SHOCKING NEWS! Professor McGonagall Is Secretly A Vampire Cat!
Quibbler, Hogsmade, 21st of November
SHOCKING NEWS A trustworthy anonymous source has old us that the beloved Professor McGonagall is secretly a vampire cat. Professor McGonagall is Headmistress at Hogwarts and transfiguration teacher. She is head of Gryffindor house- BUT SHE'S NOT WHO SHE SEEMS. She is a Vampire Cat.
Where muggles believe Vampire Cats are an ancient myth, stating that the ghost of a cat will come back when the cat is killed to slowly take over the murderer, we know better. Vampire Cats exist, and they take over the body and soul of a human in order to live on.
A trustworthy source has told us that Professor McGonagall is seen changing into a cat and back multiple times, even during her lessons. "It was our first lesson," a timid first-years explains. "There was no teacher, but there was a cat. Suddenly the cat grew and the Professor stood in front of us."
We should be worried that this spirit has taken over Hogwarts. When we questioned McGonagall she told us that "[this] idea is ridiculous! I do not wish to talk about it." before she entered the Three Broomsticks. This is what every Vampire Cat would say.
The Quibler will keep you updated on any news regarding this problem.
BREAKING NEWS: MOON FROG SPOTTED!
The Quibbler, Hogsmade, 22nd November 2015
Thanks to /u/TeacherTish, we have found out that the MoonFrog is real! We have speculated about the existence of life in the moon for centuries, but now we finally have proof! This Hufflepuff student reported that she was looking at the moon during Astronomy class when she suddenly noticed this creature. "It looks exactly like a frog" she said. "This cannot be a coincidence." We agree with /u/TeacherTish. Luckily, she had the sense to immediately take a picture! Theories on why we haven't noticed this before include the frog hiding inside the moon or the frig hiding on the dark side of the moon. Reasons why the MoonFrog suddenly appeared are still unknown, but it doesn't bode any good!
SHOCKING: FILLIUS FLITWICK TRANSFORMS STUDENTS INTO CUPCAKES?
The Quibbler, Hogsmade, 22nd November 2015
A trustworthy source has confirmed that Professor Fillius Flitwick, Head of Ravenclaw house and Charms teacher at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry has transformed students into cupcakes. The current prefect of Ravenclaw house, /u/Hermiones_Teaspoon has said, and we quote "...if you're in a real state he'll [Professor Flitwick, red.'] get out these delicious little cupcakes he keeps in a tin in his desk drawer and make them do a little dance for you. " Of course, it is impossible for cupcakes to dance. A first year has told us that "They dance like humans." The only possibility: THESE CUPCAKES ARE HUMAN! After a bit of research we found out that in the past time, several Ravenclaw students have dissapeared, such as Myrtle Elizabeth Warren and -most recently- even the famous Gilderoy Lockhart! The only way to transform them back is to make a potion, so I am off to find the ingredients. We will keep you updated on our mission to free them.
Edit:
Upon confronting Professor Fillius Flitwick with our suspicious, he replied: "This isn't true! Now, would anyone like a cupcake?"
HELENA RAVENCLAW SPILLS - SHE KNOWS THE LOCATION OF THE LOST RAVENCLAW DIADEM
The Quibbler, Hogsmade, 22nd of November 2015
BREAKING NEWS! Helena Ravenclaw, the daughter of Ravenclaw's founder Rowena Ravenclaw, has stated she knows exactly where the lost diadem of her mother is hidden. Known as 'The Grey Lady', this ghosts wanders around on Hogwart's grounds, often avoiding all students which are not Ravenclaws. Now the Ravens have taken over Hogwarts, she is seen more and more often. Now she has promised to reveal where the diadem is hidden!
So everyone, go out and search! The diadem is known to hold the greatest wisdom. A less known side-effect of wearing the crown is that you can see Nargles and Sprurlflauts, which many wizard claim do not exist. Now, if you don't mind, this reporter is off to find the treasure!
EDIT:
NEWS! Helena Ravenclaw has already posted more and more riddles leading to the treasure!
EDIT 2:
NEW NEW NEW! A SECOND THIRD AND FOURTH RIDDLE HAS BEEN RELEASED!
BIDDING ON THE DIADEM GOES OVER 200 GALLEONS! THE ONE FINDING THIS PRECIOUS ITEM WILL BE RICH FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES
EDIT 3:
ANOTHER RIDDLE HAS BEEN RELEASED
Owl Spam takes over the USA - Wizard responsible is arrested
The quibbler, Hawaii, 22nd November 2015
For the last couple of weeks, wizards and witches in the USA have been spammed by owls. Sometimes even by day, causing neighbors to start suspecting something. Luckily, the wizard responsible has been caught. "I just wanted to have a bit of fun!" the wizard claims, stating he was "unaware of the possible dangerous results." The judge decided that the wizard would have to pay 100 galleons or spend a year in jail. "I don't have the money." the wizard replied, on the verge of tears. He will serve 1 year in prison and will then have to serve 80 hours cleaning owl poo in the local post-office. "I regret what I've done. It started as a prank but it got out of had. I am sorry." Whilst leaving the court, he was attacked by owls who were victim of this blown-up prank.
[Thanks to /u/DakobaBlue]