Hello, hello, hello. Another angsty fic from me!
Written for a prompt on the Glee Angst Meme: "Oh Bambi, I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy". I was rewatching Rhodes (so if something similar was done a long time ago recs are more than welcome) and that line just started screaming angst prompt. It's one of those lines that's funny until you stop and think about it. I want little!Kurt watching Bambi for the first time after his mom died and when it gets to the part where Bambi's mom dies Kurt just starts sobbing.
So yeah, character death. I hope you all like it!
Disney films were harmless films. Films created with the child in mind but also parents and adults alike. Disney films were loved and cherished by all, enjoyed by generations and generations as they drew out each tear drop by drop and tickled your sides until you rolled on the floor, howling with gut-splitting laughter. There was always that film that that little child would play on loop day after day, cuddled up with their Mommy or Daddy on the couch who never got bored of watching the same scenes and the same characters and the same storyline day after day.
Bambi was that film and little Kurt Hummel was that little boy. Every afternoon as he returned from kindergarten, Kurt would pull off his wellington boots, drop his book bag by the door and clamber the stairs on all fours. Pick a film for us to watch, Kurtie, and I'll make some lunch! his Mommy would call up the staircase, flowery apron already tied around her waist. And each day, Kurt would run back down with a very tattered and very battered video of Bambi clutched in his pudgy fists, sheer delight etched upon his baby features. They would then sit curled up in his crayon-decorated-cardboard-box den eating tiny triangular sandwiches and sucking orange juice through rainbow straws as they watched the animated animals play upon the screen. It was always Mommy that Kurt would watch Bambi with because Daddy was always at work and he didn't like those sorts of films anyway. Daddy liked trucks and loud cars and big men with cowboy hats. It was okay because Bambi was his and Mommy's thing.
He never knew what drew him to that film so much. He'd picked it from the shelf of the shop one day and had instantly fallen in love. Once, Kurt had turned to his Mommy and told her that he liked Bambi because it made him feel good inside when he watched him dancing across the beautiful meadows with Faline. He shyly added that he hoped that someday William from his class would come and watch his favourite film with him and they could dance in the garden, just like the animals do.
When it came to the sad scenes, Kurt would always cry. Always. My heart hurts, Mommy... he would sob as he watched the film unfolding and unravelling like a fine and delicate fabric on the screen before him... but then Mommy would just kiss his tears away and hold him close, softly singing Little April Showers and rocking him gently from side to side. Mommy sometimes called Kurt her Little Kurtie Shower because of how often he would cry watching the film. The tears always dried up as quickly as they appeared and Kurt would be singing along not long afterwards. He loved it when Mommy sang because her voice was just so beautiful and it would always dry up his eyes. Drip, drip, drop. When the sky is cloudy, you come along, come along with your pretty little song...
Eventually, Kurt stopped crying at that film, seeking comfort from his Mommy's warm body and the soft flowery scent of her perfume (Mommy, you're a pretty, pretty flower!) as he sat pressed into her side. Everything was going to be okay if his Mommy was always there to hold onto.
It was a wet and rainy Wednesday that day and for some reason, Daddy was there when the doors were opened for the parents to collect their children. It confused Kurt a little but it was okay, Daddy had picked him up before when his Mommy wasn't feeling well or had a funny tummy. But it was Daddythat looked a little poorly. Kurt wondered why there was so much rain on his cheeks and why his eyes were red... maybe he'd gotten something in his eye. Kurt hugged him around the knees when he saw him amongst the other parents on the sidewalk and showed him the picture that he had drawn that day of him and Mommy in his cardboard den watching their favourite film together, with Daddy smiling in the corner. More teardrops appeared on Daddy's cheeks then which was odd because he was sheltering under his big blue umbrella to hide from the droplets that were steadily falling from the grey, stormy clouds above their heads.
Their home sat just down the block so they walked back regardless of the rain. They walked mostly silence, occasionally broken by Kurt's giggling as he jumped into puddles and as mucky water washed over the toes of his wellies, or when he sung snippets of his and Mommy's Little Kurtie Showers rendition under his breath. He held onto his clear polka dotted umbrella in one hand with his navy book bag looped onto his wrist, his other hand squeezed tight in his Daddy's fist. It hurt a little bit, as if Daddy hadn't realised how hard he was holding onto his little boy's hand but that was fine, Kurt liked that his Daddy's hand was rough and strong in comparison to Mommy's soft and gentle ones. He couldn't wait to show Mommy his latest drawing (he'd even used the new set of crayons that he'd gotten for his birthday) and maybe, just maybe, Daddy would squeeze into the den with them and they could all watch Bambi together and have a lovely big cuddle together.
Kurt charged through the house the instant his Daddy had removed the key from the lock. He peeled off his coat, his shirt underneath still neat and immaculate from that morning, and left it with his bag, boots and umbrella leaning against the coat rack as Daddy hung his cap upon it. Kurt continued his hurried rush to find his Mommy, his crayon drawing held tight in his fist, a little wrinkled from where he had tugged it from his book bag in haste. He yelled out as he ran... Mommy? Mommy! Where are you? I have a drawing for you that you can put on the fridge. I drew you wearing yellow, Mommy, because I know that's your favourite colour because it reminds you of the sunshine and the beach and buttercups and... and... you're also holding flowers because flowers make me think of you, Mommy... Mommy?
Hanging his head slightly, Kurt trudged back downstairs in hopes that his Mommy was in the kitchen already starting lunch or sitting in their den watching television. It was odd that she didn't answer his cries because Mommy always cried Hello, little Prince!in return and rushed to Kurt whenever he called and gave him a kiss and a tap on the tip of his nose. She wasn't in the kitchen nor the laundry room (Kurt even checked the washing machine... just to make sure) and then he went to go check in his den. The first thing he noticed was the Bambi video box still laying open on the soft carpet in front of the television, the actual video half sticking out of the player from where Kurt had insisted on watching a little bit of it whilst he ate his cereal in the den. But there was no Mommy. Instead, he found Daddy slumped forward in his armchair, head in his hands and his shoulders shaking, soft whimpering sounds escaping from his throat. It looked like he was laughing but Daddy's laughs were always big roars and belly chuckles, like he was a big cuddly bear or something. This didn't sound like Daddy's laughter.
Kurt slowly approached his Daddy, tiny fingers outstretched, gently whispering What's wrong, Daddy? Is Mommy lost? It's okay, we can find her... it's like that time when I lost Mister Cuddles and he was under my bed the whole... time...but he trailed off when Daddy lifted his head and Kurt saw the pain and hurt written across his face. Although he was only little (almost the smallest in his class!) and very, very young, he understood in Daddy's face right there and then that something was bad. Terrible, even, for his Daddy to have crumbled in such a way. Mommy was more than lost and suddenly Kurt began to cry too.
He didn't know if he really understood, though, exactly what Daddy was telling him as he pulled Kurt onto his lap and told him that some very bad men had hurt Mommy and that... and that... and that she w-was a sh-shining star in the s-s-sky now and... and she wasn't coming ba... back. Kurt got the last part, he heard it loud and clear and he just knew that him and Mommy would never watch Bambi anymore and she would never pick him up from school. She wouldn't push him up sky high on the swings at the park again or blow bubbles with him as they walked down the block to do some grocery shopping. He would never hear her beautiful voice sing to him or feel her hand in his or... or... or ever stop his heart from hurting again.
That night, after him and Daddy had finally finished crying and eaten a small meal of Alphabet Spaghetti on toast, they lay curled up in bed together, Kurt sleeping on Mommy's side. The pillow smelt like her flowery perfume, the sheets still slightly rumpled from where she had last slept there. As Kurt cried to himself through the night, sometimes buried in his Daddy's chest or into Mommy's pillow, he thought about how cruel those bad men were... how mean and selfish they were that they had stolen his Mommy and made her go away forever... It was just like Bambi, he decided. Wondering through the forest calling his Mommy's name, only for her not to reply and to find that your mother can't be with you anymore... just because of some big, bad, horrible, evil men.
And the next morning... the Bambi video was back in its box and shoved to the back of Kurt's wardrobe, hidden behind all of his toys. He didn't want to see it ever again. It wouldn't be the same without Mommy anyway.
It took Kurt 3 months before he found the courage to dig past his teddies and his dolls right to the bottom of his dressing up box to retrieve that little battered copy of his once favourite film. Before, he couldn't bear to watch it without his Mommy holding onto him, kissing his tears away and occasionally sharing a big bowl of buttered popcorn together. But... maybe it would stop his heart from hurting. It could make him feel closer to Mommy again and make him stop crying every night into her pretty flower pillow. Kurt felt like he had to do this.
He pushed aside his favourite tiara at the bottom of the box and felt the rectangular shape of the video beneath his fingertips. Kurt's hands shook as he pulled it through the fabrics. It wasn't coldness that made him shake; it was the fact that he was scared. He didn't know what he was scared of. Well, he was scared of the dark and high places and sometimes bumblebees but Bambi wasn't really something to be scared of...
Daddy was out in the garden trying to fix a part of the fence when Kurt settled down in the den with his popcorn and his much loved Mister Cuddles. If he couldn't cuddle Mommy... well, he would have to cuddle something else. Mister Cuddles smelt like Mommy as Kurt had doused him in her pretty perfume but Mister Cuddles wasn't lovely warm and never cuddled back. Even as the opening credits of Bambi begun, he clung onto his teddy with all of his might, tears already threatening to fall from his red, swollen eyes.
He didn't cry though because he had to do this. For Mommy.
His chest felt as if someone was pressing down on it and his breathing grew heavier as he watched Bambi's Mommy prancing across the screen, through the beams of light filtering through the leaves of the forest canopy, her little Prince by her side. They didn't know the danger that was lurking on the outskirts, the evil nearby that was waiting to pounce. Just like what had happened to Kurt and his Mommy and even his Daddy. Everything was going fine. They were happy. They didn't suspect that something like this would come and tear their family apart and send Mommy to the angels. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair!
It felt wrong when Little April Showers begun... it wasn't the same without his Mommy incorporating his name into the song and tickling his tummy whilst doing so, making him squeal and kick his legs in laughter. It just felt wrong.
Kurt knew what part was coming up. He'd watched it long enough, watched the film on loop too many times and just knew. Bambi and his Mommy were in the meadow surrounded by snow... nosing at the ground... Mommy looked up and knew something was wrong... the background music's pace quickened, grew louder and louder until it was ringing throughout the room... the two white tailed deer ran for their lives as gun shots rang out across the meadow and suddenly, Bambi's Mommy was no longer behind him and Kurt knew, he just knew.
Bambi's Mommy was now a star in the sky too.
Falling to his side, Kurt cried. And not only did he cry but he sobbed and he screamed. It was too much. Far too much. He cried every night and every day and just wanted his Mommy back so bad but somehow... Bambi made it hit harder. Someone had taken her away and she wasn't coming back.
Kurt's screams mingled with his sobs as they caught in his throat, arms clutched around Mister Cuddles with his nails dug in tight. His chest heaved as he curled in on himself. His heart was breaking, he could feel it. Everything was breaking. How was it fair that someone so small and so young had already been torn apart and destroyed by the world? He didn't deserve this, no one did. It just wasn't fair! His eyes remained fixed on the screen as Kurt watched Bambi running back through the snow to find his lost Mommy... his deadMommy... just like he had done when he had returned from school the day that she had been taken away. Kurt's pink bitten lips mouthed the words that Bambi cried along with the film, the animal completely blurring on the screen as his tears obscured his vision...
Mother? ... Mother! ... Mother, where are you? ... Mother! Mother!
Kurt sobbed along with Bambi, his eyes finally squeezing shut as Bambi's Daddy appeared and told him that Mommy couldn't be with him anymore. He wanted Mommy back. He wanted her to be with him. Forever and ever.
He couldn't bear it anymore. Kurt pulled himself to his feet and stumbled to the VHS player, slamming his little finger repeatedly onto the eject button, Mister Cuddles laying neglected and forgotten on the floor. He couldn't stand to see this film again, couldn't stand to be reminded of the pain he felt in his small, aching heart, couldn't stand seeing all the cruelness in the world that took away wonderful and beautiful people such as Mommy.
It hurt so badly. Kurt thought he was going to be sick from the pain he felt all over. He hated the world. The world was horrible. Everything was horrible if Mommy wasn't there. He was sick of crying, sick of hearing Daddy crying. Kurt knew that he would be crying for a long time, maybe until he would become a big, big boy, forever crying like an April shower. This hurt more than that time he had fallen off the swings and grazed his hands and knees. But it was Mommy who had made it better with kisses and dinosaur plasters. Who was going to kiss him better when things like that happened again? Maybe Daddy. But he wanted both Mommy and Daddy there. No one else in his class only had a Daddy or only had a Mommy and it made Kurt feel more alone than ever.
My heart hurts, Mommy...Kurt whispered into his blanket that night as he looked up at the stars through his open window, staring at the brightest star of them all. He knew that that one was Mommy because it was just as beautiful as she was and he wanted nothing more than for her to slide into bed with him right then to cuddle him better and sing lullabies and Little Kurtie Shower in his ear until he drifted off to sleep...
Nothing was ever going to be the same again without Mommy.
A/N:I hoped you all liked it and it wasn't too... here and there for you. I wanted it to seem childlike with childlike mannerisms and such... such as remembering silly things such as dinosaur plasters and stuff, even in the face of something like this. I also wanted to give it quite a... 'grown up' sense... to show that Kurt has had to leave a part of his 'childness' behind as he is exposed to the cruelty of the world and has to, unwillingly and unconsciously, grow up a little. Hence why the childness of this seems to seep away a little towards the end because I wanted to portray to what extent this has effected Kurt. So apologies if this didn't really work for you and just made it really choppy. Thank you so much for reading and I always love reviews ;)
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