Could you smile for me?
It was a bright and sunny day, the likes of which this world has never seen before. So bright the uv rays might just melt your face off. Oh yes, today was gonna be the brightest, sunniest and happiest day in the history of existence. And there was nothing anyone could do to ruin the cheery mood Stimpy was in. For, today was the day. The big day Stimpy had been anticipating for over 600 whole months. Today was the day that Ren and Stimpy finally had enough money saved up to go on a real date. It only took 50 years of their lives, but it was all worth it. Stimpy was looking just as young and fresh as usual, 'cause everyone knows cartoon characters never age. And he took his time diligently painting his nails, brushing his fur, and picking out the perfect dress so he could look nice and adorable for his beloved Ren. Ren, on the other hand, was impatient and wanted to leave right this second. "Stimpy, hurry it up in there, would you?"
"Just a second, Ren!" Stimpy replied in a sing-songy voice. "I know you're excited, but a lady's make-up is very important."
"Whatever you say, my favorite eediot. Just don't take all day. I need to take a dump once you're finished in there."
Suddenly the bathroom door swung open, quick as a switch, and out raced Stimpy, prepared to scoop Ren up in his arms and shower him in kisses. "Who's ready for the best date ever?" but before Ren could respond Stimpy gasped in utter astonishment. "Why, Ren! You're not even dressed up!"
"And, so? What's the special occasion?" Ren responded nonchalantly.
Stimpy was completely flabbergasted by Ren's total lack of awareness. But then again, Ren had only ever had one-night stands with random women and hadn't ever really gone on a true romantic date before. Stimpy couldn't exactly blame him for not knowing the proper dating etiquette. "Oh Ren, my dear boy. Everyone knows that the number one rule of dating is that one must dress up in overly-exaggerated fancy attire in order to impress their mate."
Stimpy eagerly dragged Ren to the bathroom so that he could do his make-up. Ren felt a bit embarrassed at first, but a wave of confidence washed over him when he saw how good he looked in the frilly lace dress and stockings Stimpy prepared for him.
"Wow, Stimpy. I look so...pretty! Thanks a lot, pal!"
"Ohhh! I just knew you'd love it!" Stimpy blushed and smiled endearingly.
At last they were raring and ready to go. Their date would take place at the most amazing place in the universe. An amusement park called Fungi Land. Stimpy had always dreamed of coming to this place, ever since he was a kitten. And now he'd be able to experience it in all it's glory with Ren beside him every step of the way. There was nothing more he could ever ask for. Ren didn't particularly care where they went as long as Stimpy was happy and didn't throw a fit.
"Oh, Ren, this is soooo exciting! What do you wanna do first?" Stimpy danced around in giddy delight. However, Ren completely drowned out the rest of what Stimpy said, distracted by the sheer glee radiating from the jovial cat's eyes. Seeing Stimpy so happy and boisterous filled Ren with a feeling of pure elation. Just being in Stimpy's presence was a healing experience to the small asthma-hound chihuahua. Though he'd never openly admit that, of course.
Ren was in such a daze that he reached for Stimpy's hand without thinking about it. Taken aback by Ren's impulsive romantic gesture, Stimpy blushed surprisedly and purred lovingly in response. Ren quickly pulled away though, as soon as he realized what he'd been doing.
"What's wrong, Ren?" Stimpy pondered, a bit hurt by the sudden rejection.
"Nothing! Do I look angry to you?!" Ren stood high on his tiptoes, firmly gripped the collar of Stimpy's dress, and stared him directly in the eyes with a piercing cold glare. "Well, do I? Answer me, you eediot!" What was he doing, getting so worked up over a stupid question? Stimpy was just worried about him, that was all. There was no reason for him to react so strongly, but for some reason he just couldn't think rationally or act level-headed.
Stimpy may have been an 'eediot' but he wasn't dumb. Ren never just freaked out like that for no reason, but he decided to brush it off for the moment and not press any further. Realizing that he'd made things awkward Ren decided it was his responsibility to lighten the mood, when out of the corner of his eye he noticed something he knew would put a smile on his precious boyfriend's face.
"Look, Stimpy! Lint on a stick! Your favorite!"
"Oh, jooooy! Let's get some!"
Together they sat, eating their lint on a stick, but Stimpy wasn't satisfied with that alone. He slowly touched Ren's hand to see if it got any sort of reaction out of him. Just as he suspected, the chihuahua refused the gesture of affection without taking even a second to look up from his dessert. Much to Ren's chagrin, this led Stimpy to take things up a notch. Unexpectedly and without warning, the well-intentioned kitty flirtatiously licked at Ren's lint.
"Hey! Eat your own lint, you unkempt furball!" Ren shouted appalled, and roughly yanked his lint away from Stimpy.
Stimpy gazed down sadly for a moment, but quickly regained his determination. He couldn't give up now. This was supposed to be a happy day and they were supposed to be having fun on this date. Keeping that in mind, he slowly wrapped his arms around Ren and pulled him in close for a kiss.
"Stimpy...Stimpy. Stimpy! Haven't you ever heard of personal space, man?!" Ren seethed and slapped the cat across the cheek.
"Aw come on, Ren! There's no need to be embarrassed," Stimpy's pupils grew large as he blissfully gazed into Ren's eyes.
"No need to be embarrassed? Get your head out of the litterbox! We're surrounded by crowds of total strangers, you blithering eediot!"
That was the last straw for Stimpy. His gentle smile turned into an agitated pout and he couldn't hold back his frustration any longer.
"Oh...so that's how it is, huh Ren?"
Realizing he'd made some sort of mistake, Ren stammered in an attempt to calm Stimpy down. Stimpy didn't get angry often but when he did it wasn't pretty.
"Wait...Stimpy! I didn't mean-"
But it was too late. Before he could attempt to make any sort excuse, Stimpy left a big wet kiss on his lips. Ren's cheeks immediately turned a brighter shade of red than a steaming habanero pepper. He was so embarrassed he couldn't even think properly. Next, Stimpy aggressively grabbed Ren's hand, marched out into the crowd, and shouted "Hello, everyone! My name is Stimpy and this is my boyfriend, Ren, and we love eachother and we're gonna get married and have a hundred kids and there's nothing you can do about it!" And he stomped off through the crowd still holding Ren's hand.
Ren, left completely speechless, slowly deflated into an embarrassed pound of blushing red flesh.
After Ren had some time to cool his head and come to his senses he angrily pulled Stimpy to the side to chew his ear off. "How could you do something like that?! Now all those strangers will be silently judging us with disgusted stares for the whole rest of the day! And it's all your fault!"
"Well I wouldn't have had to if you'd stop being so stubborn and enjoy our time together!"
"What's this crap? You think I don't enjoy spending time with you?!" Ren spat on Stimpy's face in a hefty rage. Hot tears slowly trickled down Stimpy's cheeks. He didn't want to fight. He never meant for things to escalate this far. All he ever wanted was for Ren to relax and have fun on their date, but he messed it all up instead.
As soon as Stimpy started crying, Ren's heart sank and he knew what he had to do. "I'm sorry for yelling, Stimpy! Please don't cry..." but Stimpy just started crying harder. Ren decided that they should go somewhere private so they could talk things out. He quickly grabbed Stimpy's hand without flinching this time. But Stimpy pulled away violently.
"Hey, hey, hey, man. Come on. Isn't this what you wanted?"
"...not if you don't...want it too.."
"Aw, who cares what I want? Let's get out of here!"
Ren grasped Stimpy's hand tight enough that wouldn't be able to resist and quickly escorted him to the nearest restroom. After Ren finished cleaning up Stimpy's makeup and he calmed down enough to talk, Ren popped the question. "Alright, Stimpy. Are you ready to tell me what that big scene was all about?" Ren's voice was unusually calm and gentle. Stimpy slowly nodded, but before he could say anything a big booming voiced hollered "Hey! Quit hoggin' up the stall! Other people need to shit too, ya know!"
Ren got so frustrated that he slammed the stall door open hard enough to knock the man's teeth out. "Shit on this, you pathetic excuse of a human!" And then they fled the scene before they had a chance to get caught. It looked like they'd need to a find an even more private place...
But as soon as they ran out of the bathroom a crotchety old woman's voice yelled "There they are! That's them!" Park security quickly walked up to boys and said "We're sorry, boys but we're going to have to ask you to leave."
"What?! I haven't committed one lawless act all day! That's a record, I tell you!"
"Uh-huh. Causing a commotion, disturbing the peace, shouting out to the world about your blatant homosexuality. Those are all grounds for getting your booties kicked out of this here park. There are children here you know!"
"How dare you! We have not harmed any children! The only one harming anyone is you and your disregard for anyone who doesn't fit into your narrow-minded views of society! Let's go, Stimpy!"
"I can't believe they kicked us out! After we wasted the last remaining bit of your life savings just to come here!"
"...It's okay, Ren."
"No it is not okay! You were looking forward to this date so badly...and now..."
"It's my fault, Ren. I'm the one who ruined our date."
"Hey...what happened back there anyway? You weren't acting like yourself."
"The truth is, Ren...you kept rejecting my affectionate gestures...and it made me feel...bad. So I got frustrated and thought that I should give you a little nudge out of your comfort zone. I know you're shy, Ren, but...we were on a date. I just thought that maybe, for once you could have fun and relax and...just forget everything else. Couldn't you just once be honest with yourself and enjoy your time with me? We've been together for longer than I can even remember. What's the need for embarrassment? Aren't you happy with me? ...or are you too ashamed to be seen together with an 'eediot'?"
"Oh Stimpy...I had no idea..." Ren felt like a total ass. This date meant everything to Stimpy but he had to go be selfish and ruin it for him. He felt pathetic and ashamed. He never meant to make Stimpy feel this way. The truth was...Ren felt a knot in his throat, as he choked out the words. "Stimpy, the truth is..the truth is..."
Stimpy patiently waited for Ren's words to spill out.
Beads of sweat rapidly poured down Ren's face and his whole body trembled.
"Ren, are you alright?" Stimpy quickly rushed to his side.
"I love you, Stimpy!"
Those few words were enough to make Stimpy's whole face light up.
"I love you, Stimpy. And I love spending time with you...but I get so nervous. My chest feels like it's going to explode every time I see your smiling face. I only want you to be happy. To stay happy. I really do want to...hold hands...and kiss you...but when other people are around I get so scared and I don't know what to do. I don't want them silently judging us with their stares or whispering bad things about you under their breath. I don't want anyone to hurt you for being who you are...I know I shouldn't care about what other people think. But I don't want you to suffer through any of that. I can't stand the thought of anyone doing anything to hurt you. You're the only one I have, Stimpy...and I'd do anything to protect your smile." Ren lowered his head and started crying silently.
"Aw...I'm sorry, Ren. I was being awful selfish expecting you to reciprocate my advances like that. You were just concerned about my well-being. I know you have trouble expressing yourself and I shouldn't have forced myself on you, especially in a public place. I'm sorry for causing that uproar earlier. I promise I'll never do something so one-sided ever again...so you don't have to feel scared, Ren. I'm not going anywhere."
Stimpy warmly embraced Ren reassuringly. If anyone did anything to hurt Ren, Stimpy would knock them silly. So he didn't have to be scared. Because he wasn't alone and Stimpy wouldn't let anything happen to him. Stimpy licked up Ren's tears, held him gently in his arms and softly caressed his fur in order to ease his nerves.
Ren smiled shyly and kissed Stimpy flirtatiously. Their tongues intermingled in a brief exchange of saliva as they held each other warm and close.
"I love you so much...Stimpy" Ren panted in between sweet succulent kisses.
"No, I love you, Ren."
"No you, you adorable eediot."
"No you, snugglemuffin."
And they laid in bed for a while, just staring into eachother's eyes until they fell asleep. They felt too exhausted to do anything else.
The boys still felt bad about their date getting ruined, so they decided to go out to a dirt-cheap, rat-infested, rundown movie theater to make up for it. It may not have been much but it was something. Even if they couldn't have anything luxurious this was more than enough. Just being in eachother's company was enough to make them content.
To Stimpy's surprise, Ren took the initiative and kissed him sweetly.
"Ren, you don't have to..." Stimpy started.
"No, Stimpy...I want to..." Ren reassured him.
And Stimpy happily obliged.