Codename Randy Cunningham: 1st Grade Ninja
Chapter 1: Excerpts
- Lesson from the Ninjanomicon - Ninja Entry 609909
About the wonk-ed-ness that fallows, I'd just like to make it perfectly clear that almost none of it was my fault. Well, not entirely almost…okay,okay, I'll admit I messed up , a few times, but what started this whole deal was kind of almost entirely not my fault. It was, like, 2.99% my fault.
Anyway, I'm guessing the reason why your reading this is because you're a ninja who either has a really boring math class that you just can't sit through, or you're unlucky enough to end up in a similar circumstance that I was in. For you're sake, I really hope it's the former. I mean being the Ninja of Norisville High, sworn to protect the students from the forces of evil is pretty bruce, even if you have to keep it a secret. But try doing it on a different planet. And universe.
Ya. Let the idea sink in. I can wait. You done? Good. Then you guys are the math-class-Ninjas.
Luckily for me as wonked as my situation was, I had my friends I could count on, most of which I would have never thought possible on the bruce factor (look it up, it's a thing).
But enough about that. If you are on a different planet I'd imagine that you don't have a lot of time to read, so I'll give you guys the cliff notes
1.) Stay calm Bro!
If you find your self on a alien planet, chances are that you'll notice. Just remember, freaking out won't solve your problems. Unless, of course you are being attacked by some unknown force/creature, in which situation I would suggest being as not-calm as possible.
2.) Check to see if you can breath (duh)
I'm pretty sure the Ninja's of the future will back me up on this. I was fortunate enough to land on a world with air, so I didn't have to worry too much about it. You, on the other hand, might want to try the Air-Fist if there is no air. If you are unable to do that, then rely on the suit and it that doesn't work, I'd suggest that you'd have to think fast.
3.) Make new friends, not enemies
I have a feeling that you won't have much of a choice in this matter. But if you do, then don't show it up amigo.
That's all I've got for you guys. Good luck! (Trust me, you'll need it.) As for those who have the luxury of non-imminent doom, I hope that you like this story, because boy is it a weird one. So enjoy. And again, totally not 100% my fault.
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- K.N.D. Top-secret Hands-off No-tochy files
- Operation: W.H.A.T._T.H.E._J.U.I.C.E.
-Weird
-Half-sized
-Adolescent
-Travles
-To
-Home
-Established
-Jinxes
-Up
-Intelligence
-Core
-Extensively
To all future operatives of the Kids Next Door, let this order be perfectly clear: DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MESS WITH MAGIC. You have been warned.
The fallowing report is a compilation operative encounters and logs of a covered up incident that nearly destroyed all of kid-kind and the world! 8/
Failure to keep this file and it's contuse out of the hands of the Grown-Ups will result in your immediate arrest and removal from the Kids Next Door, the global (and now inter-universal) army of 12-year-olds and under, fighting the tyranny of adults and rights of children every where (except goody two shoes and spoiled brats like that Numbah 217 who is tugging on my hair at this exact moment!).
(Yes I'm talking to you! Oh, so you want a piece of me Timmy? My lunch?! No way, my mom packed cupcakes by accident and there's no way I'm letting a rotten little boy like - Hey! Fine! I'll give you my knuckle sandwich!)
-Transmission to introduction was cut off at this time. Later reports show the reprimanding of Operatives 217 and 131 and the confection of one bag lunch.-
-And now commencing actual report-