Bathroom Protocols
BeautifulAlice
Summary: Tag to 1.4; Jemma and Sky both complain about lack of bathrooms on mission trips, Fitz complains about lack of snacks, and Ward complains because everyone else is complaining.
Note: Rated T for Fury's swearing at the end.
"Sir, we've got a problem," Ward announces, a couple of days after the events of 'Eye Spy' as Fitz so helpfully called their mission has calmed down. Coulson glances up from his desk where he's filling out paperwork.
"What is it?" He asked, immediately on guard.
"It's nothing serious," Yet, Ward's tone implies. Coulson calms, but frowns, wondering what has happened now. "But there's a situation regarding our mission outings."
"What do you mean?" Coulson asked, staring at him.
"As much as I hate to admit it," Ward hesitated. "The girls might have a point." He says this rather reluctantly, and Coulson almost smiles-though very few would be able to see it.
"Regarding?" He prompts. By the time Ward finishes speaking, Coulson nods slowly. Sky DOES have a point-women have a harder time peeing in bottles than guys do, and it's just not sanitary besides. Fitz's small point of snacks and food is minor, but on par with the girls. Their van should be better equipped when it goes out on missions, and he sighs, realizing this.
"Very well." Coulson considers for a moment, and Ward is silent. "Bring everyone to the living room. I want to talk,"
Ward nods, and does as he's asked.
Fifteen minutes later, and the team is gathered at the sofas, each of them facing Coulson. Ward is close to both him and Sky. May is standing at Coulson's side, and Fitz and Simmons are sitting comfortably together on the sofa across from them. It's quiet, aside from the hum of the bus as it continues on auto-pilot.
"Fitz," Coulson says finally. "How long will it take to install a kind of port-a-potty in the van?"
Fitz blinks.
"I don't know," He admits, looking sideways at Simmons. "A week? Maybe? If we've got the parts, a plumber to help us out, and the tools,"
"Then you have a week to fix the van with a retractable port-a-potty. Simmons, you're in charge of the snacks along with Sky. Ward, I want you to make sure that none of them get hurt by accident in the process. Does this satisfy?" Coulson asked, and they all nodded agreement.
"Why'd you call me?" May asked, looking annoyed.
"I thought you'd be interested in the fact of no longer having to pee in the woods when we're out on missions," Coulson said, and May gave him a look before turning and heading back to the cockpit. "I guess not,"
It was nice to hear the team giggling, aside from Ward who just rolls his eyes.
A week and a half later, and the mission is smoother as they are all waiting orders in the van. Well; Simmons, Fitz, and Sky are, and they're waiting an awfully long time. The bathroom works-and there's even a complimentary privacy curtain that somehow cuts out the sound as well-and there's a snack bin for when people are hungry, which comes in handy after miles of hiking and you're energy is low. Coulson writes up the report to Fury, who responds with his usual attitude that 'as long as it works, I don't want to fucking hear it!', and Coulson adds a tiny note about the team improving in communication.
This time, Fury's response is on par with Coulson's, and he even smiles as he reads the response:
"It's about goddamn time!"
End