How many times can a person break?
How many times can someone survive having their worldview shattered into 1 million pieces, unrecognizable and terrifying… How many times could that happen before a person is changed, irrevocably.
This much is anyone wanted to believe that they, as an individual, remained unchanged after the dead began to rise, all pretenses were shed that awful day by Herschel's barn.
Herschel and the rest of the Greene's saw the Walkers for what they were. Not diseased people, but the shells of people with one remaining instinct. FEED.
Carl sobbed as he watched the empty husk of his one friend fall. Getting shot changed him, but losing Sophia, even the dim hope that she might be alive, damaged him.
Lori was angry. Angry at Shane for opening the barn, angry at Herschel for keeping the Walkers, angry at Rick for stepping up and taking the shot. She was angry at everyone, including herself. The rest of the group gave her a wide berth as she stalked around trying to make everyone feel as miserable as she did.
Dale blamed himself, thinking that it might have been better had he shot Shane in the woods. Sure, he'd have felt bad, but it might have prevented the ugliness at the barn.
Glenn regretted the violence, but he understood the necessity. He stood with his friends and protected those who couldn't (or wouldn't) and, in that, found clarity.
T-Dog found himself more certain than ever that he was surrounded by a bunch of crazy people. Opening that damn barn…that was just stupidly fucked up.
Carol lost all hope. So much of how she saw herself revolved around her daughter that, without her, she felt shattered, adrift. Though all that suffered losses, no one knew quite how, or even if it was possible, to console her.
Daryl took Sophia's death harder than anyone expected him to. What they didn't understand was that he saw a lot of himself as a child in her. Scared, abused, lost…those things twisted you up inside and he thought that, if he could save her, he could save himself, save the goodness his father and Merle hadn't managed to stomp out of him.
Shane was even more pissed off than Lori and not at all afraid to let everyone know about it. The barn had been his attempt to stage a coup, to wrest the leadership of their group from Rick and to stake a claim on their right to stay at the farm, Herschel's wishes be damned. It had worked pretty well to, and they cleaned out the barn… Until Sophia emerged.
Rick, who still blames himself for leaving Sophia in the woods that day, was the one to step up and take the necessary shot. He never seemed to want the burden of leadership but it had fallen on him and it was obvious to anyone that something in him broke that day but no one was sure what. He was so quiet and soft-spoken, but there was a sort of steel in his eyes.
Andrea…well, she'd almost begun to forget that the Walkers used to be people. Honestly, it was just easier that way, but seeing sweet little Sophia like that had been hard. Suddenly, the gun in her hand was exciting and invigorating. It was a useful tool and that was it.
Days passed and they remained on the farm. Herschel seemed to lost the will to keep hinting that they should leave, though he and Patricia tended to keep their distance. Maggie and, to a lesser extent, Beth and Jimmy wandered between the house and the camp, still clearly stunned by what they'd witnessed…and unsure of the aftereffects they were still witnessing.
Looking around the camp, Andrea sighed, wondering if this would be the straw that broke the camel's back. It certainly seems possible.
From her perch atop the RV beside Dale, she could see everyone.
By the fire, Carol was sitting in chair, staring listlessly into the plate of eggs Daryl seem to be coaxing her to eat. Carl and Rick were sitting side by side, talking and trying to ignore the argument between Shane and Lori, who seemed to have given up pretending that they had been humping like bunnies and the baby she was carrying probably wasn't her husband's. They weren't even being subtle, as a sheet hanging over a clothesline was not exactly a soundproof barrier.
T-Dog was adding wood to the fire, occasionally chatting with Rick, while Glenn looked like he wanted nothing more than to remove himself from the situation entirely.
Not the suicidal way, just in the 'oh God, I'm so uncomfortable, please get me out of here,' way.
Still, no one said anything to Lori and Shane, but a clear wave of relief flowed over the camp when Beth approached and asked if Carl would like to come help her with chickens. The boy scooted off gladly and, predictably, Lori noticed a short time later.
"Carl! Where is he?" She demanded, popping out from behind the clothesline to fix Rick with a glare.
Clearly trying to contain a put upon sigh, Rick said, "He's helping Beth in the chicken coop. He's fine."
"He's not fine! How can he say that? He just watched you shoot his friend and he say he's fine? Honestly, sometimes you have the sensitivity and emotional depth of the toaster."
Said the woman who chose to bring up Sophia in front of her obviously traumatized mother.
"What's wrong with you?" Daryl snapped in disgust as Lori's words mad e Carol flinch.
The brunette turned her glare at Daryl, but, when he returned the baleful look, she stomped off in the direction of the chicken coop.
An uncomfortable silence descended again until Rick tipped his head up towards the sky, looking at the early morning light. "Think I might head out for a bit. See if I could remember how to hunt properly."
Daryl let out an amuse snort, then grimaced as the tender wound on his side protested.
Rick raised brow when his direction. "What? My grandpa took me out when I was 'bout Carl's age, taught me a thing or two."
"I'm coming with you," Andrea announced, eager to get away from camp for a bit.
No one objected and, while she climbed down from the top of the RV, Rick rose and stepped over to crouch beside Daryl. "Keep an eye on things here?" he asked quietly, making the younger man blink in surprise.
It was pretty clear that Darrell wasn't used to having anyone think he was the sort of guy who could be depended on to hold down the fort, but he was just too worn down by recent events to be pleased or unnerved by the show of confidence.
Instead, he just said, "Yeah, sure, whatever."
On the fringes, Shane did not look pleased and glared at Rick for a moment before turning his gaze to Andrea.
She shrugged at him, wondering what he wanted from her. Sure, they'd had sex that one time, but honestly that was more about adrenaline and the exhilaration of her feeling in control for the first time in a long time then it was about the act itself. Hell, it was the end of the world but she wasn't about to get involved with a guy who was clearly still hung up on his best friend's wife.
As they left camp, Andrea could almost feel the oppressive weight of…everything lift off of her. "What are we looking for? Deer?" she asked quietly, hoping not to scare off whatever they were after.
"Not deer," Rick replied, then cocked his head to the side. "Turkey, maybe? Quails are too darn little to make a good meal."
Okay then. The walked for several minutes, before Rick paused and pointed at the ground. "Might want to avoid the dried leaves."
Looking down at her feet, Andrea saw that she was in fact standing on s patch of leaves. "Right," she replied, carefully picking her way toward open dirt and grass. "Law school isn't much help with life anymore."
"You're a lawyer?" he replied and she actually thought he sounded a bit interested. That was better than the tired, hollow tone everyone had been speaking in (when they weren't yelling) for the past few days.
As she took careful, slow steps, Andrea said, "I was…and, as I said, my skill set didn't really translate."
"Heck, you survived. I'd say you did fine," he said softly. "I slept through the whole thing."
"I kinda wish I had. I don't think I'll ever forget seeing the air strikes on Atlanta," she murmured. "As bad as it was, no one thought it was going come to that."
Rick stopped his slow progression and turned to face her, sitting on a large rock. "Atlanta was bombed?"
They'd run into him in one of the untouched parts of the city, but she figured he'd seen the damage or Lori would have told him what had happened. "Didn't Lori or Shane tell you anything?"
He made a sour face. "Neither of them were too keen on discussing what happened before I showed up at camp."
Considering what they'd been up to, she could see why. "I…I could tell you, if you like."
In the quiet forest, birds chirping overhead, Andrea settled herself down beside him and began.
"I don't know if anyone ever found out how the walkers… began to rise. They just did. The first cases I heard about were over in Asia, then Russia. It was kinda crazy, but once governments realized what they were up against, this coalition was formed and there was cooperation like you could never imagine. Quarantine zones were set up, but it spread so fast and it took a while for people to figure out how was transmitted really."
"It was stateside within weeks and, once that happened, everything just went crazy. The military and National Guard tried to establish quarantines like the ones that failed overseas, but there were rumors that they just killed people, anybody there was an area where there were infected. I never thought that something would happen here, you know?"
"The cities were overrun and the roads were just packed, traffic at a stand still like we saw out on the highway. I got of the car to try to see what was going on, Amy, she was so scared and we bumped into Dale. He was climbing up onto the roof of the RV for a better view and he tried to calm Amy down, telling her things be fine, that we just had to figure out what was happening."
"We climbed up with him and that was when the air overhead crackled and there was this rumble as these huge, low-flying helicopters passed. You could feel the shockwaves from the rotors, pounding down on your head, but it was nothing compared to seeing them drop firebombs on Atlanta. We were miles away and still it was like we could feel the heat of the explosions because we knew what was happening, we knew how desperate things had gotten…."
"Everyone was in shock and some people just ran off into the woods, others kept hiking up the road. Dale, Amy and I met up with Morales and his family, then T-Dog and we decided it'd be safest to make camp near water. That's how we decided on the quarry, while we were moving cars so we can get the RV off the road met up with Carol and her family. They knew Lori, Shane and Carl. Jacqui and Glenn were trying to move another car and joined up with us."
"Daryl and Merle were already at the quarry. And that's where we stayed. Figured it was a defensible position, there was water and it was close enough to the city to get provisions when we needed them," she said. "And that's what I know."
He took a moment to digest that information, then nodded, looking down at his hands. She didn't mean to say it, but she couldn't help herself. "No one told you anything?"
"Not really," he replied, then snorted. "Funny thing, everyone is always on my case, 'Speak, Rick. Talk to me.', like I was an ornery mute. Now it seems no one wants to speak and they find nothing wrong with that."
"Damned if you do, damned if you don't," she agreed, then tipped her face up into the sunlight filtering through the leafy canopy. "Though maybe just damned is the appropriate thing to say now."
"Maybe," he replied, heaving himself upright. "Thanks for telling me that, but I guess we should at least try to catch something."
Damned or not, they had to eat.
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