NA: I have so much to say about this fanfic... Like the fact that the idea jumped to me in the most random way possible. I was just... sitting there at work, when suddenly my brain went "Imagine an 'If I Stay' AU with Hyde and Jackie" and soon, I was plotting. Now, if you have read the book, you know what may be coming. But really, the only thing like the book is the accident, I didn't want to re-do the book or the movie, because teen drama is beyond me a this point. I'm just putting these characters here so they will work their shit out, they need it. So... here it is.

This fic is my baby, guys. I put a lot of effort in it and I got great help from my dear NannyGirl, who also betaed this and helped me with my english. All errors are mine, if you want to point them out to me, please do it in a nice way. Remember that english is my third language! And finally, enjoy!

Heart like yours

I – A ghost story

November 15, 1982. New York City. 12:17 am.

The noise of the club almost silenced her laugh, but like many times before, it broke through any space until it reached his ears.

It was also impossible not to look at her when she laughed. Her entire face brightened with her sudden happiness and the way her lips curved always reminded him of why she was the most gorgeous woman in the world.

Jackie never objected to laughing. Not even when her other rich friends tried to tell her she would get wrinkles early on if she kept with the stupid laugh, that was one of the only times in which she would speak her mind to them.

Wrinkling her nose and putting a finger high to make it clear she was on the right side of the argument, she would shut them up with a simple: 'There's no more beautiful woman than one who laughs', which was something he had told her once.

They hadn't even been together yet, he was still living with his mother when it happened, but she remembered. All those years ago, she remembered; just like she kept the belief alive today, laughing from under the live music she had made him listen to and dance to.

Tonight, was for her. Something he didn't gave her when they were together. And yet, she had chosen a place he would love, she had taken him to the one place his younger self always wanted to visit.

Because even now, living in a different city and engaged to another man, Jackie was still thinking of him first, then herself.

"Let's get out of here."

"What?" She yelled in front of him, her bangs were starting to get out of their trap, her hair was already a mess after running in Central Park and then jumping here at the rhythm of punk rock. "I can't hear you!"

"Let's get out of here!"

"Where?" She smiled, taking his hand and walking towards the stairs. Her friend waved at her and Jackie waved back, cornering him near the bottom of the stairs. "Where do you want to go now?"

"Uh," he looked at her face, red and a little bit sweaty. She didn't care anymore. She was having fun. With him. So, he would risk it. "My hotel room, let's—"

"Hyde, no."

"Listen to me first." His hands grabbed her shoulders as quick and soft as he could, he was not losing her again. Hyde smiled, "let's hit it."

"Oh, my god!" And she laughed again. "You are the wooooorst!"

But she took his hand again and climbed the stairs as fast as her high boots would let her. His fingers closed around hers, like back in 1978 and their first days together, walking at night when Point Place was in silence.

Right now, New York lived and roared wild against their skins once the night's chill reached them out. The guy at the door wished them goodnight, and Jackie reminded him she would be back at the club next Friday with her friends.

Hyde looked back as they walked, the CBGB was a dream he had since he was twelve and half in love with music, and Jackie had allowed it to come true tonight.

"I can't believe you are friends with the administration. Since when is a communications student friends with punk rock scene masters?"

Jackie shook her head, biting her bottom lip. "Since her fiancé is a master in the music scene. You have no idea how many people I once heard about from you, I've met by now…"

"I should hate you. It's not fair."

"Hey!" She looked at him, her slightly short hair was stuck between the neck of her coat and her skin. "You are the one who didn't have the idea of maybe starting daddy's empire again until now. But," she looked up, as if thinking about her next words, "I'm sure you'll do great, Hyde."

Hyde. Hyde, Hyde, Hyde. If she kept calling him that, it was going to drive him insane. Again.

"Yeah, well… nothing a beer or two with your hubby can't change."

She smiled again, nodding and then asking for his hotel, walking to the road so they could get a cab, still holding hands.

Sitting at her side once they got inside one, his fingers drumming over her thigh as she told him about her classes and the work interview she just had that day, before finding each other in the middle of a crowded room, Hyde recognized the pain in his stomach.

It didn't matter the hours they spent together today, tomorrow he would go back to Kenosha, to his work; and she would wake up in Milo's arms, happy to go to school, kissing said man good morning and good day, giving him all her loving and happy smiles.

Looking at her face while she talked, it occurred to him this was just a stolen moment. He had lost her a long time ago, and she could only give him one night out of the rest of her life.

If he was lucky, maybe one day they could be friends. Meanwhile, it was his turn to get his shit together, and accept the pain of seeing the person he loved with someone else.

"Jackie?"

"Huh?" She put her head on his shoulder, he could see the hotel's shining sign already.

"Is there something you would like to change?"

She frowned. "As, in about myself?" Hyde opened his mouth to correct her, but she smiled. "I would get bigger boobs."

Surprised, his eyes searched for her smiling face with an arched eyebrow. "What?"

"Yeah! I mean…" Her tiny hands cupped her rack and Hyde's body reacted by gluing his eyes to her movements. "I know these are pretty and soft, but deep down, all a girl wants are big boobs so her man won't leave her."

Just like that, a flash of the women he ever touched and looked at while with her and without her, passed in front of his eyes, and he looked down. Fuck.

Her hands left her body, slowly playing with one curl of her hair with a finger, while her other hand caressed her own cheek.

This couldn't be about him. Or maybe it was. And maybe it was also about Kelso, and Pam Burkhart's education, and every time she had to listen to her mother's disgusting manners and criticism about her body. He had listened to that, many years ago, and yet—

"I mean, if you could, would you change something from the past?"

Jackie looked at him, her big eyes never looked as sincere as tonight. "I know what you meant, and I stand with my answer."

~0~

December 2, 1982. Kenosha's bus station, Wisconsin. 6:10 pm.

Jackie looked up when the bus arrived and the speakers announced her turn to get in the line.

She waited for all the old people and children to get in, so she would be the first to enter the bus next, grab her seat as quick as possible so she wouldn't have to speak to anyone else.

Put her travel bag on her shoulder, her purse under her arm, she pulled her suitcase over to the bus trunk without help for the first time in almost two years, since she started dating her just recently ex-fiancé.

She gave Kenosha's bus station a last look before heading to the line and promised herself she won't let anything get in her way ever again; she was going back to Point Place just because Donna was getting married in two weeks and Mrs. Forman also asked her to stay with her and her husband, since her three children had left the house already.

Jackie couldn't deny anything to Mrs. Forman, not after the scare they got when she was diagnosed with diabetes, just a few weeks before she left town.

It made her felt like shit, having to leave Mrs. and Mr. Forman when they could use the company, especially after Mr. Forman and Ste—Hyde's relationship had torn leaving a big hole, it was the reason he left the house, two years ago.

It didn't mean he wasn't there for them, because he certainly was; Hyde was there every two days, as if it were his religion, at The Formans' for dinner and to check on Mrs. Forman. Yet, it wasn't the same, as the woman told Jackie over the phone when she asked her to stay the winter break with them.

Her older daughter was doing God knows what, in God knows where, with God knows who; her baby boy was getting married for good this time, out of town educating some asses at Madison with his fiancé and living in an apartment they maintained together almost since he came back from Africa in the summer of 1980; and her adoptive son disappointed her for something Jackie provoked ('None of it was your fault, Jackie', Mrs. Forman had said anyway) and then got into a big fight with her husband and left, something none of the men talked about and that was driving Mrs. Forman insane.

So she said yes; for the first time after sleeping there for a couple of weeks in secret, Jackie was going to truly live with the Formans.

"I'm sorry…" a young woman said, getting something from near Jackie's shining boot. Jackie moved her foot to let her grab whatever it was. "She is a little nervous, it's our first time going home since we moved out!", she announced and Jackie nodded, looking at the seat parallel to hers on the other side.

There was a cute little girl, chubby cheeks red with the soft winter, and blue eyes glowing like Christmas lights. She smiled at Jackie when she noticed her stare, and Jackie smiled back. She reminded her of Betsy, who she hadn't seen in a while.

"It's okay", she finally answered.

The little girl waved at her and Jackie waved back, she could feel the girl's mother looking at her after freezing in front of her. "Jackie Burkhart?" the tone of surprise made her look up.

"Oh, my god!" was her answer, standing at the same time the redheaded woman did. "Kat!"

Kat Peterson from all people.

The older girl hugged her as a way to say 'hi', like an old friend would do if they weren't too busy bitching about the other behind their backs during their school days. It felt weird, but a good weird too, Jackie realized as she held the girl in her arms.

She hadn't seen Kat for almost four years, the last time being also one of the last times she saw her mother at a rich people party. Back then, Kat had been dating Buddy's older brother and seemed to be the same as ever.

In fact, Jackie remembered as they sat in their assigned seats and Kat voiced her affectionate surprise on seeing her there; the last time she saw Kat, she had still been dating Hyde and he had refused to accompany her to the boring party, to which Kat answered with one of her bitchy smiles and a pat on her shoulder, as if she had actually lived with Hyde what Jackie was suffering at the time.

After that, her only topic was her sex-life with Hyde, and Jackie never told him, secretly mad at him, something that then became the start to one of their last fights. All they did during their last months together was fight.

"She's Harley." Kat introduced her daughter and Jackie's eyes opened with a little surprise. Kat Peterson had a daughter. Was she married too? "Oh! You are engaged, Jackie!" she announced as if the heavy meaning of the ring she hadn't been able to take off didn't echo the rest of her body.

By instinct, Jackie looked at her hand, at her expensive and shining ring. Kat took her hand to give it a better look and smiled sweetly at her.

"Damn, that Hyde! He did great with this one, I've seen it on Vogue Brides last month, this is one hell of a ring!"

Fuck.

Jackie's smile dropped and so did her hand. Looking at the ground, she noticed Kat's smile following her lead and Jackie looked up at her, making a line of her lips.

"Oh, no. No, no, no… Hyde and I didn't work out, that's ancient story."

Kat's eyes opened wide like her mouth, and her daughter talked first. "Mommy! The flies will nest on your mouth if you don't close it!"

Jackie couldn't help but laugh a little, the small blond was a cutie. Kat smiled at her daughter, then looked at Jackie with apologetic blue eyes.

"Jackie, I'm so sorry. I didn't meant to—" the redhead interrupted herself, looking back at her daughter who was playing with colorful rings now, then at her. "You know, everyone thought you two were endgame…"

"What? No way!"

Really, she was kind of surprised. She still remembered how much of an asshole the sports team and the cheerleaders were to her when everyone knew about her and Hyde. Yet, she reminded herself, they were just kids. Now was different.

"Ew, no! I was sixteen, Kat, come on."

Kat gave her a knowing smile. "But, are you happy?"

For a second, Jackie wondered who this woman in front of her was. And again, she reminded herself that they were just kids the last time they saw each other. Kat was no longer the most popular girl of Point Place High, she wasn't a cheerleader either, or the biggest bitch around.

Instead, Kat was a mother, probably a wife, a woman with a job, someone who smiled to people she used to know and meant the happy glow of her smile.

So Jackie nodded, "His name's Milo", she offered, not truly feeling like talking about her incorrect assumption.

Too many questions would follow, and there will be pity for the shit that went wrong just a couple of days ago.

Yet, thinking about Milo didn't hurt, it still made her happy somehow; in a way, she knew it was for the best. Milo deserved an all-time partner in crime, and she wasn't it. He wasn't it for her, either. It just happened.

"I knew him through Donna, you remember her? Donna Pinciotti?" Kat nodded, the bus engine started and Jackie sighed, wondering what awaited her back at the place she once called home.

"Going home without him?"

"He's traveling for work!" she answered over the driver's voice announcing their departure, maybe talking with this young mother would help her ignore the aching in her stomach. "I'm actually going for my best friend's wedding. Donna is finally marrying her childhood sweetheart, Eric Forman!"

Kat smiled brightly, she seemed like a nice person now, and a nice mother too.

Her voice was soft, like it was part of her all modern and fresh mom package, and she had brought a special seat for her daughter and the girl was wrapped safely but without being held captive, she could move well and look at them talking.

"That's wonderful! My best wishes for them!"

Jackie couldn't help but smile, she was a big fat liar if she said she wasn't happy or excited for Donna. And while she saw it coming, it didn't meant it wasn't the happy ending of that part of her life she wanted for her friend.

"Thank you, I'll let her know." she said, the bus was driving away from the city in time and the weather was perfect. "How old is she?"

Harley was three years old, and Kat had her all alone to her big surprise.

Feeling some kind of compassion at the older girl's sad smile while talking about the mysterious dad of her little one, Jackie didn't wanted to ask more about it.

No rings on the most popular girl of school, a broken relationship with her entire family with the exception of a couple of aunts who gave her shelter when she decided to keep her baby, and who also invited her to stay the winter break with them.

Different from Jackie, she was working as a secretary for a prestigious law firm and never went to college. Knowing all this, Jackie felt a hole in her chest; maybe it was some kind of curse that the whole cheerleader team was condemned to have shitty lives or something.

But, as the road became darker and the blur of the cars passed out their windows, Kat made it clear her life wasn't like that. Not at all.

"I mean…" She said, giving a shy look to Jackie, "I won't say it doesn't suck to be alone, sometimes… but is not so bad. It helped me find my own worth."

That. Jackie smiled. She could relate to that. "Tell me about it, I had a couple of rough years too. Ended bad a relationship that I thought was, you know, it. It made me feel like I was nothing, and what happened after was even worse. Really, 1979 and 1980? Worst years of my life."

"I heard you were working with Christine St. George?" She asked, Jackie nodded. "What happened? You would make one hell of an anchor, you know?"

Jackie laughed at that, she couldn't help but feel flattered by it. "Yeah, I know!" Kat laughed with her then, "But it was awful! She is an awful person, I swear to god. I was fired and re-hired all in the same day when she was in a good mood. I got tired after a while, and with Donna going to college I finally realized maybe I wanted that too."

"Oh, so you study?" Jackie nodded and Harley took her mother's attention, saying she was thirsty. "Just a second…" the redhead stood up to grab her travel bag, taking out a bottle of water, a box of grape juice and then looked at Jackie, "You want something? We have grape and apple juice, coke, water and cherry soda."

"Uh…" she hadn't thought of bringing something to drink, smart move. "You know what? It's winter break, give me that coke."

Kat smiled at her, standing in front of Jackie's seat when a rough movement made her drop the bottle she was handing to the younger woman. Jackie tried to stand too when the redhead lost her balance and the entire bus seemed to stop; in a flash, they were all thrown against one side of the bus and then, all faded to black.

~0~

November 18, 1982. Milo and Jackie's apartment, New York City. 8:34 pm.

Milo never yelled, in fact, he seemed to never get mad about anything, no matter how hard and difficult the situation may have been. He had a kind spirit, a good heart, and a sweet smile.

At first, Jackie had tried to avoid him when Donna introduced him back in Madison; he was the type of man Jackie could stare at for a long while, the kind of man she could see herself tangled in bed with, so avoiding him was the right answer.

Milo was her type. And back then, it meant he had something similar to Hyde and she couldn't afford even thinking his name at that moment, but in the end she understood Donna's dirty intentions of introducing her new friend to her best friend.

Slowly, the man had opened a path to her with his easy laugh and good humor, his always supportive hand was what first attracted her to him, and everything else just fell right into her hands until she realized they had something good going on.

All the growing and decisions she took with him had taught her as much as she could realize, her feelings for him were always clear and never a problem. Milo was safe, he wanted similar things to what she dreamed for herself, supported her studies and career ambitions, and never, ever, even thought of mocking her for anything, not even as a joke between them.

Milo's respect for her was exactly what Donna had seen in the man, it was the reason she wanted them to meet in the first place, and Jackie was sure as the day is bright, she loved that of her man, too.

Yet, it wasn't enough.

"So, you are telling me that all you needed was ONE night and that's it?" he said, his green eyes shining with a feeling Jackie knew too well: betrayal. "You are running back to him like nothing had happened between us, between the two of you?" Milo added. Not yelling, not angered, only concerned and hurt. The sight of Milo's face getting red with his eyes watering made her heart ache. "Jackie, come on. What is going on?"

"What? No, no. This isn't about him, Milo." and it was true. She understood why he would think so, after all, she confessed to having seen him just a few days ago. But no, it was time to tell the truth. "Listen, this was something I've been trying to tell you for a while. I just didn't know how and with how tense we have been lately, I just…"

He deserved better, she did too. And after the many turns she had given the elephant in the room, it was just fair to let him know. Maybe the timing was what she did wrong, but Jackie couldn't stay another day with all the tangible tension that formed between them since her confession, three days ago.

Seeing him, though, had been another confirmation of what she already knew: there was something missing in her relationship with this sweet and romantic man.

"Milo, we never have fun together anymore. And before you say it's because your job has been consuming you and I've been working hard at school, listen to me, please." he stopped walking around the room, standing in front of her with both hands on his waist, like he was holding his back, holding himself from falling right in the spot. It was a sickening view. "You are the sweetest guy I've ever met, but I…" Jackie gestured with her hands, like she was trying hard to grab something in the air, then looking around to signal everything. "I don't belong here. This is about how unhappy I am here, about how I miss my friends, the people I consider my family, every damn day and how I thought about just leaving to see them and never coming back, all without you. This is about me knowing I can't marry you if we are the happiest doing our things by ourselves, not sharing it with the other. You deserve be—"

"No!" there it was. Jackie straightened her back the moment Milo looked up and yelled with his finger pointing at her. "Don't start with the "you deserve better", that's bullshit and you know it!" he said, after a pause in which they only looked at each other, he nodded. "You don't love me."

Jackie opened her mouth, about to say 'no' but the words never came out. Her heart stopped for a second, watching him nodding and calling out for God, his voice breaking between words. "No, Milo. How could you said that? I do, I love you. I really do."

"Jackie, for the love of God…" finally, he sat back in front of her in their dinner table. The silence of their apartment had always upset her, and this time was no different. "You know? I thought maybe you were homesick for the past, but I guess I was just trying to be nice to myself… my mistake."

"What are you talking about?"

"Jacque…" the love name was back, she smiled at least. "If we move back to Point Place, would you marry me and stay with me? Or is it me where you don't belong?"

"Don't do this, Milo…" she stood up, this was a conversation Jackie thought she was ready for, but his eyes, his deep green eyes, were killing her. "You know the answer."

"Then, you don't love me."

Neither of them said anything next, she heard him approaching her from behind and didn't walk off when his hands touched her shoulders, soft and gentle. Kissing her head, he sighed and Jackie felt her entire body ache when he was gone.

It wasn't that she didn't love him, it was that she didn't love him as much as she was supposed to.

~0~

December 2, 1982. Highway to Point Place. 7:04 pm.

"Fuck…" Jackie murmured as her hand touched her forehead, her whole world was spinning and she couldn't feel a damn thing.

The noise around her at least meant she wasn't alone, and whatever had happened with the bus, they were being helped already. Her thoughts were confirmed by looking around: police officers and nurses moved like ants whose home had been disturbed.

"Excuse me?" She called out, they were all passing her and it occurred to her that maybe they had already checked her and they saw she was fine, but she wasn't in a cot and nothing seemed to be in order with the rest of her.

"Hey! Over here!" Nothing.

Jackie rolled her eyes, did she had to do everything by herself? Fine.

Standing, the first thing she noticed was her lack of shoes and panic rose in her chest.

Those boots cost her a lifetime and she was still paying for them! Her eyes searched for them as she walked through grey snow and orders of officers until she realized something else: she wasn't truly feeling anything. No cold on her feet, the air on her face, the warmth of the surrounding people and the stupor of the accident.

Her heart hammered inside her when she looked right into an officer standing at her side, "Excuse me? Officer? Hey!" the man didn't answer, didn't even flinch when she touched him and then, it hit her: she was trying to pull at his clothes, and nothing was happening. As if her fingers didn't have any force, like she wasn't there.

"Hey! Don't ignore me, you ass!" and she aimed for a punch, but it was like the man was an illusion.

"Crap, if we don't hurry, this one is not gonna make it." a doctor commented as he helped pull a cot holding an elderly woman Jackie had seen getting into the bus with her husband. "We'll search for ID's at the hospital. Come on, we are losing time!"

"Hey, doctor!" she tried again, but once more was ignored. Everyone passed by her and her chest started to rise and fall in a desperate way.

No, this wasn't happening.

It has to be a mistake, a dream, a very bad, vivid, dream.

She certainly fell asleep on the bus, even though she never did, she was tired just a few hours ago after all, one hell of a day this had been. So she was sleeping, going safely back home, to be with Red and Kitty Forman, to be there for her best friend on her wedding day, to see her little goddaughter, and Fez, and even Hyde. There was no way she was—was she…?

"She's alive! A cot, we need a cot over here!" announced a nurse, slowly caressing… was that? Was that—Her? HER!

Jackie's eyes opened wide, automatically walking towards the nurse who was caressing her cheek, or the left cheek of her body. She had said she was alive… but she was here, standing in front of her body and the nice nurse.

"You are gonna be fine, sweetheart." she said to her still body, "We'll be doing all we can to keep you here with us, but you have to fight with us. It's all in your hands, honey."

In her hands? She looked at them. No scratch. There was blood on her face, on the body in front of her. She had a parted lip, blood on her forehead, on her shirt and coat.

That coat had been a gift from Milo!

Jackie shook her head and watched as her body was lifted onto a cot. Doctors or nurses, she couldn't tell which, took her vital signs. They evaluated her condition, and Jackie finally spotted it: a horrible hole in her back. She turned away from the furious red of her own blood and flesh, the literal hole on her back that the doctor was checking now.

So that was it, right? She was dead. Jackie Burkhart was dead, killed in a bus accident.

Tears formed on her eyes, she couldn't feel a single thing, but she was sure the emptiness in her belly was all she needed to understand she was going to purge her sins now, maybe life was retaliating against her for all the times she was a complete asshole and bitch to other people. Then, another idea occurred to her: Kat and Harley.

"It seems to be superficial," the doctor said, "but I'm starting to worry for her lungs. Time to go. Let's go! Go, go!"

They picked up the cot holding her body, and Jackie followed.

If she was alive, if her body still had energy or whatever it was, maybe she could put herself back in there and walk out of this one alive and with a story to tell back home; Michael and Fez would love it, maybe Eric would find a nerdy explanation for it.

So Jackie sat at one side of her injured body, listening to the prayers of the nurse that had found her.

Before the ambulance closed its doors, she saw another group carrying an unconscious Harley and Jackie's heart sent a horrible ache through her soul.

Literally.

NA: If you want to know more about Milo, and his relationship with Jackie, you may want to read 'She doesn't do anything in halves', that works as a prequel to this fanfiction.

Thank you all for reading!

In the next chapter: Family will know about the accident, we will start to see what made Red and Hyde fight, and Jackie and Eric will share a phone.