Severus looked at his reflection in the mirror and noticed how his lips were finally daring to crack a smile...A small one, but it was there nevertheless...The first one in months. They had come a long way...a long and rocky way. It had been weeks since Severus had convinced her to come back home...to give him a second chance. He knew he didn´t deserve it...Not after turning his back on her when she needed him the most...Evelyn had done the right thing by leaving, he admited without reservation.
How could a woman possibly be with a man who can´t be there for her when she´s needs him the most? A man who could say to her face he doesn´t want to be a father, knowing she expecting a child of his? His fears and demons were were his to battle, not hers...Specially not when she had so much to worry about without him making everything worse. It was only after she´d left him and spent nearly two months at her mother´s house that he had gathered the courage to face her and beg her forgiveness, with no hope of receiving any...And only then did he find out that his rejection was the least of her problems...
The first months of her pregnancy had been hellish, she had to be briefly hospitalized even. Severe nausea, dehydration, inability to keep food down that had caused her to suffer from malnutrition, elevated blod pressure...All through it she had never made contact with him. Why would she? He had made it abundantly clear through words and actions she couldn´t count on him. She leaned on her family instead...Her mother, sister, friends. He had to admit, much to his shame, that Fin, her best friend, had thus far been more of a father to his unborn child than himself. Hell, even Fin´s live-in boyfriend was more involved in the pregnancy than Severus was...
Severus had wounded her deeply. Even as she decided to give him a second chance, it hadn´t come easily. It just couldn´t. Evelyn was withdrawn, aloof... On her first few days back home Severus wouldn´t even dare share her bed at night. He had slept in the guestroom until she had, reluctantly, allowed him back in their room and even then...He could tell she flinched at his touch. She´d shy away from his gaze, she wouldn´t change in front of him, wouldn´t talk as much as before, or smile at all. Even when they did talk, she evidently avoided any topic pertaining to their child. He tried his best not to put any pressure on her. She was well within her rights, but it hurt him. He wondered how much of her change had to do with him and how much of it had to do with the situation itself. They had been away from each other for two change a lot in two months, specially if a pregnancy was involved. When she left she wasn´t showing much, but when he met her for the first time after their brief separation she was a different person. Nearly six months into her pregnancy and definetly showing. He had in been in always thought the whole idea that expectant mother somehow got prettier was nothing but sentimental hogwash to make women feel better about the discomfort that came with gestating a child. Seeing Evelyn for the first time in weeks had convinced him otherwise. She was positively flowering, even with all she´d gone through. He wished ardently he could tell her how ravishing she looked without sounding like a hypocrite shopping for easy sympathy. But he knew she was unsure about the changes her body was going through...the physical discomfort, the tiredness...He wanted to reassure her, but how could he, after all he had done?
The separation had eaten away at the intimacy they once shared.
But eventually, almost naturaly, everything had settled into a more comfortable routine. Evelyn slowly allowed him to get closer, their meals were no longer silent, she´d smile and even laugh again, and little by little, she´d start sharing her concerns and fears with him...Once she was settled back home she had started to make arrangements to go back to work, at least until she could, and they had agreed to hire a person to help her. A squib nurse and midwife named Protea, who Severus at first feared would add a new layer of akwardness to the house, but who had, ironically, been a bridge between them. Protea was blissfully unware of a lot of their current situation (or at least was considerate enough to act like she was) and went about her work in an efficient and loving manner. She treated Evelyn almost like a daughter, regardless of the fact that the age difference of them was of barely a decade; and made sure to keep Severus informed of every single detail of everything concerning Evelyn´s health. Eventually they could somewhat talk about the subject of the baby without it feeling like some formal obligation, but simply because it had become as much a natural part of life as breaksfast or making the grocery list...
Finally, almost without either of them realizing it, they had fallen back into the old patterns, the pleasant routine they had before everything had gone awry. He could once again kiss her good morning, and hold her through the night; she could once again laugh and talk non-stop like she always did, lovely parrot that she had always been. And just like that, without planning or pressure, they had made love again for the first time in months. It simply happened as it would before, without much thinking, on instinct alone...It had beeen both sweet and awkward, like a first time all over again. They had to re-adapt to each other, to her new forms, to the requirements of her delicate state...It had been good...More than good actually...It had been almost liberating in a way...It was the last barrier they had to cross in their search for that lost sense of intimacy. Now Severus felt like they had finally gotten their life back, he felt like he could finally try, in earnest, to be the husband she deserved and the father their child needed. For the first time in months he felt like everything was going to be fine.
He finished brushing his teeth and went back into the bedroom. She was still sleeping. It was unlike her to sleep in...It was almost half past nine, and Evelyn was usually on her feet and running at six. But it was saturday and she must have been tired...It had been a long night, he grinned to himself. He didn´t much feel like facing the world outside their bedroom either, but he didn´t feel sleepy. He got under the covers anyway, basking in the warmth of her rounded forms and the soothing regularity of her breathing. He then reached for her bedside table, carefully not to wake her. He remembered she had a book there, so he might as well take a peek...
"The Great book of baby names" Severus smiled...Now he remembered, her sister had given them that...It was the same book she used to pick her own daughters´names and it had been borrowed by many friends and cousins as they had their own children, or so Evelyn told him. Curious, Severus started to browse, noticing some pages were marked, when he felt her stir next to him. He ran his hand through her messy hair as she drowsly mumbled something he didn´t quite catch.
"Seeev...?" she purred
"Good morning, love..."
"Mornin´...what time is it?"
"9:30... But shhhh... sleep some more... You need your rest..."
"What you´re doin´.." she asked, sleep eating the end of her words
"Just Reading... keeping guard...the usual"
"I tought keeping guard was Protea´s work..." she snuggled against him, more awake now.
"Don´t complain, you have two loyal guards."
"What are you reading?"
"Um... this book your sister gave you" He put the book on his nightstand, shifting to get comfortable on the pile of pillows she usually required for a proper night of sleep.
"I´ve been meaning to show you, but...anyway, found something you like?"
"Weeeellll... if it's alright with you, I really can't think of anything but Eileen... But...ughhhhh... The boys' names. Can you just please pray for a girl? I am completely at a loss here!"
"You know there IS a 50% chance it will be a boy...no amount of praying will change that " she replied, serious. Severus didn´t want to upset her, but he couldn´t hide the fact that he wasn´t too excited about the possibility of having a boy.
"I know, I know...But...What do you have in mind?... I mean ANYTHING but Severus, Tobias or LEAST of all James!...OR Harry!"
"You know what...I´m hoping it IS a boy. You´re so eager for a girl that you´d spoil her rotten...and Severus is a perfectly acceptable name...for a wizard"
"Gahh... no! Why?!"
"Well...wizards are not known for having the most pedestrian names are they?"
"Pedestrian?! Honestly, Lyn... what have you thought up?!"
"I marked some pages on the book...can you get it for me?"
"Sure." He handed her the book before craddling her in his arms so they both could see the pages
"So...we agree on Eileen for a first name if it´s a girl, right?"
"If you like it, then I can't see a reason to look for more!"
"I considered Eileen Sophia...but my mother is against naming babies after living relatives"
Severus couldn´t help but laugh at the notion of having a child named after his overbearing mother-in-law. He loved Sophia dearly, but there would be no ending to her spoiling a child named after herself...She´d probably kidnap their daughter and take the baby for her own.
"What?!"
"SOPHIA! Oh God, Lyn! You should have known better! What about Eileen Teresa or Eileen Minerva? OR EILEEN NOTHING! Who needs middle names?"
"So we can name our daughter after YOUR mother but not after MINE? Remind me again who´s going to be pushing this baby out a few months from now?"
"Right—sorry!"
"Count your blessings that I´m not naming her Aoife or Caoimhe..." she mumbled, pouting
"What? Woman, are those names even...terrestrial? By God, the poor child´s life will be an incessant guessing game. How do you even spell these?"
"They´re perfectly acceptable Irish names! A-o-i-f-e, prnounced Eefah and C-a-o-i-m-h-e, pronounced 'Kweevah', is not that hard."
"Alcohol is a hell of a drug..."
"Oh, shut up..." she shrugged "Maeve is taken...twice."
"Who the hell is Maeve? I don't know any Maeves... and that one's... simpler!"
"For shame Severus! My mother and Alice! Sophia Maeve and Alice Maeve!"
"Oh, that´s right! Sorry, I forgot... don't normally use Alice's middle name in grading her work! But yeah, about the boys..." he sighed "I want you to know I'm trying, Lyn! But my creativity is failing here"!
"Ok...I thought of some..."
"Well, let's have them!"
"Cat suggested Paul...and I tought of it initially, but...I don´t really want to name him after Paul, because...you know. Seems like a heavy burden to lay on a baby to name him after my brother, all things considered...but Paul´s second name might work"
"Your brother was Paul Éamon, right?...Come to think of it, that's not too bad!"
"So is it not too Irish?"
"Oh it's Irish as feck... but I don't mind it too much. What else?!"
"George...is a strong name. St George is the patron saint of soldiers ...of England as well"
"Ugh...that one doesn´t bring fond memories to me, I´m afraid"
"Fine...what about Marius? Or Sebastian"
"So Marius after your father and grandfather, or Sebastian after some bloke with arrows?!"
"Some bloke with arrows?! Show some respect!"
"Right, right...Let me see...Sebastian" he rumaged through the book "Patron Saint of... Plagues...yummy...Athletes...ugh... Soldiers... again? Archers... OBVIOUSLY... and...The City of Rio de Janeiro."
"See? Not bad at all, right?"
"Nope... If my son is to be a tad on the crazy side!Hyperactive little monkey, most likely?"
"Well...half Snape, half Black...Whatever brand of crazy he is, we have it coming."
"Oh, Merlin almighty..."
"And let´s not forget the Finnegan blood...My mother´s grandfather was an nationalist Irish rebel after all"
"Oh, boooy..."
"Ok...I may have a less...martial name"
"Should I be scared?"
"I´m afraid it´s not very common..."
"Right!" he snorted
"Soren..."
"So he's a Viking now?!"
"SEVERUS!" she laughed "Don´t act like an uncultured fool!"
"...but it's so humorous!"he grinned
"Glad you find it funny...since it´s basically YOUR name"
"How do you figure? Look I may be some working-class street urchin, but I am cultured enough to know that Soren is a Scandinavian name! My name is Latin! BIG GAP in Geography there!"
"Soren happens to be Danish for Severus...don´t believe me, look at the book"
"Oh well, I'll be damned!"
"Besides...is Kierkegaard´s first name...My father loved his writings. I still remember when he introduced them to me...I..." she trailed off
"Yes?" he pat her back, sensing her uncertainty
"A few weeks ago, back at mam´s house...I found the copy of Kierkegaard´s 'Christian Discourses' he gave me before I went off to college..." she shifted before continuing
"Go on..."
"...'God's greatness is in forgiving, in showing mercy, and in this, his greatness, he is greater than the heart that condemns itself.'...It´s always been one of my favorite quotes...It comes from that book. I didn´t even remember it before I found the book there..."
Severus didn´t say anything. There was no need. The father-in-law who had died before Severus even had a chance to meet him had, from the past, made the case for his daughter to forgive this gauche husband of hers...And here he was thinking Sophia was the only one he had to thank for sticking up for him...
"Actually, this is quite clever..." he smiled, caressing her head, pulling her closer and lightly patting the roundness of her belly "And it's hard to get an obnoxious nickname out of this! I like it. I like it very much. Well there we have it: Soren for a boy, Eileen for a girl! You hear that in there, half-pint? Your name will Soren or Eileen..."
"What do you think of...Soren Prince?"
"Oh! That's not bad... It...works!"
"You´ll be ok if it is Soren...and not Eileen, right?"
"I guess...As long as he's a gentleman!No son of mine is will be an uncoth baboon.."
"Sev...little boys ARE uncouth"
"If that´s the case I suppose I can settle for a small, friendly-like primate for a son. One that won't fling much feces. Like a marmoset or a Vervet monkey..."
"Aren´t Vervet monkeys the ones with blue bollocks?" she laughed so hard he could almost feel the child jump inside her belly
"I never paid that kind of attention to their genitals, Lyn!"
"Ok, ok..." she got up with some help "I guess any monkey over a Gryffindor...right?"
"Now you´re speaking like the mother of a future Slytherin"
"Or Ravenclaw"
"Or that...Anything but a Gryffindor"