Court of Sorrow and Despair

Chapter One

Tamlin

No one showed up for the first Calanmai after the war with Hybern ended. Perhaps they thought it wouldn't be necessary, why bother when other High Fae and faeries would certainly attend Fire Night to ensure crops throughout the land would not fail. Certainly someone would suffer through the ordeal of coupling with the most hated High Lord in all of Prythian. It was only one night, and they could swear it never happened if asked.

My own people had abandoned me. Long time friends, Fae I had rescued from being murdered or sent to stay Under the Mountain when Amarantha tricked the High Lords into giving over most of their power to her – none of them wanted to claim any sort of friendship or loyalty to me.

Alone.

My once beautiful manor now looked as if had been ravaged by years and decades of neglect. Doors hung off their hinges, glass crunched under my feet from the broken windows and precious antiques, broken furniture lay strewn about in a labyrinth I trek through each day to head out on patrol. Not that it was needed. Not that anyone other than creatures I needed to hunt stepped a foot onto Spring Court land. The villages had emptied out soon after the war; faeries loyal to the High Lady of the Night Court wouldn't be caught dead associating with me.

It brought me no joy or sense of victory when one by one my mother's rose bushes and all the fragrant flowers of the Spring Court wilted and died. Shortly after the leaves turned brown and brittle on every tree in the forests surrounding my home, and the lush green grass turned the color of dried wheat.

Spring would not come to the Fae Realm.

Without Spring there could be no Summer, no Winter, no Fall, and the birds that I'd taken to talking to out of sheer loneliness spoke of famine and droughts across the land. No doubt, they all blamed me – the High Lord of Spring to evil to visit, to important to kill. As the last remaining High Lord of Spring and without any living heirs, they couldn't risk killing me. Without me our Realm and that of the lowly humans would crumble. Maybe that was why they failed to show up for the Calanmai the first year after the war. Maybe it was a test to see if they could live without the Spring Court, and if so, their experiment failed miserably.

In my time alone, I'd become paranoid. Anyone would under the same circumstances. Any vile creature that crossed through my lands, I felt certain was sent by the Night Court. They made me the villain to make it okay for Feyre to follow her heart to her mate. Granted, I'd made mistakes. After watching her die Under the Mountain only to be reborn as a High Fae, changed me. Fear gnawed at my insides, and the tattoo on her arm given to her by Rhysand to seal the deal they made, only served to increase my dread that something bad would happen to her. At the time, I truly believed he'd used his powers of mind control to turn her against me. In my mind, I thought I was saving her when I made a deal with Hybern to let him use my land to get to the Wall to destroy it. It was a terrible mistake, one I regretted every single day.

She regretted nothing. She turned everyone against me, and went on to live happily ever after with her mate. All the good I'd done, all the lives I'd saved, amounted to nothing simply because I'd let my fears for her safety get the better of me. Still, I couldn't hate her. She'd come rescue me from Under the Mountain, and I owed her my life.

Nonetheless, I refused to even open the letters she sent me. The letters started arriving shortly after the crops started failing, likely condemning me for purposely starving the people out of spite. I burned them all without hesitation. I'd shouldered the blame for so much since the fateful day she came into my life, but I wouldn't take the blame for the fall of the Realm.

The last letter came two weeks before the next Calanmai, and again I burned it. If she truly cared about her people, she would've made the journey to the Spring Court to speak to me in person. I would've told her the sad truth. The drums never sounded, and although I'd done my part, killing the white stag, the ritual failed because I sat all night alone in the cave waiting for no one to show up. Raw power ravaged through me with no release, and to this day I felt it pent up beneath my skin, crawling like worms to drive me mad.

I wouldn't make the same mistake this year.

The day after her letter arrived, my ravens flew through the open doorway, and came to perch on the table I used to sit at with Lucien and Feyre while we ate and laughed together. They announced the arrival of a russet haired Fae with a golden eye, and scar slashed down his face. A mirthless laugh scared the birds away, flying out the broken windows.

Lucien.

I hadn't spoken to him since he betrayed me, running off with Feyre to the Night Court. It was laughable to think he was now her emissary when he used to be mine. I'd saved him from his family when they wanted him dead. I'd taken him in, and he became my closest friend and the person I trusted most. My trust was betrayed when he helped Feyre turn everyone against me.

I heard him outside, just beyond the doorway, cursing under his breath, likely wishing he'd never agreed to come back to the place he'd left in ruins. If he was smart, he would've turned around, got back up on his horse, and head home to the Night Court. He wasn't smart. He trudged through the door, sidestepping pieces of broken furniture and glass, and plopped down in the chair he always sat in at mealtime. His russet hair had grown shaggier since last I saw him, and although he retained the ethereal beauty of the Fae, he looked paler and thinner, his black tunic hanging loosely where his muscles used to be.

"You've had your fun, Tam," he began without sparing me any pleasantries. "I know you don't care, but the people of the Fae Realm and the Human Realm are starving. The Calanmai is in less than two weeks, and you are expected to perform the ritual. Is that understood?"

"Is that an order for the Night Court?" I smirked. "If so, I don't take orders from other Courts."

"No, it a request from a friend." His golden eye whizzed around, taking in the emptiness of my house. "What happened to you, Tam? I used to worship the ground you walked on, and now you've fallen so low. They call you the Crazed Beast in all the Courts, and I try to defend you, but," he waved a hand around the room, "you don't make it easy."

"I never asked you to defend me." My claws slid out from beneath my skin to dig into the table. "If that is all you have to say," I bobbed my head toward the door, "I'm very busy, and don't have time for idle chitchat."

"Are you going to perform the ritual?" he asked, his one good eye beseeching me to be the old Tamlin he once knew, and do my duty for the sake of the people who'd abandoned me. "I've been sent to round up as many Fae as possible to –"

"To what?" I cut in, drawing in a slow, deep breath, slowly releasing it. "To gawk at the Crazed Beast who talks to birds because they are the only ones who can stomach the sight of him?" I shook my head. "Where were all these concerned Fae and faeries last year?" I jabbed a clawed nail into my chest. "I was here. There were no drums. There were no festivities in honor of Calanmai. There was just me – alone."

"I'll be here this year," he promised as if I should be grateful to him for suffering through an excruciating two week ordeal. "And as I said, I'll be gathering up Fae from the surrounding Courts –"

"Don't bother," I cut him off again, leaning back in my chair. "Your sense of honor and commitment to the Night Court is commendable. Tell me, do they ever allow you stand behind them or are they afraid you'll stab them in the back like you did me."

"You went too far, Tam." He sighed, and shook his head. "Aligning yourself with Hybern – you had to know it was wrong, and Feyre's sisters…Elain. They paid the price for the madness you'd fallen under." He lifted a hand, and reached across to rest it on my shoulder, but I growled at him, and his arm fell loosely to his side.

"You of all people knew my reasons. I thought Rhysand had her under his control, and I couldn't let the woman I loved –" my voice tailed off abruptly, and I shook my head. "There is no sense in rehashing the past. I did what I did, and I've accepted my fate."

"You used to be a good man. You can be that man again."

"I never stopped being a good man," I countered smoothly. "I never asked Feyre to come and rescue me Under the Mountain. I loved her too much to risk losing her to death, and condemned myself along with my Court to save her." I looked him square in the eye. "You are not the only one who suffered at the hand of Amarantha. You honestly believe she allowed me to refuse her advances, and only harm you for it? If so you are a fool."

"I never said you didn't," he muttered, lowering his head a fraction. "I'm sorry if you feel I betrayed you, but this is a chance for us to start over. We can be friends again if you'll help us."

"Friendships with conditions are something I do not need." I pushed back my chair, and stood, walking outside to where the beautiful fountain once graced the garden. Now all that remained was large chunks of stone toppled over each other. He followed and stood beside me, taking in the ravaged lands we used to patrol together. "Do you recall when Feyre found that head on a spike in the fountain?" When he nodded, I continued, "All can be forgiven and overlooked when the man doing the cruel and evil things is your mate."

"Rhysand was Amarantha's prisoner," he reminded me, and I laughed recalling how he'd once called him her whore. "He had to do her bidding. We all did."

"And his own people?" I lifted a brow. "He favored some and left the others to the wolves. Did he have to do that, too? We can all make excuses for our actions, but let's call a spade a spade, Lucien. When he cared for someone, he took care of them, but if he didn't he was as vicious as Amarantha."

"You're bitter. I understand," he said, placating me as if I needed his pity. "She's happy, Tam. It's time for you to get over it and move on."

"Move on to what? I'm a High Lord of an empty Court, and you're only here because you're following orders."

"High Fae and faeries are dying. Don't you even care?"

"No one cared last year." I shrugged unconcernedly. "I cared then, but no one else did. Where were you last year? Where were you when it would've really mattered?"

"I didn't think I'd be welcomed…no one from the Night Court believed you would allow them on your lands so we stayed home."

"It would appear as if everyone believed the same as you, and here we are." I waved a hand around at the dead rose bushes and trees. "Do you have any idea how it feels to be hated by everyone? Can you even fathom what it's like to wake up every single day and have no one to talk to? I came home from the war to an empty house and empty lands, and you have the nerve to stand there defending your reasons for not coming sooner?"

"You'll die along with the rest of us."

"I'm already dead. I just haven't laid down yet."

"I'm planning the Calanmai," he said, stubbornly jutting out his chin. "Once the drums start, you won't be able to resist the pull of the magic."

"You might have a difficult time seeing as how I destroyed the cave last year," I chuckled mirthlessly. "But don't let that deter you. I'm certain if you gather up enough men, you can dig it out by then."