*screen shows static, before switching to an image of a green Kecleon wearing black headphones and a sky-blue scarf sitting in front of a desk in what appears to be a bedroom*
Howdy, everyone! My name is Kec the Kecleon! For those of you who never seen me before, hello! For those few of you who have, welcome back! Honestly, it's great to be writing again, especially since I've been having...issues on my end. If you wanna know more, then just read my confessional down at the end of the chapter. I'll try to explain everything as well as I can.
Now, you might be wondering, especially if you've read any of my stories before, "Kec, why start another story? Don't you have enough on your plate as it is, especially with stuff like Pokémon Resurrection or Five Nights of Truth or Dare at Freddy's?" And the answer to that question is because I discovered this type of story just a little bit ago, and it seemed so fun that I wanted to give it a try!
What kind of story is it? Well, it's not so much a story, as it is a reaction to other's stories. That's right. I'm making a fanfic where I, Kec the Kecleon, read and review other people's fanfics and overall rate it depending on how good or bad it is.
I tried something like this a while ago where I'd interview authors and get their thoughts into what inspired them to write their story, but that got old really fast, I wasn't having fun with it at all, and after just two or three interviews, I deleted it. But this idea seems actually fun, and I think I'll enjoy this one just about as much as my Truth or Dare story.
So, I suppose that I should get started before I get too much of an author's note up here. But before that, since I'm typically a really slow writer, I want you to get as much out of this kind of story as possible. So, after you finish reading today's review, why don't you head over to some of the other stories that does this exact thing, such as Arceus the Critic from Imperator Justinian, Meloetta the Chick from Virizion 2.6, or my personal favorite of these stories, The Angry Bug Show from DragonNiro, featuring Genesect. Seriously, if you like this, then you will love them too.
But, for now, let's begin!
Review
Shattered
By Arthur Moebius
Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding
Fall into the sunlight
Okay, so it starts off with, as it explains in the author's note just beforehand, verses to a song he wrote into this story. So, I'll give him props for actually putting some work into his stuff. Will it uphold? Well, that's what we're here to find out.
"Where am I?" Char woke up slowly, a house he failed to remember as recognition slowly filled him,
So, wait. Does he recognize the house or doesn't he? That's a bit of a confusing message right there.
he looked down, and instead of seeing a sword through his Charmeleon heart, he saw a human body perfectly healthy and not dying.
Oh, so he's not dead, when he's supposed to be. That's nice.
Also, it'll probably to good to mention that this is actually a one-shot this author made for another story he did, which sounds like it might be some kind of PMD story. I probably should read that first for context, but...eh. Context is lame. Going in blind is the best!
His tears never came, for he sensed someone else in his body.
Ino: "Mind Possession Jutsu!"
"Who are you?" The voice asked as Char smiled slightly.
"I'm you." He answered back.
Okay, that's a pretty nice twist. Though, how Char knew for certain it was, erm, himself seems a bit strange. It's not like he has a mirror in front of him or anything. Eh, maybe it's just some kind of gut feeling or whatever.
The future's open wide, beyond believing
To know why, hope dies
Losing what was found, a world so hollow
Suspended in a compromise
More song lyrics. I wonder what music they could be set to. They're pretty nice!
"T-This is what happened to you?" Arthur asked, now 13 years old other than 5. Char nodded numbly.
The correct term to use there would probably be "rather than," but besides that, great job with the grammar so far!
This wasn't the first time he answered his question,
Time loop?
and it always followed up with.
"Then we have to prevent it." Arthur said, determination in his eyes.
You are filled with DETERMINATION!
Char sighed, 5 times into the timeline and no such thing has happened.
Seriously, this is sounding more and more like Undertale with every paragraph.
Sans: "i gave up trying to go back a long time ago."
The silence of this sound, is soon to follow
Somehow, sundown
More song lyrics. And what kind of melody and tempo would this song have? Something sober, I'd bet.
The meteor was heading towards them once more as he sat by a tree, before as expected, the Zorua pushed the Honedge inside him.
Ouch. Alternatively, why didn't the Honedge push himself into Char? Eh, whatever. Context and whatnot.
He cried slightly, the repetition hurting more than the blade itself.
It's like we found the Pokémon version of Sans. Even the part with him getting disemboweled.
"It does nothing if you don't react to your death anymore." Zorua sighed as Char died once more, contemplating what he heard.
What? Is this Zorua aware of the timeline resets as well? Is he the Flowey of this universe?
Only the sun dropping below met his death.
Sun: *drops from sky* "Oh, hi, Char! How are you doing?"
Char: *coughs up blood* "Terrible. I just got stabbed and I'm dead now."
Sun: "Oh, sorry to hear that. Well, don't let me disturb you." *leaves*
...I'm a terrible person...
And finding answers
Is forgetting all of the questions we called home
Passing the graves of the unknown
Huh. Dead Unown. I wonder what that's like. Maybe I can use their corpses to spell the alphabet!
(A rotten tomato comes out of nowhere and smacks Kec in the face.)
Yeah, I deserved that.
"So, let me get this straight. You were a Charmeleon, and the whole world became Pokemon because of a genetic virus that some researcher accidentally spread through the air?"
Huh. You know, that's actually pretty interesting. I guess not a PMD story then. Still, that kind of makes me wanna go review the main story later. Maybe...
Arthur, this time 16 years old asked, as Char nodded, most Arthur's didn't last this long, having gotten in traffic accidents, among many other things like murdered.
One, you could've separated that into two sentences at "nodded," and two, "murdered" is the wrong verb tense. You should've said, "like being murdered," as that would've made more sense. But, hey, I'm just a grammar geek.
As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading
Illusions of the sunlight
And a reflection of a lie, will keep me waiting
With love gone, for so long
Seriously, fantastic work with these lyrics! I'd love to hear this song as an actual composed piece! It's amazing!
It's been 256 times since he started this horrible fate of reliving his life and he hated it.
Happy Mask Salesman: "You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?"
It just repeated over and over, to the point when he couldn't even cry when he died, he just accepted it.
You know, I just realized I hadn't asked this before. But, why is he trapped in time like this? Is this the fault of Dialga/Celebi? I'm not sure. It's probably explained in the main story.
It's been ages since an Arthur got close to surviving and Char doesn't bother trying to explain anything to them anymore,
Well. Rude.
just watching as the world slowly dies.
Sanae Hanekoma: "The world ends with you."
"You have a chance of redemption. You can still head to Heaven." The voice told him.
What voice? An angel?
Sadly, he couldn't hear it with the numbness taking over his heart.
You heard it here first, folks! Nihilism = Bad Hearing!
And this day's ending
Is the proof of time killing, all the faith I know
Knowing that faith, is all I hold
Sweet rhymes! I'd probably use a piano to compose this, personally.
...Even though I don't know how to play piano...
The Honedge looked like it too was getting tired of this meaningless repeat of a life as the sun once more went down.
Oh, the Honedge actually has feelings! I thought he was just a tool being used by that Zorua character.
Char sighed.
"Looks like it's time to head back again..." He muttered before once more time repeated. He sighed, his heart growing just that bit more numb inside.
I would've said "a bit," but that's just being a nitpicker. I'm already halfway through this story, and problems like these have been few and far between. I love that!
And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love
Without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on
But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning
This ballad has some really nice phrasing. Seriously, if someone's reading this with actual musical talent, pick up a guitar or something and try to turn this into an actual song! It deserves it that much!
It felt strange on this reset, 1,920,506,123,450 time in at this point,
For those of you who can't comprehend that, that's one trillion, nine hundred and twenty billion, five hundred and six million, one hundred and twenty-three thousand, four hundred and fifty, in written form.
...I'm pretty sure that even Chara would've gotten bored by this point.
to the point he wondered why he bothered keeping track with the times he had to go back, and how he kept track.
Good catch, author. I'm not sure there's a lot of people who can count to a million, much less a trillion, without losing track somewhere along the line.
But this Arthur intrigued him.
Right out of the blue?
He looked at the snow with confusion, but more so, he looked at his own ROOM with confusion.
Did he yell the word 'room' at himself? You could've simply emboldened it like this for the exact same effect.
"Where am I?" Arthur repeated the first words Char had spoken when he saw this room. He followed Arthur as he went and saw his mom and brother.
"Hey mom, hey Richard." He said out of a habit he never knew he had.
Well, that's weird. I hope you didn't pick up any other worse habits, like smoking or drugs.
"How did I know them?" He asked himself as Char's dead eyes widened. A spark lit in them that was long dead.
This could be the one.
Phoenix Wright: "HOLD IT!"
What's going on? Why is Char related so closely to Arthur? Who's the human here? Arthur or Char? I'm getting really confused.
*sighs* I really wish now that I read the original story beforehand.
Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart
Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent
All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain
More great lyrics. This should get an Grammy. That's all I'm saying.
Char watched over Arthur, as he went to school, walked home, was a smartass to his bullies and even when he got beat up,
Okay, this means that either Char is a guardian angel to Arthur, or he's a stalker.
Hm, probably the former, I suppose.
he gave him small hints over his work, saying which was wrong or right from his memory, which wasn't perfect mind you, but he knew enough to the point where Arthur was doing his work so fast he'll be done with a week's work of work in a single hour and bored out of his mind.
Well, there was some bad grammar in there, between an obvious spelling error, to the paragraph's worth of a sentence. Seriously, take a break and use a period every now and then. Quit using so many commas like that.
Char smiled as Arthur started questioning his presence, not minding it, but curious on why him.
Yeah, why not me? I could do with some supernatural guidance.
(A Haunter appears behind Kec's head and gives him a lick, startling him.)
(Kec shivers.) On second thought, I think I'll pass on that.
He felt like he didn't deserve such a nice helper as he put it.
(Kec looks frightened.)Oh, crud! He's coming back around for another taste!
(Kec screams and leaps out of his chair, scrambling away from the Haunter floating menacingly towards him.)
"Well, I'm you." Char told him as Arthur nodded.
(Kec comes back to the chair with the Haunter slurping on his head, drool cascading down from Kec's skull, across his neck, and pooling slightly on his shoulders.)
Wait, he's just suddenly okay with that? A mysterious voice in his head that he's actively talking to, unlike a subconscious, and he's just okay with that? I would at least be a little freaked out about that? Or ask some very important questions.
"Well hi me then. Thanks." Arthur smiled at Char, even at 8 years old.
Oh, he was just a little kid. Okay, that makes sense. It's a little disorienting trying to keep track with how old Arthur is, but time loops can do that.
All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over
There's a light, there's a sun, taking all shattered ones
To the place we belong, and his love will conquer all
And we have some more lyrics. Honestly, I figured they were going to be annoying at first, but they've actually been a highlight to me reading this. Plus, they've proved to be a great cutaway between settings. Nice touch!
Arthur started talking to him more and more as the years went on, keeping him company and surviving with and without his help.
(Kec and Haunter) "Aw, that's sweet."
It was fascinating as this Arthur seemed not to die by random circumstances, but was actually pretty lucky in his endeavors.
Professor McGonagall: "It was pure dumb luck!"
It left a nice feeling in Char's dead mouth.
Did someone say Deadmau5?! (Kec then starts playing loud rave music.)
(Haunter picks up a baseball bat.)
SMASH!
Hey! You broke my stereo! Why'd you do that?!
"Because it was loud and annoying."
You're one to talk. You're still licking my head!
"...So?"
And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love
Without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on
But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning
Oh, repeating lyrics. That's a first. I'm going to assume that this is something like a chorus? I like that. That really does cement it as a song, rather than just an ordinary poem, which is something I didn't think about until this moment.
Then his middle school years hit him.
Katara: Everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.
Bullies and more closed off his heart to the point where he didn't even notice his presence most of the time, cracks appearing on himself as he couldn't tell if he had a mask or not on his face.
Who does he think he is? Skull Kid from Majora's Mask?
He felt fake, he felt wrong.
He felt lost.
Army: GET ON WITH IT!
Char could do nothing more but watch with tears in his eyes at seeing himself break down this badly.
Well, that's a bit depressing. But, this has been pretty angsty so far, so...
Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart
Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent
All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain
More (great) repeating lyrics.
After the last year of middle school, Char tried once more to talk with Arthur, who looked around before smiling.
"Alright, the voice in my head is back! Let me tell you all about what I told my psychiatrist about you!"
"I-I'm sorry for that...my middle school years were shit..." Arthur told him as Char shrugged.
Phantom Freddy: *gasps* "Profanity!"
"It's okay, sorry I couldn't help." Char said.
"It's okay." They made up with smiles.
Aw, they both made up. That's so- Haunter, quit licking my head!
"But, you're so tasty."
I DON'T CARE! IT'S GROSS!
All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over
There's a light, there's a sun, taking all shattered ones
To the place we belong, and his love will conquer all
"You know, I've come up with a melody for this."
You did?
"Yeah, hear me out!"
(Haunter starts singing to the tune of Lavender Town.)
(Kec's expression deadpans.) Get out of here.
"Oh... Um, okay..." (Haunter leaves through the wall, depressed.)
(Kec cringes.) "I might've been a little too harsh. I suppose I'll make it up to him later. But, for now, where were we?"
Char told him everything, and watched as Arthur dreamed his memories, finding areas where they could have made a lot of things better, and tried to keep at it, he wanted to help, so much and hated seeing Char suffer through that.
Despite the run-on sentence again, that's a very nice sentiment. Though, how he "dreamed his memories" is a bit of a mystery to me.
"Trust me. I'll save you. This won't be another repeated timeline." Arthur grinned as Char nodded.
It felt good having someone to trust.
(Kec snaps his fingers.) Frisk and Asriel. That was the relationship I was trying to compare this to. And one that certainly parallels this particular scenario.
Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding
Fall into your sunlight
And finishing the song as it started. I loved that song whenever it popped up! It was a highlight of my reading experience! It also marks the swan song for this one-shot as well!
(Another tomato smacked Kec in the face.)
Hey, I thought that was a pretty clever pun!
Char smiled as he saw the sunset this time, it seemed like there was some hope after all.
Announcer from Film Legends: "Character Arc!"
"Thank you Arthur." Char told him as Arthur watched it with him from his house door.
"No problem, don't worry. I won't fail, not like the others. I'll save you, and myself from that fate. And you'll be right there next to me all the way." Arthur assured him.
Jacksepticeye: "All the way, to f*cking victory town."
"Damn right I will." Char chuckled as he said that.
"Then let's go. Together." Arthur said as he went to his bed.
Ooh! What'cha mean by that, huh? (Kec arches his eyebrows.)
(Haunter pops out from the wall.) "Don't make things so lewd!"
Hey, who was the one sucking on my head like a weirdo?!
(Haunter stares at Kec for a minute before fading back into the wall.)
(Kec continues to stare at the spot where Haunter was.) ...You'd better run.
"Thank you." Char said before they went to sleep. "For everything." He smiled.
Alright! That was Shattered, and boy, what a read! This kind of sets up things for what I want this story to be about. Finding the gems amongst the trash of Fanfiction, and if I do find trash, I'll tear it apart like the garbage it is. But, for now, let's talk about the story on hand.
Honestly, this story did most everything right! The Undertale vibes struck true to home with the nihilism coming from Char as he remained trapped in the same cycle for over 1 trillion times! Which is a simply insane amount of resets!
And just to put this huge scale of time in perspective, in one of the episodes of the newest Doctor Who, it featured the Twelfth Doctor getting stuck in a seemingly endless loop of appearing in a clockwork castle, dying, and then being reborn. He spends an unclear amount of time during each cycle, I personally think he spends a few months each time, but over his many life cycles here, he was able to chip his way through a substance harder than diamond to escape, and this took him over 10 billion years.
Now imagine spending about 10 years of your life repeating the same thing over and over again and having it end each time with you dying, then you have to do it again and again and again, for over 1 trillion separate timelines. With those kinds of numbers, I think both Doctor Who and Sans managed to get it off easy compared to Char. I really sympathise with him here.
Overall, I loved this concept, the hopelessness Char exhumed was almost palpable, and the seedlings of hope that grew from encountering that last Arthur was a great conclusion and made me feel happy for this character in a way that others like Asriel Dreemurr never got. There was also the spelling, which was pretty much perfect! I definitely mark this story as an absolute gem!
Unfortunately, this gem does have its flaws. For starters, I have to say that the author does not know how to use the comma. This is a problem a lot of authors have, obviously, but it's still distracting to have some sentences cut off without warning, while others go on forever. It's a minor detail, but it's pretty vital, in my opinion.
And while this is probably my fault, I was extremely confused with the setting. The Zorua and Honedge had almost no coverage, and I couldn't tell who was what and where and why. Is Arthur the human, or is it really Char? Is it really Char who's the Charmeleon who gets stabbed, or is it Arthur? I just don't know who's who at all. It was extremely well written, but I feel like it's for someone who read his previous stories.
With this in mind, I will give this story a fairly good 4 out of 5 stars! It's an excellent read by itself, but it would be a whole lot better if you read his previous stories first to find out exactly who are the characters you're reading about and where it is. I still don't know if it's a PMD story or not. I'm just that confused.
Notable Mentions:
Naruto
Undertale
The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
The World Ends With You
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Deadmau5
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Five Nights at Freddy's
Piemation
Pokémon Red and Blue
Film Theory
WISECRACK
Jacksepticeye
Doctor Who
Thank you guys so much for reading this! I know it's a little stupid to start writing up a new story like this, but I really wanted to try this out, and from what I can tell, it was a huge success! (Or, at the very least, I really enjoyed writing this.)
So, the question is...what now? Well, for you guys, if you really liked what I did here, then there are plenty of other stories for you to read that does this exact same thing. My favorite out of these is The Angry Bug Show from DragonNiro. Seriously, this one was what inspired me to start writing this story, and for good reason. Genesect is a very dynamic character, and the most fun to read. So, while you're waiting for me, since I'm pretty much infamous by now for taking forever, check that one out. You'll have fun, trust me.
Now, as for my stuff, I have officially begun writing again, as you can probably tell by this here, but I'm breaking myself into my new tablet, since my old one broke, so I'm going to be taking a while to officially claim this tablet as my own. However, the little amount that I was doing is gonna be stunted quite a bit, as a lot of my nearly completed chapters were on my old, broken tablet, and it'll be difficult to try to get that info off of it. So, I'm basically just gonna start over, which will be a bit of a pain.
Besides that, there's a bit of a restriction on my internet which will definitely effect when I can upload these stories. So, except for rare occasions, I'll only be able to upload somewhere between 3 and 6 AM around where I live, so unless you get up really early in the morning for my content, you might not even see anything on the front page. (Which is probably why you should totally follow and favorite both this story and my account, huh?) This doesn't mean I won't be working on it during the rest of the time. It simply affects my upload ratio and timeline.
So, that's everything I feel I need to tell you. If you have any other questions for me about my stories, then please hit me up with a PM. I insist. Seriously, don't clog up my reviews with questions about other stories. And speaking of reviews, please leave one down there and tell me exactly how you think I did. Your opinion could make a world of difference to me!
And that's all for now! Take care, everyone. Aaand stay tuned for the next chapter! See ya!