cannot help but wonder; have I become a soul to your liking, Sebastian? Was I able to become someone – something – you truly desire?

You come closer, your eyes surprisingly gentle. You caress my cheek, take my eyepatch off.

And for a moment, I want to hold you. I wish to hold you as a memory of our parting. It sounds silly, I am well aware of that, but I wonder if you would hold me back if I ever did.

Would you, Sebastian? Would you hold me close and whisper sweet, empty words in my ear?

I can see the gentle smile on your lips giving its place to the smirk I am so familiar with, and then slowly turning into the most wicked of grins as you gradually lean forward, closing the distance between us, your eyes glowing crimson. Strangely enough, however, I am not scared at all.

Perhaps it is because, with this, we shall be together forever, in a way. Or perhaps it is simply because I have seen things I found much scarier when I was alive; I am not quite sure.

"Well, then, Young Master."

Yes. I am ready.

Goodbye, Sebastian.