A/N: No particular time slot, and it's a mass up I guess of 2k3 aswell as 2k12 (theres a reference to the 2012 S1 finale but there's mentions of 2k3 Bishop at the end just cos he seemed like the most likely character to do the kidnapping without having to bring in Shredder ok shhhhh dont mention the major inconsistency with universe esp because Bishop has now been written into 2012 and isnt the kinda guy he is 2k3 just shhh and go with it).
This fic was a response to the S1 finale, which I rewatched just before I wrote this, because I still can't get over what Splinter says to Leo just before they go off to fight.

1.

"I won't apologise for protecting you, Raph," Leonardo narrows his eyes at his brother - if Donatello wasn't stitching up his shoulder, he'd have launched himself out of his seat to meet his eyes but instead he's stuck with Raphael towering over him, arms crossed.

"What gives you the right, Leonardo?" Raphael practically spits, "To make that kind of call? To get yourself killed-"

"I'm your leader, Raphael! It is my call!"

"Guys!" Donatello cuts in, sharply, though Raphael yells over him. Stitches aren't easy at the best of times especially when you're giving them to your own brother - but it's even harder when the brother in question keeps moving as he yells.

"It's selfish is what it is!" Raphael keeps going.

"Raph! Yell at him once I'm done fixing him!" Donatello tries again. Leonardo's shaking - from blood loss or anger or exhaustion - or maybe all three, Donatello's not quite sure, but he wants to get his brother's wound tended to quickly. It's not life threatening - but it's still pretty nasty and it's definitely going to leave a scar.

"I was trying to protect you!" Leonardo cuts in, and Donatello seriously contemplates stitching the eldest brothers mouth shut.

"Whoever said I wanted your protection?!"

"I don't care!" Leonardo explodes, suddenly. "I don't care if you want me to protect you or not - you're my little brother. I don't care what happens to me as long as you - all of you - are okay!"

"WE WOULDN'T EVER BE OKAY WITHOUT YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!" Raphael bellows, "You don't care, fine, but we do! I do! I don't want to live with the guilt! I don't want to be the reason that you're dead!"

Raphael storms out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Donatello's lab shakes and Donatello and Leonardo are alone in the lab.

"Shut up," Donatello tells his eldest brother who has turned to him, looking for him to agree with him. The eldest sucks in his breath but says nothing and Donatello finishes stitching his shoulder in silence.

"Thanks, Donnie," Leonardo mutters, geting to his feet as soon as Donatello's finished, though the purple banded turtle has already turned his back to him.

"We'd all take a bullet for each other, Leo," Donatello says, quietly, "but...you're just so willing and ready to throw your life away that it's scary. Sometimes it's like you almost want to die."

Leonardo opens the door out into the living room but he pauses, unsure of how to respond. How to make this better.

Donatello continues, "We know you'd die for us, Leo. But we just want you to live for us. With us."

2.

Leonardo is cold, wet, his head is head is killing him and the stench of blood - his blood - is overpowering.

They were clearing up the tunnels surrounding their lair - something they'd been putting off for far too long, because, quite frankly, none of them wanted to do it. But they knew they had to - they needed to have more than one escape route should the lair ever be compromised and their previous escapes had finally given way and collapsed. Donatello had explained to them that the tunnel they were working in today were fragile - it was already partly collapsed, and they had to be careful if they wanted to clear out the rubble in case it collapsed further.

Michelangelo had taken to more creative ways to try and break through the piled rubble - by swinging from the exposed water pipe and landing a kick on it. It didn't work - the pipe broke almost as soon as Michelangelo had put his weight on it and the ceiling caved in. Leonardo had a split moment to react - grabbing his brother and shoving him as far away as he could and yelling at him to run before the tunnel collapsed on him. Leonardo had been following behind but he hadn't been fast enough, evidently. He tripped on a piece of ceiling that had landed in front of him, another piece hitting his head and knocking him straight onto the ground - another large piece had landed on his foot and Leonardo had let out a yell in pain before he could hold it back.

Thankfully, the ceiling was no longer crashing down around them but they couldn't get the rock off his foot, it was too heavy for Michelangelo to lift on his own and they risked the ceiling collapsing even more since the ceiling was now being supported by an even larger amount of rubble.

Leonardo is stuck for the time being - his head in the lap of the youngest turtle who pressing Leonardo's bandana against the wound at the back of his head while they waited for Raphael and Donatello to arrive. To make matters worse - Michelangelo wouldn't stop talking because he needed to keep Leonardo awake and plus, he was mad at him so he wasn't just talking to him about random things to keep him occupied - nope - instead, the youngest turtle was cursing at him.

"You idiot," Michelangelo mutters, for what feels like the hundredth time, carefully pulling Leonardo's bandana away from his head slightly, to check on the flow of the blood before pressing it back against his head. Leonardo remains silent, his head a little woozy. He shuts his eyes only for a brief moment and Michelangelo is already shaking him.

"Don't sleep," His little brother orders.

"I'm not," Leonardo protests, his voice hoarse. He coughs, "I'm resting my eyes."

"Well don't," Michenangelo responds, shortly. He doesn't sound like the same happy, innocent turtle any more - he sounds more like Raphael, actually. "You can't fall asleep, moron."

"Are you okay?" Leonardo asks his younger brother, straining to look at his brother even though he can't see anything in this damn tunnel.

"You're leg is trapped under rubble that could collapse at any moment and you're asking me if I'm okay?!" Michelangelo snaps. "Of course I'm not! It's my fault you're hurt, Leo."

"Hey - Mikey - it's not your fault. It's my fault, okay?" Leonardo raises his hands vaguely in the direction of his younger brother to awkwardly pat his arm, though the angle's all wrong, "I wasn't fast enough."

"Don't do that," Michelangelo says, his voice wavering. Leonardo realises with a start just how worried his youngest brother is. "Don't take the blame for everything. You always do that and I hate it."

"You always throw your life away from us," Michelangelo continues, his voice thick with tears, "Like yours is - like you're worth nothing."

"Mikey, hey," Leonardo strains to look at his brother, "Hey, don't cry, I'm fine." He flashes his younger brother what he intends to be a comforting, reassuring smile but he realises that with blood all over his face, it probably looks a lot more creepy and frightening than anything.

"I'm sorry, Mikey," Leonardo says, softly, "I didn't mean to scare you."

"Don't be sorry, " Michelangelo sniffs, "Just don't do it. Please. I don't want to be the reason that you're dead, Leo."

Leonardo has no idea how to respond to that - but thankfully he doesn't have to. There are footsteps approaching from somewhere behind - flashes of light and the sound of their brothers yelling their names.

3.

Leonardo has been missing for three days.

They had split into teams for patrol- Raphael with Michelangelo and Donatello with Leonardo. They were just about to call it quits for a night and head home, since the streets were very quiet - but Donatello should have known that it was too quiet.

Leonardo had sensed they were being followed - and he'd quickly made up an excuse to Donatello, telling him to go meet their brothers like they'd planned, that he'd dropped his T-phone a couple of alleys back and would catch up in a minute. When he hadn't showed, they'd gone looking for him and found his swords and T-phone.

Donatello hated his brother, sometimes. He understood his desire to protect them, of course he did. But that didn't make it any less frustrating or annoying that Leonardo was always making these kind of decisions for them instead of with them. He might be leader, but they were still a team.

There had been a time that Leonardo had been different. When Leonardo was probably the most relaxed and and easy going of his three siblings - when he'd be the one leading their pranks and actually encouraging them to get into mischief. He was always protective, but never fussed over them. Now though? Leonardo was a different turtle; all he did was train. He was much quieter, serious and responsible that he'd been before. Heck, he even got up early and went to bed early; he used to stay up the latest of them all.

They had no choice but to return home eventually to get some sleep and eat and regain some energy if they wanted to find their brother. They ate in silence, the food tasteless.

"Do you remember when we were kids?" Donatello asks his brothers, suddenly. "Leo's practically a different person now."

Raphael nods - his face worn and tired. He hasn't slept properly since Leonardo was captured - none of them have, really. They have no idea where there brother is or what's happening to him. They can't sleep.

"He's given up a lot for us," Michelangelo says, softly.

"Idiot," Raphael's voice is hoarse, "He didn't have to. We didn't ask him to do any of this."

"We didn't have to," Donatello says.

+1

They get him back after five days, bruised, bloody and unconscious - but he's alive. The little heart monitor that Donatello built beeping solidly - the bag of blood with Leonardo's name written clearly in block capitals pumping back into his veins. It's a good thing that Donatello insists on taking their bloods regularly, though Donatello would have preferred to have never needed it.

The lab is a mess - everything is mostly on the floor and all of the cabinet doors half open. When they got back with Leonardo, there hadn't been much time - they'd found him in a pool of his own blood and it had not appeared to be stopping. Donatello had ordered Michelangelo to throw everything onto the floor so that he and Raph could lift Leonardo up onto the counter so he could get a closer look at his injuries.

He's been home for about six hours and since then Leonardo has woken up a few times before drifting back into a light sleep. He's confused and groggy from the painkillers and each time he's awoken, he's panicked and tried to jump up and pulled out his stitches in the process. They don't really know what their brother has been through - but they do know from his injuries that he was roughed up a lot, at least.

"He can't stay together for longer than five minutes," Donatello complains to Raphael, who's helping him tidy up the lab. "I'm swear I use sixty percent of my supplies on him."

"Sorry, Don," Leonardo grunts, from over in the small cot in the corner of the room. He groans, slowly rolling onto his side towards the direction of his siblings.

"Thought you were still unconscious," Donatello admits, forgetting his anger for a moment and just relieved to see his brother looking more like himself again.

"Thought you were the medical expert," Leonardo flashes him a weak grin as Donatello collapses into his chair beside the small cot. Donatello's mouth flickers into a smile for just a moment, Leonardo realises with a start how concerned his younger brother was.

"Stop smiling, you idiot." Donatello tells his eldest brother, "You could have died."

Leonardo's grin vanishes as he observes the situation - the bag of blood with his name on it, the tired faces of his younger brothers, the dried blood on the sheets of the small cot and the state of Donatello's usually fairly tidy and organised lab.

"Oh," Leonardo says, meekly, "Shit."

"Yeah. Shit." Raphael says, flatly, as he watches Leonardo take in the situation. "Didn't half scare us, bro."

"I should be feeling pretty sore," Leonardo frowns, confused. "Why aren't I sore?"

"He gave you drugs," Raphael reports, gesturing to Donatello. "You're pretty doped up right now, huh?"

Leonardo's loose grin is answer enough. Donatello realises, in the back of his mind, that he can't remember the last time the leader looked so relaxed and briefly considers drugging him more often.

"I'll go let the others know he's himself again," Raphael says to Donatello, then gestures to the mess of his lab, "You want help with the rest of this?"

"Nah," Donatello waves a hand, getting to his feet "You don't know where anything goes. Thanks, though. Just - tell the others to wait, please? I need a minute."

Raphael nods, his eyes flickering back to Leonardo as he pulls his younger brother aside and says, in a low voice, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but go on easy on him, all right?"

Raphael leaves and Donatello turns back to the blue clad turtle. Leonardo's pulled himself up into a seating position, shell resting against the wall. His eyes are closed but Donatello knows he's awake. He takes his seat next to his brother again.

"You're gonna yell at me, right?" Leonardo asks.

"I want to," Donatello admits, "You're frustrating."

Leonardo waits for his brother to continue.

"Do you know how terrifying it is for me to patch you up?" Donatello says, "I'm not a doctor, Leo. I don't know what I'm doing. I haven't had any training or experience-"

"I trust you," Leonardo says, softly.

"Don't!" Donatello snaps, "Do you have any idea the amount of pressure I'm under? That you, specifically you, put me under when you try to play hero? We're supposed to be a team, Leo. But you make these decisions against us and not with us."

Leonardo remains silent.

"I just don't understand why you never let us help you." Donatello exclaims, frustrated.

"'With the world at stake, the only thing that is important that you complete your mission, no matter what you have to sacrifice - or who.'" Leonardo says, silently. "Master Splinter told me that, before we went off to the Technodrome."

Donatello is silent, staring at the eldest. He gives Donatello a small, sad smile.

"I decided it would be me," Leonardo tells him, "If anyone were to die that day - or ever - it would be me. I wouldn't let it be any one of you. I know it's selfish, Donnie. But I'm not sorry. I won't ever be sorry for protecting you. I refuse to - no, I physically can't live without you all."

"You don't think we feel the same?" Donatello asks, frowning.

"It's different," Leonardo insists, "Every time we go out there, there's no guarantee that all of us are going to come back. You guys follow my orders," He casts his eyes over at his brother, a thin smile on his face, "Usually, that is. So it's up to me to make the right decisions because if I don't - those decisions could get one of you killed. Every single order, no matter how big or small it is, has the potential to be deadly. I can't just be one step ahead, I have to be one hundred. At all times. If anything happens to one of you - it's on me, as leader. As your big brother, I'm supposed to protect you."

"You can't predict the future," Donatello tells his eldest brother, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Not everything out there is your fault, Leo. We know that you're doing the best you can. We know the risks, Leo. None of us will ever blame you if something does go wrong out there."

Donatello leans over suddenly, gently pulling his injured brother into a hug, "I'm sorry, Leo. You grew up really fast so you could lead us and we weren't very grateful for it." Leonardo's arms reach up to hug his brother back.

"I know you're under a lot of pressure, Don," Leonardo says, pulling back suddenly, "I wish you weren't, I wanted all of you to stay as you were, without that burden for as long as possible but I guess - we've reached a point where that's no longer possible and I guess that I have to share some of it with you guys."

Donatellos's about to reply when he notices his brothers face suddenly crumple.

"You feeling any pain?" Donatello asks his brother, concerned. "The drugs shouldn't have worn off yet-"

"No," Leonardo says, looking embarrassed as he shuffles awkwardly. "I gotta pee."

Donatello sighs, getting to his feet. "I'll walk you but you're on your own in there. After that, it's back to bed with you."

Leonardo refuses to go back to the cot, so his brothers end up helping him into his room. He's too tired and woozy to complain and is, instead, just grateful for the help. He sighs in relief when Raphael steadies him as Leonardo drops into his bed.

"You guys never told me how you found me," Leonardo says, suddenly. "What happened? How did you get me out?"

His younger brothers exchange looks before shrugging at each other, and Michelangelo suddenly flops down onto the edge of Leonardo's bed.

"Donatello hacked the system to find exactly where you were in the building," Michelangelo tells him, "We fought our way through."

"I kicked a lot of butts," Raphael grins, proudly.

"You shoulda seen it," Michelangelo tells him, "Raph was so pissed when we got to Bishop, he was all like 'GIVE ME BACK MY BROTHER, YOU ASSHOLE!', I'm telling you, man, Raph was totally wrecked without you."

Embarrassed, Raphael shuffles, "Mikey totally bawled when we got to ya," he says, quickly. "Like a baby."

"Pretty sure we all did, Raph," Donatello frowns. "It was pretty scary; there was a lot of blood."

There's a short silence which Raphael breaks, "Bishop said he'd let you go if one of us agreed to take your place."

Leonardo's eyes shoot up to meet his brothers, "What?"

"Calm down, we're all here aren't we?" Donatello tells him, "We all volunteered, but Bishop said he'd only take Michelangelo."

"What did you do?" Leonardo's sitting up straighter now; alert.

"Pretended to go along with it, but obviously we weren't going to let that happen," Raphael says, arms crossed, "He bought it."

"He let Raph and Donnie take you while I went to him and once I knew the guys had you, I threw a smoke bomb, punched him in the face and we ran," Michelangelo says, grinning, but then he pouts suddenly, "Donnie and Raph were with you all night after that - but they wouldn't let me stay."

"Mike was right outside the door, anyway, like a little lost puppy the whole time," Raphael grins.

"Good job, Mikey," Leonardo leans over to his youngest brother, clapping his shoulder. "Thank you. All of you."

"You aren't gonna give us the "you shouldn't endanger yourself for me" speech?" Raphael asks him, raising an eyebrow. "Huh. Guys, I think we have a fake."

Leonardo huffs out a laugh, "I thought about it at first but...it'd be kind of hypocritical, right?"

His brothers shoot him the same look.

"All right, that's enough. Mikey, up you get," Donatello pulls their youngest brother to his feet, "Leo needs to rest."

"We'll be outside if you need anything," Michelangelo tells him, allowing himself to be dragged out the door, "Just yell."

"I'll be up in just over an hour with another dose, okay, Leo?" Donatello calls, "Take a nap or something."

Raphael hangs back for a second, "This the end of your heroic crap?"

"It's part of being the big brother," Leonardo tells him, "But next time I'll try it out your guys way of working together instead of handing myself over."

"I suppose that's a start," Raphael grunts, pushing himself off the wall and heading for the door, "Take it easy, all right?"