Sasori knew it was going to be a long evening when he entered the base after a solo mission to see his blond partner crawling around in circles singing, "Kitty cat kitty cat kitty cat kitty cat kitty cat kitty cat kitty kitty kitty cat."
The puppet master just stared at the nineteen year old before pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head. "Oh Dei…." He murmured softly, glad that in his current state the blond wouldn't catch the nickname that had accidentally slipped out. "You're drunk again aren't you?"
Apparently hearing him, said drunk Deidara looked at him and gave a delighted, "Kitty cat!" Before crawling over to Sasori while singing the same song he had been before.
"-cat kitty cat kitty cat ki-" Deidara banged his head against Sasori's leg, and looked up at the puppeteer. "Kitty cat!"
When Sasori sighed in resignation to the fact that yes, Deidara really was drunk, the terrorist looked down. Then, with an air of extreme concentration, he pounced on Sasori's left foot.
Growling, Sasori moved his foot back only to have Deidara's hands land on top of it. "Kitty cat!"
Leaning down, the sober one of the two grabbed the collar of the other's cloak, and pulled him to face level. "No." Sasori said sternly. "No kitty cat. Human."
The response he got was a blank stare. Then Deidara batted his nose. Said drunkard giggled when Sasori yanked his head back, glaring at him, and simply batted his nose again with the other hand.
Sasori swore as Deidara batted his nose again. When he had joined Akatsuki, never had he imagined himself taking care of a drunken nineteen year old who thought he was a cat.
When Deidara batted his nose for the fourth fuckin' time, Sasori got an idea. Smirking, Sasori smacked Deidara in the side before snapping, "No! Bad cat!" If Deidara thought he was a cat, then Sasori was going to treat him like a cat.
Deidara briefly sent Sasori a dirty look before looking down at the floor, pouting, and sing-songing sadly, "Kitty cat."
Sasori considered the pouting, wanna-be-cat he was holding before announcing, "I would kill to know whether at times like this you can understand me but are incapable of saying anything besides 'Kitty cat', or if you actually have the mind of a cat. Of course, most of the time you have the mind of an ADHD squirrel, so the latter is certainly as plausible as the former."
As Sasori pondered what to do next with his cat boy, the bishie cat in question realized that the puppet master had a zipper on his cloak. Enthusiastically, he rubbed up against the zipper and cloak, making a sound close to purring in appreciation of the feeling.
The red head froze as Deidara continued to rub his cheek against Sasori's chest and nuzzle into him. As ever-so-subtly Deidara's arms snaked their way around Sasori, he snapped himself out of his trance. Right. Someone was going to pay for this.
Disengaging Deidara from his actions, Sasori stalked towards the living room, where the other members would be. Deidara crawled at Sasori's side, once again singing, "Kitty cat kitty cat kitty cat kitty cat kitty cat kitty cat kitty cat kitty kitty kitty cat."
Seeing all the other Akatsuki members present in the living room doing various things, Sasori stopped in the doorway and demanded, "Who did this to my brat?" As he jabbed a finger down at Deidara. He got his answer when Hidan howled with laughter at Deidara as the resident cat hooked a finger around Sasori's before rubbing up against it while doing that purring thing again.
"Stop that!" Sasori snapped, swatting at Deidara before glaring at Hidan. "As if I had to ask. As soon as he's sober, you're dead." With that, Sasori left.
Traveling to his room that he shared with Deidara, Sasori groaned inwardly. The brat wasn't even overly fond of cats when he was sober, so why did he act like one when he was drunk? Sasori went into their shared room, determined to keep Deidara there until he at least went from drunk to hung over. He was quite surprised when Deidara crawled from his side to in front of him, and then rose onto his knees. Deidara never got off his hands and knees when he was drunk, so what was he doing now?
Looking up at Sasori, Deidara stuck out his tongue, and then to Sasori's extreme surprise and mortification, licked….there through Sasori's pants. Then, concentrating, Deidara pushed aside Sasori's cloak to fumble with the button and zipper on Sasori's pants. Blushing furiously, Sasori quickly pushed him back, making the blond fall over backwards.
Great. Not only did Sasori have a cat to deal with, he had a horny cat to deal with. Great. It didn't help that the tomato-red puppet maybe-kinda-sorta-not-really-in-a-way-definitely had a crush on the blonde. Of course, he could take advantage Deidara's drunken state, but that was just it. He wanted to fuck Deidara, not a cat.
Said cat pouted, and crawled over to the bed that was actually Sasori's, wiggling his butt so he could spring up onto it. Once he was curled up, the blond looked over at Sasori, and patted the bed. "Kitty cat?"
Catching the question, Sasori sighed in faux-annoyance before going over and laying next to Deidara, who instantly snuggled up to him while purring, and fell asleep.
Sasori chuckled and ran his hand through Deidara's golden hair. "Good night my kitty cat." He murmured, before falling asleep himself.