AN: I reread this fic yesterday and found some errors… so I corrected them. It's still the same though.
Hanji.!
He wanted to grab her. Touch her. From her fingers to her hands. Her arms to her shoulders then to her neck. To strangle her. To death.
He'd rather choke her and kill her with his own hands than let her get eaten by these filthy, disgusting freaks in front of him. Titans.
As he was about to move, to take the giant down, his legs were shackled by an invisible chain… his fear of losing someone immobilized him, confused. Well not for long.
'Levi!'
He snapped out of bewilderment. He turned to where the voice came from, and saw her between the Titan's large teeth. He froze again.
'She is dead.'
And then, the Titan dropped to the ground.
'Oh and now the Titan is, too,' he muttered.
A soldier stood in front of him, golden hair, thick brows slightly furrowed, stern face. Erwin.
'A moment of distraction in a battlefield is death. Lance Corporal.'
Levi stared at him and then turned to Hanji. Rage filled him, he's gonna explode.
Bam! And there was a blinding light. The sun's up.
"A dream," he said under his gasp. 'Just a stupid dream'. He sat up to calm his racing heartbeat. Combed his hair with his hand, stood up, walked towards the door, to the hallway, his feet stopped at a certain door, ajar.
He peeked inside. There she is, sitting, rummaging through the papers on the floor, with her messy oily hair and her glasses on. He sighed in relief. That's all he needed to see. She's inside her room being her usual self. Safe. Breathing. Alive.
His feet walked away from the door of a certain room. Then to the hallway, into his room, sat down, combed his hair with his hand. Then he remembered his dream.
"That was ridiculous. How can I, the strongest soldier of humanity, be scared in the presence of a mere Titan? And for that Shitty Glasses to be caught by one of her adorable babies, pathetic. And what was wrong with me, and those weird thoughts?" he hissed.
'Oh. Stirrings*.' he answered himself. Sighing, he dismissed everything. Well it's all but a dream. A ludicrous dream. Disgusting. He gets up to ready himself for the day.
Sitting in his usual place in the dining hall, eating, Erwin approached him.
"Levi, we have a meeting after breakfast," Erwin said in his Commander voice.
"About what?" Levi asked as he sipped his coffee.
"We'll talk about the details there," answered Erwin.
'Another expedition,' Levi thought to himself. 'Knowing Erwin, it would only mean we're up to something risky this time. It is risky EVERYtime, though.'
In the meeting room…
As Levi arrived, his eyes caught gleaming eyes looking at him with a beaming smile. Who else would it be but Shitty Glasses. He entered the room looking around, to see who else is there. Mike, Moblit, and the others.
'Wait, Moblit? Why the fuck is he even here?' He continued to walk and sat beside Hanji.
"Levi!" she squealed excitedly. "Can you believe it?!" she asked with her stupid wide smile.
"No I can't, what is it?" he answered.
"Well you see, Erwin said—" she got cut off when the Commander entered the room, closed the door, and walked to the front.
"Recently, the titans under Hanji's research were killed. So we are here to discuss our strategy to capture another titan," Erwin started.
"We are not planning to capture just a normal titan, but a deviant too. Hanji and his research team requested this before, they said they want two different titans for the sake of comparison."
"But Sir, deviants are very rare, and to capture a normal titan is even more dangerous than killing one," whined Mike. Moblit agreed with him.
"It will help us understand them more!" retorted Hanji.
"How so?" asked Mike, slightly ticked off.
"I just believe we will see differences not just in their appearance and behavior, but maybe even in their intelligence or reactions or…."
"Maybe? Our lives rest on a MAYBE? Hanji we might get killed just trying to take a normal one down, and titans attack in packs! We won't get away without any casualties!" Mike's voice is louder now.
"I just said it might help us. I mean who knows, we might even get our hands on a titan that can fuckin' talk! Wouldn't that help us deal with them faster? Taking risks is a basic thing when you're a soldier! This would benefit humanity!" Hanji shouted, eye to eye with Mike.
"Ahem. Sit down, Hanji." Erwin interrupted. She complied.
"They've (referring to Hanji and her team) discussed this with me several times, and after some thinking and consultations, I agreed. And that's why I am asking for your assistance." The room is silent.
Levi broke it, "This is going nowhere. When will we go deviant-hunting?"
"Next week, Monday, instruct your squads to get themselves ready. We will leave the wall by 5 am. Are there any questions?"
Moblit raised his hand, "Sir, I would like to come, Hanji-san might lose herself if she's alone."
"Who said she's alone?" Levi asked, irritated by his presence. "You'll only slow us down."
"I'll be fine Mobby, you'll just have to work on the papers I'll leave behind. And organize them, maybe?" Hanji said with an apologetic look and a soft smile.
"I understand."
"Dismissed," finally Erwin adjourned.
That night, Levi is in his room drowned in his paper works, when the door suddenly flung open.
"Have you ever heard of the word 'knocking', Shitty Glasses?" Levi groaned.
"I'm so excited I can't sleep!" Hanji said while she tiptoed towards Levi's couch and sat.
"It's still four days away, you won't even be able to ride your damn horse if you don't sleep!"
"What do you think? Will it be a success? Ahhhh I can't wait. I want to get my hands on them, slicing their flesh open, and as I study them I'll stab them in every part of their body to get some useful infos… and when I hear them groan, ohhhhhh! The thrill!" Her eyes shining.
"You're a creep you know that, Fucking Four Eyes?" Levi grumbled.
Hanji smirked and looks at him, "And you still choose to listen to me, Corporal."
"Hmph, like I have a choice."
Hanji stood up and walked towards the door, as she nears it, she turned on her heels and said, "Thanks for everything, Levi."
Surprised by her sudden eccentricity, she is eccentric alright but this is different, his eyes widened slightly, confused. She wears a warm smile, with eyes full of gratitude and happiness. He got so mesmerized by her beautiful brown eyes that Hanji felt uncomfortable (and creeped out) by his stare.
"Le- Levi?" She said with a concerned voice.
"Hm. Get out and go to sleep, Glasses. My room will reek of your disgusting smell."
Hanji snorted for she got worried for nothing. They said their goodnights and she left.
The day of the expedition…
"To your positions. Scatter!" ordered Erwin.
"Kyaaaaaaa!" she shrieked.
Mike hurriedly went to her, and to his surprise.
"It's a deviant, Mike! Isn't he cute? This is the one! Let's get him!"
"Hanji. Settle down, if you get too excited we'll have a hard time, dealing with you not that." Mike sighed tiredly.
"What are you saying? It's our chance, while the others are taking care of the babies. We have to do our work."
"Alright, alright but we'll have to wait for Levi. This won't be easy."
"That's just it. It won't be easy IF Levi comes here! He'll kill him immediately!"
"Fine. You get left side, I'll go with right. Relax. I'm begging you."
She nodded her head many times, as she glided through the trees and started attacking the titan. They had managed to cut off all its fingers, earning bruises and tattered clothes in return.
"Fuck! We should just kill it already!" shouted Mike in desperation and anger.
"No!" she said angrily, approaching the deviant again trying to slash its entire arm this time. Her blades snapped. You'll need to use a giant chopping knife to chop that large bone, duh. As she was changing her blades, some titans appeared and are running towards her. Still equipping her new blades, she was not able to dodge a titan's arm. Luckily Mike got it. The titan's dead.
"Ha ha! Thanks lots Mike! Love ya!" she said nervously.
"Get your head in the game Hanji!" Mike's getting annoyed at her.
"Wakatta wakatta." Now armed with her blades. "Let's go kill ourselves some titans!"*
"You'd better treat me to some booze after this!" They took off and…. Slash slash, shing shing! Whoosh! Thud! Whoosh!
"There's no end to this! Where're the others? Hanji, how are you holding up?" Mike settling on a tall tree.
"Well I'm on my last pair of blades! Lucky me!" Hanji taking the tree opposite to Mike. She smiled at him. "At this rate our dear deviant will escape! And I was able to get his feet. It'll heal soon."
Speaking… The deviant got up and rushed to the tree Mike is on. His reaction got delayed and got thrown out, separated from Hanji, now he got his hands full on other titans.
"Mike!"
"I'm good! Just surrounded with fuglies instead of sexy onee-sans!"
The deviant ran towards the hoard of humans battling other titans. Hanji wanted to follow it but she still has to put the babies to eternal sleep.
"Damnit!" That's all she can say diving to the swarm of titans.
"Crap! Hanji I'm out of gas! Let's outta here! Seems like the odds are not in our favor today." As Mike stepped back to safety, he saw the remaining soldiers running towards where they are. He felt relieved. He's tired and it's a couple of hours to sunset. As the others took down one titan after another, they themselves fell one after another. Levi's presence gave them the reassurance but their lack of focus got them killed.
The deviant, fast to catch up, is staring at someone. Someone who's still fighting despite the shattered blades in her hands. It pushed the titan away, and took her. Gripping tightly, locking its yellowish brown eyes on her.
"Well hello there. I'll name you, Squash." Hanji, still joking while her tomb is right in front of her, sweat dropped. 'Damn, President Snow really hates me, doesn't he?*' she thought, nervously, laughing foolishly at herself.
'Damn this world' she cursed as her fear of dying finally sinks in.
Squash, still looking at her intently, used its fingers and lifted Hanji's left arm, carefully. But Hanji winced in pain, "Gyaaaaaaaa!" she cried. The deviant, unfazed, did the same thing to her right arm. Again she's in pain, "It hur-' her cry was cut off by the thought of the titan observing her. She looked at it, ignoring the pain in her arms. It stared back as if trying to win a stare down battle. She gasped and smiled, getting excited.
"You are so cute!"
Then it roared RAWRrrrrrr!
"Ughhh, she wrinkled her nose, "I guess you don't like being called cute, huh?"
"Glasses!" Levi called out to her. Hanji turned to him and guessed the next thing to happen. Then she shouted back, "No! Don't do it! He's different, see? He's looking at me! Maybe he likes me or something."
"What the fuck are you talking about, you disgusting wo-
"Gyaaaaaaa!" Squash pulled her body in two different directions but not enough to break her. She coughed blood.
Levi saw the blood. The dream came rushing back to his mind. He stood there stunned. 'No fucking way' 'This is not happening'. 'Move' 'Move goddamnit!'
As he watches Hanji struggling to escape, his throat got dry, his knees got weak, fear enveloped him. Then it occurred to him, the answer to his questions, that he needs to accept. He is scared. Afraid. To lose someone. Someone he cannot survive without. And that someone is her. And she's going away.
He tried to calm down. Tried to get his dumb body to move.
"Levi!"
He snapped out of bewilderment. He turned to where the voice came from, and saw her between the Titan's large teeth. He froze again.
'It's happening!' his heart sank. His mind in frantic desperation.
Erwin appeared in his mind saying,
"A moment of distraction in a battlefield is death. Lance Corporal."
This brought him back, he mustered all his strength. Glided swiftly, elegantly in the air, and cut the damn titan's mouth so it could release Hanji. He took her, and placed in a tree branch, went back to where the filthy thing is and the Squash is dead. As if on cue, the battle has ended. The king has fallen.
On the way back to the wall, Hanji is lying on a cart.
"Amazing as always, Corporal." She forced a smile.
"Shut up Shitty Glasses," he is furious with her stupidity, worried for her safety, but,
"Sleep, we're almost there," he said softly.
She just smiled but she didn't close her eyes. She just stared at him.
"You know you're the only one who surpasses the beauty of my dear babies."
"Of course, don't lump me with those ugly monsters. How could you even call them beautiful?" He said with smug on his face. Hanji laughed, he did too, slightly.
On the hospital bed, the doctors are busy with Hanji. Levi and Erwin are waiting outside the operating room. After an hour, the doctor came out and told them they can see her. She lies there, like a wilting vegetable.
"Hey," Erwin said as they reached her bed.
She smiled again, "Hi, guess I made it?"
Erwin left after a while, leaving just the two of them. They stayed there in a comfortable silence. Then her condition's acting up again. She gasped for air, she started bleeding. Levi ran for help. In seconds, the doctors are with her, they told him to wait outside, again. But after what he saw, he refused. There it is again, the fear. The doctors are starting to get desperate, she's losing too much blood.
'Damn those titans!' He was helpless, hopeless. He can't do a thing. He just stood there.
Alas, the doctors said there's nothing they can do. She's slipping away.
They were left alone once more. He is kneeling beside her bed, her hand held tightly in his.
"Don't leave Shitty Glasses, please." His voice begging.
Hanji, while gasping for short breaths, "Don't go crying on me now, Corporal," she said jokingly.
He managed a tiny smile. That's just like her. He stroked her hair, saying encouragements to her. To stay alive. He refuses to let her go. He refuses to accept that a stupid titan will take her away from him. For hours, he held her, casually kissing her temple. He even sat on the bed, to stay beside her.
"Doing some puff-puff action*, ey? You should rest too, you're tired."
"I'm fine." He answered.
"I'm better now, if I was really going to die like the doctor said, I would have been dead and cold by now."
Levi looked at her again, assessing if it was really true. She gave him a sweet smile. "I'll sing for you," she said. Levi scowled but listened anyway.
Surprisingly, her voice is soothing, warm, that it lulled him to sleep. She smiled at his sleeping form, "You really are beautiful, Levi." She kissed him in the lips for a long time. "Goodnight."
He woke up. It's a bright sunny day. He stretched and then turned to Hanji to greet her good morning. He reached for her hand. She's cold.
"Oi Glasses okiro, it's morning." His voice cracked. He shook her gently, afraid he'd break her. "Four eyes this is not the time for jokes!" shaking her again but this time with force.
"Hanji!" upon saying her name for the first time in forever, his tears fall.
"Hanji! Hanji! Hanji!" he kept on saying her name as he cried knowing it's useless. He held her tight, kissed her, hugged her. Again and again. He looked at her full of sadness and longing in his eyes, "Hanji, you didn't even give me the chance to call you by your name. You Glasses Freak." His hold began to loosen, he stroke her hair again, traced her eyes, nose, lips with his finger. He gave her a final kiss. And then he smiled. 'Not even this smile'.
He sang a song. He said his final goodbye. His final words. Finally, he let her go.
'She really did die in my arms.' He thought to himself as he walked out of her room.
"Tch. Kuso Megane".
AN:
Okiro: wake up
*Stirrings – from Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Jack Sparrow used the term to replace "feelings" because he's in a denial state.
*I used "President Snow really hates me doesn't he?" from The Hunger Games novel, in connection to what Mike said, "The odds are not in our favor", also from THG.
*"Let's go kill ourselves some titans" – based on the statement "Let's go kill ourselves a witch" from Oz.
*puff-puff action- intimate things.