a/n: the cover photo isn't mine, so credits to the owner... and I'm open for Hoohaku fic requests, leave a pm or a review

I know you wouldn't be able to live as long as I am.

I know that our paths have always been different. We may have passed by each other's way but I knew that those moments wouldn't last.

I know that we are opposites and that I'll always be attracted to you.

I know that I've done everything I could do. I've tried to repeatedly forget you. I – who cannot be pinned down by a single woman for more than one night, was captivated by the view that I witness every time I see you.

I know that this feeling isn't right.

I know that loving you would leave a lasting scar on my heart but I choose to be hurt by you. It's funny. Maybe I am a masochist. I don't care whether you do things as petty as calling me stupid nick names or brutal things such as breaking my arm. It might sound weird but do whatever you want with me. Burn me, skin me, hit me, whatever you want. The pain of losing you in my life would still earn the top spot of the greatest punishments I've ever received.

"Humans are fickle, Hakutaku. You shouldn't associate yourself with them." I was warned once by the person you serve but being me, I didn't listen. I never listen with things concerning you.

Hoozuki, you damn sadistic demon, I met you long ago. I met you when you were alone. I met you when no one was there. Do you even remember? I was the one who brought you to that village on a whim. I was meant to just watch the humans to entertain myself. I remember how I peek at people having sex before. It was fun. I was always fooling around. I was never serious. I was never meant to help a dying brat like you. Come to think of it, I really shouldn't have.

Your eyes were slowly closing back then, by a river, with some berries in your hand, you didn't know they were poisonous, maybe you knew, maybe you didn't, you still ate them because you're hungry, I had to watch what will happen next but I didn't know that I would do what I've done next.

I rescued you. You ungrateful son of a bitch.

I brought you onto that village so you will form bonds with the people there, but I know now that I also got that wrong. How stupid can you ever get? Being as aloof as you were when you were alone? That's why the people there sacrificed you! My efforts were all worthless!

I remember that time quite vividly. Although I was quite drunk, I still remember. I thought of looking down to earth to see how you've been doing. I remember… I remember how much I rushed to grab your hand out of that place. I would've given those people everything in exchange for a brat's life, in exchange for your life.

It was unexplainable, how much I wanted to be by your side even though you're arrogant and thought that everything you do is right.

I was banned to visit the human world for a while, nor get anywhere near hell.

I know how much you were weighing on my mind. You were pretty much all I think of.

Then we got to meet at the Heaven and Hell's joint games. Finally, I got to see you grow up.

I know how much seeing you develop into something I didn't expect, would shock me to the core.

I know how much I was into you. How deep I fell for you. And I've been wanting to say this, fuck you for growing up. How fucking dare you made a mess of my feelings again?

I know how much I hate seeing you… only because I'm too afraid that my heart would jump out. Seriously though, you do shock me to death – if I had that luxury, sometimes.

You were so strong. I've never seen you cry. If I ever did, I would've given you a tight embrace.

"Hakutaku." You're voice came out as a whisper, almost as if you're begging for me to listen. "Where'd your strength go?" I arrogantly asked not knowing your full condition. I can't even explain how much those eight letters blew me away. "I…" you looked down. The atmosphere was awkward and tense but comfortable at the same time. I didn't even know how those three adjectives jived to describe this situation.

I know how much I was too ahead of myself.

"I am dying" "I love you too" we said simultaneously.

I looked at you in disbelief as you returned my gaze.

We both said something the other didn't expect.

We stared at each other.

I know how much I desired your touch back then.

I know how much you felt the same.

I know how much pleasure it gives me to see you, but nothing compares to residing in your heat.

You crashed your lips to mine. It was like a roller coaster ride. The thrill, the fear, the enjoyment, the guilt and the exhilaration of one moment is raining down on me.

Neither of us broke the kiss as we clumsily dragged each other to your room. Good thing it was not that far from where we were.

I know how much hunger you must have felt.

I know you don't know how much mine exceeded yours.

I know how much I want you.

I know when I want you.

I know I want you now.

'Your touch sets fire to my whole being', I thought, which I wholeheartedly meant, word by word. These words are coming from someone like me – who admittedly does these things for fun.

We both tore each other's clothes off. Those annoying pieces of fabric won't contain what I feel for you. They won't keep me from getting what I want. They won't keep me from giving you what you want.

"We're stupid, aren't we?" you asked in between your hurried breathing.

"We are." I answered almost in an instant before you pinned me down your bed.

I know how much I wanted you inside me.

I know how much I longed for this feeling.

I know how much I wanted my love to be reciprocated.

I know how much I craved for this moment.

I know how much I'll cry when this is all over.

But I also know how much I won't regret it…

You thrust into me without any hesitation, it was painful at first, but words can't express how much I would beg and plead on my knees for this feeling to last forever.

You stroked and kissed every inch of me so gently, treating me like your most important treasure.

The voice that is coming out of my mouth are full of moans, that lay as proof that this is true, this is not a dream.

"I love you." I cried. You kissed me as a reply.

You asshole! Saying you love me back won't hurt, you know!

You rested your forehead onto mine and stared into my eyes.

I know how much I melted from your stare.

I know how much I would give up to make you stay.

I know how desperate I look like.

I know how pathetic I seem to be.

"I love you." You whispered into my ear as you held me.

I know I couldn't stop my tears from falling.

I know you're leaving.

I know you're gonna die again.

I know I would witness all of that again.

I know… Hoozuki… I know…

History repeats itself.

"I love you a lot more than you love me! Fuck you! You're fucking leaving again!"

"Sorry. Is it too late to want to call you mine?" these unfamiliar words that you're spouting now makes me believe that you are at your wits end.

"Bastard, I'm already yours." I bade. My heart, my soul, my entire being etched in a sentence I spoke towards a dying demon.

Like an idiot… I would rush towards your side and help you… no matter how much it kills me…

… because no matter how much it hurts… you were also the reason why I could still look forward to tomorrow.

The next few days, all we did was stay in that room. Drowning ourselves in each other's presence.

I would never forget the morning that came after that... for it was the morning that I woke up without you by my side… the morning I lost all the composure I thought I had... the morning where, once again, I lost a piece of my heart.

The pain of not seeing you killed me inside. 'These are the side effects of being immortal huh.' I told myself as I clutched my aching chest. I locked up the pharmacy, and no matter how many customers called for me, I wouldn't answer. Taotaro-kun have had a tough time dealing with all the work himself but I just couldn't bring myself to stand up... Even breathing seemed so hard.

After a few weeks of negotiations, Taotaro-kun was able to get me back to business. It was quite hard at first, but seeing as I'll have to get used to this kind of feeling every hundreds or thousands of years, I decided to man up and get out of my depressing room...

Besides...

I know you'll come back.

I know we'll repeat the same old stupid things we did.

I know that I'll still love you… no… maybe, more than that.

That time I tasted your lips… I was intoxicated… The thought of them never left my mind. I'll live till the day I'll get to kiss them once more.

25 years have passed since that day. It's funny how I was able to keep count of the years. I for one am not that interested in taking note of those such things, before.

Now things are different. I have something to look forward to.

"Hakutaku-sama, the orders aren't done yet." Momotaro tried to stop me from leaving.

"I'm sorry Taotaro-kun, today's a special day." I winked as I fled towards the human world.

I gently landed on the staircase of a huge educational institution, a university. Beneath the staircase, a young man sat, holding a leaf in his hand.

As the never-ending gear of time shall turn, I too shall not stop...

No matter how many times you leave me because you were once a mortal, I'll search for you, no matter where you are, whatever condition you're in, whomever you're supposed to be with.

Nothing will stop me.

I know we're both stupid at first impressions.

I know we'll both hate each other's guts again.

"The roots are herbs, it can be used to make diuretic or cough medicine. It's a Physalis Alekengi or…" I breathed a sigh "…Hoozuki." I casually remarked.

He stood without facing my way and spoke in his all too familiar deep voice, "The English name is Chinese lantern, the kanji of oni is the same character of ghosts in Chinese."

I know we'll play those stupid word games.

I know you'll always be an animal crazed maniac.

I know you'll always be sadistic as you've always been.

I know that like the idiots that we both are, one way or another, we'll both find our way to meet each other, to fall in love, to get hurt, to want to forget and to meet once again.

"Thus, this is 'the lantern of the ghosts'…" we said in unison.

You turned to me and my heart was revived. You look stupid wearing ordinary human clothing. It made me laugh so much that I cried.

The tears I contained all these years waiting for you to be reincarnated flooded my eyes. You just stared at me looking all confused.

"Nothing has changed. Your face still pisses me off."