It is commonly known that even after a star dies it's light can be seen for many years to come. Without this knowledge many continue to look up to the skies at these very stars. It had never occured to Spock why people continued this practice even after learning that most, if not all, the stars they look upon were already gone. He had never understood the emotions they would inspire in others, or that's what he believed before he met James T. Kirk.
Never had he met a man who so infuriated him. Uncouth. Brash. Always ready to break the rules. At one point in time he had envisioned a future where they were nothing more then passing strangers. Things had changed however. From enemy to friend to something more. To him James T. Kirk was the equivalent of a star. Burning brightly in everything he did no matter the circumstances. No matter the danger. For once Spock felt as if he could understand, even if only in a small way, how others felt when they gazed up at the night sky.
These moments made things worse when the inevitable happened.
When his star burned out.
When Jim died.
No words could describe the anger he felt. The helplessness. Pain. Sorrow. So many emotions at once. It was hard to distinguish where one ended and the next began. There was only one clear thing in his mind. The need to hunt down the one responsible. To kill the person who dared take away his friend.
He had given in to those emotions. Letting them guide him as he went after Khan. Spock had been unable to see anything else. If it hadn't been for Lieutenant Uhura he might have done something that not even he could reverse. In the end everything turned out fine, but the sight of Jim lying dead before him was something he could never forget.
"You saved my life," Jim said his voice still weak from the procedure.
Seeing him alive and well did something to Spock. He felt something in his chest loosen at the sight. He watched expressionless as Mccoy or, "Bones" as Jim called him, continued with his duties.
"Uhura and I had something to do with it too you know," Bones said sarcastically.
Spock watched as Jim's lips quirked into amusement before those familiar eyes were trained on him.
"You saved my life Captain, and the lives of-," He started to say.
"Spock just, thank you," Jim cut in with the slightest amount of exasperation.
"You are welcome, Jim."
This time there was no ignoring the scoff that escaped Bones's mouth. Turning to the other man Spock considered the choices he now had before him. The logical option would be to leave, allowing Jim to heal and rest. Something he desperately still needed despite the amount of Khan's blood now running through his veins. His emotions however…
"Bones could you give us a minute? I've got a few things I need to talk with Spock about," Jim said wincing slightly as he struggled to sit up.
"Sure kick out the guy who saved your ass, I see how it is. Once I've done my part you kick me to the curb like last weeks old newspaper," Bones grumbled setting his board down with a quiet thud.
"It might be wise to keep further discussions until a later date seeing as you are not in prime condition-" Spock began.
"Now's not the time Spock, just a few minutes Bones," Jim cut him off again.
"Fine fine, I know when I'm not wanted," Bones complained before getting up to leave.
For a moment the air between them was tense. When the door closed behind Bones, Jim turned and looked his way. He couldn't describe how he felt as he slowly walked over to the bed where his friend lay. Sitting down in the now unoccupied chair Spock waited for a Jim to speak. Thankfully he didn't have to wait long.
"Look I know you probably have a few things to say to me so go on," Jim said grunting as he tried to force himself to sit up further.
"What would give you that idea?' Spock asked cocking his head slightly.
"Seriously? I know you Spock. After what I pulled I'm sure you have a hundred things to say, most of which I'm pretty sure are not the least bit flattering," Jim said shooting Spock and unnamused glare.
"As you stated previously I would have done the same, I cannot reprimand you for something that I myself would have done," Spock replied biting down his emotions to keep from saying what was truly on his mind.
He was not anticipating Jim reaching out and grabbing him by his shirt. Although the tugging sensation he felt was weak, Spock found himself leaning towards the other man. The look of anger on the others face was enough to get his attention as Jim began to speak.
"Don't give me that bullshit. Look Spock I know you aren't the most forthcoming person when it comes to feelings. But even I can see that something is eating at you. Talk to me. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere if I can help it."
Those words, despite the fault he could see within them, calmed the storm that roared inside him. Without hesitation he leaned further into Jim's embrace their mouths slanting together perfectly. All the emotion that he couldn't show he pushed into the kiss. It wasn't harsh or rushed as many of their other kisses had been. This one was slow and sweet, it was one that left him feeling slightly vulnerable as he pulled back.
"I lost you today," Spock said his eyes sliding shut, "I watched you die right in front of me."
"I know."
"You died and I was helpless," Spock continued.
"I know."
"I was so lost, the idea that you could die so easily was something that had never occured to me before. Logically anyone of us could die everyday but to see it happen…" Spock trailed off.
"Hey look at me," Jim commanded softly continuing only when Spock complied, "I may have died once but you can bet I'll fight until my last breath to keep it from happening again,"
Spock stared in Jim's eyes. He could read the sincerity behind those words. Proof that the fire he'd seen before hadn't died out in the least. His memories however were still fresh, the memory of seeing those vibrant blue eyes go dull one of the most prominent.
"That is what I'm afraid of," He admitted in a quiet voice to the others confusion, "You do not stop to think before leaping into danger. Never give mind to the consequences of your actions until it is too late. What if the next time there is no way we can bring you back? Even if you do not die during a mission there will come a time when you grow old and will pass on. A Vulcan's life span is far longer than a humans, even after you die I will continue to live with nothing but your memory. Can you understand how that scares me? These feelings? They reside within in me and yet I cannot even begin to understand them."
"Spock…" Jim began.
"Many say Vulcan's do not feel but we do, we feel very much. I feel Jim, and it is these feelings that are tearing me apart," Spock admitted barely how his voice shook with emotion, "Many have tried to garner responses from me with their words before. The only one who has managed it time and time again is you. Jim, I care very deeply about you."
At those last three words Spock locked gazes with the man underneath him. He knew Jim had viewed their so called "relationship" as nothing more then a few casual flings and some fun between friends. That's how he'd seen it at first. As he'd stated however, Vulcans feel very deeply. In the short amount of time he'd spent with Jim his feelings had gone far beyond friends. Spock wasn't sure if the other man felt the same way but he didn't care. Everything that had happened, and everything that was too come, he was willing to spend by this man's side.
"I understand if you do not feel the same way, it is irrational of me to admit such feelings despite-," He began to say after a few moments of silence.
"Just shut up and kiss me you pointy eared bastard," Jim said grabbing Spock by the front of his shirt.
Well who was he to disregard a captain's orders like that?
Leaning back down Spock slanted his mouth against Jims. Mindful of the others condition Spock slid his hand into Jim's hair. Tilting the others head back Spock moved down the long pale neck, nipping at the exposed flesh. He reveled in the low groan that Jim let loose when he sank his teeth into a specific area one he knew drove the other crazy.
"I thought you said I wasn't in prime condition for anything," Jim groaned as Spock's hand slid under the thin paper gown.
"On the contrary it is wise to do a full body exam after such an ordeal. You can never be too careful when it comes to your health captain," Spock replied his fingers sliding across every bump and scar, "Who knows what kind of side effects Khan's blood could have?"
"That's bullshit and you know it. If you're horny you could just say so," Jim grumbled unable to move do to his condition.
"Vulcans do not lie, I am simply conducting a medical exam. If your body reacts to my ministrations then I apologize."
Jim only groaned again as Spock's slender fingers brushed over one of his nipples. Pushing the thin garment out of his way Spock let his eyes roam over the marred skin, he had memorized each scar long ago. Leaning down his seal his mouth over a large one causing Jim to arch his back in surprise. Goosebumps raced over the others skin as Spock moved from scar to scar taking his time to trace each one with his tongue. By the time he finished Jim was watching him with a hooded expression, panting harshly as a large tent formed in the sheets that covered the rest of his body.
"I hope you plan on finishing what you started," Jim commented as Spock pulled away.
"Is that an order captain?" Spock asked as he reached up to begin undoing his buttons.
"You bet your ass it is," Jim replied licking his lips as Spock continued to undress, "Or are you going to disobey a direct order?"
"I would never dream of doing such a thing."
"Good then why don't you get to work and wrap those lying lips of yours around my cock," Jim said his usual arrogant smirk in place.
Spock chose not to say anything to that. At this moment it would be pointless. So instead he simply leaned down and drew back the sheets. Coming face to face with his prize Spock gently wedged his shoulders between the other man's legs pushing them further apart as he settled into his new position. Only when he was comfortable did he follow Jims order and allow the hard cock slide past his lips. Sucking lightly he wrapped a hand around the rest beginning a slow steady rhythm that had Jim throwing his head back.
"Fucking tease," Jim grunted as Spock continued his pace for a few torturous minutes.
"It would not do to allow your body to become too excited captain," Spock said pulling back, "It is imperative that you are allowed to heal without straining yourself too much."
"Says the guy whose had my hard dick in his mouth for the past ten minutes," Jim countered weakly.
"Do you wish me to stop?"
"You're the devil I swear," Jim grunted, "Just hurry up and fuck me you idiot before I get up and do it."
"As you wish captain."
Jim threw his head back again when two slim digits began working there way inside him. Seeing the slight pain that flickered across Jim's face Spock returned to sucking the hard cock in front of him. He could see the way the other man fought to keep his voice in check. If they had been anywhere else Spock would have encouraged the other to let his voice free. Right now however he relished in the fact that he had such power over Jim.
It was as he worked another finger inside Jim that Spock felt the dick in his mouth begin to twitch. A sure sign the other was about to come. Pulling away he watched as a thin strand of saliva continued to connect his mouth to the appendage. Jim was not happy at being denied, voicing his disapproval as Spock removed his fingers.
"Are you trying to kill me?" Jim asked falling back on the sheets with an unsatisfied moan.
"That is not my intention," Spock replied as he loosened his own pants.
"Then hurry up before I lose my mind!"
"Patience is a virtue captain, "Spock droned as he freed his own pressing erection.
"Fuck patience! Just shove your goddamn dick inside me-" Before Jim could finish his sentence Spock did just that.
Having lubed himself up with some lotion that had been placed nearby, Spock felt no resistance as he slid deeper inside Jim. The velvety walls seemed to suck him in deeper until he felt hips meet his semi-clothed form. Reaching down he lifted one of Jim's legs up onto his shoulder and gave a short experimental thrust. Both men groaned at the feeling. Their bodies slid together easily as Spock began to slowly thrust into the other. After having sex the first couple times Spock had learned all of Jim's tells and what made him moan the loudest. Which is why he continued to thrust slowly into the other despite how Jim groaned and demanded more.
"Do you know how tight you are Jim? How your walls hug me every time I slide out of you?" Spock asked reaching for Jims other leg.
"Shut up," Jim moaned throwing a hand over his face.
"It's almost like your body is desperate to keep me inside you," Spock commented burying himself back inside Jim with a hard thrust.
"I said shut up!" Jim whiend raising his hands to cover his bruning face.
It was rare that Spock would talk dirty during sex. Most of the time Jim was the one pressing him down into the bed and whispering the filthiest things into his ear. Unlike the other times however Spock was the one in control. The one who held the power as he continued to thrust into his lover. Jim was at his mercy and after everything they had been through Spock wasn't feeling merciful.
Reaching up he grabbed Jim's hands and slammed them down onto the bed. Leaning over the other he captured the others mouth in a harsh kiss as his thrusts sped up. A growl began to build in his throat as he broke the kiss. Never had he seen a more beautiful sight then the one underneath him at this moment. Jim's face was lit with a blush as he panted, unable to catch his breath after the harsh kiss. It was enough to cause Spock to almost spill then and there. He refused however to be the only one. Wrapping one hand around both of Jim's wrists Spock reached down and began furiously jerking the other.
"Do you know how much I want to cum right now?" Spock whispered into Jim's ear his teeth grazing the outer shell with his teeth, "How much I want to mark you inside and out? Just the thought of you walking around with my seed spilling out of you for everyone to see, it makes me feel as if I will lose control of myself."
"S-spock," Jim moaned brokenly.
"That's right call out my name. Drive me even more insane with your words," Spock said before moving to run his teeth against Jim's throat.
To Spock it felt as if he were a rubber band that was being stretched too thin. Any moment he could snap, but he wasn't Jim to lose himself first. Knowing from experience how long the other man could last Spock sped up even further, putting as much power behind his thrust as he could without hurting the other. Jim's moans were now echoing through the room, something Spock paid no attention to. If others heard then so what? He cared little about what would happen if they got caught. Nothing matter besides Jim.
When he felt Jim begin to tighten around him, Spock sank his teeth into the others neck. He felt Jim go rigid under his as the other reached his climax. On any other occasion Spock might have stopped to allow his lover time to recover. At that moment however he had lost himself to the pleasure. With each thrust he buried himself deeper and deeper until he finally snapped.
"Jim!" Spock groaned loudly as he came.
Spock felt his whole body tense for a moment before going limp. Dropping on the man below him, Spock panted against the heated skin. He could honestly say that he had never experienced a more intense orgasm in his life. A soft chuckling had him pushing himself up off the other. The moment he moved Jim reached up and pulled him back down for a kiss. This one was nothing like the one before. This one was slow and passionate. It was a promise. One that only they would share no matter how many years passed between them. One that Spock would hold close to his heart until the day his star burned out and he along with it.