Title: Lost Chances

Author: Ayeesha

Rating: T

Pairing: Mike/Susan

Timeline: Set after season 2 Episode 6 'I wish I Could Forget You'. Contains spoilers from that episode.

Summary: What do you do when you lose the one you love?

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned in thsi fic. They are the property of Desperate Housewives, Marc Cherry,ABC and Touschstone Television. This fic was written purley for entertainment purpsoses.

A/N: Warning will deal with suicide and death. Don't read if this offends you. Fisrt part is mainly Susan's POV. Italics represent flashbacks.

A/N: Thanks to Skylinechick07(LiLi) for her continued support. You rock girl. Feedback is appreciated let me know what you guys thought.

Chapter One: Lost Chances

I sit in the darkness of my bedroom staring intently into the wide openspace in front of me. It's been almost two weeks, fourteen agonizing days since I lost him the man that I love.

I have been sat in this room almost everyday refusing to leave the house. What was the point? I had nothing to look forward to now that he's gone. I cry everyday in the darkness nothing keeping me company except my own broken shadow.

Day after day my friends come by to see me. I refuse to talk to them to hear the apologetic tone in their voice as they tell me that everything will be all right, that I have to give it time. Nothing will ever be the same again.

I look at the telephone beside me. I have been calling him but he refuses to pick up or even call me. I yearn so badly to hear his soft soothing voice telling me that he understands and that he forgives me. I want to hear him say those three little words 'I love you' as I lay wrapped up in his embrace. The tears slip freely down my face the familiar pain filling my entire body.

"Hi I'm Mike Delfino I just moved into the Simms house across the road."

The first time I met him my heart literallystopped. Here he was the most gorgeous man I have ever met and he was talking to me. I remember the way his hands fit perfectly into mine. I wanted to know this man better there was something special about him.

"Hey so I was just wondering I have two tickets for the movies and I was wondering…I mean..if..you wanted to go."

Mike had come to my house one day smiling brightly. It was after he had come to pick me up after my disastrous date with the cop and we had shared our first kiss in his truck. A kiss that was full of promise and longing. Mike was so nervous asking me out. I pulled him greedily into the house pressing my lips urgently against his. I sucked on his soft lips silently begging entrance to his mouth. He let his tongue duel with mine eagerly.

I wiped the tears from my eyes the memory coming back in flashes.

Susan heard a soft knock on the door and gently got off the soft bed.

"Mom please open the door," pleaded Julie on the other side.

"Julie I'm fine," she lied slightly opening the door.

"Sweetie please come downstairs and eat something," begged Sophie walking into the room followed by a concerned Julie. Julie looked at her mother's sad forlorn gaze and felt her pain. It hurt to see her like this empty and broken.

"Mom please come downstairs," she whispered gently.

Susan walked back towards the bed and gently sat down.

"Can you just leave me alone?" she asked sadly. "I don't want anything to eat or drink. I don't want to come downstairs and pretend that everything will be okay. I just want the one thing that I can never have again. I want my Mike."

Julie walked towards her mother gently sitting down next to her. "Mom please call him and explain."

Susan looked up her eyes shining with tears. "I've tried Julie, I betrayed him and now he doesn't want to know. I've lost him. I've lost my chance," she whimpered.

Julie took her mom in her arms gently stroking her back in comforting motions.

"Can you just... I just want to sleep please," asked Susan. Julie nodded her head sadly and placed a kiss to her mother's forehead before leaving the room with Sophie.

"I love you both," whispered Susan silentlybefore they left.

I love Julie so much she is everything I could want in a daughter, smart, caring, beautiful and compassionate. She has always been there for me through everything but I know slowly I will start to lose her. She will go with Edie and Karl. Why would she want a wreck like me for a mother?

I pick up a small wooden box beneath my bed. The box holding memories of a love lost. I slowly open it to peer at the contents inside. There are pictures of the two of us in various stages of our relationship, pictures of Mike and me kissing, laughing, and smiling without a care in the world. We were complete we had love and most of all we had each other.

"I know you got a lot of questions and I also know I don't wanna lose you."

That night when I thought I had ruined my chance with Mike. The night he came over and perfectly expressed his feelings for me. I will never forget that night or any other we shared. That night our bodies and souls became one. He was so gentle and passionate making sure that not one inch of my skin was neglected. I needed him with a passion that I never had for anything before. The night was perfect everything I could have wished for.

I look in the box picking up the blue shirt within it. I hold it to my lips breathing deeply. I can still smell his unique scent the one that surrounded my body each day and night. I slip off my simple silk nightgown and slip my arms through the sleeves of his shirt buttoning it softly with shaky fingers. I can almost feel his arms over my own encircling me.

"Susan have you seen my blue shirt?" asked Mike coming into the bedroom. Susan looked up and smiled at him sweetly. He looked at her as she sat on his bed in the shirt reading some paperwork.

"You mean this one?" she asked innocently.

"That's the one," smiled Mike coming to sit on the bed with her.

"Sorry baby I got cold," she replied. Mike eyed her lustfully.

"Don't be it actually looks better on you," he whispered. Susan looked at his naked chest gleaming with droplets of water left over from his shower. She traced them with her fingers.

"So can I keep it?" she asked playfully moving forward and placing a soft kiss against his chest.

Mike nodded his head as she looked at him joyfully. She moved back on the bed seductively lying on her side unbuttoning the top three buttons. Mike immediately started to react watching the beauty next to him. He expertly moved his hands to her smooth legs and then slowly underneath the shirt to caress her bare stomach. She felt him pulling her forward and eagerly straddled him their lips meeting in a kiss.

She kissed a path down his neck to his chest. Her nails teased his skin as she explored his body with her lips, tongue and fingers.

"I thought you had a job to get to over in Greenwood," she murmured biting on his nipple.

"Screw work it can wait," he murmured huskily. He pulled her up to him his open mouth sliding along her neck and with skilled fingers he unbuttoned the shirt.

I wipe the tears flowing freely down my cheeks the hot trail stinging bitterly. I am so stupid. I didn't mean to hurt him. I should have told him the truth from the beginning. He would be here with me now. I miss his smile, his eyes, his beautiful face.

"Susan I love you."

I love him so much I know I can not cope, not without him by my side, not without my Mike. I pick up a small photograph and gently trace the image of his face.

"Susan you said that you wanted to help me and I believed you. That's it we're done."

I can hear the anger in his voice each night I go to sleep. I see his broken face the tears he tries to hold in.He's not going to forgive me not ever. The nightmares plague me watching him drive away from Wisteria Lane away from my heart. Why did I fall in love with him? If I never met him then things would have been simple. I don't regret any moment I have had with Mike. He truly was the love of my life.

I pick up a small notebook writing my beloved a simple note, the tears dropping loudly onto the paper. I kiss the photograph softly and pull out a bottle of pills hidden underneath my pillow.

"I'm so sorry Mike. I love you so much and I'm not strong enough to survive without you. I love you my beloved angel."

I open the pills contemplating over my lost chance blearily I take the first couple of pills and then some more till my exhausted body gives way and I crumble gentlyon the bed.

TBC

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