Tarnished Bells
It's the night before I have to go to my new school and I can't stop thinking about the way I was sent off by my mother. She hadn't been talking to me since she discovered what has been going on in Phoenix and she basically shoved me into a taxi to the airport to send me off to my father. I have been here in Forks for a week now and I have dying to just go to school to get away from Charlie who has been walking on eggshells all week.
I know that Charlie has no idea what to do to deal with a daughter who is as fucked up as I am but I almost wish they had just left me to a group home. At least there I don't have to try so hard to keep up the appearance of a normal, happy girl. I know I had to get some sleep so at least I could keep up on my grades so when I graduated I could hopefully get an academic scholarship to get the hell away from all the people in my life. If I could just be away from them then I think pretending that I'm normal will be easier. I won't have the constant reminder that my mother no longer wants or loves me and that my father sees me as a broken, disgusting girl.
I grabbed my pajamas and headed to the bathroom so I could get ready for bed. I got to the bathroom and washed my face and brushed my hair and teeth but still could not stop the pain and worry caused by my mother. I finally gave up trying to use the stress relief methods that my old guidance counselor taught me. She was a classic, I was to stick to a routine and breath that would relieve any stress I had, it was a joke but I tried. I went to my basket in the bathroom where I keep all my bathroom products and I picked up my floss and took the pencil sharpener blade that I had taped to the bottom. I pulled up the shorts of my left leg of my pajama bottoms and found my Renee relief lines. I decided that I needed a new cut to relieve the pain; I couldn't cut into an old line because this was a new pain and I needed a new cut to feel the relief.
I pulled the blade across my upper, inner left thigh right next to the other cuts I had there. As soon as I finished my cut I felt the adrenaline coursing through my veins. I watched as the blood leaked out of the cut, it built up to a perfect bubble of blood before bursting and flowing down my leg to the floor. I was euphoric and just sat on the floor next to the shower stall for ten minutes letting the pain leave me. By the time I went to clean up the blood it was slowing on its own and I only needed to clean up the blood that was on the floor and on my leg.
After I was done cleaning up and stashing my blade back to its hiding spot, making sure I put it away carefully seeing how Charlie just let me have my razors for shaving my legs I didn't want to lose them again. He checked my razors to make sure they had all of their blades and I felt like laughing at him, he had no idea of my vices. l left the bathroom knowing I would be sleeping well that night.
The next morning after showering and getting dressed I grabbed my school bag and carefully made my way down the stairs, only to trip on the last step. My clumsiness was the one thing that had always given me away back in Phoenix. I never wanted to give my presence away in the house, it was better to make people think that you were not there because if they thought you weren't there then no one came looking for you.
I walked in the kitchen to find Charlie with a cup of coffee and bowl of Life cereal. "Hey Bells, I made sure we had strawberry Shredded Wheat you like for you first day. Are you sure you want to go to school on a Friday?" asked Charlie. To me it sounded like he was trying to sound like he was ok with me going to school, but I knew he was concerned about it. I don't blame him I don't want anyone to know about me either.
"Thanks and yes Dad I am sure I want to go to school today. If I go today then they will have the weekend to get over the newness of me and hopefully within the next week I can be invisible." Charlie didn't seem too pleased about something I said but I just ignored and had a bowl of cereal. I dropped my bowl in the sink grabbed my bag and then headed out the crappy truck that would make my life easier in that I could be independent of the man of the house. Back in Phoenix Phil insisted that he drove me everywhere, but I don't want to start down that road I needed to get to school and concentrate. I have a life plan to follow and I need the 4.0 to get the hell away from these people.
With a groans of protest my truck fired up and I drove to the small student parking lot of the school and thankfully noticed that it was full of older model vehicles. There was one new shiny vehicle in the lot but I decided that maybe a teacher parked in the wrong lot. Charlie went to the school my first day here and registered me and picked up my school schedule and map so that I wouldn't have to deal with the first day check in crap. I look one last time at my map and then left my truck to go to let the office I was here and went to homeroom.
Throughout the day various people in different classes tried talking to me but for the most part I said minimal to them in my responses and made sure that I seemed like the normal shy student, nothing weird. Unfortunately some people were not easily put off with my shy attitude, as a matter of fact some the boys seemed really for lack of a better term turned on by it. Mike Newton was the worst one to shake today. He was in my second and third period and he talked all the way through class and followed me in the hall. After third period he asked if I would have lunch with him, "Isabella, since you don't know anyone here you should have lunch with me." "First of all," I said, "It's Bella, secondly is that a question or a demand? I don't like demands." " It's a question," Mike managed to stammer out. "Sure," I said, "I'll have lunch with you".
I told him I would meet him by the cafeteria at lunch time and with that he thankfully headed off to his next class without me. After a traumatic fourth hour of school where I walked into the wrong class, where was Mike then, and then tripping in the right door way of my right classroom, I was ready for lunch.
I met Mike outside the lunchroom and was greeted by two females who looked like they were ready to claw my eyes out. Mike introduced them, "Bella this is Lauren and Jessica and they sit at our table along with Angela and Ben who are sitting just over there." I muttered a hello to them both and Mike told them very loudly, "DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER, SHE'S JUST SHY". I turned bright red and managed to nod my head in agreement.
We walked into the lunch line and I grabbed a salad and apple with a soda and followed Mike back to his table. I had just sat down when I heard the first sincere hello. It came from a very shy looking girl that Mike pointed out as Angela earlier. "Hello," said Angela, "I'm Angela and you must be the new girl." "Bella," I said and with that Jessica jumped in with, "That's cool how you shorten your name like that but I don't let anyone call me Jess, unless maybe one of Cullen's did it. But they never talk to anyone. Wait until you see them Bella, they are like models or something." I said that I couldn't wait to see them and was promptly cut off by Jessica's and Lauren's comments about how the Cullen keep to themselves and that I don't have a chance with the only single Cullen.
After that I just ate my food and answered questions when directly spoken too. Someone said here come the Cullen's but I just kept my head down and ate my food wishing lunch would go faster. The bell rang and I all but ran for my next hour only to trip in the hall way and have to chase down my schedule and map. I ended up walking into biology as the bell rang and had to stand in front of everyone to talk to the teacher. He directed my to the back of the room to the only open seat, I looked to where he pointed and I saw the most beautiful bronze hair boy sitting at the table.
I walked back to the table and the closer I got the angrier at me he looked. Great now I have to share a table with someone who was pissed that they no longer get a table to themselves. It was a long hour after that with me feeling more and more stressed as the beautiful boy next to me seemed to only get more and more angry with me. I felt all my old issues coming back about people not liking me and me not being good enough.
The bell finally rang and I felt the boy brush past me and I heard, "Geez, I don't know what Cullen's problem was but if I sat next to you I would be happy not pissed like he was." I just muttered something about sharing a table and ran to the bathroom. I couldn't take the stress and pressure again and needed a release. The cuts are not helping for as long as they used to but this is a new and more stressful time in my life. As I got into the bathroom stall I opened my pencil case and pulled out the razor of my pencil sharpener. I pushed up my sleeve and cut right about the elbow and let the blood flow. I decided to skip the next hour and relax myself.
When the next bell rang I headed for the gym and let myself zone out on the bleachers. I always zoned out after relieving my stress so it was a God send that I didn't get my gym clothes yet and wouldn't until tomorrow. The day was finally over and the Gym teacher had to bring me out of my daze to let me know that I needed to leave the gym. I blushed and ran out of the gym only to run into a brick wall or so I thought. I looked up and saw a massive dark haired god staring at me like I was crazy and then I heard, "So this little thing is what has Eddie running scared." I thought I heard something about fresh blood and then he was walking away laughing with a blond supermodel.
Good god would I have enough places on my body to deal with all the stress and insecurities this school and these people where giving me. I ran to my truck and held in the tears until I got home after that, things got worse. I can only pray Charlie doesn't check the trash because I had to use my shirt to stop the bleeding this time, it was too deep and I even scared myself with that cut.