A/N This is purely an indulgence thing. The most fantastic thing about fanfiction is being able to get inside the character's heads, in a way that TV prohibits. And I love doing that! And if other people love reading that, so much the better! This starts mid-late season 2, loosely guided by the events of the show, but of course, this is BANGS anatomy, so everyone else is just an extra, with Cristina and Burke on centre stage. The only AU thing I've done is that George and Meredith never slept together. Because I didn't want him hanging around the apartment, intruding on my domestic Burketina scenes  Enjoy.

"Whose the freaking woman in this relationship?" Cristina cursed under her breath as she stuffed her feet into her sneakers. She thumped her fist on the bathroom door. "I'm going!" she yelled, not waiting for a response as she dashed out of the apartment. She knew he'd seek her out at the hospital at the first available moment, to ask why they've reverted back to this: back to her leaving when he's in the shower, or still asleep. He thought they'd left it behind months ago.

His opportunity came late that morning, when she was delivering a patient's lab results to Bailey. He fell into step beside her. "I'm busy," she said briskly.

"And I'm just about to perform a triple bypass because I have nothing better to do."

She glanced up at him quickly. "Whose scrubbing in?"

"I thought you were busy."

"Busy is a relative term."

He chuckled. "Grey's got this one. This morning felt uncomfortably familiar."

"Meaning?" she asked impatiently, as he followed her into the elevator.

"Meaning, you haven't left without saying goodbye for months." He removed his glasses, and began to clean them.

Cristina watched his fingers move over the lenses, nimble and precise. "I yelled through the door. I didn't want to interrupt your beauty routine. You know that's the second morning in a row I haven't been able to have a shower because you've been in there too long?"

"You shouldn't confide your lack of hygiene to the man you're sleeping with."

"Whatever. What the hell were you doing in there, anyway? You don't shave your legs. You have barely any hair to wash."

He grinned at her obvious annoyance. "The astounding attractiveness of the specimen you see before you takes time, I'm afraid. But can we return to the matter at hand? You've been distant lately."

The elevator doors opened, and Cristina hastily stepped in. "I have to go."

"Can't it wait?" he asked, exasperated.

"Bailey? Are you kidding?"

The elevator doors closed, and she sighed in relief.

When Meredith sat down next to her at lunch, she asked, "I thought you were scrubbing in on a triple bypass?"

"It got moved to mid-afternoon. What's going on between you two?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, I think you do." Meredith watched her friend closely, as she savagely bit into her sandwich. "His mood has become progressively worse all day. Can't you save your fights for the days that Alex is assigned to him?"

Cristina smirked. "Sure. I'll withhold sex for a whole week, that'll get him worked up. Then Alex will get what's coming to him."

"So, that's what this is about? You're withholding sex? Should I get you some knitting needles, you can join me in my celibacy?"

"My sex life is fine, thanks. And we didn't fight. I'm just avoiding him. Constantly. And he's pissed about that."

"But things have been going well. You just told him you loved him last week. You know, when he was actually awake."

"Exactly."

"Huh?" Meredith asked, slurping down her milk. Cristina was still a riddle at times.

"I told him to 'be the other guy.' I gave up my apartment. I told him I loved him. We've been living in happy couple land the past little while, and suddenly I realized: I've gotten in too deep, Mer. I let my guard down! What the hell is wrong with me? There's got to be a diagnosis for this."

"Crazy in love," Izzie concluded as she banged her tray down.

Cristina gave her a dirty look. "Don't ever liken my life to a Beyonce song again."

"Oh, you know I'm right. You're scared by the depth of your feeling for him, so you're backing off."

"Have you gone all Dr. Love because of that heart patient guy?"

"So far Denny and I haven't progressed beyond dirty scrabble games. It's fun. You should try it with Burke, if you're having trouble communicating."

"Great," Meredith chimed in, rising up from the table. "I have to go scrub in with the man. Now all I'm going to be able to think about is Burke playing dirty scrabble."

"This celibacy thing is making you crazy!" Cristina yelled at her retreating back.

Groaning at Izzie's knowing expression, she swept her hair up into its clip. "I've got to prep a girl for a C-section. Have fun in the pit."

As Cristina completed her post-op notes that evening, she glanced up at the board. Burke's surgery was finished, meaning he'd already be at home. She sighed, and sought out Bailey.

"Dr. Bailey, do you need me to be on call tonight?"

Bailey looked up from a patient's chart, and surveyed her most competitive intern. "You've already been on call two nights this week. Why are you volunteering for a third?"

"It's easiest to get the best cases when there's less competition for them. I've been scrubbing in on pretty routine stuff lately."

Bailey glared at her. "Nice line. I won't be a part of whatever reason you don't want to go home."

"It's not-"

"No! I had all of Grey's dramas with Shepherd last year, I won't go through it again with you and Burke, oh no. Have you done your post-op notes?"

"Yes," Cristina answered reluctantly.

"Then get out of here."

Cursing under her breath, she stormed into the locker room. George was humming under his breath as he pulled his jacket on.

"Be quiet, Bambi," she snapped as she stripped her scrubs off. George habitually averted his eyes as she changed, but asked, "why are you in such a good mood?"

"Why are you?" she bit back.

"I was in on a transplant surgery with the chief."

"Great. I got to do a C-section with the She-Shepherd." She slammed her locker closed, and threw her things into her bag.

"See you tomorrow!" George called after her, smiling knowingly.

As Cristina rode home, she debated in her head just why she was avoiding Burke. He'd been nothing but good to her, after all. And she'd never been so paralyzed by the fear of losing someone as she had when the bomb was in the OR. He loved her instinctively – when Hannah had removed her hand, he'd automatically pulled her to the ground with him. Protecting her was an unconscious thing for him.

It was all about control. Ever since escaping her painful childhood home, Cristina had reveled in the feeling that she controlled her life, her destiny. She worked her ass off at college. She was naturally smart, but she built on that and applied herself in her studies – it was all she did. Forget relationships, forget friendships. She was going to be top of her class at Stanford, dammit. She always knew it. She was in control.

At Seattle Grace, she had stiff competition. Meredith had just as much aptitude as she did, and a much better bedside manner. Izzie excelled on specific cases, and all the patients loved George. Even Alex had his moments. But she was still Cristina, she was still determined, and gifted. She could control just how far she went, how much she excelled at surgeries, how many opportunities she grabbed at. She'd had a careful path mapped out in her head, ever since she arrived at Seattle Grace. And she would follow it.

Falling for Burke was something so far out of her control, it shook her completely. She was embarrassed, when he witnessed her loss of control over Liz Fallon's death. Instinctively, she wanted a life saved. She was a doctor. Burke had to physically restrain her. When he sought her out to comfort her in the stairwell, all she could focus on why his nearness suddenly clouded her head.

Groaning, Cristina turned her bike around. Soon, she sat on a corner stool at Joe's throwing back a beer. She couldn't face him yet. Not so out of control.

She remembers that day, Meredith's judgment day, the day after the party, when Burke came clean with the chief about the towel…she remembers. Helping Meredith prepare what to say, that she'd planned. Being prepared to comfort or congratulate her on the outcome, that was also in Cristina's head.

What wasn't planned was seeking Burke out after she discovered how he'd effectively saved Meredith's career. How he was honourable and honest, after all, on top of being a near-perfect surgeon. What wasn't planned was her locking the door, and what followed after. She remembers the feel of his mouth on her, his hands – those incredible hands, gifted in more ways than one – on her, blazing a trail on her skin, building a fire inside of her. She kept going back for more, even when she saw what happened between Meredith and Shepherd.

It wasn't supposed to hurt when he broke up with her, or when she lost the baby. She didn't foresee herself moving in with him, or giving up her apartment. It just happened. Every time she began to get comfortable, he moved forward, and compelled her to follow him.

She followed him, grudgingly, until she suddenly realized just how much control he'd taken from her. She'd fallen from sanity, from the plan – she'd fallen in love! How could she let that happen? She'd been blindsided by fear of losing him, and let the depth of her feeling slip.

Reality rudely confronted her with the fact that she, Cristina Yang, was no longer independent. She no longer had control, had autonomy. There was another that she couldn't live without. So maybe that's what her avoidance was about. Trying to prove to herself that she did still have some control. She could still live without him.

If she spent too much time around him, she'd realize how little control she had. Groaning, Cristina took a long swig of beer.

A/N Next chapter, Burke's back, in a much bigger way. And for all the female Burketina writers out there, whilst Cristina is awesome, it really is all about Burke  Please r&r, I really appreciate feedback!