Love is a curious word. Some people are able to say it quite easily, without a thought to its true meaning. I've never been able to do that. Having never been an overly affectionate person, it has always been difficult for me to even give a simple hug, let alone tell a person that I do indeed "love" them. If I were to ever say that to a person (outside of my family and closest friends), I'd have to be completely in love with them. It wouldn't be some silly infatuation where my unwanted hormones got the best of me. It would be something where I would willingly die for that person. Something in which I would risk everything for that person because they were worth it. That's what I think love is. That is why I have never really told a person that I love them.
Mr. James Potter, however, does not feel the same way about love apparently. For some reason or another, he used to call out his undying love for me a few times a day. Needless to say, I brushed these remarks off quite easily. Potter didn't "love" me. He barely even knew me. It wasn't possible for one person to feel so strongly about another when said person was only in their 5th year at Hogwarts.
It was so easy to hate him when I was younger. He was so rude to me and everyone else. He played nasty tricks on the Slytherins. Some of them really did deserve it, but honestly the First Years? That wasn't necessary. And then there was the fact that he did so well in school without even trying. That had to be the most annoying part. He didn't even try and he still did better than I did occasionally.
But then Dumbledore made him Head Boy. I originally thought that he must have had too many of those lemon drops he liked so much when he made the decision. Irrationality brought on by an overdose of sugar must have been the only excuse for such a poor choice. As it turned out though, he made a brilliant choice. Potter is brilliant with both the younger and older students. Most of them respected him, which is more than I could say for myself. My bookwormish-ness brings me down, I think.
The thing with Potter being Head Boy and me being Head Girl was that I am forced to spend a lot of time with him. Although I began the new school year with very low expectations, he surprised me. He surprised me into really, really liking him.
The only problem is that he used to call out his undying love for me. He used to ask me to go on dates with him. He doesn't do that anymore. I couldn't possibly…ask him out myself. No, no. Obviously, he doesn't like me anymore. If he liked me, he would still be declaring his love for me. I missed my chance. He deserves more than I am anyway. I'm not pretty enough, nor funny enough. I'm much too book-ish for him. He needs someone fun that can go along with his antics. I'm much too uptight. We wouldn't go well together.
That's what I told myself all year, until one day, I stopped thinking. I just acted upon a stupid, silly whim not even thinking of the consequences.
After taking an incredibly difficult Transfiguration exam, I was a bit stressed, to say the least. James was walking beside me and trying to calm me down.
"Lily, I'm sure you did fine, you always do. Even when you are just so sure that you did terribly, you end up doing really well. I wouldn't worry about it if I were you."
"But I'm positive this time! I completely forgot how to change an object into an elephant so I just started to make stuff up. There is no way I got that question right…"
"It'll be fine. Besides, it is only one exam." James said as he looked at me and flashed a smile.
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"I have to go catch up with Sirius; I'll see you at the Prefects meeting, yeah?"
I nodded. And that should have been all I did, but no. No I can't do that. Can I never leave things as they are? It was just that the whole time he was talking to me, I couldn't help but notice how nice he smelled. The fact that he was actually trying to help me calm down instead of ignoring me like my friends did when I was rambling, made me like him that much more. I'll admit, that I do stress out way too often, so I don't mind that they just kind of let me rant without listening to me, but when he actually tried to help me…well, it really made me like him that much more. So that prompted me to do something really, really stupid that I'm regretting right now.
"James! Hold on a second!" I called out. He stopped in the middle of the hallway and received some pretty lethal glares from a few young Ravenclaws. It looked like they were racing to class. Why anyone would race to class is beyond me.
I jogged up to him. Then I did the unthinkable. I stood on the tip of my toes and kissed him - on the lips. I felt my face warm up, and I knew I was turning red. Damn my fair skin. Stupid parents with their stupid genetics. I think I managed to squeak out, "Sorry, but thanks for being so sweet to me," before I ran off.
And that brings us up to the present - where I am sitting by the fire in the kitchens, continuously banging my head on one of the tables. Which, if you didn't know, are actually quite hard.
Really, there is no way that I could possibly love him. Love is for the deranged fools that believe life is full of rainbows and unicorns. Well, actually there are unicorns and rainbows in the world, but you really have to search for them – like love. Love isn't something you can just accidentally stumble upon, is it? I always thought that you had to search for it, something I never planned on doing.
What if I did stumble upon it though? What if I actually love someone outside of my family and good friends? Do I care enough about this one person, to die for them? Oh god…I think I do. So, I really, really like James. I think I may love him. Well, I just have to tell him that. Ha, this is going to be just super. Awesome…now, where did I place that cliff to jump off of?
This is the second story I've ever written. I'm probably only going to have a few chapters in total (like 4). So constructive criticism is welcomed. And if anyone wants the next chapter, well I'll probably write it this week and then send it out the next. I'm pretty sure the next chapter is going to be from James' point of view. Well, good or bad? Please review!