Chuck vs. The Way it Should Have Been
Author's Note: Okay, just a warning, this is super, super AU. Like, hugely AU. What if Bryce never came back in season 2? Follows canon aside from that.
Chapter 1. Chuck vs. The Confession
Chuck knocked on Sarah's door and tried to make himself look confident. Sure, he was a nervous wreck on the inside, but the fact that Sarah seemed to be more receptive to his inept attempts at flirting recently boosted his morale. He put both of his hands behind his back and plastered a smile on his face, one that became much more sincere when Sarah opened the door, looking stunning even in a pair of sweats. Her hair was in that special twisted ponytail that she always wore when she was relaxing , and the sweats clung to all of her curves, making his mouth go dry.
"Chuck! Hi. What are you doing here?" She had this funny expression on her face, like she was feeling too many things at once and her face couldn't decide which one to show. This confused Chuck, since he wasn't sure what he'd done yet to provoke any sort of feeling. It didn't help his understanding of the situation when her eyes roamed over his clothes and her lips parted slightly, just enough for her tongue to dart out and moisten her lips.
"Ah, well, the thing is, I was given some advice from a... valuable source, shall we say, that it would probably be a good idea for me to show up in a white dress coat, with a bottle of good wine and a single red rose. So here I am. Um, can I come in?" He brought the rose and wine out from behind his back. She looked at the items with a quirked eyebrow, but then smiled and opened the door more, gesturing him inside. She took the rose from him, holding it with two hands and burying her nose in it while he set the bottle of wine on a side table.
She sat on her bed, one leg folded and the other dangling off the edge of the bed. He leaned against the wall and smiled. "So, the mission went well, I think. Still not quite sure how I managed to hold in my girlish screams of terror when I swung down from the building." He smiled that self-deprecating smile of his. She hated when he put himself down like that; he was the most genuine, caring, selfless, brave, wonderful man she'd ever met, and it broke her heart to hear him say those things about himself. No one put the man she lo-cared about, down and got away with it. Not even Chuck himself.
"Chuck, I don't know how to phrase this so that it'll finally sink in. How many times do you have to be a hero before you realize that you are one? You are so amazing, and you constantly manage to surprise us all and save the day, albeit unconventionally. So you get freaked out on missions. It's not only understandable, but accepted. You didn't sign up for this life, and you weren't properly trained for it. To be honest, everyone is impressed with how well you've done under the circumstances."
Chuck was shocked. Sarah had complemented him before, told him that he was doing well, but he'd always thought that she was just saying that to keep his spirits up. She'd never said so many consecutive words about him before; the closest he'd gotten was a promise that he "would be free to live his life however he wanted with whomever he wanted" but even then, her continuous refusal to mention herself told Chuck that she wasn't being completely truthful. Of course, she could very well be lying at that moment, but Sarah looked so sincere that he was sure that she was either the world's best actress, or she genuinely meant what she was saying. Her words themselves were a shock to the system; he'd felt bad for himself about his situation before, but he'd always looked at his performance in comparison to guys like Bryce and Casey. He'd never looked at his performance in the context of his scenario before, and now that it had been pointed out to him, without Casey there to make him second-guess himself again, it surprised him that he was actually doing better than could be expected of him.
Sarah, for her part, was surprised as well. She hadn't meant to blurt all of that out, but it just upset her so much whenever Chuck talked about himself like that. And it wasn't like none of that was true. And if a long speech about how amazing he was, was what it took to knock his head out of his ass and allow him to see himself how he should, then she didn't mind being the one to give it. Especially if it came with the added bonus of Chuck giving her the look that he was at the moment; two parts awed gratitude, one part surprise, one part lust, and two parts something that she couldn't identify (well, she could, but she chose not to, as it was that emotion that typically complicated things).
Suddenly, he was kneeling in front of her on the bed, his hands cupping her face and his lips crashing into hers. It took her a second for what was happening to catch up to her, but when it did she responded immediately, opening her mouth and entangling her tongue with Chuck's. She moaned into his mouth and wrapped her arms around his back. His hands moved from their spot on her face to entangle themselves in her hair. This kiss held all of the passion of their kiss at the helipad, all of the sensuality of their kiss before the mission in front of Montgomery, but lacking the urgency and franticness of the other two. In other words, it was the sexiest thing either of them could remember partaking in, and both were turned on beyond belief. But Chuck, ever the good guy, pulled back first.
"Sarah, do you, I mean, can this happen? You just said the other day that we can't be together, because I'm the asset and you're the handler, but think about it. Feelings aren't a bad thing. If we're together, isn't it just that much more incentive to protect each other? And, I mean, I know things would be tough, but I just can't do this anymore, this constant back and forth. One second we're on a date and having a great time, and the next you're telling me that we can't be together. One day you're telling me that we don't have a future together, and the next you're kissing me, and then a few days later you tell me you regret it and I can't do it Sarah, I can't. I can deal with everything else; lying to Ellie and Morgan and Devon, and risking my life and limb on a near daily basis. It's hard, but I can do it. But Sarah, this hot-and-cold is killing me. Sarah, I," Chuck took a deep breath, mustering his courage. Sarah had a few tears trailing down her cheeks, but remained silent, pleading with him not to say the words that would complicate everything beyond belief with her eyes, "Sarah Walker, I love you. I know you probably can't say it back, but I just needed to tell you. And I can't stand having the woman I'm in love with so close yet so far away. I can't stand it."
Sarah reached up with one hand to cup his cheek, fighting the urge to kiss the sad look off of his face. That was not what the situation required. "Chuck, I know it's hard, believe me. I lo-want you just as much as you want me. And I know that a real relationship would probably help to protect you in the long run, but Chuck, what you don't understand is what would happen it Beckman found out. I'd be reassigned faster than you could make a decent argument. And Chuck, with all of these double agents and traitors working in our government, I honestly don't trust anyone else to replace me. Chuck, I've said this before, but please trust me. This will work out eventually. We will get the intersect out of your head, and then nothing will stop you from living the life you deserve." Of course, Sarah knew that Chuck deserved much better than herself, he deserved someone who was real and could give him a normal life, but if he wanted her, when everything was over, he could have her.
Chuck furrowed his eyebrows. "Sarah, I know we have different ideas of what we each deserve, so let me make this clear. I'm sorry if this is repetitive, but I love you, Sarah Walker. I don't care what you think I deserve, or what you think you deserve. We deserve each other, if you'll have me. I see your point about not entering a relationship right now, at least in public, but the fact that we are even having this conversation obviously means that your room isn't bugged. Are you telling me that even with all of the training and experience you got as a spy, you can't manage to hide a real relationship with your cover-boyfriend from one NSA agent?"
Sarah's eyes were wide, and Chuck internally congratulated himself. He knew that with that last sentence he'd just issued a challenge, one which Sarah Walker could not walk away from. Sarah, however, was not thinking about the challenge, so much as the concept of what he had said. Of course, she did note the challenge, and would gladly accept it when she had a plan, but at the moment she was focusing more on the actual creation of said plan. She grabbed his face and kissed him quickly. "Chuck, you are a genius!" she breathed. Chuck grinned, and Sarah let her own smile slip out.
She stretched out her legs, sat up against the headboard, and thought for a few minutes, minutes in which Chuck, thankfully, kept silent aside from him shifting his position so that he was sitting next to her knees, facing her with his legs folded under him. Though, him twisting a lock of her hair around his finger was distracting, she had been trained to think around distractions. Despite how good they felt and how much she wanted to simply sink into his warmth.
"Okay, here's the plan. First of all, there are a few ground rules I need to lay. If you don't follow these rules, Chuck, there will be no relationship to hide. Do I make myself clear?"
Chuck looked at her with wide eyes. "Crystal."
"Okay, first, on missions you must follow instructions. If for one moment I feel that our relationship is doing you more harm than good, I will end it. Clear?" Chuck nodded. "Second, we absolutely cannot act differently than we usually do anywhere outside of this room. There will, of course, be the cover-relationship maintenance which we can use to our advantage, but Casey will get suspicious if we're suddenly more affectionate with each other. Clear?" Chuck nodded again. "Okay, so here's the plan. I'm going to plant the idea of you and I moving in together in Casey's head. It might take some time, but eventually he'll suggest it to General Beckman. They'll both think it was his idea all along and will probably accept it as the best action, since it is. Meanwhile, you'll come over here once or twice a week. This will supersede date nights at your place; to everyone else we'll be doing the same thing, but at a different venue. I'll convince Casey that I'm manipulating you so that you'll behave better, so he should lay off. If he thinks that we're having sex to keep you under control, he'll ease up on the security, at least when I'm with you. Can you think of anything else?"
Chuck nodded. Her plan was nearly perfect, but she'd forgotten one nagging detail. "What am I supposed to do when you have to seduce a mark on a mission? Logically, I know I shouldn't be jealous. You don't care about them, you don't love them, you don't even like them. And you've yet to actually do anything with a mark beyond flirting and kissing, anyway. But it hurts, so, so badly when I have to sit and watch those guys think that you belong to them. I respect women more than a lot of the guys I know, and you know that I think of you as more than a prize or an object, and that I'd never call you 'mine' like a possession, but to watch these guys just sit and get, or at least think that they're going to get, what I want so badly... it's so painful."
Sarah stared into his eyes for what seemed like forever, before she spoke softly. "Before this mission, I would have gotten angry at you. I wouldn't have understood why you were jealous of those guys who had nothing on you, who would think that they could have my body only to wind up dead or arrested shortly afterwards. But I understand better now, I think. Even knowing that you have genuine feelings for me and that you didn't care at all about the mark save for the cipher didn't stop me from feeling jealous when I watched you kiss her. So yes, Chuck, I know that it's painful. And I'm not asking you to totally stop being jealous, because that's probably impossible. I'm just asking you not to let it affect the mission. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to not have sex with a mark in the future. I do that anyway. But for this to work I need you to promise me that you won't put yourself in danger because you're jealous."
Chuck looked at her with bright eyes, desperately fighting back tears. He would not cry in front of Sarah Walker. Not even happy tears, which these were. Her words had struck a chord in him; the idea that she knew how he felt and was trying to accommodate him really driving home the fact that this was real. Even if she couldn't say the words back to him, her actions proved that she did, in fact, love him.
"Of course, Sarah. We will make this work. I promise."
Sarah smiled at him, a smile which quickly morphed into a hungry smirk. She had a glint in her eye that he had seen only once before, on their second first date when she had all but dared him to compliment her. "So, I'd say that we have a solid... oh, three hours or so before Ellie, and therefore Casey, expects you home. I'm sure we can find some way to keep ourselves occupied until then," she sat up so that she was no longer leaning against the headboard and hooked a finger into the top of his t-shirt, dragging him down to her.
"Are you sure we should start something right now? I mean, wouldn't Casey get suspicious if I stayed over here for too long?"
Sarah looked at him patiently while he spoke, then smiled softly with a hint of amused exasperation shining in her eyes. "Shut up and kiss me." Chuck looked at her with such a loving expression that her heart nearly burst, and did just that.