Yea! My second fanfic done. Thanks again to my lazy beta. I hope you like it!
I don't own Daniel, O'Neill, or any part of Stargate SG-1. I would love to though! The naughty things that I would make Daniel and Jack do…
BTW, Shyla is the princess from Need. Thank you from Casey for the correction on the name!
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I decided long ago, before my reputation hit rock bottom, that there are three fundamental rules that I should follow to live a good life. The first rule I devised was when I was in elementary school. My glasses were, if you can believe it, bigger than the ones I wear today. Those glasses essentially guaranteed that I would never achieve any popularity or attention, good attention, from anyone. So I engrossed myself in my parents' collection of books every spare moment I got. I poured myself into those books, learning every piece of information that I could get my hands on. I actually read my first book on ancient Egyptian mythology there. It was the story of Ra creating the world. The stories I read interested me so much, I vowed to learn as much as I could about everything. Knowledge and learning was the earliest meaning to my life.
My second rule was created from one day in the winter before mid terms in middle school. My glasses had shrunk by then but my popularity seemed to shrink with my glasses instead of the other way around. I was done studying for my classes and was trying to find a book over Greek mythology when a beautiful girl, the most beautiful girl I had ever seen then, came up to me and asked if I knew where to find a certain book over the Roman empire. Apparently she had forgot to reference it and needed to find it but she couldn't remember the title. I spent a blissful half hour with her alone looking for her mystery book until we found it. I was so nervous that I talked nonstop about anything and everything I had ever learned. I still remember the book's title, Two Lives of Charlemagne by Notker Einhard. She left thanking me for the help, and gave me the most brilliant smile that I have ever seen. I decided that if an outcast like me could help someone in trouble with my limited skills that I should try to help as many people as I could.
The third rule is the hardest rule to estimate precisely when I thought of it. I think it may have been right before I decided what my topic for my speech to the academic community would be, that the pyramids of Egypt may have been built by something other than humans. I decided that when I made a commitment that I would not break it for any reason. And even though I was shunned from the academic community and lost everything that I owned, I still stood by this rule. However, I have been finding it harder and harder to follow this rule as of late.
Ever since I joined with the Stargate program, my life has become more… complicated. And by complicated I mean Colonel Jack O'Neil. From the first moment I saw him I didn't know what to make of him. He seemed much like everyone else that I had ever met, well except for Katherine. He mocked my intelligence, my abilities, my appearance… actually I don't think that there was anything about me that he didn't find amusing. Not that I thought much better about him initially. That began to change when I found out about his true mission on Abydos, and about Charlie.
I realized that the man I had gone through the fight with Ra was not the real Jack O'Neill. When he came back for me, I saw how different he was from the man I originally thought he was. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him, it was like a goa'uld had taken over him and was doing a terrible job of impersonating him.
The more I learned about him I found that he was anything but a stereotypical air force colonel, not that I knew many others to compare him to at the time. He lied if he thought that it was necessary; he barely respected the military chain of command, never crossing over the line of insubordination, not really; he constantly broke, though he would say "bend", the rules to make sure that his people would survive. Okay, when I think of it like that it does sound a lot like some of the other colonels that I have met, but Jack's different.
As I noticed that he was more than I though he was, I found myself becoming more and more interested in the man. It was completely innocent at first. Just watching him as he joked around with Sam seeming to be off guard, but would always be aware of his surroundings as much as Teal'c was. Noticing that whenever Sam or I discussed scientific observations even though he appeared to get bored and ignored us or cracked a joke, he would note the most relevant points of the conversation in case it became important. Seeing that he enjoyed playing the fool, even though he was as sharp as any scientist. But then it started to change, I noticed how brilliantly he positioned himself against an attack and how graceful he was in battle. How when he's angry he grins with only one side of his mouth, usually the right. How his eyes sparkle when he's gotten Sam or me angry enough to rant. How witty he can be when he's not telling cheesy jokes. How he says my name softly when we're alone.
It was there that I realized that Jack had become more than a passing fascination to me. And it was there that I told myself to stop looking at him. Because if I looked much more I would be in danger of breaking the third rule, and my vows to my wife, Shau're. I had done enough to her as it was. The moments of when I betrayed Shau're were high enough already: Hathor, Shyla, Ke'ra. I had done enough to the memory of my loving wife already.
Even though it seemed like it, I never thought that I had completely betrayed Shau're. Through all the times I strayed from my promise to my wife, I had never loved anyone else but her. But I was dangerously close to doing just that; giving up on my promise to never love anyone else but Shau're. But it's hard not to look at Jack, not imagine how wonderful he smelled, how gentle he could be, how much I wanted to be with him.
Not that it would ever happen. Not only because I can't break my own rule, but because Jack would never want it. Jack's not gay. There's never been a moment when I thought that he could seriously be interested in men. And there is too much evidence of him being straight, the girl, Kynthia I think her name was, Hathor, Lara, not to mention Sam. It became apparent after the za'tarc thing a while ago that there is something between them. Thank God I wasn't there when it happened; I think I may have gone insane if I had seen it. It's bad enough to see them looking at each other today like they're in their own little universe alone when all I want is for Jack to look at me like that.
That's why I was shut away in my office glaring at the completed translations of the ruins on P4X-639.
I look at Jack's handwriting smiling to myself. I still can't get over the fact that over 400 pages of alien ruins had been translated in less than a day. Though technically it was longer than a day for Jack and Teal'c. But it still made me smile. Jack must have been so bored learning Latin. Teal'c told me that Jack had taught him how to juggle while translating the text. Even when he knew that he had to pay attention, he goofed off. I wish I could have been with them. Though I don't know if that would have been such a good thing.
I rubbed my temples in frustration. The reason for my earlier gloominess was rearing its head again. It was bad enough that Jack had given Sam that quiet look that spoke of something more, but the fact that it was my doing that caused it was killing me.
Were you ever tempted to do something crazy? You could do anything without worrying about consequences.
I stopped rubbing my temples, I was going to bruise my head if I didn't.
"You know if you think too hard, you'll break something in your head," a voice broke through my self-pity.
I smile. Jack's presence, no matter how irritating it can be sometimes, always makes me a little happier. "Really? I've never heard of that happening before, is that what happened to you?"
"Touchè."
He walks into my office, closing the door behind him. The room temperature rises a few degrees. A few of my fantasies started like this, and it's hard not to remember them now.
He strolls over to my desk and grins at me and alarms in my head go off. When he has that grin on his face, it's never fun for me. "Is there something you want?" I ask.
"So what was it?"
I blink. "What was what?"
"What you asked me?"
"Um… is there something you want?"
"Not that, the other one."
"What other one?"
"What you asked me."
"I didn't ask you anything else."
"Yes you did."
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did."
I roll my eyes. It's one of those conversations.
"Other than what you wanted no I didn't. Actually, you walked in and asked me a question."
"Not now. Yesterday."
Oh, that makes things a lot clearer. "Jack, you can't expect me to remember one question I asked you yesterday."
He waves his hands in a very 'shut up 'cause I don't give a damn' sort of way. "Daniel, you were demanding an answer to a question that I didn't hear the first time you asked every time I began one of those damn loops. And I am sick of not knowing what it was. So how about you tell me before I go insane and break one of your precious little artifacts."
I suck on my lip. What did I ask? I really can't remember all that well. "Jack, I'm not quite sure-" And it suddenly comes to me. My eyes widen and I hold back a fit of laughter. Oh God, that's what he wanted to know?
"Oh no you don't, Danny boy! You will damn well remember or else I'll-"
I can't resist. "Peanuts."
"…what?"
I chew on my lip. Oh this is either going to be very good or very bad.
"I was talking about Peanuts."
Jack's jaw falls to the floor, I swear. The look on his face, the utter surprise and bewilderment, is too much. I laugh uncontrollably. He moves his mouth in an attempt to talk but fails. I clutch my stomach. I don't think I've ever laughed this much.
He finally regains the ability to speak when I start to calm down. "PEANUTS?"
I start to laugh again. "Yeah, the cartoon."
He blinks a few times.
I settle myself down completely. "Sam was saying that-"
"No."
"No what?"
"No I don't want to know anymore. If I do I might just kill you for it."
He's probably right. It was a stupid discussion but I just got into arguing with Sam bad. No wonder Jack was annoyed with me.
He shakes his head in disbelief. "Peanuts."
I chuckle.
After a minute Jack looks at me, all good humor gone. I suddenly realize again that we're alone and my heart speeds up a little.
I cough and grasp for something to talk about. "So…"
"Do you really want to know?"
I blink. I do that a lot when Jack's concerned. "Excuse me?"
"You asked me if I was ever tempted to do something crazy without worrying about consequences. Do you really want to know?"
I stop breathing. "Um… Jack you don't-"
"Do you?"
I stare at his eyes. Do I want to know? I know he did something, and I'm reasonably sure that it has to do with Sam. So the question is do I really want to know? He just looks at my eyes, waiting patiently for my answer. I nod my head.
He gives me a small smile. "I used the Stargate as my private driving range."
I gape at him, and then start to laugh hard again. "Hammond…?" I manage to get out.
He grinned. "Messed up my backswing when he ripped me a new one."
I can almost see Hammond screaming at Jack while he mumbles about his swing being interrupted. Oh yes, I wish I was there for that. "You do anything else that bad?"
"Nah, spent some time working on my pottery, in the medical lab. Rode my bike around base. You know the usual."
I snicker. Yep, that's Jack alright.
He suddenly sobered. "I kissed Carter."
I choke on my laughter. My heart stops beating. Everything just stands still. "Did you?" Oh God. No, I didn't want to know that.
"Yeah."
I can't stay here anymore. I need to leave now, before I break down. I jump out of my chair too quickly and fall. Jack moves like a viper and catches me before I hit the floor, his arms wrapping around me. I shiver.
"Daniel?"
I can't speak. I'm being held by gentle, warm arms and killed by the words so easily spoken to me. God I just want to die. How dare he talk about kissing Sam and then hold me. It's too much.
"That's not all." He pulls me to my feet. I try to get away from him but he turns me toward him and whispers in my ear, "I told you I loved you."
I freeze and forget to breathe. In fact, I don't do anything. I couldn't have heard him right. There's no way.
"Daniel?"
I snap out of my daze and push away from Jack hard. Tears are building up in my eyes and I have to fight the urge to punch him.
"What the hell did you say?" I sputter.
Jack sighs, looks me deep in the eye and says again, "I told you I loved you."
Oh God. What the hell is going on here? This can't be a dream because this is too cruel to be a dream and to sweet to be a nightmare.
"Get out, Jack."
"No, not yet."
My anger flares up, "The hell with that! What do you mean not yet?"
He looks at the floor and sighs, "Because I need to tell you everything."
"I don't care what it is. Leave."
"You told me to tell you about Carter before I told you about us."
I open my mouth a few times before I find my voice. "I what?"
He glances up at me and asks in an almost neutral voice, "Will you listen to me?"
I take a deep breath and look at Jack hard. He looks nervous, maybe even a little scared. All I want is to leave and try to forget that this ever happened. But he looks so worried. Maybe there's a chance that he does love me. Maybe this can work out. Maybe he is trying to—
No. I sigh in defeat. It doesn't matter. This can't happen. Even if he does love me I can't do this. That would mean betraying Shau're. No, I can't do that.
"I'm leaving Jack." And I walk to the door. I pass him and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. I feel my heart hardening with every step I take. The farther away from Jack I get, the less my heart feels.
"It wouldn't be betraying her, Daniel."
My hand halts above the door handle.
"I know you think you're betraying her but you're not."
I start to tremble.
"It's not wrong to find someone else to love. She wouldn't want you to be miserable. She'd want you to be happy."
I bite my lip, not daring to believe what I'm hearing.
"Jack," I breathe. "If I did, I would be breaking the promise I made to her." To love her forever.
"Christ Daniel!" He yells and I jump. "I'm not asking you to stop loving her! I'm not even asking you to forget her! I'm just telling you that you don't need to think you're doing something wrong." I feel Jack's arms wrap around me again, this time harder and more urgent. "I love you. I have for a long time now. I wanted to tell you but I didn't want to unless I was sure…" He broke off. "Even when you said that I could do anything in the loops and not have to deal with the consequences I couldn't do it. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to know if it was one-sided." He took a deep breath and said so low that I almost didn't hear it, "That's why I did it."
Time passed without him elaborating. After another minute I couldn't take it anymore. "Did what?" I'm pretty sure I knew the answer though.
"Kissed Carter. I timed it so that I knew when you would come through the door the moment I did it. I wanted to see how you reacted so that…"
I understood. I was angry but I understood. Typical Jack O'Neill for you. He would have planned that the loop would start so he couldn't get the whole picture, just a glance so that he could make his own assumptions. Safer that way, glimpse the little signs and see if it would be a worth risking. Theoretically either way he wouldn't know for sure. Either way he could start out with a clean slate.
I didn't say anything, but we both knew that his reasoning was not a secret to either one of us.
He sighed again. "You ran. You just ran away." His grip tightened. "I tried to go after you, I really did. But the loop ended and I couldn't."
"And?" That came out harder than I wanted.
He continues more nervous than before. "I decided to tell you. I waited until later and told Teal'c to watch Star Wars on the projector in the briefing room." He chuckled a little at that. "I walked up to you and…" He paused, "I kissed you."
I held my breath, my whole body heating up at his words.
"It was so… God I don't know! Amazing, incredible, perfect, I never thought that it would be that good. You were…" I felt him shake his head. "Then I told you that I loved you."
I leaned into Jack a little, wanting to feel his lips just like he said. He leaned into me and it was bliss to have him hold me like this.
"Jack…"
"You told me that you didn't love me."
I jerked out of the daze I was in. "Didn't love you?"
"Yeah." He sounded so miserable. "You said that you couldn't love me. I asked you why and you said…"
But I already knew. "Shau're." The name felt odd on my lips.
He nodded his head, which was laying on my neck now. His breath was so hot on my skin. I moaned.
I felt Jack smile. "It took a while but you told me. I- I said it was okay. I left." He griped me hard, I was going to bruise. "It hurt so much Daniel. I couldn't think straight. I didn't know what to do. But you came after me. You told me that you lied… that you loved me too. That you didn't want to hurt her." I close my eyes tight. "We talked. You made me promise that I wouldn't tell you again until everything was back to normal. And that I would tell you about Carter before everything else."
He pulled away. "Daniel, I love you. I'm sorry that I screwed everything up. I want you, more than anything. But if you don't-" He stumbled over the word, "want me, I'll live with that."
My eyes were still closed. I thought of my beautiful wife. I had loved her. But I also loved Jack. Could I love him and still not break my promise to her? Would she want this like Jack said? Me to be happy.
I think she would, but I know that I wanted Jack to hold me like he had. And I wanted to know if kissing him would be as incredible as he told me it would be. I wanted him to love me.
I opened my eyes and turned to him. For a moment I just looked at him. He looked tired. But I saw in his eyes that he was on edge, like the wrong word would break something that could not be easily repaired.
I walked up to him and wound my arms around his neck. His eyes widened and he smiled just as I touched my lips to his. The feeling was… indescribable. It's like everything that I had ever wanted was in that kiss. In that moment I tasted pure bliss on Jack's lips. He kissed me back goose bumps rising on his neck, shivers running down his spine. My whole body shook in desire and I leaned into the kiss, my whole body burning, craving all the contact that I could get. Jack moaned and pressed his body against mine. I gasped and Jack dipped his tongue along the inside of my lip in that instant. He pulled back and I instantly kissed him again, licking his lips between mine. He opened his mouth in return and our tongues touched in a moment of molten energy. I trailed my tongue around his lazily and he returned the attention. As I got lost in the dance of tongues, Jack's nails ran a trail up my back lightly and finally touching skin at my neck. I broke the kiss as I arched my back to lean back into his fingers. God this was amazing… incredible…
"Perfect…" I whispered.
Jack chuckled deep in his throat and grinned devilishly. "Why yes, I am."
I rolled my eyes. He took the opportunity to nuzzle my neck. I moaned again, louder this time. "Jack… cameras."
He licked my neck gently, oh yes that felt good. "Already taken care of."
